What is the magical equivalent of sending a new guy out for blinker fluid?
>>45330964
Sending the apprentise out for diamonds and other spell components.
>>45331022
Its supposed to be something that doesn't exist, like blinker fluid, bagged milk, a jug of eggs or a carton of bread.
>>45331066
But they do exist.
For wizards.
>>45331130
For wizards yes, but for a apprentice?
>>45331066
Don't they have bagged milk in Canada?
>>45331066
>bagged milk
O CANADA!
MY HOME AND NATIVE LAND!
TRUE PATRIOT LOVE
IN ALL OF MY MILK BAGS!
>>45331154
>>45331152
I was supposed to call it a loaf of milk, oops.
>>45331066
Bagged milk exists.
>>45330964
Tell them to go summon a "helium" elemental.
*snrrk* no no man it's totally an element
>>45331169
>implying that isn't what happens when you forget to bring the bagged milk in from your porch overnight
>>45331066
Jug o' eggs in process.
>>45331066
Here's your carton of bread.
This derailed quickly.
>>45330964
A DVD player, desktop computer, an automobile.
>>45331066
Blinker fluid is also is a thing.
Tell him to bring you a cone of cold, you need it as a spell reagent
>>45331308
Next step, cooking with anons.
Now with 300% less inedible ingredients.
![17172378_a5833cf772[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/RutxjNy.jpg "17172378_a5833cf772[1].jpg")
Or this, if you don't like that meaning of carton.
>>45331141
Apprentises gets the stuff from other wizards.
![2617954_3d1624a2[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/YIpGp0m.jpg "2617954_3d1624a2[1].jpg")
I have to say, anon, I don't think you thought this through very well. And just to cut you off, a bucket of steam...
>>45330964
looking for OP's straightness
>>45330964
> Grick Eyes
Gricks don't have eyes
> Basilisk Tears
100% Guaranteed "Statue for a Day" experience for the FNG
> Beholder Toenails
I sure fucking hope you understand why this is hopeless
I went with Helium Elemental, So my Apprentice came back with a balloon. This thread went better than I had hoped it would. never change /tg/
>>45330964
You get stuck making all the shitty level 1 potions and wands. You have to do all the detect magic work and mending. Every day all your spells are chosen for you, it only ends when you become powerfully enough to cast something more useful or find your own apprentice and pawn the work off on them.
>>45331499
I hope that balloon had a smiley face drawn on it.
>>45331325
Okay, I'm calling bullshit on this one.
>>45330964
Send him for snipe hunt.
No, really. Absurd amount of people don't get the metaphor and think they should hunt a literal snipe.
>>45334757
>I never saw car cosmetics asile in the shop or bigger gas station
Do you even drive?
>>45334815
>Not aware that sending the new guy for headlight fluid is one of the most basic tricks in the military because it doesn't exist.
Do you?
>>45330964
Succubus lubricant
>Kind of thinking not many come back
>>45334834
I think it's non-essential but a 'keep the blinkers/headlights clean' thing. Because you clearly couldn't do that with water and other cleaning tools.
>>45331066
>Blinker fluid
Meaning a polishing fluid that is sold by a bucket on every single fucking gas station that has a shop attatched
>Bagged milk
So commonplace I have no fucking clue what third-world hell-hole you must be from
>Jug of eggs
What is putting few eggs in a jug
>Cartoon of bread
I guess you also never had to prepare provisions IRL. Hell, there is even CANNED bread, which you then have to boil inside the can for three hours to make it edible.
>>45334834
>Doesn't exist
Aside it does. And even one of the anons put it in.
I mean next thing you will say snipes don't exist, because the original was about catching a snipe
Seriously, you need to have severe autism to assume those things don't exist, because they are part of the "get lost" routine you do to the new guy.
Besides, military in my country usually sends you for pack of matches. And so does in all post-commie countries. So here goes your context.
>>45334834
>Not understanding why it's used as a trick
Headlight polishing fluid is outside of standard military regulations, thus is impossible to get within military base, from quartermaster or within deployed unit. Not because there is no such thing, you tool
>>45330964
Send him for water crystal.
But beware if he returns with a rifle and in a set of automated mail, as he tainted himself with technology
Metaphysical properties, if they can't be accessed in a quantifiable form in setting (a la JAGS Wonderland).
In a setting where it is entirely possible to get, say, three pounds of pure Luck, half a kilo of fly wings/three litres of dog mucus/the toenail clippings of several hundred different fish.
>>45330964
They can't. Even newbies can make anything reality.
>>45334834
>it doesn't exist
The guy who brought back the box of Grid Squares would disagree.
>>45335067
Holy shit, I killed that guy. Felt so bad.
But that steam-powered power armor was pretty good.
>>45335801
You could just convince him to handle the crystal and forget about the losers from Tulla.
Or steal it from him.
Seriously, this game made me hate elves, magic and pretty much everything fantasy-themed.
>Those insufferable jerks from Quintarra
>Those insufferable dark elves
>Those insufferable high mages
>>45334985
>standard military regulations,
I remember when I got my first little signals squadron and there was this corporal who was getting a bit smart for her own good, ripping on the poor old troopies a bit hard and generally being obnoxious.
So I gave her the keys to my truck and told her to pick up 4 flux capacitors, she gave me this sort of 'wtf' look and my sgt stepped in with this poker face and '-Now- corporal'
She ended up at supplies
Who sent to her motorpool
Motorpool didn't have any
Sent her to their parts depot
Nah, don't have any, have you tried supplies?
Ok, have a look in town at hardware?
She ends up somewhere in the city at a hardware store
Sounds electronic, try them
5 hours later
Some poor fucking salesguy in an electronics store is just about shitting out a kidney laughing so hard... and then it sank in
>>45335824
You know, given what flux is, and what a capacitor is.
Any capacitor is a flux capacitor. I guess it's like a left-handed screwdriver.
>>45335904
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Or7P9jfhcZ0
>>45331347
God North America is the home of shit food
It's amazing I compare a wal-mart with their British version asda
Same company owns both and there's some visual similarity
But the quality here is so much better
Americans will really eat shit and love it and defend shit with guns just because Jewish advertisers tell them to and slap a dumb flag on it
>>45334815
So you use it on the outside glass of the lamp? So basically window cleaning spray but with nerd writing and 100% price increase
>>45331066
The bakery I used to work at bought unshelled eggs by the bucket.
I'm sure you could buy them in jugs somewhere.
>>45335926
First, it only works in English
Second, this anon >>45335904 is right
Third - we all get the point, mate, really. It's just how this can be treated serious even if you know Back to the future.
Hell, when I was in the navy, we had to wake up the chief engineer in the middle of night, due to a leak in fueling system. And first thing he said after being woken up and listening status report was "Go get the white keys".
Orders were passed, almost everyone in engine room was frantically looking for white keys and then the chief showed up after a brief moment, completely puzzled what the fuck we are doing. So someone reported the order about the keys. The chief looked at us, obviously not understanding a single word out of it. Then he started laughing.
Turns out he was still half-asleep and repeated what he was dreaming about aloud, while everyone was dead sure we should look for some set of keys. Bonus point for the fact all the keys were colour-coded, so this shit sounded reasonable.
>>45336049
This is how you know it's late at night in Eagleland
>>45330964
Send them to get frog fur, chicken teeth, other things like that.
>>45336049
Wait, how shit is Walmart?
Asda is shit. I mean, I shop there, but not because it's high quality.
(And yeah, it's no Aldi, but come on. ASDA?)
>>45336142
Walmart is the "poor" people store. They have their own brand of everything, usually made as cheaply as possible.
Actual poor fucks like me don't shop tgere cause everything they sell is overpriced and can be gotten cheaper at real grocery stores
>>45330964
"Acolyte, fetch me some skaven gallstones."
Because as we all know, the skaven are a myth.
>>45336167
I could see someone who didn't believe in Skavens doing this and accidentally stirring up a ton of shit.
>>45336184
It would make for a funny WHFRP short adventure.
>>45336142
Imagine everything being made by the lowest bidder out of cheapest materials and resources.
Then the price is inflated to match the market value of similar products, but still slightly cheaper.
That's what Walmart is
>>45336142
My experiencewith Aldi has been nothing but positive desu senpai
>>45331066
In my country, the normal equivalent is "electricity powder".
Nobody ever finds any electricity powder.
>>45336142
You just get used to Aldi, in my experience. Sure, it all tastes shit at first but then you start noticing all the subtleties because you get conditioned towards less flavor. Just try to avoid regular food and you'll be content for life. The chips aren't half bad either. Though I remember there was a big difference between an Australian Aldi and an Irish Aldi, so it might be different in europe.
>>45331066
>bagged milk
>doesn't exist
>>45330964
"Apprentice! I require the tooth of a gazebo."
>>45336283
People have proposed sending mere apprentices after basilisks, skaven and beholders, but you might be the sickest of the lot.
>>45336283
>Gazebo
My fucking sides.
I mean even if that story was completely fake, it's still making me chuckle every time. Then again, my players once didn't understand who hydrologist is, so...
>>45336253
The one I often heard was a long wait.
>>45335824
good show
grunts get enough shit without everyone else adding to it
>>45330964
Metallic Diamonds
Somatic Components
A jar of moonshine (no not alcohol you idiot, MOONSHINE)
A ray of hope
>>45336353
Just don't send them out for a metal glass. That stuff actually exists.
>>45331337
that works i guess.
>>45336353
1. actually exists
2. Vibrations exists, so yes, they can be replicated
3. If there exists magic, there has to be ways to trap photons.
4. Even easier than moonshine since it requires less time consumed
Seriously, i have heard stories about army officers or managers telling underlings to fetch non existing stuff, but they ask for something that exists, and they usually can fetch it on the site.
>>45330964
Parchment?
>>45330964
Apprentice! Go fetch from the market for me, some transdemensional oil. Also, going to need a left-handed scrying crystal. After that, I'm going to teach you about musics role in magic, grab a lyre's tongue from the local bard.
>>45336678
>grab a lyre's tongue from the local bard.
Wot, like, the bird?
>>45336692
No anon, the instrument.
>>45335067
>>45335801
Sounds a bit like a rip off of fallout 1
>>45335824
In Norway, the Royal Guard has to fetch a piece of cake for the king and duty captain each friday from the local french bakery. The new recruits aren't allowed to leave the shop before they sing the King's song out loud to the customers.
>>45336253
I've got a carton of powdered electrical contact cleaner, does that count?
>>45336624
>1. actually exists
Go back to chem class, kid
>2. Vibrations exists, so yes, they can be replicated
Replication of movement alone is not sufficient for "somatic components"
>3. If there exists magic, there has to be ways to trap photons.
Purely conjecture on your part, and wrong
>4. Even easier than moonshine since it requires less time consumed
Still wrong
>>45331066
Tartan paint or elbow grease are also common.
>>45336311
Tartan paint is another good'un.
Skirting board ladder, tartan paint, solar powered torch.
>>45337167
>>45337179
>>45337187
Tartan Paint conspiracy confirmed
>>45337187
Aren't all torches made of wood solar powered since a tree's growth is powered by the sun?
>>45336674
Low quality vellum.
>>45337187
>solar powered torch
But solar-powered flashlights exist.
I mean, obviously they've got a battery built in as well, but you charge the battery by leaving it on a windowsill all day.
>>45334871
Found the canadian
>>45330964
"Apprentice! Today, you must bring me some Extract of Beauty!"
"Extract of Beauty sir? Where do I get that?"
"Simple! From the Eye of a Beholder!"
>>45337221
Torch means flashlight here in Britbongistan.
>>45337253
>>45336678
This seems like a great way to get an angry tongueless bard and several much angrier noblewomen after you.
>>45336049
>shopping at Wal-Mart
>ever
You only shop at Wal-Mart when you want a specific, low-quality product at a low cost. You don't go there for your regular groceries, you go for the cheap shit you need once or twice. We have actual, significantly better grocery stores that have bakeries, delis, butcher shops, and (in Texas) tortillarias all in the same place (HEB is a godsend).
I bet you think Americans actually eat Cheese Wiz, too.
>>45336049
>Asda
please, Asda is the worst supermarket we have by far. Waitrose is where it's at.
>>45337238
Surprise, surprise, a Pole, you fucking cunt.
>>45336899
>Rip-off
>Game made by guys who worked over Fallouts
>Entire quest is a massive shout-out to Fallout
>Hell, entire map region is one massive Fallout reference
And yes, the guy is named Albert. That's also a rip-off, you cunt?
>itt people think blinker fluid is real
>>45331309
CHeck it.
Also check the licence plate.
Fun fact: Snipes are real too
I don't get were these "fool's errands" come from
>>45330964
>"Alright, we're gonna do a really advanced, mass flight spell here. We need you to go get some gryphon salt while we ready the circle."
>>45338496
There is a real animal called a snipe.
It's not the same animal as described in a snipe hunt. That's also not the point of a "snipe hunt."
The real snipe is a little bird, and shooting one was a test of skill in this one navy base. Those that could were known as, wait for it, 'snipers.'
>>45338563
>It's not the same animal as described in a snipe hunt. That's also not the point of a "snipe hunt."
>Apprentice, to enchant this blade I'm going to need plenty of reticence. Go fetch a bucket full from the trees of Silent Forest a day's ride East.
>>45338563
>It's not the same animal as described in a snipe hunt
>get me a monocle for this beholder.
>>45338577
>>45338603
He's right though. They say the snipe is a monster that stalks at night and they have to bag one. Why the hell would you assume they just said it's a little bird? The bird has nothing to do with the tradition.
>>45338653
The story at my camp was that it was like a squirrel, and they'd catch several and make them fight each other in an empty fish tank.
>>45338690
That's pretty fuckin metal.
Board stretcher
>>45338653
>Being too dense to get the Kevin joke
>>45335783
I know of a guy who had a box of flightline, he used a pickaxe.
>Semi-rookie on a construction crew
>Foreman cuts a board to short
>Asks me to get the board stretcher
>Without missing a beat ask him where he keeps his, totally straight face
>His face cracks into a shit eating grin
>Proceed to explain what "the one I had at my old job" looked like
>His face changes from smug to slightly confused
>Go to the back of his truck, start "searching for it"
>"What was the brand name, did you guys have a Hilti or a Stanley?"
>He's now totally confused
>I get down from the truck, tell him he must have left it at the shop
>He tries to explain to me that there is no such thing
>I insist there is, I even give a bullshit explanation of how it works (You see, it's basically a set of two vices that you lock the board into place, and then slowly stretch the board out with a crank that operates like a rack at the bottom, you have to keep the board moist so it's flexible enough to keep stretching, otherwise it will just tear itself apart")
>Continue insisting it's real.
>At this point he's convinced that I've either lost my mind or that he's lost his own.
>I can't contain the laughter anymore
>Once he realizes that it was just a clever ruse, he starts laughing too
>Have a good laugh over it
>They never tried to prank me again.
>>45338496
Snipe is also a term used to refer to Machinist Mate's and other firemen in the US Navy. Supposedly because they are never seen by anyone else.
>>45334834
yeah and a made up form that basically calls whoever your asking an asshole or something
I forget but its like a Form 1HFAGG but a bit more subtle
>>45330964
In the same vein as >>45331337 you could tell an apprentice to go pick up some magic missiles because you're running low.
Comes back with enchanted: arrows, bolts etc...
Each time tell him those are the wrong kind.
>>45338563
Don't tell me that's ACTUALLY the origin of the word? Holy shit man, really???
>>45339448
You could just go down the list of spells and do this.
>bucket of Grease
>set of Mage Armor
>salve for Burning Hands/Shocking Grasp/Chill Touch
>vial of Glitterdust
>an Object to Locate
>a Touch of Idiocy - oh, that was quick. Good job.
>a Phantom Trap
False Life/4chan joke
>Go find a Bear/Bull/Cat/Eagle/Fox/Owl and extract some Endurance/Strength/Grace/Splendor/Cunning/Wisdom
Meat glue.
One of the cooks where I used to work broke a burger he was making for himself, So the head chef says "you should run into dry stock and get some meat glue and fix that." Poor dude was back there for at least fifteen minutes. We, of course, were all dying of laughter.
>>45339926
You can use Maizena or potato flour for meat glue for minced meat.
>>45339926
Meat glue is a real thing though. It's technical name is transglutaminase.
>>45331325
I feel like someone invented a headlight cleaning fluid and called it that so gullible guys would actually return with something to show after their friends tried to troll them.
Anyway you send the apprentice out for like... White ink.
>>45337253
I don't get it.
Apprentice, I require a vial of liquid ice.
>>45340477
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, moron.
What the fuck do they teach amerifats in hamburger high school?
>>45340692
Murikan here, don't blame us, we understood it.
>>45331462
>beholder toenails
>surgically graft feet to a beholder corpse
>???
>get promoted to chief wizard
>>45338690
For me, it was a lizard. I think the description of the snipe varies depending on who's setting up the poor chump.
A spool of ley line.
>>45339531
http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=snipe
Not that guy, but it's surprisingly true!
>>45340903
desu that sounds like a cool magic Item. might include it in a game. any ideas on uses
>>45341131
It's like a power cable, but for magic. Connect to a source, connect the other end to something that needs magic to operate.
Or if you need magic to flow in a pattern, for a summoning circle, or perhaps as part of setting up camp defenses.
>>45340754
>>45341290
You fool, I already grew a new son! And he has all his limbs intact!
>>45330964
>I need you to fetch me a Grell Heart, some spare change from a Neogi, some Ooze's brain, a Devil's tear, and a Kender pituitary gland
>>45341673
On it.
>>45341673
Sir, I have found Grell heart!
>>45341673
Ooze's brain obtained!from your mother
>>45341673
Got spare change from a neogi! Turns out they trade in slaves. Here you go, sir, this is what they had to spare.
>>45341872
Whoops, captcha almost ate them! Good thing I saved them for you.
>>45341673
I'm introducing a devil to FotNS now. We'll see about moving the kender into the operating theatre afterwards.
>>45336253
A bucket of compression for disel engines (don't mess it, for diesel engines exactly).
>>45341775
>Grell hearts
>being red and four chambered
Whoever sold this to you was taking advantage of your lack of xenobiology, my silly apprentice. Also what does this have to do with the wizard tower's shapeshifting groundskeeper?
>>45341817
Ooze, not Slime anon, there is both an academic and practical difference. Plus everyone knows I keep my mother's brain in a jar on my desk.
>>45341872
>spare change
>implying that's not just your actual payment that they tricked you into thinking was a bonus
Another foolish apprentice, outwitted out of their shekels
>>45341919
>implying devils have enough of a heart or soul to enjoy or appreciate FotNS
How else do you think they ended up in hell?
I'm disappointed in you apprentices. At this rate, you'll never be as good as Senior Apprentice Fonzerelli was.
>>45342001
>Needing a heart or soul to appreciate FotNS
They get attracted by the violence, then the feels hit 'em before they can react
>>45342001
But sir, I didn't give them any shekels. They just gave me these smallish creatures. In fact, I just went to ask, and they gave some more. They seem quite enthusiastic about giving them away.
So here you go, sir. More spare change for you.
>>45342115
>spare change
That's not spare change, that's garbage disposal. They think you are the trashman.
And I don't need anymore Kender, I've already got enough to make the new volleyball court, my new meat organ, 666 meat dragons.
>>45338435
Well then you're living in some sort of backwater, we cityfolk disposed of the bagged milk along with other relics of communism.
>>45343609
Funny, cause I'm from Cracow. The strict city centre of it.
And bagged milk is everywhere. It's all over the country, too. And the rest of the fucking continent. I mean the only exception is Spain, but milk and 40 Celcius don't mix well by default.
