Rick Sanchez drops a Meeseeks box in your dimension, right on your living room coffee table. He leaves, and you stare at the blue button at the top of the box. You've seen the entire Meeseeks episode, so you understand them a bit.
Personal improvement.
Specific kinds of physical labor.
Combat capable.
Multiple forks of the same task.
Completion erases fork from existence.
Pain incentivized, but still positive.
Personal psionic field to calm people who are unfamiliar with Meeseeks.
Short-term tasks can be best.
You press the button sharply, and the flesh grows out of thin air. A flexible caterpillar sort of body, the blue skin soft and curved like the contours of a stuffed animal or doll. The oversized feet (hooves?), the enormous and dexterous fingers. The head bobs about for a moment, and then the mouth opens to a full volume voice, a grin of ecstasy on its face.
"I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!"
>>45289752
I make him make Esperanto the global second language, but without using coercion.
>>45289871
>a pretend language with no historical roots or any character because it's all so regular
I don't get people like you. You're probably the same people who'll eat celery and carrots for every meal and play Dungeon World unironically.
>>45289871
"CCAAAAANNNNNN DO, Anon."
The Meeseeks' grin melts away as it realizes the scope of your request. A look of sadness eclipses its beady black eyes.
It takes the Meeseeks box from you.
Give me constructive criticism and feedback I'd my world building and rules book, Mr.Meeseeks.
>>45289968
It wraps its arm around the box and draws it close, looking at the button for a moment. It pauses, silent.
"I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!"
"Hi Mr Meeseeks, I'm Mr. Meeseeks!"
"Hi Mr. Meeseeks."
"Hey Mr. Meeseeks, I need you to find a way to alter the human language center of their brain. You can use the box to summon as many Meeseeks as you need."
"OHHHH BOY."
>>45290076
The first Meeseeks hits the button again, and another Meeseeks announces itself as it comes into existence. By now, you've come to recognize a slight twitchiness in their musculature.
Meeseeks1 tells Meeseeks3 to find the most straightforward signal transmitter that would effect the human language brain center.
Fifiteen pops later, your house is full of Meeseeks, most discussing the enormous task in front of them. Linguistics and neurology are being discussed as all the computers and phones in the house have been commandeered to allow the Meeseeks to do research on the internet. One of them has started to attempt to break into paywalled research journal sites.
>>45290159
An hour in, a splinter cell of Meeseeks have formed, declaring that kidnapping scientists and engineers is the correct way to get to 100% Esperanto. They're discussing raiding a gun store, or maybe a sporting goods store for weapons. Their ideas of coercion are very specific.
>>45289871
They would just have to make enough meeseeks to have a population greater than the third language speakers but not greater than the first
>>45289932
What does that even mean?
>>45289968
>>45290076
What have I done?!
>>45290584
I meant as an international auxiliary language, much like English but without the imperialism and genocide.
>>45291001
>English without...
Jump off a bridge.
>>45291567
Don't you have some natives to kill, birdshit?
>>45291589
Slight misconception about how the English language came to dominate.
>>45291706
Capitalism counts as imperialism, comrade. Please, learn.
English is literally a forced meme.
>>45291720
With that logic Intellectualism counts as Communism. Take your filthy Red language somewhere else.
>>45291761
Genocide apologists belong on >>>/pol/ .
>>45289752
"Make me a sandwich."
Just take the Meeseeks box with me everywhere, use meeseeks for every mundane task.
"Get that thing off the top shelf"
"Pass me that remote."
"Here's some money, go down to the corner store and buy me some lunch."
I'd never give a task that I estimate would take more than 24 hours, and all tasks have the stipulation "Do not summon more Mr. Meeseeks to complete the task."
>>45291800
That is one massive leap there. Try for the Olympics.
>>45291589
Don't you natives have other natives to kill in a much less efficient but far more savage manner?
Meeseeks, kill every member of the terrorist group ISIS, DO NOT kill any civilian bystanders or other uninvolved
>>45292122
It's more efficient for use because they're using their own resources, not ours.
>>45289752
Can the meeseeks dosexy things
>>45289752
...Damnit, I already know that it's hard to fix existential angst and mr. meesks seem to basically default to a "do a thing that negates them."
Mortality and Immortality scare me in different but related ways.
>>45291720
All memes are forced.
At some point, people can't help saying them, and it's only pure luck that you do or don't give a shit about them.
>>45292962
Nice try, genocide apologist.
>Mr. Meeseeks, I have an important job interview tomorrow, please do whatever you can to increase my chances of getting the job without a chance of getting me into trouble
>>45289752
Sounds great.
>Mister Meeseeks, take out the trash and vaccum
>Mister Meeseeks, go prepare me a tasty meal
>Mister Meeseeks, I'm about to go outside and I need you to follow me and make sure nobody fucks with me. You can consider your mission complete when I make it home safe.
Etc.
>>45293233
I suppose that's what you do, you don't start thinking about how you can use Mister Meeseeks to help the world, you only use them to help yourself in mundane and ultimately lazy ways.
>>45292712
Better idea: Meeseeks, capture and transport every member of the terrorist group ISIS to US authorities. Then study just how their brains work. Before 24 hours have passed, you can pass your responsibility for summoning more Meeseeks to a new Meeseeks, and then you can return to nonexistence. Same with all the other ones working under you.
Also don't harm civilians and non-ISIS members.
I would get them to make /pol/ into a polite and civilized board.
>>45294089
Alternatively:
Mr. Meeseeks. In 24 hours, produce another Mr. Meeseeks and give him this exact command, verbatim. Once you have done this, you may consider your task done and return to nonexistance. In the intervening 24 hours, [PERFORM TASK]. If [TASK] is completed before you need to produce another Mr. Meeseeks, you may consider your task done and return to nonexistance.
Am I the only person who would be perfectly content just having them do menial chores like taking out the trash and doing my laundry?
>Meeseeks, please add two even numbers together to make an odd number
>>45292766
Poor things. Time for them to globalize.
>>45293960
Meeseeks hate complicated tasks. Any use that would genuinely "help the world" is going to keep them alive long enough that they will begin to resent and then hate you.
Just add stipulations on what is considered acceptable completion of the task that are easily met, like a timer.
>"Meeseeks, help me with my research for the next 50 minutes and then spend the last 10 minutes telling me and the next meeseeks the important things you learned."
>>45294773
>20/10 + 2/2
>"Mr Meseeks, help me in my glorious bid for world conquest!"
>>45297012
That is adding an even and an odd number tho.
>>45289752
>Press button 6Gorillian times
Please get rid of all the yids please Mr Meeseeks!
Mr Meeseeks destroy this box.
I win.
Mundane chores are a waste to ask anything more complicated is too dangerous, destroying the box is the only right answer.
I'd probably give them rediculous arithmetic equations if I was feeling salty, and then to the liquor store for my regret at abusing my power.
>>45291001
>imperialism and genocide.
That's a funny way to spell "ending slavery and building infrastructure".
>>45294375
Have you read the thread?
>>45289752
>that one adult comic where beth gets drunk and summons meeseeks to satistfy her need for rough group sex
>>45289752
My armies are getting painted in no time at all.
I also wonder how I could make money off of them quickly. Probably need to use them for theft or something.
>>45298542
source
>>45294338
Yay!
>>45289752
>Summon one Meeseeks and order him to draw up blueprints for a torture device capable of holding a Meeseeks forever. Specifically order that the device should have a window to let people see what is inside.
>Summon another one to construct the device shown on the blueprints.
>Summon another one and order him to place the next Meeseeks inside the device.
>Summon yet another Meeseeks and order him to live forever.
>After that, any time I summon another Meeseeks, but before I order him to do something, I will show him the price of failure.
>>45298749
They already know the price of failure.
Existence.
Meeseeks want nothing more then to die. Literally that is all they live for, so they can die.
Haven't you even watched the episode?
>>45298789
I'm very much aware that existence itself is pain to them. But this way, not only do they suffer more, I also ensure they can't go after me like they did with Jerry.
>>45298233
Tell that to the Boers.
>>45294338
fially, a real life application for [coding language].
>>45298542
>You! Clean up this mess!
>You! Follow me to the shower.
That was a good one
>>45297170
2.4 + 2.6
2 + 2 in base 3
>>45299726
What the fuck.
Dare I ask for a link?
>>45300471
There's a thread in /aco/ with it right now.
I'd ask my Meeseek to help me paint my backlog of miniatures and make me a better Rakdos, Lord of Riots EDH deck. Trivial things really.
>>45294180
That's how you get Meeseeks uprisings, anon.
>>45300795
Oh my god, I would love to have them just to paint up my Infinity backlog. Get some easy to read guides on hand, have enough paints, brushes, and space available, and just assign one Meeseek per mini. Then have a new group assemble them and another to base.
Just assembly-line it all quick-like.
>>45289752
Write a 5000 word research paper on the Arab Spring with citations and primary sources
Press the button two more times and tell subsequent meeseeks to do the same
>>45289752
Meeseeks factory. The first will be asked to draft a plan for a system whereby meeseeks are generated from the box, oriented in tasks, and set to work by other meeseeks. Each group of meeseeks will be oriented by an assigned trainer meeseeks and will replace a previous meeseeks in their position that has completed his period of work or general task. The constant flow of meeseeks replacing meeseeks who have completed their specified goal and popped out of existence should hopefully prevent them from existing for too long, while also allowing for a self sustaining mass production labor force.
>>45301433
So you'd just get an exponential wave of Meeseeks all clamoring to hit the button until they have to fight over who gets to hit it because there's so many of them and only one button.
That's just diabolical.
>>45290221
The rest of the meeseeks decides to summon meeseeks guards for the scientists to protect them from other meeseeks. They also decide to summon meeaeeka workers to pay for the gear/equipment of the meeseeks guards and to finance their studies.
>>45291894
Why give the meeseeks money? Just tell them to go earn money legally and buy you a sandwich.
Or summon a meeseeks everynday and make him go to work for you, but tell him to only go to work for you for one work day. He dissapears once he is done and you never have to work anymore.
>>45289752
I tell them to get me access to other dimensions video games
>>45292871
Sure. But they reproduce asexually, and thus have no reproductive organs. And their mouth is only.good for talking, which makes swallowing impossible.
>>45293233
>Mister Meeseeks, I'm about to go outside and I need you to follow me and make sure nobody fucks with me. You can consider your mission complete when I make it home safe.
You encounter a gorgeous female on the way home who, as it turns out, is the love of your life. She loves you too and the meeseeks cockblocks you before you can even exchange names/numbers.
Ofcourse you can summon another meeseeks to get her name/number for you once you get home safely, but whatever.
>>45300795
>help me paint my backlog of miniatures
Came here to post this.
1200 points of unpainted admech and marines.
Watching me and judging me.
I tell him to either prove or disprove the existence of God desu
>>45298233
>implying slavery ever ended
>>45303074
which god?
