Your GM hands you all blank character sheets and the bestiary, saying you all have to play an animal. Not furshit or magical creatures, but Earth animals that can take class levels.
Go.
>>44616636
I'd be a lemur.
>>44616636
Humans *are* animals.
>>44616636
>Everyone is ferals
Got it.
>>44616636
Punch the DM in the dick for being stupid.
>>44616636
raven.
i always take a raven familar so why the hell not play a raven
then play a wizard so my raven can have a raven familar
>>44616723
>familiar waifu
sounds like a plan.
Bobbit Worm Monk
>>44616901
oh your right that would be excelent
alternatively
>he doesn't waifu his familars already
>>44616636
Be a fuckin' bear or bust. Eagles are ok too, but only if you look like one outta a Judas Priest album.
Saltwater crocodile because fuck you all.
Picrelated.
>>44616636
Polar bear.
>>44616636
I play a housecat and level up by killing commoners
Hippo Bard.
>AEUERUEURUERUERUEREUREURRRR
+1 to attack rolls, damage rolls, and saves against fear.
>>44616636
Blue footed booby bard
I'm obviously the party rogue.
>>44616636
Raccoon Paladin, obviously.
>>44616636
I'll play Dog, cleric of Food guy
Blue whale!
>>44617291
dammit Kevin, this isn't an aquatic campaign!
>>44616636
whats the maximum CR allowed?
because elephant seems like a good choice.
big as heck, good grasping appendage, good swimmer, tusks, good starting int.
only downside is an inability to jump, and the food requirements.
but if we're in a magical world, create food is what, a 1st level spell? Goodberry is too? I'm fine.
>>44616922
Amazing.
I'd be a exiled lion Paladin seeking to redeem himeself.
BLACK BEAR WITH 20 LEVELS IN BARBARIAN.
>>44617305
STINGRAY THEN!
>>44617345
THAT'S STILL AQUATIC YOU NINNY!
>>44617364
Sea Turtle?
Alchemist frog all the way
>>44616723
Doing it wrong.
You need to have a human familiar.
>>44617556
I think it would need to be a human unfamiliar
>>44617289
Kek'd.
Bear Rogue. Specializing in Stealth and Bluff.
Pic related barbarian.
There is no mercy. There is no peace. There is only hunger, rage, and beady little eyes.
Too easy.
>>44617251
But who is the Coon?
>>44616636
PALLABEAR IS A GO
>>44617477
Is best choice.
A fucking rhino. All levels in barbarian.
Snail Gadgeteer
He keeps tools in his shell, and mostly invents thing that make him go faster
>>44616636
A raptor sorcerer.
Dog Paladin.
I'm a good boy!
Mantis Shrimp Monk.
>>44617806
Underrated.
>>44617806
A+
>>44617806
Falcon beastmaster ranger with pixie for a familiar.
If that's cheating then I'd have to go with lobster warlock or a horse warlord.
![heel[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/OS9vqm1.jpg "heel[1].jpg")
>>44617806
I'll be Captain Generic and say Wolf.
Frog with levels in Dragoon.
Fox Bard or Rabbit Paladin, it's a tough call
Duck abjurator.
>>44617333
Simba, is that you?
Faithfulness incarnate.
Tapeworm sorcerer. God, I can see it now. Live inside another party member, cast spells from the gut. Symbiosis at its finest.
>>44618339
I was promised all the light touches!
>>44616636
What has a dig speed?
Dig speeds can break the shit out of dungeon crawls.
>>44617916
Fucking power gamers. That being said,that's my choice too.
>>44618274
What does it ride?
Edgelord scorpion cavalier/dragoon with frog mount.
Healer remora. I'd attach myself to the underbelly of the tank shark.
Even better,I wouldn't get all faggy and magical realm-y with it but instead play the black sidekick
>>44617806
Now's my chance.
>>44618422
I forgot to clarify what kind of dragoon, and I'm not to privy on the differences so I'm just gonna hope this will work for either one.
A dragon.
+ 5 malaria
>>44618422
pretty sure he meant FF dragoons that do jump attacks with spears.
I'd be a goat Ranger, and survive EVERYTHING.
Hyena Synergist Summoner
Laughing? Or summoning Eidelon?
>>44616636
>Lives for decades
>Can swim for hundreds of miles
>Mines for salt
>Tears down trees
>Amazing memory
>Fucks up lions, tigers and bears oh my
>Works as a wizard, monk, paladin or bard
>Has giant penis
>>44617916 took my first choice so...
Red Bearded Vulture Warlock. Once I'm done eating that carcass, whatever's left is going to carry my things back to the nest.
>>44618566
>Not playing a dire blink corgi
Why even live?
>>44618670
>that fucking bird in the bottom right
there's the rogue.
>>44617806
Hey, >>44617289 here. think we can team up to spread the good word?
Orca Bard
At first I'm all playful, then I bite people in half
For a 2nd-edition Savage Worlds game I played a giant 700lb fiddler crab named Kilik-ki-chik, and it was fucking awesome.
Vampire bat, Alchemist/Bard
>>44618566
Iron Claw got a new ed. ?
>>44617631
Ah, Sir Bearington. Pleasure to meet you.
>>44618696
>Bearded vulture eats exclusively bones
Whatever is left isn't going to be carrying anything without a skeletal system to support it. Pretty much the single animal possible to make a necromancer out of.
On the other hand, a bearded vulture when threatened will projectile vomit a spray of extremely strong stomach acid and bone shards, and unlike other vultures, will hunt live game. By picking it up and dropping it off cliffs.
>>44618817
FLESH BLOB SLIME
>>44618422
>>44616636
Jumping Spider Knight
>>44617916
>one punch man in animal form
Duck, Techpriest, wut?
A stork necromancer.
Praying Mantis Shaman
>>44617142
with levels in barbarian.
I'd probably play a squirrel druid and turn myself into a human.
If its a mythic campaign I can turn everyone into humans.
What now DM?
Horny toad druid. Has natural spine armor and can shoot blood from its eyes as a racial power twice a day
>>44618422
A dragonfly.
Tortoise rogue
>>44618893
One Punch Man...tis.
>>44618339
PUNISHED SIMBA
A lion denied his homeland
>>44619059
Get ou-
Actually on second thought, stay. Not like its any better out there.
>>44618670
>>44617329
my bro
Pic very much related
I'd be a pterodactyl warlock.
Unless they have to be modern animals, in which case, a wasp bard, hitting on the fairies and jabbing the eyes of the enemy with my trusty toothpick banjo by my side.
Peter "Pepsis Pete" Primmer, at your service.
>No, it's not happening.
>But you said an animal from the Bestiary! And from Earth! It totally works.
>Fuck you, no, the intent was to play animals from OUR Earth, anon. NO DINOSAURS.
>Okay, fine, then I'm pic related.
>That's...technically...allowed...
>And I'm taking my levels in Cleric, faggot.
Tiger Lawful Evil Warrior
>>44619771
>jokes on you, it's OLDER THAN THE DINOSAURS
Coelacanth Mage. Because FISTS.
![[DETECTED].gif](https://i.imgur.com/Yc2zZR0.gif "[DETECTED].gif")
Either Canadian Goose Barbarian, Cassowary Brawler, or pic related Dexbarb/assassin.
I am not a happy camper.
>>44616636
Elephant. Lets do this!
>>44619059
Kek
Sydney Funnelweb Assassin.
>LETS GET SCARY
>>44616723
Bird Wizard! It reminds me of Derevi Emperial Tactitian. Its a magic card
Druidic Owl. Not to be confused with a moonkin.
>>44616636
Neutral Evil housecat Rogue.
>>44618603
Fuck malaria, take levels in Rogue. Sneak attack damage for fuckin' days.
Imagine being a black bear barbarian suddenly taking (x)d6 damage from an enemy you can't even see.
Box Jellyfish Blackguard, because irukandji are Always Chaotic Evil.
>>44616636
I will be a komodo dragon. Non will be able to stand against me.
>>44616636
Anaconda
Deinonychus Ranger.
PISTOL SHRIMP. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT CLASS, I'LL PLAY A COMMONER, EAT SHIT. FUCK YOU, MY CLAWS ARE GUNS
>>44620303
>Pistol Shrimp Gunslinger
>>44620386
YES
YYEESS
>>44616926
can he play a familer/ have a human familiar of animal int?
>>44617239
As if hippo's can feel fear.
>>44617291
>>44616636
If you're gonna be a bear, be a Grizzly
>>44618670
So why not just play a Dwarf?
>>44622126
Because dwarves don't have a prehensile penis thats as long as there leg is and can hold their entire body weight.
>>44618740
My negro
Three dogs dressed up in a suit juggling a human familiar who screams constantly about how nice the weather is but only when inside.
Wizard class, obviously.
>>44622179
I wouldn't be so sure.
>>44616636
Emu Barbarian
Rages so hard that bullets don't work.
Or Croatian sheperd Warlock (the breed looks like a smaller German sheperd from hell with a look that tells you it's going to eat your soul) fey pact chainlock.
A spidermonkey rogue. Just so I can triple, maybe quadruple wield.
>>44622271
Its a common fact. The whole beard thing? Pure overcompensation. Its so bad even the women grow beards to avoid advances.
A chimpanzee with levels in barbarian, I mean chimps are already super strong, feral rapists, but we wanna expand on that.
>>44622314
>not being a cassowary
>not having 5 inche claws
>not being so badass honey badgers instinctively run away
Stay pleb.
>>44617631
We said you needed to play an animal goddamnit. You can't pass of a Knight with an unfortunate hair growth condition as some form of creature!
>>44616993
a bear you say?
Silverback Wizard
>>44617230
will you kill them by getting under their feet while they're trying to do shit?
>>44622443
Rawr
-shrug-
Lynx Bard.
>>44622464
Oh, look, someone posted it again. because we all know that the best way to play RPG's is to play freeform but PRETEND you're using the rules.
>>44617230
>hold up lemme just hate him to death real quick
Dm:......
Rhinoceros Beetle Warrior
>Only one other guy said wolf
Ya'll niggas ain't noble for shit
>>44622715
I'll have you know there's nothing more noble than a balding eagle that slowly loses his hair with quiet dignity.
Pic highly related.
>>44618626
Be a cockroach ranger, and survive EVERYTHING and more.
I'd take crab fighter.
>>44616636
Elephant monk. It'd be easy, I'd just step on whatever I encounter.
![opossum04d[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/kEYFCxJ.jpg "opossum04d[1].jpg")
A rogue possum.
I am snek. Hiss.... ssss..
Also psion. Because fuck everything.
No one wants to be the party tank?
I'll take that job.
Armadillo Cleric.
I might give Hedgehog Barbarian a try.
>>44616636
I already played as a animal. Got stuck playing as my animal companion for a month. It was a blast. A murderous blood filled blast. You don't know fear until you know a sloth with a soul stealing dagger.
>>44622230
I remember that thread you motherfucker. I wish I didn't but I do.
>>44622983
Awww fuck. I knew that post seemed familiar.
>>44622504
>WAAAAAAAAAAHHH
>>44622504
>forgetting your admin tripcode
Yikes
>>44622846
>Be a cockroach ranger, and survive EVERYTHING and more.
Cockroaches aren't actually very hardy. They only survive outside of the tropics because the modern world has indoor heating.
I am the Bard of Bats. My bardsong is ultrasonic, true. But if you had but hears to hear it you would weep.
Also I am going to steal all your mangos. And bananas. Actually, just put the fruit bowl on the ground sir, nobody has to be hurt. Back away now, leave the fruit there.
>>44617291
underrated post.
>>44617806
>GOOOOOOOD
>BOOOOOOOY
>>44622818
He didn't slowly lose it with dignity, he lost it all at age 19 and thought he'd be undesirable for the rest of his life.
>>44623484
Lies and slander.
Chameleon Necromancer.
>>44623010
Look Anon, if you want to play lol random freeform RPG's, be my guest. But don't post the same shitty image over and over again while pretending anyone in the story was doing anything other than "I want to play a bear because it's cool". The problem is that the humour derives from clever use of the rules when, in fact, it's not clever at all.
>>44622928I boop the snoot.
Tardigrade paladin. Survive everything, even space.
>>44624264
Whats your deity?
>>44616636
Platypus Sorcerer.
No sense of right or wrong.
>>44617723
>druid rolls to seduce
SIR BEARINGTON LOL
truly ebin i can be a bear
>>44616636
I'm going to play a gibbon. What class, I don't know. Perhaps some sort of caster.
>>44616636
Spider monk/martial artist.
>>44622126
Because he doesn't want to be short.
Coconut crab. I just think they are fucking cool.
Sloth wizard is where it's at. Combat's happening but I'm asleep, head in my open spellbook on my floating disc after a hard day's work of preparing my spells this morning. Morning happens several times a day for me though. If they yell really hard I'll definitely have some fresh spells left.
Venerable lobster cleric of the Old Gods (but I still think of them as the new gods).
I'd go for a Wolverine, I guess. Basically a minibear, or a weasel on steroids.
The thing can look cute, but WILL wreck your shit if you piss him off. Plus, they don't really care about the size of the thing they're fighting. They've been known to fight off packs of wolves, and even bears.
As for the class, I think I'd roll between Warrior or Berserker.
>>44617333
>not playing a lion blackguard and his hyena entourage
>>44616699
We all have our own entry in the monster manual somewhere.
>>44618861
>>44623505
Imma agree with the former anon. *ahem* Wah. Good sir. Wah.
Also I'd play one of those snails that has literal iron scales on it's body. Paladin with turtle mount.
>>44624352
Charles Darwin.
>>44616636
Paladin Badger or perhaps a Monk Hare
EULAALIIAAA!!
>>44622504
>>44616636
The only logical choice.
>>44616636
pic relatedShadow Dancer
>>44617340
Underrated post.
Asian Giant Hornet Necromancer
Beetle Knight, everything gets flipped over and smashed.
Cat rogue.
An Assassin cuttlefish
Assuming that there is no Rouge and wizard hybrid.
anyone mind if I play as a little girl?
>>44618566
>no one has made a Fey Corgi for 5e yet
Well shit.
>>44628704
>>44619996
thats a pretty nice card
>>44622504
playing a bear is well within the rules of 3.5.
well technically not as it has an int lower then 3 but thats really more of a suggestion
in a more serious campaign i would never allow the bluffs to work but im most campaigns its fine
>>44619914
oh god no, no no no no no.
i want to get off mr. Cazador's wild ride
>>44626338
do a horseshoe crab instead
>>44628704
:O
Disappointed no one's mentioned the pangolin yet. I'm here to tank and be adorable.
>>44630907
The ride never *WHACK* *PSSSHHHHH*
>You have been poisoned
>>44631666
Braith?
>>44617291
Hippo-wizard
>bite
>my hide
>fireballs from moufh
Could also double a doorstop/barricade at night or summat.
>>44616636
I'm going for a monk
>>44618391
Aardvarks. Can dig a hole faster than you can dig them out.
>>44622849
>a rogue possum
>posts opossum
You had one job
Skunk Alchemist.
I Stinking Cloud.
I am disappointed in all of you. No one has mentioned being a bear beast rider cavalier so you can be a bear riding another bear
Acherontia Atropos Bard.
It's all fun and games 'til I start screaming.Then it's hilarious.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efyufhtO7VU
>>44628704
The neat thing with cats is that their terminal velocity is absolutely within the limits of their survivability.
It's actually more dangerous for them to fall from specific heights, during which they are still building towards their terminal velocity and are making constant adjustments.
Stoat Assassin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNbqvqf3-14
>>44635415
Stoats ain't nothin to fuck with.
Saw one ambush a field mouse outside my window this past summer. Mouse stood zero chance, all it could do was squeak in horror and pain before it got it's neck fucking crushed.
One of my cats caught one a few years ago. It was still alive and pissed, wound up chasing my brother around the yard for a few minutes.
>>44616636
lobster gunslinger, like that one bit in the muppet show.
Glaucus atlanticus Assassin. A squishy wizard is fine too.
Chimpanzee Sorcerer.
Just imagine the screaming, flailing ball of sadistic madness that us the chimp flinging spells around, screeching like hell was on earth.
Fox thief.
>>44618484
Would you say that being a Cav/Dragoon is in your nature?
>>44618378
does anyone remember the psionic tapeworm greentext? if so, wanna post it?
>>44616636
Rhino cleric
Deer ranger. Partly because of the potential of antlers, mostly because of the irony and cannibalism.
>>44618718
That's a shadow. That bitch failed a stealth check without even being in the image, bard at best. Maybe a songbird.
Slothbard
casting times doubled, but component-free
Monitor lizard with absurdly high cha
Elk Bard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgHl99Vom6s
My tunes will dazzle ALL the females.
>>44626544
Not a bad idea.
>>44636717
Except THAT'S a skink.
>>44636559
I see your Deer Ranger, and raise you one Moose Barbarian.
>>44636763
>disney animal campaign
I once played a game as an awakened housecat cleric/master of shrouds with leadership, ranks in handle animal, and augment summoning. My DM hated me because I had every single means in the game for getting every single kind of minion.
>>44636793
Gotta admit, moose don't fuck around. I've come into a few close scrapes with them before.
>>44623494
that's libel because he wrote it
>>44636841
Terrifying animals. Anything that can get into an incident with a car, and the car is TOTALED, and that creature GETS UP, BRUSHES IT OFF AND WALKS THE FUCK AWAY, you don't fuck with.
Unless your in a Semi, then you may have a shot at actually killing it, but your rig is going to take a beating.
>>44618745
I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
>>44633389
this nigger is the only guy in here with any sense in his head
>>44636610
no way thats a shadow you roodypoo its too defined
God, I haven't seen a thread so pure in a long time. Also pic related.
>>44635762
>>44635415
Not for the faint of heart.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDBgP83Sizo
>>44616636
Welsh Corgi barbarian
Tarpon sorcerer
Conure monk
>>44636969
>those cracking sounds
Kangaroo Luchador monk.
Fucking amazing aerial moves right there.
>>44625647
>RULES OF NATURE!
>>44636802
High CHA, though pointless to have with out a good DM to let you use it, Panther assassin maybe? Hell most big cats would be easy choices
>Massive serrated teeth
>Claws that can tear flesh just as easily as they burrow through earth
>A tail that can break a grown man's limbs with a flick
>Tough hide
>Incredible sense of smell
>Can swim from one island to another with little issue
>Apex predator of its island despite human presence
Komodo Dragon Ranger without a single doubt. If by some miracle my enemies manage to survive being mauled by a ten foot, three hundred pound lizard then they'll either succumb that day due to the effects of the venom now coursing through their steadily emptying veins, or in a few days from the infection caused by the fuckload of bacteria found in my constantly gingival gums.
>>44622504
Tell that to the Mage Guild Fags.
>>44636969
prey animals are sad. in that previous video im sure all of those rabbits couldve banded together to kick that stoat's ass. but yknow. prey animals. :L this rabbit is fucked though.
>>44636969
>Brutal killer
>Fucking adorable
>Simultaneously
God damn it.
>>44616636
I choose a Mantis Shrimp.
Imagine what a lvl 20 Mantis Shrimp with 20 str and 20 dex would be like.
>>44637434
Probably the same as every single other mantis shrimp
>>44637515
No you aren't thinking enough.
Level 1 is a normal Mantis Shrimp.
Level 20 is a maxed out Mantis Shrimp. This monster would easily be capable of killing an Abrams Tank with its punches if I remember how D&D stats scale. Also if these animals are all scaled up/down to the size of a human and ignoring square cube law, a Mantis Shrimp scaled up to the size of a man without having to worry about supporting its own weight would be a scary, scary thing.
Even more scary is a Mantis Shrimp Muscle Wizard.
>>44636969
This is amazing...
>>44637563
One-Punch Shrimp? I like this idea.
>>44637680
One-Punch-Shrimp watches you scream in agony as pressure waves from its punches rip you asunder in an incomprehensible spectrum of alien colors.
>>44637262
>playing cold blooded
>any year
There's a reason that warm blooded dominate the higher tiers, you basically NEED to have setting support for cold blooded and massive prep time. Warm blooded just get up and go.
>>44626638
I love the look on that frog's face.
>Frog is a bard, happily singing "The Trail we blaze" as the more serious minded beetle angrily mutters.
>>44637735
>what are mages
>what is fire magic
>>44636406
Tapeworm sorcerer here. I gotchu
>>44637778
thanks senpai
>>44637735
The time it took for my character to become active would depend entirely on the location of the setting. Somewhere with tropical weather would mean little to no wait time to get up and go, and i'd be told to pick something else if the setting were in a cold environment. A more temperate region wouldn't be too big of an issue since I know that one of the two in my group that regularly choose tanky classes are bound to pick something big and fuzzy like a tiger or bear. I could simply use them as living heat rocks at night to try and skip or reduce the time spent warming up. That aside it'd be more than worth it once I became actually able to put my character to use. There's quite a bit of versatility to be found in the creature I chose.
>>44637773
>Fire mage Komodo
FUCK, why did I not think of that before going with a ranger? Better yet I can become a wizard and learn both fly and cast fireball. I CAN BECOME A LITERAL DRAGON.
>>44637857
<3 Tapeworm Sorcerer loves you
>>44637778
>that last paragraph
Is it, like, weird that I've never really dealt with an even mildly magical realm-y game?
>>44638107
I doubt that's as weird as trying to trigger other's magical realms without a care for them.I ain't even GM brah.
