Alright you slack jawed lily bellies and dunderheads! Where in the Hells has Nyle absconded off to? Seriously guildmates, Nyle hasn't been seen in nearly a week since the incident with the Nobles. I'll be the first to admit that I'm worried that our Guild Leadership is missing and or late and or to be presumed dead, but we can not wait around with all the antics and ongoings of this chaotic world. So with that out of the way, I call this weekly meeting of the Adventurers Guild to order.
Our first item of business will be the recent reports of missing raiders and bandits turning up pecked and scratched to the north east of the city, near the edges of the Forest of Sum-plase. It's likely that our recently freed sentient owlbears have moved to that area, so we'll need someone to look into it.
Secondly, the issues with the nobles last week seems to have narrowly blown over courtesy of the gifted never-emptying barrels of mead that a recently restored sorceress conjoured up. Please keep in mind that this hasn't improved relations and many Guild Members may find themselves in deep shite if they go anywhere near the property of any noble houses for the remainder of the winter.
Does anyone else have any other business?
>>45750892
...we had endless mead...
ENDLESS...
MEAD...
>>45750913
Which has been successfully traded out for our heads not being put up on any pointy sticks. Not that I am worried about my own well being, but the recent mind flogging and soul smashing of the few who were caught red handed and identified are likely going to be in a less than agreeable position.
>>45750951
I am pleased to have at least hid the third one from everybody else and they dirty clutches then. I do have an item of business that I'd like to address though.
I am deeply apologetic for the earthquakes that have arisen over the last few evenings. I wont go into detail because I am certain a few of you are already well familiar as to why and how, courtesy of the noises coming from the shared Chambers of Czari and I. On her behalf, I also apologize.
>>45751003
You seriously can not go a single day without talking about her, can you?
Regardless, it's good to know, and kind of previously implied that this was the case, so thank you for owning up to it and kindly keep it to yourself.
Does anybody else have anything to share?
>>45750892
My brother, Bard Mgee, asked me to tell the guild that he can't becoming this week, as his eldtrich, or should I say elddick, friend has demanded he attend her Ascension into godhood.
>The Mage says dourly, before disappearing in a flash of light
>>45751047
...wonderful. Well this is quickly turning into a waste of time then.
We still need to figure out if these attacks near the forest are being caused by those owlbears though. Are there any volunteers or shall I just nail this to the job board when we wrap up?
>>45751075
Perheps ve coult just leave zis job order posted on ze board? I heff a goot idea as to 'ow ve vill proceed.
>>45751110
If it involves any more hocus-pocus, you can forget about it sister. We may not be the Fighters Guild but throwing magic about all loosey-goosey like that has been a major problem in this city. Also a big problem sourcing from the Mages Guild. So no, please, no magical nonesense.
>>45751141
Careful, last man to talk to her like that caught a fireball from inside of his own arse. Which while I found hilarious, also made me realize that perhaps it isn't a good idea to tempt fate, savvy?
>>45751162
My little monky man knows zis is so...
>Pinches Sohais right cheek.
>>45751162
>>45751192
I would tell you two to get a room but you can't commit to the promise of no more earthquakes... So please, just stop. The lovey-dovey shtick is makin' some of us sick! ...why am I rhyming?
>>45751227
Something to do with that bad luck basement curse and that jink of something stupid by our local renegade for life dark elf who I haven't seen in... uhhhh, like a month?
>>45751281
>Sighs and facepalms.
I need a drink. Alright, well I guess we're done for the damn night unless something actually happens.
>Replaces the job board and sits at a table with a mug.
>>45751312
I'm pretty sure that's my signature move.
>>45751428
Piss off "monkey man".
Greetings famed adventures! I've traveled Many a mile to visit your grand estate, and ask for help! There will be a reward for assistance of course!
>>45751489
...go on.
>>45751540
I'm pretty sure we shouldn't be taking contracts or jobs without the boss folk giving the okay. I mean, I doubt that they would actually care no matter how infernal, damnedable, horrible, insane and or impossible and or some combination of any of those former and anything else unmentioned... Still I'd hold off Drakon.
>>45751600
You were more fun when you weren't sober.
>>45751540
Well, you see, as a undead abomination, it's quite hard to find a home! So when we do find a sufficiently spooky and ominous place to haunt, we tend to grow attached to it. Of course, other undead might like the spot as well, and as the dark lord says, never turn away someone you can help!
Now, my problem is, that recently there's been a surge of, pardon my language, assholish Paladins hunting down these haunts, and burning them down with holy fire!
>>45751639
>Drums his fingers on the tabletop.
Well that IS what paladins do. Which we have several here who would probably take great exception that you are even here right now.
Still, a jobs a job. Where are these paladins and what God do they keep raving about?
>>45751540
Now, this would usually be a good thing for you living types, but they've been purposely targeting the groups of undead who make it a point not not interfere or spook the living!
>>45751706
Okay, those are definite arseholes then.
>>45751706
>>45751750
Agreed, let's hear more.
>>45751691
Ah, thank you sir! They live in a monastery set in the side of Mount Sunny Godfire as far as we can tell. They usually just rant about unholy abominations but a few of them have also mentioned something about a mages guild.
>>45751804
Mages Guild, hrm? This'll go over great with Nyle... Or Marth, whoever shows up first really. ...come to think about it I haven't seen Marth for a few days either...
Usually Paladins scream about their Gods though, do any names come to mind?
>>45751867
>Whistles innocently
Yes zis can sometimes happen vhen too many mages stay togezer for such a lonk time. Zhey vill often find a vay to get many ozhers into a big mess.
>>45751867
That's part of the reason I came to you actually! Usually we can appease most Paladins by being goody goody with their God, but they haven't said anything about any deity. Just die this and burn that, and the more ghostly of us have heard whispers from their camps and minds about guilds and mages. Sorry I can't be of more help.
>>45751918
Well the teifling has a point. Mages are dicks. Paladins are dicks. There's a lot of cross dicking going on then...
>>45752014
Pretty sure they call that "sword fighting". Sound familiar, soldier boy?
>>45752043
I've lost sleep and part of my treasure horde because of you and that hellspawn, do not test me!
>>45752069
Didn't the undead thing just plea for our aide?
>>45751965
Thank you for your report, we will be passing this message along to our leadership in a timely fashion to exact and evoke a prompt and swift rendering of services and or assistance as the matter requires.
>>45752112
If you could stand still in one place for longer than a second your sloppy bastard I'd deck you into the next age.
>>45752069
>>45752112
>Clears his 'throat'
I would be extremely grateful if you did! If we try to strike back at them, we'll only be kicking a hornets nest, as every do gooder in the country descends on us. Plus a lot of us weren't soldiers in life, just farmers herders, hunters, that sort of thing.
Since I know Adventures love their alcohol, part of the reward will be accesses to our store of fine drinks. We don't use them, and all of them are well kept!
>>45752143
>He bows.
Thank you! Just drop any ole graveyard and asks for Blueeye, and you'll know where to find me!
>>45752200
Consider it moved to the top of the present company's priority list. A need has arisen for more alcohol and aged stores will do us well.
>>45752260
Vhut? First you insult me and now you vill volunteer MY services to zis guild? I am not a member! I barely just came back to life! I even haff my horns and tail back to vhere zhey should haff been all my life!
>>45752418
You'd be excluded my sweet ember. Guild business stays among us and our targets, goals, intentions and so forth.
>>45752418
>Points at Sohai
Basically all he said.
>>45752458
>>45752468
>Huffs and rises.
I am retiring. Good evenink...
>>45752576
Ooo struck a nerve...
>>45752730
Are we going to have a problem here?
>>45752796
Are we? You're acting damn weird since she came about. Now you're not even drinking, you're barely fighting. I see you going back to those meditation practices that you all but spat on moons ago...
>>45752858
This is your last warning. Do not cross me and do not insult her... She and I have been through literally Hells and back more than you've probably ever crossed. In fact, I am going to head upstairs and join her again. Good night you puffed up arsehole.
>>45752882
Yeah don't let the door hit you on the way out. Gods forbid you make me happy...
When did we start letting clerics join the guild?
>>45753118
We needed somebody to bully and they needed protection and a place to practice without excessive disruptions. As for how long, damned if I knew.
If anyone sees about 30 or so dung beetles crawling around let me know
