You are a first-time DM soon to begin a campaign using a premade adventure module. You have six willing potential players, but the module you're using is clearly written for only four. Handling more than four would be highly difficult, especially since you've never DM'd before.
These are your potential players:
>Player 1: Longtime player. You've been in games with him before, but wouldn't exactly consider him your friend. Very much a power gamer/munchkin. Really socially awkward; you suspect he might have actual autism but know better than to ask. Always smells like Cheetos. Playing a Warforged Paladin.
>Player 2: Stereotypical Reddit atheist, fedora and all. Will probably bring it up in game. Huge fan of a certain cartoon about horses. Is a furry. Playing a Tiefling Rogue.
>Player 3: The fattest, neckbeard-est fat neckbeard you've ever seen. Breathes really loudly and it's annoying as fuck. Massive weeaboo. Playing a Lizardfolk Monk.
>Player 4: Trans girl, just began HRT. Never shuts up about Steven Universe. Playing an Elf Cleric.
>Player 5: Only female in the player pool. Never played a TTRPG before, but plays a lot of MtG. Self-identified feminist vegan. Claims to be a "grey-panromantic demisexual"; you have no idea what this means. Playing a Human Sorceress.
>Player 6: Massive STEM elitist. Moderately red-pilled. More of a wargamer than a roleplayer; owns over $5000 in 40k minis. Waifu is Chaika. Playing a Dwarf Artificer.
Who do you accept, who do you reject?
I call four of my friends and play with them instead, wondering what the fuck I was thinking.
Get rid of the cheeto smelling guy first, i hate the smell of fake cheese.
Then the transgirl, i don't think i want to know what the fuck Steven universe is desu
The rest can stay, so long as they keep quiet unless nessecary
1, 6, 4, 5.
People I've met or can deal with.
>>45708056
>i don't think i want to know what the fuck Steven universe is
You don't. Trust me.
>>45707889
I ditch them and go run for my table that consists of five fat white girls, two retired white guys, and my wife.
Drop 1 and 2. Powrgamer is the hardest for a new DM to deal with and suffer not the furry to live.
>>45707889
Drop 1 & 6 as they seem the least likely to conflict with the party. The game is now a contest to see who can become the 'that guy' the fastest. Last person standing in the group is the winner, DM included.
drop 1 keep the rest
if they keep in character their personal views dont matter, but poor hygiene will.
side note: player 3 is probably a total bro who will pay for pizza.
1, 3 and 6 I'm fine with, 5 might be a little dicey, but 2 and 4 can take a long walk off a short pier.
Drop 1, 2, premade adventure module and whoever i don't like more between 4 and 6
>>45708056
Oh word filter you are the best at that
>>45707947
This
>>45707889
>Waifu is Chaika.
FUCKING. DROPPED.
>>45707889
>Very much a power gamer/munchkin
>Redditor Brony
>Massive weeaboo
>Never shuts up about Steven Universe
>Self-identified feminist vegan. Claims to be a "grey-panromantic demisexual"
>Moderately red-pilled
I'm not playing, it's not happening. I'd break out the Mythic GM emulator and test out some weird Shadowrun builds.
If a gun was held to my head, >>45708261 this guy has the right of it.
Also fuck you OP for being such a try hard fitter-in. Yeah, don't think we didn't notice. We did and we think you're a cunt.
Correct answer is bring in all 6, someone will leave regardless of what you do, but your ranks will be padded by the extra two. If they're odd or obnoxious or whatever deal with it, tell people to shut up, to bathe, to fucking play the game and pretend to be a thing.
Get rid of 1 and 2, and tell the rest to keep a lid on any disruptive behavior. Ambient music can drown out 3's weird breathing issues.
Seems like 1 and 2 are destined to be the No Fun Squad. One rollplays and presumably never bathes, and the other apparently never shuts up about the opinions he stole from Reddit. That, and I don't trust them to play a fucking Tiefling like someone who isn't a massive twat.
There are no outright red flags with the rest of them, and they don't seem like obnoxious or unreasonable people, so the risks can be taken.
Kick the trans out, interview the rest.
>>45711064
but they're the only one with confirmed role playing experience
>>45711085
Everyone else has problems, but he's the only one with serious problems. Not going to deal with a suicide case.
>>45707889
Keep the furry (because I'm one too) the powergamer and the STEM guy. Player 3 is disgusting, player 5 is a woman, player 4 is already living in a fantasy world and needs to off itself
>>45707889
The last guy doesn't seem that bad. But clearly your only option is suicide.
>>45714802
>STEMcuck
>/pol/lock
>doesn't seem that bad
>>45707889
I bite the pillow and let them all go in dry.
Sometimes it's best just to get thrown to the wolves than pussyfoot over who I'd kick out based on easily-baited political positions.
It'd be a clusterfuck but if everyone can have fun then I win.
>>45708394
Also, 2-5 is a classic party comp as far as the classes go.
>>45707889
Scrap the premade module, take them all, run a low combat, high social encounter campaign in an industrious and scientific yet polythiestic patriarchal not!Japan where a small set of superstitious ethnic outsiders have a large settlement near the capital and worship a nonbinary god and have started to chafe against their second class treatment from their 'hosts' in the form of demonstrations and occasional violent attacks.
Ideally, they'll all kill each other.
That, or just play New Vegas a third time.
>>45707889
I wouldn't play with any of these people, your thought experiment is.dumb
But gun to my head, I take 1 2 4 and 6
>>45715207
>moderate red-pill
>competition is a no-fun-allowed gamer, a fedora, a weaboo neckbeard(probably also not terrible), someone with a mental condition, and a tumblrita.
I don't know what STEM is though, and i apologize for my ignorance.
>>45716971
Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics.
>>45717000
Oh...uh, is that bad?
>>45707889
I'll take them all and probably have a good time.
>>45717063
I'm pretty sure it's one of those extra credit high school competitions. There's nothing wrong with it, and usually means the person is pretty smart.
But they've spent their whole lives with people telling them they're smart, and winning these competitions is a sign that they're that much smarter than everyone else.
Point being, I think the operative word was "elitist." Those kinds of being have a bad habit of being shitheads about it.
>>45717228
Point taken. My suggestion of suicide still stands.
>>45707889
3 is basically me, even down to the lizardfolk monk that I've played before. So I'd take 1, 3, 4 and 6.
kick fedora and tranny-subhuman
the others seem bearable. Ask your munchkin to use his bullshit to help the team, promising to let him have half the sunshine if he makes sure everyone is not overly pissed off.
Players 2 to 6.
Pretend to start the game and when drama starts, begin recording the hilarious shitstorm.
kick tranny and brony
>>45707889
Bad gaming is worse than no gaming. Fuck all y'all, I'm going back to vidya.
>>45717063
STEM alone isn't bad.
A STEM elitist is someone who opposes teaching things like history, literature, english, any sort of art, etc. This is usually based on claims that they are inferior and a waste of time and resources. The person instead focuses entirely on studying science and math, and generally has very poor social skills as a result.
>>45707889
Ditch 2 I know what people who act superior about being athiest are like I was one as a child
Ditch 5 because that's not a real gender and she's a vegan
Honestly though I think your gonna have a bad time still
1 is a munchkin may not be to bad though
3 depends on just how much of a weeabo he is
4 depends on what you mean by doesent shut up about it if it's just all she talks about it I can see it being annoying but if she talks about it more then most people talk about all other things put together that's a problem. Also having just started on hormones might cause some emotional swings but I may well be dead wrong about that I'm not a doctor.
6 depends on how much his smug superiority comes up.
I'm surprised how many people would kick the normal transexual over the transexual with the fake gender.
Although looking at it I think that may just be a fake sexuality.
>>45707889
Kick 1 and 6, play with the others, write about how bad it is on /tg/
Holy shit, this is one of the better (and highest traffic) CYOA's I've seen in a while. 10/10 post, anon.
I'll take 2, 4, 5, and 6. Can't stand Steven universe but impending books are okay to have around, 2 seems the easiest to put on track ('seriously, guys, no religion at the table, try not to force your beliefs on others here'). If the worst thing about 5 is that she tries too damn hard to impress people in all the wrong ways, maybe you can divert that to passionate role-playing. 6 just seems neutral, I won't mind having him but he won't bring anything to the table.
I got one.
> Player 1 attends every game, on time, is patient and the most level-headed, tries to always negotiate on the side of realism whether it's for or against the party. Constant clown, cannot take anything seriously. Doesn't like too much description and will complain about it.
> Player 2, absolute alpha bro who wants every game to be more like pathfinder but doesn't care what he plays as long as he gets to roll dice. Doesn't get rule 0, and will argue a point to the ground for about 3 minutes before he'll let it go. Edgy and very green but charismatic and nice to be around.
> Player 3 is a super cute girl. Will decide her gimmick is seduction, making everyone slightly uneasy. Will fortunately never act on it. Bland characters but learns rules fast.
> Player 4 is a super-passionate roleplayer, but every character is a booming-voiced hero and he won't remember to monitor his volume. Both /pol/ and furry but a rational human being, so the most you'll here about them are passing self-deprecating jokes.
> Player 5 is a talented real life bard who plays on an electric keyboard for the game. Bigger clown than 1, but no actual sense of humor, a lot of flat jokes. Always plays bard.
> Player 6 misses half the sessions and ends the other half apologizing for absences because he "was depressed and didn't want to inflict it on the table". Brings tacos for the table.
Pick 4
>>45707889
...Can I please shoot myself instead?
If I MUST
>1
>5
>6
And 3, I guess?
You're asking me to play Russian Roulette here.
>>45720397
>1
>2
>3
>5
>>45707889
I tape reaction images to a broom and a couple pots and arrange them around my table. What follows is the best game I could ever have while knowing those six short bus riders
>>45720397
1, 3, 4, 5. As long as 1 and 5 don't start a positive feedback loop of retarded jokes, 1 and 4 might cancel each other out. 2 is absolute shit tier for arguing rule 0, 6 is the kind of Eeyore that ruins campaigns.
>>45720493
I'm gonna scratch >>45720436
and go with yours, I'm super fucking dumb because it's early
>>45720397
1 3 4 6
I can deal with someone dropping in an out and 2 and 5 (to a lesser extent) sound really irritating.
>>45707889
Easy boot to Player 1, I'd like to know more about their actual behavior during the game but my gut says to kick Player 4. If it can be run with 3 comfortably I'd kick Player 5 as well.
>>45720397
Objectively correct answers coming in:
>P2 will and has ruined games, remove immediately.
>P6: while food is the fucking bomb, i have a job now and with proper planning, I can bring it myself. What my proper planning can't fix is a chronically absent player
