Hey /tg/!
I'm going to be running a session of Paranoia and I need ideas for mysterious R&D items to hand out to the PCs. Ideally they should be useful when it works properly, but be confusing as fuck to do so.
>The Problem Solver
A dumbbell shaped instrument with a trigger button on the handle. Can be thrown. Trigger has an n-second delay which R&D can illustrate with fun acoustic messages like "Solution in 3... 2... 1..." The two tanks will then mix and explode, creating a dense foam which is aggressively acidic and hardens into a still reactive concrete within 30 seconds. This block will then proceed to dissolve anything it touches and itself to a murky slush within the next 3 hours. Materials of higher security clearance are not affected.
>Fun Dispenser
Hand sized reservoir of diverse psychopharmaceutical enhancers. Integrated sensory suite analyzes citizen subject and then dispenses a colorful (not security relevant) pill custom tailored to the situation. This consideration includes the subject's current health and happiness, the general mood of the team, randomly inserted experimental studies from Friend Computer, poetic justice, and some say pranks by R&D. Effects are usually limited to happiness (5 in 6) but may include severe paranoia, claustrophobia, sudden diarrhea, inability to speak words longer than 1 syllable, or exploding head. Refusing a custom tailored pill is treason.
>The MacGuffin
A 200 lbs cube of metal without handles, "Fragile" written on the side and "This side up" written on top and bottom. All equipment must be returned to R&D in pristine condition upon conclusion of the mission.
>>45881051
Leaving aside the awesomeness of rocket boots, the laser helmet was one of more favorite items. It's simply a helmet with a hands-free laser weapon built right in. It locks into place and can't be removed (the R&D folks don't want you taking it off and compromising their trial or maybe even losing or damaging the thing). The trigger mechanism is simple: it fires whenever you give a quick blink (a slower blink does not activate it). The problem is that most involuntary blinks set it off, causing the troubleshooter to blast whatever he's looking at. There is, however, a safety on the helmet, but it's not immediately obvious (you have to really feel around for it) and it doesn't work properly. If the safety is engaged and you blink, instead of firing the laser, the helmet begins to overheat rather dramatically. The first time merely makes the helmet uncomfortably hot, but if it hasn't cooled down by the time you blink again, the top of the helmet will catch on fire. Fortunately, the rest of the helmet will shield you from this fire, but walking around with your head on fire tends to make you a target. A third blink will burn through the safety and fuse the trigger mechanism in such a way that the helmet will fire whenever you *don't* blink every second or so. This will also cause alarm klaxons to engage until the unit is repaired.
>>45881051
Psychotropic grenade launcher, range 50m, grenade dispersion area is 60m
>>45881051
Designated Marksman Rifle
This sleek, lightweight rifle delivers an incredible (but still red-clearance) laser bolt to a target out to 1000m. It's slow to fire, as the bolt needs to be cycled to rotate the heatsink along the top, meaning it can be fired once a turn, and has five sinks which take a minute to cool.
The problem is that it will only function for the wearer of a glowing neon vest (switches colour to reflect current clearance) that designates the person as a marksman. Sophisticated AI interlocks shut the rifle down for five minutes if an unauthorised user attempts to fire the rifle.
http://www.scp-wiki.net/random:random-scp
I always liked the box of assorted grenades that all need to be tested and all need to be returned intact.
None of them are labelled. None of them survive being used. No one explains how you're supposed to test them AND return them intact.The answer is to make someone else test them so you can collect the data and they can collect the blame.
Bumping is mandatory.
>>45881051
A "bounce laser". The R&D techs thought it would be cool to be able to bank shots off walls to get at people hiding behind cover. There is a dial (numbered from 0 to 3) on the rifle that determines how many times the ray will bounce before it burns a hole in its target. However, the dial is broken. The first three times you use the gun, it will bounce as many times as selected, but thereafter it will bounce a random number of times: each times it hits a target, it will have a 50% to bounce and a 50% to damage. This means that if you shoot somebody in the face at point blank range, there's a 50% chance that the ray will bounce off him, leaving him unharmed (and likely hitting you... where it will have a 50% chance to bounce off as well).
>>45881051
A lightsaber. No real tricks here, other than that it's pretty awkwardly balanced, but just think about this: if you used a lightsaber in real life, how long do you think it'd be before you accidentally cut your own arm off?
>>45888963
>>45888963
...Or try to hide it in your vagina.
Troubleshooting is fun.
>>45881537
>a colorful (not security relevant) pill custom tailored to the situation.
>not security relevant
>not color coding pills
>not having people only allowed to consume pills within their clearance
>>45889163
That... doesn't seem like something I'd be likely to do?
>The Personal Defensive Matrix
The Personal Defensive Matrix is a relatively small, .5' x 2' x 2.5', box worn as a backpack capable of producing a gravimetric field capable of protecting the wearer from most foreign materials and nuclear-rated explosions. The PDM itself is almost fully tested and works perfectly, however it drains over 1.82 gigawatts of power per second making it unsuitable for a field test on its own.
>The Mk5 'Bully' Compression Powered Portable Nuclear Fission Station
Weighing at 745lbs and looking like a jet engine strapped to a refrigerator balancing on a set of skateboards, the Bully reactor's main purpose is to bolt onto the Personal Defensive Matrix to provide a steady stream of power. Its well balanced enough on its wheels that one particularly strong Troubleshooter or 2-3 average troubleshooters can push it down a hallway at regulation walking speed, and its been sized to fit through (the middle) of all service hallways.
It takes 45 seconds to power up, half again that time to start rumbling and become unseasonably hot, but it contains enough coolant to run stably for one whole hour before overheating. Since it takes 20 minutes to dissipate enough excess heat during the shutdown process to avoid overloading, a handy 20 minute warning timer is included to remind troubleshooters to turn it down or find an alternative cooling source.
>>45889840
Are you Felicia Day?
No?
Well then...
>>45890061
To be fair:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWEDpT1gByI
>>45889543
Of course the correct answer is that the color of the pills is not security relevant, until it is.
