We are going to roll up some AD&D harlots and then possibly have them compete against each other in some manner. For this campaign we will be using the table presented, the AD&D 2E Revised Player's Handbook, the AD&D Complete Guide to Unlawful Carnal Knowledge netbook (which I will be uploading in my next post), and maybe the critical-hit tables from Player's Option: Combat & Tactics.
To begin, roll 1d100 to determine the harlot's subtype as indicated on the table. Once you have determined your harlot's subtype, please name them and roll 18d6 to determine their Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma (3d6 in order down the line).
Here is the Complete Guide to AD&D Unlawful Carnal Knowledge netbook, last updated December 1st, 1993 (or possibly January 12th, 1993.)
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>44688865
Alright, type first.
Rolled 1, 6, 4, 6, 1, 4, 1, 1, 4, 2, 6, 6, 4, 3, 1, 5, 5, 6 = 66 (18d6)
>>44689298
That's 66, a wanton wench. Her name will be Nelly. She works at a tavern.
>>44689351
>Str 11
>Dex 11
>Con 6
>Int 14
>Wis 8
>Cha 16
Nelly is bright and friendly, but a bit naive and she can't hold her ale.
>>44689351
>>44689298
OK, our first contender is Nelly, a wanton wench with stats STR11, DEX11, CON6, INT14, WIS8 CHA16.
I'm sure she's quite the charmer, but her low CON bars her from all races save humans and half-elves. She may be a Fighter or a Thief. Please choose Nelly's race and class.
>>44689458
And like an idiot, I forget the table I meant to upload.
>>44689458
>>44689496
Nelly will be a human thief. Not that she actually steals anything, you understand, it's just the name of her class...
>>44689779
Sounds good. As a Human Thief, Nelly the wanton wench gets these thieving skills, which may come in handy at some point. At 1st level, she has 60 discretionary points to put into these skills, but no more than 30 points may be put into a single skill. Note that her 11 Dex means she has a few penalties right out of the gate; her base Pick Pockets is 10%, and both Find/Remove Traps and Move Silently are base 0%.
And here's something to look at while I dig around in a book for a moment.
OK, all we need is one more PC and then we can have an ass-to-ass competition.
>>44689910
Let's go for:
>Pick Pockets 15 points
>Open Locks 15
>Move Silently 15
>Hide in Shadows 15
>>44689930
I have no idea what could be happening in that scene!
Rolled 59 (1d100)
>>44688865
Rollin'
Rolled 2, 1, 4, 3, 1, 4, 1, 2, 4, 3, 6, 4, 5, 6, 3, 6, 3, 2 = 60 (18d6)
>>44690486
Saucy tart.
Stat tyme!
>>44690506
7
8
7
13
15
11
Well. Not much on the physical stuff.
>>44690506
STR7, DEX8, CON7, INT13, WIS14, CHA13
Looks like this saucy tart can be a human or an elf, and can either be a Mage or a Cleric.
CHOOSE WISELY!
>>44690563
Billie is wise for her career, sorta reserved, and skinny.
>>44690592
Billy, the saucy tart cleric.
>>44690595
And human.
>>44690637
>>44690618
As your saucy tart serves the will of both paying clients and THE GODS THEMSELVES, please choose which god you serve:
>Good god
>Evil god
>>44690687
Good.
Maybe a god of healing
>>44690775
As a follower of the god of healing, Billy the saucy tart may choose one of the following spells:
>Animal Friendship
>Command
>Cure Light Wounds
>Endure Cold/Endure Heat (may alternate)
>Lactation
>Purify Food and Drink
>Remove Fear
In addition, she may choose one of the following special cleric abilities:
>Turn Undead as a priest of her level
>+4 bonus to all Reaction checks, +2 to all Fear checks within 10' radius of her
THIS WILL BE THE FINAL DECISION BEFORE OUR FIRST COMPETITION
>>44690998
Command.
+4 reaction check bonus
>>44691213
VERY WELL
AS A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE GOD OF HEALING, BILLY THE SAUCY TART HAS JOURNEYED TO THIS OUT-OF-THE-WAY TAVERN TO WIN ACCOLADES IN THE NAME OF HER ORDER BY PARTICIPATING IN AN ASS-TO-ASS COMPETITION... COINCIDENTALLY, THIS IS THE VERY SAME TAVERN WHERE NELLY THE WANTON WENCH WORKS AS A, UH, WENCH.
THE STATED PRIZE FOR WINNING THIS COMPETITION IS FIVE GOLD COINS, WHICH IS A LOT OF MONEY BACK THEN, PLUS ANYTHING THE AUDIENCE THROWS AT YOU.
>JUST GET STRAIGHT TO THE ASS-TO-ASS (ROLL 1d20)
>WORK THE AUDIENCE AND JUDGES (ROLL 1d20)
>OTHER
CHOOSE WISELY!
Rolled 4 (1d20)
>>44691470
Ass2Ass time.
>>44691503
Well fuckbeans....
>>44691503
OOOOH
BILLY VALIANTLY ATTEMPTS TO GO ASS-TO-ASS WITH A NAMELESS NPC HARLOT, BUT UPON THE INITIAL COLLISION OF THEIR BUTTOCKS, BILLY FINDS HER STRENGTH AND DEXTERITY A MAJOR HINDRANCE, FOR SHE IS KNOCKED DOWN AND TUMBLES FROM THE STAGE!
MAKE A DEXTERITY CHECK, BILLY (ROLL 1d20)
>>44690127
>I have no idea what could be happening in that scene!
The guy was trying to get the jump on two lesbians who were about to get hot&heavy. One of the lesbians was packing heat.
Rolled 12 (1d20)
>>44691628
Dice gods be kind.....
>>44690998
>on the backstage of the country music festival, lesbian cowboys are stalking their prey
Rolled 2 (1d6)
>>44691670
OOOOH
BILLY LANDS BADLY...
...BUT SHE SURVIVES THE FALL WITH MERELY A FEW BRUISES AND HER PRIDE INJURED, RISING TO THE JEERING CAT-CALLS OF THE AUDIENCE!
PERHAPS ANOTHER HARLOT WILL STEP FORTH TO TEST HER MIGHT AND METTLE IN THIS CONTEST OF CONTESTS!
>ROLL NEW HARLOT
>ACTIVATE EXISTING HARLOT
CHOOSE WISELY!
>>44691668
>One of the lesbians was packing heat.
You mean she was a trap?
Rolled 12 (1d100)
>>44688865
Rollin'.
Rolled 1, 3, 4, 4, 5, 2, 3, 4, 6, 3, 1, 4, 5, 3, 1, 3, 4, 1 = 57 (18d6)
>>44691933
I'm a Brazen Strumpet! I shall brazenly roll my stats!
>>44691959
STR 8
DEX 11
CON 13
INT 8
WIS 9
CHA 8
Wow, what a shitty strumpet. What class even works for this?
>>44691988
Actually having looked at the tables up top, I realize that these stats are pretty okay.
But class choices are limited to Thief or Cleric. I'm thinking my Brazen Strumpet should be a Thief named Maude.
>>44691988
>>44691959
This brazen strumpet may be a human, elf, half-elf, gnome, or halfling, and may be a Thief or a Cleric.
>>44692068
AND THUS IS IT DECIDED. MAUDE THE BRAZEN STRUMPET WILL BE A THIEF. PLEASE CHOOSE HER RACE.
>>44692138
Halfling strumpet, please.
>>44691817
Billie is far too saucy for the halflings strumpet. Or should I say the "stumpy" harlot?
>>44692138
Let's go with Gnome. For shits and giggles!
>>44692471
VERY WELL, IT HAS BEEN DECIDED THAT MAUDE THE BRAZEN STRUMPET IS A HALFLING THIEF.
AS A HALFLING, MAUDE HAS THE FOLLOWING ADJUSTMENTS TO HER THIEVING SKILLS, AS NOTED ON THIS TABLE.
PLEASE CONSULT THE TABLES HERE >>44689910 AND PLACE 60 TOTAL POINTS INTO HER SKILLS, PLACING NO MORE THAN 30 POINTS IN A SINGLE SKILL. HER ABOVE-AVERAGE DEXTERITY MEANS SHE HAS NO PENALTIES RELATED TO HER DEXTERITY.
>>44692583
30 into Climb Walls, 10 in Move Silently, 10 in Hide in Shadows, 10 in open locks.
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>44688865
Rolling it out.
Rolled 2, 3, 3, 6, 4, 6, 1, 5, 1, 2, 6, 3, 6, 5, 1, 4, 2, 6 = 66 (18d6)
>>44692691
Dear Sarah is a saucy tart, indeed.
>>44692724
8
16
7
11
12
12
So I can be...?
>>44692778
>>44692724
Figured it out. Sarah shall be an Elven Cleric.
>>44692857
As you wish, Sarah the saucy tart is an Elven Cleric. As an agent of the gods, who does she follow?
>Good god
>Evil god
And feel free to adjust your demihuman harlots' stats using this table.
>>44688865
Harlot Type: noko+dice+d100
STR: noko+dice+3d6
DEX: noko+dice+3d6
CON: noko+dice+3d6
INT: noko+dice+3d6
WIS: noko+dice+3d6
CHA: noko+dice+3d6
(never done this before - sorry in advance)
>>44692986
ummm... I did something wrong.
>>44693008
dice+1d100
Can Maude hop in on that Ass-to-Ass competition and work the Audience?
>>44693152
Oh...its an Ass off eh?
Rolled 1 (1d20)
>>44693195
Sure, why not.
So this is to warm up the audience with a brazenly sexual dance.
>>44688865
I really want to read some old-timey pulp erotica, but there's none to be found online. I'm a little upset.
>>44694478
That's the ugliest, least appetizing bento I've ever seen.
