>You are a random Guardsmen Trooper.
>Get interrupted from latrine duty by your Captain.
>Your squad laughs at you, thinking you are in trouble.
>Get taken to the Lord General who is argueing with some paperpusher adept.
>Turns out due to Divine Mandate (read clerical error) you have been granted a Warrant of Trade, been trusted with a Luna class Cruiser, and the Lord General and all the men under him have been tasked as your House's Men at Arms.
>Wat do?
>>45041805
Order sergeant Bob's immediate execution. Guy's a dick
>>45041805
We need to forge some alliances.
Where's the nearest Sororitas base?
>>45041826
Way to earn your men's loyalty...
>>45041847
Don't The Sisters have negative views of Rogue Traders?
>>45041805
Priorities
1)High five everyone in the room, anyone who leaves me hanging gets executed.
2)Get them to find me the greatest hat and/or cape they can find, gotta show these fuckers whos in charge. If someone dares have a better hat or cape execute them too
3)Put my former captain on latrine duty, seriously fuck that guy always assigning me there after the Ogryns do their business. Then I guess execute him, he was kinda shit at keeping morale anyway
>>45041930
Time to improve relations then.
>>45041805
I declare that for the safety and best interest of the Imperium, we need to go boldly where no has gone before. Flash the badge and the baton, make them all embark on the cruiser. Then we go looking for the nicest planet around, paradise world would be great, but just a regular temperate planet where you can grow stuff would do just fine.
>import peasants
>make myself governor
>garrison the troops there
>live the high life
>>45041805
Requisition a chimera for every squad and a Leman Russ for every platoon.
Also spice up the training of my troops. We are going full blitzkrieg.
>>45041847
>"Sister Superior, I need your assistence. I have been granted the Lofty Title of Rogue Trader. But I see how many lines and houses has ... Strayed from The Emperor's vision. I Ask you to help me find a wife to carry on my line and to ask your Order to raise my Heirs to be proper adherents to His Imperial Creed."
Could this work? Or would this get you shot?
>>45042704
I'd let you roll for it
>>45042704
aren't sisters supposed to take a vow of chastity, did i imagine that?
>>45041988
Executing anyone with a better hat, is common in every civilized society.
Good call.
>>45042802
Only some Orders. And I never asked for a sister to marry, just an Order approved one. (And leaving room for a sister if they wanna go for it.)
>>45042802
Hey...um...who's the fucking boss again?
Fuck their vows.
I put quest in the thread title so I can be filtered
>>45042840
sure, it is a good plan, im seconding this
>>45041870
>Loyalty (Read: Commisar)
>>45042930
>implying stormtroopers don't just blam the commissar if he starts executing them.
>>45042930
These are my Brothers, Comrades, and now my Charges. I need them and they need me. I lead by Respect and Honor. Ruling by fear is subpar.
>>45042869
Oh boo hoo, ignore it the old fashioned way.
>>45042704
That would work wonderfully. Also offer them aid if they need it.
>>45042704
>>45042802
>“Of course, my dear, I bow to your greater knowledge of the particular inclinations of your charge, but I wonder at your naiveté in expressing the view that these will affect our programme in the slightest. Margrave Honorious de Caul will marry the Lady Elissiabetta von Draag, and they will bear children who will serve our divine calling. Their own views are immaterial. There is no more to be said on the matter.”
>-Coded correspondence between Sisters of the Order Famulous, Calixis Sector 766.M40
They'll find a match for him alright
>>45042704
Would you have to worry about them hooking you up with a she-cow?
Surely the sisters know that physical attraction in a mate is more likely to produce offspring. Hooking you up with some form of human blob when you are the first of your dynasty with zero heirs seems like a bad idea.
>>45043538
How would a blob properly serve the Emperor. One must maintain themselves to better serve Him.
>>45043572
Maybe she works part time for the Adeptus Ministorum as a paper weight.
>>45043572
so whats the plan after we get our bangin' sororitas waifu?
>>45043653
Crusade and settle worlds. What else? Shit ton of work to do and a galaxy that needs some Manifest Destiny.
>>45043688
so we abandoning settle medieval world.plan?
>>45043716
No, we are just settling many worlds.
>>45043730
not complaining, i just think its an interesting process for a house to set up a home base gradually instead of just curbstomping heretics and zenos all the time, like, constructing a reliable food source, making sure peasants dont revolt, the stuff you dont see highranking militarum officials do
>>45041805
>You are a random Guardsmen Trooper.
>Get interrupted from latrine duty by your Captain.
>Your squad laughs at you, thinking you are in trouble.
>Get taken to the Lord General who is argueing with some paperpusher adept.
>Turns out due to Divine Mandate (read clerical error) you have been granted a Warrant of Trade, been trusted with a Luna class Cruiser, and the Lord General and all the men under him have been tasked as your House's Men at Arms.
>Wat do?
I do not quite understand how this is possible. I am but a mere grenadier in the Death Korps of Krieg. I do not in any way understand how someone of such a contemptible like as I could be accepted to such a high honour.
My world has not produced anything of worth to the Imperium except for its soldiers in over a millennium. On top of that, my heredity is unclear, being that I, like the overwhelming majority of my fellow Krieg degenerates are born from the vitae womb, making any sort of attempt at genealogy nigh-impossible.
If it is truly necessary that I take this title that I am clearly unworthy of, due to my birth on the traitorous world of Krieg, then I must devote all of my resources in these endeavors to the destruction of the God-Emperor's enemies.
I shall raid the eastern fringe of the galaxy and attack the worlds of that degenerate race, the Tau. I shall not stop until either every Tau in galaxy is dead or my world is redeemed (my world can never be redeemed).
>>45043828
What if the Emperor shows up and says that it is redeemed?
>>45043835
That is thoroughly and utterly impossible. The traitorous acts of my ancestors are unforgivable.
>>45043819
True. I was thinking Build up a Homeworld and then smaller scale colonies to support it. Then Focus on repeating the process after the colonies are built up. If each generation only add a few new colonies that will still grow fast.
>>45043856
>Impossible for the Emperor to show up and forgive your planet
Such heresy that I am hearing.
>>45043857
cool, theres a good story here i think, now are we gonna get around to rolling that bloody dice?
>>45043873
Is there a template for Imperial colony worlds?
>>45043868
It is not heresy, for I know it deep in my being that the of men from the world of Krieg are forever cursed.
Imagine yourself in the place of our holy God-Emperor. If one of your worlds betrayed you, would you forgive them? I think not.
I think it is you who is the heretic. Any true believer in the Emperor would know that my world's action are unforgivable.
>>45043902
What about when the foes of man are finally gone?
>>45043914
Then I shall find new foes to kill.
>>45042704
That's literally what Dialogous do. Didn't any of you read BoM's fluff?
>>45043922
There are always the foes within.
Those whose belief is suspect.
>>45043885
cant find one, but im sure theres some fluff talking about it
>>45043952
This exactly, anon. That is why even if we could exterminate all xenos and heresy from the galaxy, new forms of traitorous foolishness will sprout from the decadence of peace. Let my world be an example to what happens to a world at peace for too long.
>>45043951
I was thinking about going to the Battle Sisters not the Breeding sows. I want to raise a warrior lineage not the degenerates that other houses seem to be.
>>45043856
Questioning the infinite mercy and wisdom of the God-Emperor is heretical.
*BLAM*
>>45044275
I am in no way questioning the God-Emperor's mercy, nor his wisdom. I am simply stating that he would never think of forgiving such a wretched kind as the people of the Planet of Krieg. Our ancestors have betrayed our savior and it is only through our continuous sacrifice that we could even hope to get the slightest forgiveness from the God-Emperor.
Our God-Emperor is infinitely wise and merciful. But he still understands that the Krieg are unworthy of his mercy.
>>45041870
What, wouldn't you be glad if your new boss started by removing your asshole coworkers?
>>45043951
Famulous, not Dialogous, but yes.
>>45042802
Everybody assumes 'nuns with guns' is literally all they are
I don't think it's ever been so much as suggested anywhere, excepting the descriptions of a few borderline-heretical sects who are wedded to the Emperor symbolically. And then it's only implied, since who'd want to cuck big E?
>>45044001
All Sisters learn to fight, most likely.
I'm sure the matchmakers are plenty comfortable in power armor and packing a boltgun
>>45044404
>who'd want to cuck big e?
I would, dudes a fucking god-tier superman, i think anyone who dosent wanna cuck big e is a heretic!
>>45044404
Whether the Sororitas are wedded to the Emperor is a settled matter and it was settled with fires and blood and decapitations.
Daughters of the Emperor. NOT Brides of the Emperor. The only person to called them Brides was Goge Vandire, the father of the Age of Apostasy.
(That doesn't mean their are not celibate (only canon source is a Caiaphas Cain story and those are... of a very particular tone), but if they are, it's absolutely NOT because they are married to the Emperor.)
>>45041805
After the immediately obvious (see >>45041988), find someone to give you advice on being a bigwig; political nonsense is complicated. Make sure you can trust them though.
>>45042766
WHEN WILL WE ROLL THESE FUCKING DICE?
> I am now High Lord Crusader Kendrick Nickerbokker the 15th.
> yes that is how you will adress all the time, anything less and i will have the commisar execute you.
> go and find me the FANCIEST parachute pants you can find
Gather up a bunch of guardsmen and whatever and crusade against Tau.
I need all men to help me with an important mission.We have to pain a A LARGE SEMI-NAKED WOMEN ON THE HULL.
>>45045208
Just to clarify
Large woman?
Or large painting?
>>45045222
>>45045208
Like this?
>>45045289
Sexy
Just needs a witty name
Like the 'H.M.S tittys' or the 'no fat chicks'
>>45045340
H.M.S.Q.T.
>>45045455
I love it.
> lord, what does it mean?
> you, baby
Put on shades, turn around, walk away.
>>45043255
God damn the Order Famulous makes my dick rock hard. Imagine all those young virgin nobles they've 'educated' to ensure that their charges seek only pleasure from the holy instead of the heretical.
>>45045492
>you, baby
Johnny Bravo pls.
>>45045814
>>45041930
The sisters views of you correlate exactly 1:1 with how strong your faith in the Emperor is, more or less.
Remember, they are so zealous they literally become saints that return from the dead.
DICE WHEN?
High-five a Space Marine.
>>45041805
I go and speak to my Navigator, and find out what they want.
I start planning my borderline heretical harem thats what I do.
I wonder if I can find a techpriest willing to surgically alter a chick to look like an Eldar..
>>45046426
>thinking space elves have a vagina
youre going to be suprised what the techpriest will create
>>45042950
No we don't fuck you
>>45046576
>we dindu nuffin
>the commissar just ran into some lasfire by mistake.
>>45046593
>we dindu nuffin
>the commissar walked to the minefield on his own, scattering his body here and there
>>45046658
>"oh commissar"
>queue laughtrack
>>45041870
It's the Chinese way.
>>45042292
>blitzkrieg
>not on foot, with lorries and trains
Du machst was grundsätzlich falsch.
>>45041805
use my resources to go into hiding in case by some miracle the administratum realises there mistake
they wont just put me back on the battlefield if that happens i can assure you.
>>45042292
>blitzkrieg
>not mostly by horse
Sechs, setzen.
The Wehrmacht did not even have remotely the number of vehicles Hollywood likes to believe.
>>45046694
The ministorum would realise the mistake but it'd be about 1000 years later
>>45046762
probably
but im a rogue trader now if im lucky i might still be alive.
although very close to dying.
>>45041805
>plunge into war with the utter most zeal
>>45045340
>HMS
>His/Her Royal Majesty
>not TE: The Emperors
Hurrsay!
>>45042704
Dude you'd just get a Famulous attache and be sent on your way.
They probably wouldn't give you an actual wife but they'd give you someone who would literally help you find one on your journeys.
>>45045175
No commisars in a house guard. The moment they're formally handed off, they stop being Imperial Guard.
They could be temporarily assigned, that's common enough, but that's not what OP said.
This SoB thing is unbelievably stupid. You'd have three months of femdom until she becomes preggers with an heir, then you'd be imprisoned on your own ship while she rules in your name. She'll use your warrant as a front for the Ecclesiarchy, or the Sisters, or maybe even herself, but never you.
A year or two later, she might stop by to conceive another heir. Or maybe just send a Magus Biologist to extract sufficient genetic material.
Then you'll die in an unfortunate accident.
Seriously, you get a windfall like this and manage to fuck it up that quickly? You're like lottery winners who go bankrupt.
>>45047349
> no commisars in house gaurd
Are you denying high lord trader johnny bravo, baby?
>>45041805
First things first.
We've been on this Emperor-damned rock for months now waiting for the call to attack. I want each and every one of you on my ship and looking out the windows as we bombard this hellhole from space.
Hey Lordio! Find the best damn chef this side of the Imperium, tonight, we are eating like kings!
As for you Sergeant Gregor, I want you swabbing every thrice-damned deck on my ship. Until you manage to unclench your dusty asshole, you will eat only gruel and rations.
As for you adept.
I'd like to make a requestition for a beautiful power sword of my own, that and every one of my troops should have armor better than this wet cardboard they call Flak.
Oh, and a hat, a big one, bigger than a Commissar's.
I can see it happening without actual lore rape.
Our IG is a noble born black sheep of the family who told everyone to fuck off and enlisted himself in the guard starting as a private. It is not uncommon and lore mentions several such occurrences.
Then horrible rape happens to the entire family, leaving our hero an heir apparent.
>>45047898
How is an administratum fuck up lore raping
They make a lot of mistakes
>>45048045
Yeah...I remember how 13 hours went down.
>>45048045
This. Administratum mistakes aren't just canon, it's a core part of canon.
You've got whole planets devoted to doing paperwork that is no longer used by anyone, simply because nobody filed the memo to have them do something else. Reinforcements sent to relieve regiments that called for help five thousand years ago. An IG regiment is desperate for ammo for the heavy bolters on their chimeras... and get millions of rounds of stub pistol bullets instead.
A regiment stationed on "garrison duty" on an empty, barren, uninhabitable husk of a planet that was subjected to exterminatus five hundred years ago but the Administratum hadn't caught up that far in their files. The men in the regiment are supported by regular flights of warp transports, untold amounts of wealth wasted keeping them "guarding" an empty useless rock. They die of old age there, are awarded decorations for dying "in the line of duty", but someone forgets to update the merchant traders and so food and supplies just accumulate there. Eventually, pirates get wise to the situation and start collecting the supplies for their own use. This forms the foundation of a pirate base that for decades is supported by the Imperium itself.
Eventually, someone unravels the situation but to avoid embarrassment simply declares the Guard Regiment heretical and renegade (posthumously), the merchant ship captains to be accomplices, and has them executed. Halfway across the galaxy, the memo goes out to a planetary governor to execute the families of the "heretical" guardsmen from a regiment raised hundreds of years before. There's no way he can figure that out, so he gins up a list of political enemies and troublemakers, bulks it out with random gangers, and kills them instead. His report claims that the order was obeyed and nobody ever figures out what really happened.
That's 40k
>>45047616
>You issue your orders.
>Nobody moves. The General raises an eyebrow, then looks over.
>The Commissar eyes you coldly.
>"The orders will be obeyed. All troops under the Lord General's command, as well as he himself, are as of this moment under your command."
>"The auxiliary personnel seconded to this strike force are not covered under your Warrant. They will be returned to their transports. Similarly, your own forces are no longer part of the Imperial Guard, and you have no authority to make requisitions of the Deparmento Munitorium. Your requests for a chef, power sword, armor, and hat are denied. There are no such supplies on this world in any case. Provisioning your guard is your own responsibility."
>"Similarly, neither I nor any other Commissar will be joining you on your mission. We answer to the Officio Prefectus, are not under the General Creighton's authority, and therefore will return to Secundus Minoris for reassignment."
>"As to your other request. This is an imperial world, although it is in rebellion. You are welcome to continue the attack if you wish; however, your Warrant only grants you extraordinary powers when you are beyond the boundaries of the Imperium. You have no authority to conduct Exterminatus on this or any other Imperial world. Nor does your ship have the weapons to do this in any case. You may humbly petition the Navy to do so, but I caution you that Admiral Rueblack has no patience for Rogue Traders, especially upjumped scum like yourself."
>"Good day, Lord Trader."
>The Commissar turns on his heel and walks out. The General looks at you appraisingly, then speaks.
>>45049549
>"Sorry, lad. The Warrant came in on the transport yesterday. The Commissar must have gotten word last night over the vox-caster, because he filed a long list of transfer orders before the shuttle came down this morning. Most of our provisions were reassigned to the Navy and stormtroopers."
>"Many of the best officers and soldiers as well; they'd been placed on detached duty as a guard force to protect the auxiliaries. They were replaced man for man, but word is that the replacements are mostly incompetents and troublemakers they were looking to get rid of. They've been packing up all day to ship out on the Navy ships."
>"Your friend Tonmaz was executed while they were unloading the shuttle, before the Warrant was formally received. The Commissar ordered all the penal regiments executed as a security measure."
>"Look, I'll back you up. I've got no choice. We're being hung out to try. We've provisions for about a week, whatever ammunition the men have on hand, and a planet full of renegades. The moment they realize that the Empire is clearing out, they'll fall on us like vultures. What do we do, sir? We've over a dozen regiments here, and I already talked to the captain of your new ship and he says he doesn't have anything like enough room aboard for all of us."
>>45043828
Kriegers are literally all cucks
>>45046688
>>45046710
Full Gulf-war burger then?
>>45041805
>>Wat do?
>I freeze, my mind racing. There is one truth in the Imperium, true for commoner, ganger, soldier, or high lord. Never, EVER, show weakness.
>Then, coolly, I begin. "Thank you, General. We shall accept these orders formally effective the day after tomorrow, at noon local. By that point, I hope to have these renegades sorted out once and for all. What were your instructions for this campaign?" The officers in the bunker all blink at this.
>Commissar Zotov replies. "To encircle and contain the rebels until the arrival of the relief force." A pause. "My lord."
>"Very well. Clearly, the heretics must be dealt with. And yet my trading ship cannot stand idle when I am charged with increasing the domains of the Emperor. Would you agree?"
>"I do, which is why--" I smoothly bull over him. "Excellent. Please clear the room. Commissar Zotov, General Creighton, and I shall continue this meeting in closed session." The other officers exchange looks. The Commissar contains his temper, thinks for a moment, then nods. Moments later, the office is empty. I stroll calmly to an expensive-looking decanter, take a whiff, and pour myself a glass. Whatever it is, it's strong but smooth. I hope it's not promethium.
>>45048045
sorry, perhaps "rape" is a strong word. I meant making it marginally more belieavable.
>>45049868
Thanks, captain obvious
>>45049986
>I lay down in an officer's bunk late that evening. It's the first real bed I've slept in since joining the army back on Rodina all those years ago, and I long for sleep. But I won't be able to rest for at least another hour or two. I stand up, walk to a desk, and sit down. I need this our for thinking.
>My first challenge had been the Commissar. If he'd detected even a shadow of weakness, he would have found some way to hang me out to dry. Or execute me on the spot. Sure, I have a piece of paper, but to run weeping to the Administratum, dozens of lightyears away on Secundas, would take years. And if I were dead, who would run on my behalf?
>General Creighton, at least, would be accommodating, though perhaps not by choice. He's trapped. Fail to serve me, and he's in rebellion. So long as I prove not to be a fool, following me is the safer bet. With a stroke of a pen years ago and lightyears away, he's no longer Imperial Guard and our fates our bound together.
>Of course, in the long run such an arrangement is intolerable. Creighton had no great reputation as a fighting general. And what's to keep him, or someone else, from locking me in my bunk on "my ship" high above in orbit, and then ruling in my name? I need men I can trust in my service, or at least competent men who can be played against one another.
>A piece of paper is a thin shield against the schemes of men and the dangers of the galaxy.
>An hour had passed. Nearly time. I walk out the door and head for the vox caster.
>>45042852
>Attacking a group with ties to the Ecchlesiarchy AND the Inquisition
>>45041826
Nah, keep him around, him having to do what you say from now on is the Best revenge.
>>45050221
>"Governor, I'm pleased that you took the time to speak with me today."
>"Ahh, Private Demin. Congratulations on your windfall."
>"My compliments to your intelligence network. I have a proposal for your, but perhaps you already know what I will say." I smile. I'm wearing an ill-fitting Colonel's uniform of the General Staff, hastily adorned with a general's braid. Behind me on the vidscreen is General Creighton. Commissar Zotov is nowhere to be seen.
>"It's such a daring proposal. Please indulge me by saying it out loud."
>"Very well. I have an army at my disposal, plus a Navy cruiser. This gives me all the firepower I need to devastate your capitol, and I am in a terrible hurry to begin my new vocation. But a Trader must needs have something to trade, and factors to conduct the trade and count the profits. I find myself with a formidable army-- but little else."
>"Whereas I have administrators in abundance."
>"Precisely. This affair over tithes started with your grandfather. For two years, my regiment has laid siege to, not willing traitors, but the sons and grandsons of men who disputed the accounting of the Administratum. Clerks and servitors, lightyears away and long dead, who could easily have misplaced a dataslate and triggered all this nonsense."
>"And you offer some way out, I take it?"
>"You and your men have skills I need. As a Rogue Trader, I can deal with all manner of people whose purity has been questioned-- right and wrong. Outside the Imperium, you are beyond the reach of the Arbites, and for your service to the Emperor you will be under my protection. You will give up whatever lives of luxury you have here, 'tis true, but you will also shake free of whatever fate the Imperium would otherwise have planned for you. And the life of a Rogue Trader is not without its compensations."
>>45051050
>"And what does the Imperium say to all this. Where is your Commissar?"
>"Under my Warrant of Trade, this is my army now. Zotov's authority is limited to regiments of the Imperial Guard. And as to the Imperium, outside its borders, *I* am the Imperium." An easy smile of confidence, faintly ridiculous on a scruffy man in a cobbled-together uniform we all knew I wasn't entitled to wear.
>I continue: "It's a simple solution. The Imperial Guard commanded us to encircle and contain the rebels. You have already been encircled; now I will contain you in my ship. Your planet, no longer in rebellion, will turn over its tithes to Admiral Rueblack. By the time any investigators arrive, you will be long gone in any event, and the world will once again be loyal and dutiful. I ask also that we leave with a full load of trade goods, and that you include anyone whose administrative skills might be useful to me. In this I look to your judgment, since you yourself will be my seneschal and will share in my profits. Whereas my Warrant shields you from the order of execution that would no doubt fall upon you, but which now is forever stayed-- so long as you keep faith with me."
>The Governor smiles. "Well said. May I have time to contemplate your offer?"
>"No. Time presses and I need this sorted out immediately. You have spies in this bunker, and this offer is no surprise to you. What is your answer: Yes? Or no?"
>>45044358
>+++To set limits on the infinite is identical to denying its infinitude.+++
>+++To state that Krieg is not currently forgiven is correct: scarcely a millennium has past since the crimes of its autocrats.+++
>+++To state that the actions of Krieg are unforgivable is incorrect: the rebellion of the autocrats was put down by the populace in short order and the populace has since devoted itself to tithing their sole remaining resource at levels in excess of most non-fortress worlds. This is well within the lines of punishment for similar infractions by dissident elements on other planets.+++
>+++Query: Why, then, do the people of Krieg insist that they are irredeemable?+++
>+++Clearly, it is not because they are ashamed. Those who are ashamed hide their shame like an underhive mutant hides their disfigurement.+++
>+++Conjecture: it is because the Kriegers are prideful.+++
>+++They stand tall and proud in the sinfulness of their ancestors, and boast that they can never be forgiven, that they are the lowest of the worms, that only perhaps the Arch-Traitor is more vile than them.+++
>+++Foolish, childish error. Such self-destructive pride in their own lowliness is an error, likely brought about by a disease of the brain. Likely excess activity in the portions dedicated to feelings of guilt, combined with a mis-wiring related to self-identity.+++
>+++On a related note... Lord Krieger, do you have twenty or so soldiers no longer capable of fighting? If so, send them to your ship's medical bay instead of executing them in accordance to your custom. Their brains will be useful to my research, and by extension, the good of the Imperium.+++
>>45048097
>Hey Hillary, want to go see 13 Hours?
>Nah, I slept through it the first time
>>45048097
It was 15 hours my friend, it wasn't THAT deadly
>>45051374It was for the MC.
>>45051071
>Hardly a full night's sleep, and brutal to be awakened early from a bed. But it was necessary. Time was precious, and the planetary governor knew I'd confined Commissar Zotov. For an Imperial Guard general to do so would have been an act of treason and open rebellion. For a Rogue Trader the situation was more... ambiguous. If his detainment was brief, the situation resolved, and my ship lightyears away, his grievance would sit on a desk for a century or more. If he even bothered to file one.
>The sun had not yet come up when my Valkyrie lifted off, aeronautica in attendance. Below, the troops were shaking off two years of mud and readying themselves. Whether for battle or for transport off-world remained to be seen.
>Creighton was left behind. Instead I had two staff officers and a half dozen troops as bodyguards. If I was shot down, the next move would be my ship opening up with a bombardment of the capital, followed by my erstwhile bodyguard marching in. I had no fears about the Governor. Creighton was another matter. If my Valkyrie was shot down, he could conceivably blame it on the rebels. Would he be executed for betraying me, or welcomed back to the Imperial Guard? In such cases, either or both might happen.
>The spaceport had been cleared for my arrival, but as I descended I could see activity as trucks shipped goods out to warehouses. My orders had been to allow those trucks through from both the capital and the rest of the planet, but any trucks heading back to the capital must do so empty until the siege was formally lifted. Food and other supplies were building up anyway in anticipation of this.
>>45051508
>The transport landed. The planetary governor and his staff were waiting. Some of them. The rest would be waiting elsewhere in case this was some kind of elaborate trap.
>"Greetings, my lord. As you can see, everything is as we arranged."
>"So I see. Thank you, Governor. Or should I call you Seneschal? In a few hours the transports will land. The men aboard will inspect the cargo, then load it. I trust the value is high?"
>"Oh, yes. Our world supplies many things of value to the Imperium. Our banta cloth is very highly regarded for industry or military use. There are also rare fruits, meats, and the fine brandy that our world is known for. Fine technological trinkets owned by major families who have happily 'donated' them to you in gratitude for resolving this conflict peacefully. As well as gold and jewels, a fine start to your fortune." And yours, I thought. After all, the aristocracy is leaving this world, never to return. Why would he leave them with anything?
>"Good. Once the provisions are loaded, the transports will leave this evening. I'll dispatch some shuttles for you and your families."
>"My lord, might I request that we ride in the transports? It would save you the extra ships, and the trip to orbit is quite short."
>"As you prefer. Tomorrow, I want you to settle your people in while the army occupies the capital. If all goes well, the day after we'll have the transports bring them up as well."
>>45051136
I will be sure to consider that. The wounded will be sent to you then. Any xenos scum we capture will be sent to you as well.
As for my world's brain disease, I would rather have a fire in my mind that sends me to fight for the God-Emperor than to be endowed with the mind-poison that led to my World's betrayal in the first place.
>>45041805
First thing's first, find the guy who was meant to get the Warrant, and deal with him (can't be having him try to get it back from me).
Then, err, try and find some nearby world that needs some help dealing with Feral Orks or cultist uprising, something not too dangerous but still likely to leave the Governor indebted to me. Got to start building up favours with some planets.
Oh, and help out a Forge World at some point, get some nice stuff out of that.
>>45051915
Oh and get me a fancy hat and trench coat, got to look the part
>>45051754
>+++Statement: your compliance is acceptable.+++
>+++An intelligence that makes first-order errors is an affront to the Omnissiah, as its principal error causes it to make other errors in kind. If the brain-disease in your kind could be removed by the Genetors stationed on your planet, your people would be more efficient servants of the Omnissiah. This would make you "happy", yes?+++
>>45051525
>Things that day went as planned. The cargo was carefully inspected, then loaded on the transports. All went according to plan. The army's advance units had already begun advancing into the city. So far, it was unopposed.
>It was nearly time to launch. Buses drove up, and people in expensive clothes came out, including the Governor. Everyone was politely searched. At the last moment, the Governor asked to be permitted to board a different transport than the one assigned. The loadmaster paused, secured permission, and allowed it. A few minutes later, the people all came out. The governor approached.
>"I'm sorry my Lord. I wanted to be absolutely certain there was no treachery. These are ordinary servants. The buses with my real people will arrive in a few minutes."
>I smiled. "Of course. Once you are satisfied with your safety, you may board. Or if you've changed your mind, we can still use shuttles." He declined, and presently the real people arrived. They numbered just over five thousand. Clerks, administrators, merchants, family retainers... but most of all the aristocrats of this world. The ruling class, everyone whose lives would be forfeit if they stayed.
>There was a tense moment when they climbed off the bus, wondering if they were to be executed. Then they split up and scurried off to ride up in the transports with the cargo. They'd arrived at the last possible minute, and I'd been forced to hold the transports while they were seated and the hatches dogged. Having missed their launch window, it would be hours before they reached the ship. No doubt they still feared treachery and preferred a safe ride to a quick one.
>Below, the administration buildings and defensive positions safely in hand, the bulk of the army started to move in. The sun was going down, and the troops would spend the evening locking the capital down. It would be a very long night for my men. For my part, I returned to the command bunker and slept until dawn.
>>45052528
>The next morning, I was awakened by the last man on the world with the authority to do so. "My lord, the planet is secured. The transport will be docking with your ship within the hour."
>"Thank you, Commissar Zotov. The transports will return this evening, and I'll begin loading my regiments tomorrow. Please thank Admiral Rueblack for loaning me additional transports so we can complete this rotation quickly. My first trade agreement appears to have been profitable, wouldn't you say?"
>"So long as orders are followed and Emperor is served, my duty demands that I respect all Lords of high office."
>"As you say, Commissar."
>Everything went according to plan. The transports were quickly unloaded into the cargo holds of my ship. By noon, they were back on the spaceport, unloading some bags briefly before my army would begin the ride back up to their new home aboard my ship.
>General Creighton stood next to me, watching carefully as the bags were unloaded. Commissar Zotov had returned from taking command of the planet to inspect this phase of the mission personally.
>"My lord, why not accept their service? You were right when you said you have need of leaders and administrators."
>"Because on this world I'm still a Private. I needed Zotov's vote of confidence. If tried actually going through with the deal, I really would have had to have imprisoned him, and some soldier somewhere would have earned himself a promotion freeing him. I needed to establish a name for myself among the Administratum, which for now can take my Warrant away as easily as they have granted it."
>"I did it because the aristocrats here would have loaded every crony and idiot cousin they could fit aboard that transport, and precious few men of worth. But mostly because I don't trust heretics and traitors. At the push of a button the cargo holds were spaced, and that was that. I'll find good administrators at our next stop."
>>45052342
Neither scalpel nor drug could correct the overwhelming sin of pride present in the men of my planet. First we revolt out of pride. Then we destroy our own planet out of pride. Then we destroy ourselves out of pride. That sin of pride present on Krieg is inoperable.
>>45041930
That's just code for Tsundere
>>45052580
>He said nothing. Zotov's men were inspecting every body to ensure that all the traitors were dead. The bodies would be interred in a pit, now safely encircled and contained by the his new garrison.
>"I'm surprised you traded away four regiments of men."
>"I simply don't have room for all that foot infantry. We'll be packed tight as it is. We still have plenty of troops, and equipment we're not likely to acquire later. Whereas two companies of Stormtroopers, pledged to my service? A priceless asset to me, but one Zotov can eventually replace through his own channels. He needs those guardsmen to garrison the planet, and could get them nowhere else but from me."
>Eventually the bodies were counted and my army was assembled. I reviewed the troops. My own regiment had been one of those left behind. I didn't want anyone in my retinue who could say they had known me as a private. Many of the men, especially my friends, had gotten a sizeable sum of local currency. Taken from whatever hadn't been looted by the erstwhile Governor, of course. I wasn't about to part with my own fortune. Sergeant Gregor had been shot.
>I hired a few servants, locals vetted by Zotov's men. A few attractive ladies were the start of my harem. A tailor was found to make my wardrobe.
>At noon, two days after that fateful call by my Captain, I reviewed my personal guard. I walked up to the dias, now garbed richly in Imperial finery. A power sword and bolt pistol hung from my belt. I still didn't know how to use them. Commissar Zotov read his orders out loud, formally relieving the men of their commissions in the Imperial Guard and pledging them to my service. Creighton saluted, turned, and saluted me.
>I was now formally a Rogue Trader. My holds were full, my mission accomplished. Time to meet the ship's captain and crew. Time to find a new system. Time to turn my Warrant into an Empire.
>Because the one thing anyone in the Imperium can't ever, ever do is show weakness.
>>45052580
Brilliant! Loved it.
>>45046426
>I start planning my borderline heretical harem thats what I do.
This is the funny part. People on 4chan keep talking about their perfect ideal. What race they want, what hair color, what eye color, what personality.
Then there's the guys who want a chick in power armor who cares nothing for them to beat them up and usurp them. The less said about those manlets the better.
Nonsense. When you're a rogue trader, you keep a portfolio. When one gets old, you retire her or employ her to keep the rest of the harem in line. When one gets treacherous, you kill her or dump her. You keep beautiful girls of every shape and color, because who knows what you might feel like on any particular day?
A ship is like a gigantic spaceborne city. Your own personal quarters are like a colossal mansion. When you're a rogue trader, you have to think big. You need an imagination bigger than your dorm room, and appetites bigger than this week's crush.
>>45046593
>>45046658
>>45046662
tfw you realize that the commissar's job is to ensure that your troops are loyal and don't mutiny. Which means now you'll need commissars of your own to keep the men in line.
>>45047349
Dude, it's been pretty much confirmed at this point that we wouldn't be going there for a Sister, just to help them set us up with some hot young noble woman.
>>45052874
Thanks! I didn't know if anyone was still reading it. :)
For ease of reading:
>>45049986
>>45050221
>>45051050
>>45051071
>>45051508
>>45051525
>>45052528
>>45052580
>>45052855
>>45052645
>+++With your base of knowledge, you are correct.+++
>+++My duty as a Biologis is to understand these things. Your duty, as a Rogue Trader, is to further the interests of the Imperium. If your desire is to attack the Tau, it is not my place to tell you otherwise.+++
>+++However, it is my place to inform you that the traditional methods of Krieg will result in you expending the lives of all aboard your ship, Krieger and non-Krieger alike, in an inefficient manner. I would advise acquiring a military counsel from the Imperial Navy and supplementing your men with soldiers more suited for naval combat. Perhaps void-born men.+++
>>45053006
I've been reading the whole thing, it's great, really good stuff.
>>45052999
I guarantee that she'll set you up with someone who will guarantee her interests, not yours.
Besides, why do you need to be set up? When you arrive at an Imperial world, it'll be as a high-ranking imperial noble. A desirable alliance for any lesser noble family. If armed with a Warrant of Trade, a large army, and an imperial cruiser you can't get laid, then you're absolutely hopeless.
>>45053006
>Some shitdick private
>Knowing even a 10th of that shit
Suspension of disbelief utterly and totally shattered into a billion pieces.
>>45053006
Can someone capture this?
>>45053084
How? Do you take ME for a member of my own country's ruling class? I suppose I should be grateful for the compliment.
What did he know that is unrealistic?
I was careful that Private Demin's personal knowledge wouldn't exceed what a private would know via rumor and scuttlebutt after two years sitting around on that planet. His success stemmed from presence of mind, quick wits, gall, and acting ability. He won by seizing control of the situation, not by any particular access to lore or any special abilities or skills. He's an exceptional person, but not all that exceptional.
Many non-coms getting a windfall like that would indeed act like a lottery winner and in very short order would end up shot or bankrupt or both. This is the story of a guy who rises to the occasion. And there are more than a few privates in real life armies who are equally capable, if only an opportunity like this lands in their lap.
>>45052874
>>45053065
>>45053318
Thanks!
I didn't capture it, but you're welcome to. I kind of started typing and shit happened. Very inspired by that epic RT screencap with Mousier Lord Poirot and the Tau. Glad you guys liked it!
>Tfw you actually manage to become a Legend among Legends.
>Your Fleets are as vast as major crusade fleets and your men are some of the best Humanity has to offer.
>Even with all this you still have no idea how you got there.
>>45053985
>Just wear the big hat and look like you know what is going on.
>No one questions the guy with the big hat.
>>45053925
Someone better cap this and repost. I'm on mobile atm
>>45054180
I don't now how.
bumb
>>45053985
>At the end of the day, after all the Balls, the Awards, the Parades in your honor, you sneak into your own quarters, and begin cleaning your own toilet, sobbing to yourself
>>45043868
>>45044275
The Emperor used to tell them they had earned forgiveness all the time then one of them questioned it then they went back to doing the die to be forgiven thing for questioning him, in the end he just let them die for him. It seems to make them happy.
>>45043828
God-Emperor, /tg/, write a Krieger being forced to be a trader.
The negotiations would hilarious!
>>45042766
Waifu time yes?
>>45052986
>>
Dude, we're pushing our fifth successful campaign and don't need a faggot in RED uniform rattling because of the useless shiny shite and a funny hat on a stealth mission.
Especially not the young ones who have no concept about how "hit and run" tactics work.
We didn't shoot him, he fucking fell out of the extraction Valkyrie because he didn't fancy securing himself.
Fuck off.
>>45049272
Pretty much
>>45043885
rouge trader has colony generation and upkeep in one of the books
>>45054180
Back at my computer. Get it while it's hot.
>>45059492
nice title
oi, so do I get to keep a harem of xenos on the ship or not?
>>45064168
H E R E S Y
E
R
E
S
Y
>>45064288
fuck off, your hat looks like a dick
b-u-m-p
>>45059492
Widescreen edition...
>>45066623
I'll do a narrow one. Hang on...
>>45067881
Ok. I erased all the (You)s because it's embarrassing to screencap my own shit. In my defense, someone else screencapped it first. I'm flattered but I don't like really wide pics. I just find them hard to read.
>>45068265
OK, you're welcome ;)
Now reward me! Someone else post a story.
>>45047349
If you can convince the sister that your faith-based murderboner is bigger than her faith based murderboner she'd probably follow you.
>>45049637
Call in a favour with your cousin Chuck from the officio assassinorum and ask for an Eversor, load as many men as you can on the ship and wait in orbit until you can go back down again.
Hue
>>45052968
i like the way you think
>>45049272
there is a planet that was destroyed and later tasked with saving another planet from destruction, they then got posthumously sentenced to death for failing to show up
>>45068558
Awesome! Do you remember the source?
>>45068663
newest IG codex page 23 bottom right
927.m41 : the sentencing of the Hammeront IV
>>45068720
This reminds me of medieval trials for animals that commit crimes. It's so patently ridiculous, but engaged in with such sincerity.
>>45068402
That's a very big if, though.
b--u--m--p
>Acquire Big Hat.
>>45056154
I support this motion!!!
pumb
>>45056154
I concur.
>You are a random Cultist.
>Get interrupted from latrine duty by your Captain.
>Your squad laughs at you, thinking you are getting sacrificed.
>Get taken to the Lord Summoner who is argueing with some daemon spawn.
>Turns out due to Heretical Hi-jinks (read Tzeentch Fuckery) you have been granted a Daemon Prince, been trusted with a Luna class Cruiser, and the Lord Summoner and all the men/daemons under him have been entrusted as your followers.
>Wat do?
>>45080355
end up becoming chaos spawn
>>45080355
daemonette orgy
