>be dm
>party is trying to infiltrate a small village, despite the fact that there is literally no reason they can't just walk in
>whatever.wav
>ranger gets to the guard tower
>I roll to shoot my bow at the guard
>try my darnedest to keep a straight face
>he rolls a nat 20
>inform him he just launched his shortbow with the force of a thousand suns, smashing the guard's skull
>entire party keks while ranger searcher for a ladder because his bow is on the roof of a random house
Does anyone else love to pull shit like this?
>>44515811
>Punishing a player for a Natural 20
If you wouldn't give them some positive for a Natural 1(Rolls to shot bow, bow splinters but damages the guard) You shouldn't give a negative for a 20.
>>44515837
I don't think you understood the joke.
>>I roll to shoot my bow at the guard
>>44515881
No, we got it, it's just not funny.
>>44515974
>we
I don't appreciate being associated with you and your opinions.
>>44515811
I'm going to assume that English isn't your first language and this is much funnier in your native tongue, likely due to some sort of ambiguity in the word "shoot", leading to comic mischief.
Either that or you're posting bait, in which case please post your picture about bait and be done with it, thank you for only pretending to be retarded, etc.
>>44515974
t. Murderboning Ranger
>>44516032
Okay, I'm not OP but consider the line shoot my bow.
>shoot my bow
>shoot my BOW
>>44516032
You shoot arrows, not bows. Shooting a bow results in the bow launching from the ranger's hands.
>>44515811
>does anyone else love to be a terrible DM
Yes, it's a common ritual around here to laugh about how horrible they are and why we don't like playing games with them.
>>44515974
Seconded
>players are in a bar on an asteroid (sci fi obviously)
>searching for information
>both try to the bartender
>decide they both have to roll for the same gather info if they're both trying to ask
>thief rolls 16, brute rolls 3
>thief's player yells at the brute for trying with he sucks at speech
Side note, the thief's character was and is a brat, but we like him anyway
>bartender only reveals his name
>thief tries to attempt attack the brute
>wtf why, it was an easy level campaign, theif had very low attack
>rolls
>2
>jokingly give the brute .1 damage, his defense was high for the level he was at
>brute rolls to punch him
>nat fucking 20
>thief flies across the room and they both are ordered to get out
>brute starts attacking the guards
>thief attacks brute
>giant bar fight ensues
>Everyone in the bar but the brute is dead
>the villain was in the bar
>it was the third fucking location
>had to rewrite some of the rest of the campaign, and I let the thief make a new character, he picked a builder and was less of a dick the rest of the campaign
>>44516051
Okay, I'll bite.
Consider the actual word "shoot".
If you shoot anything, you will be shooting a projectile at the target using a weapon designed for such. The bow is the weapon which launches the projectile, the arrow is the projectile. While one usually says "I fire an arrow from my bow" in this case, saying "I shoot my bow" is also an understandable phrase, in which you are engaging in the act of shooting, which requires both arrow and bow, just as shooting a gun requires both a bullet and an actual firearm.
I'll gladly link you to any of the online resources which you can use to verify what I'm saying if it's needed, but I'm going to assume if you're here, you're able to find them and you can just go peruse them after you call me a faggot or say I'm mad, salty, etc.
>>44516284
You left out the part where "shoot" isn't a synonym for "throw" so by having the ranger presumably toss the bow they failed to actually be overly literal as intended. If they wanted to make the joke work they should have had the ranger shoot something at the bow, which would still out them as a dick to the group but actually make sense.
>>44516052
No it doesn't since you need another devoce to shoot something.
You just can throw the bow.
>>44515811
"I roll to shoot my gun at the Guard"
>"You shoot your gun TOWARDS the Guard! You still have all the bullets! Lel!"
"What the fuck man I said I wanted to shoot the fucker why are you being such a prick?"
>"IT'S A JOKE BRO. IT'S JUST A JOKE."
"It's a shit joke is what it is."
>>44515811
>>44516051
And we say "I Shoot my gun!" that doesn't mean people are throwing guns.
You're all idiots who don't know how language works.
>>44516472
But they are technically correct.
>>44515811
Nah sorry, dumb as hell.
Literal situations are funny when they work, but "shooting a bow" is synonymous with "shooting a gun."
If they player had a musket and said he wanted to shoot the musket, would you make the musket fly at the target?
>>44516486
They're not though. Unless the Ranger had a second how with which to shoot the first bow with, he could not shoot anything with his hands.
And unless there are gun guns in existence, the possible interpretation is meaningless, pedantic and you're a twat right now too.
>>44516129
>I shoot a gun
>after a loud bang the gun drops on the floor without any movement.
>>44516516
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/shoot?s=t
One definition is "to fling" or "propel".
Which essentially means throwing.
Which means he could have thrown the bow at the guard.
He is technically correct, even if he is completely fucking wrong.
>>44515811
You and the people agreeing with you are retards. If he were to have said "fire my bow" would you have done the same? Of course not, even though it means the same thing. You dicked your player on semantics bullshit.
Why are you all acting like OP is such a bad guy?
He made a joke with all of his friends, and everyone was happy about it. No harm done.
Christ, it's like you're looking for reasons to nitpick.
>>44516641
Because it's a shit joke. Don't come here with that weaksauce.
>>44516641
Making a bad joke with your friends? Sure if they're fine whatever. Making an entire thread to share your bad joke with /tg/? Not so great.
>>44516641
Why?
Because once again, op is a total faggot. He failed to deliver the lulz.
I hope he gets kicked in the dick tomorrow.
>>44516672
>>44516671
>>44516674
Let's hear your jokes
>>44516707
>point at op
>>44516707
I don't have any good jokes to tell. That's why I haven't started any threads.
>>44516707
Hang on, I have one. You might have heard it before, but bear with me. It's in the same vein as OP's.
Player : Can I use the bathroom?
DM : I don't know, CAN you? LEL!
>>44516593
Firing a bow would actually be worse, because there's an actual reason to have a fit of the autism. OP is autistic without even the slightest justification.
>>44516707
>you can't complain if you can't do better
nice Deviantart Defense
Still a better thread than quest threads
>>44517002
>Firing a bow
"Very well. First, you go find some clay..."
It's still bullshit, but that image made me chuckle a little.
I roll to shoot myself and get a 20.
What happens?
>>44515811
You sound like an awful DM. It's absolutely clear what your player meant to say and you deliberately went out of your way to fuck with them. If I was a player in your game I'd immediately leave.
>I fire my bow.
>Uh, okay champ. *snickers.*
>Ooh, a 20!
>Yeah, well you take out your flint and steel and do a marvelous job lighting your bow on fire. The bow burns up after a few minutes, and now you don't have a bow.
>>44516707
Why do ghosts like elevators?They lift their spirits.
>>44516394
Then you would say you throw the bow.
>>44516722
I laughed.
>>44516707
I cant think of any right now but this korean guy is pretty funny.
>>44516707
How do you fit a hundred Pikachus Into a car?
You Poke'm'on!I appologise
>>44517546
dohohoho
>>44516707
I can't post a picture of my penis on this board.
>>44515811
I do silly shit like this all the time. Any crit is an excuse for something mildly absurd to happen, to give the players a chance to do something fun or funny, or contrive the situation for a laugh. Only in non-serious situations, though. In fights or drama scenes the crits help to make shit go DMC levels of crazy.
But then, my players don't do retarded shit like murder random guards.
>>44517618
holy shit asians fucking hate one another
>>44517729
Thats what happens when your country has invaded someone else's.
>>44516011
Normally, I'd agree, but in this case, I'm with >>44515974.
Then again, if you were honest about the party getting a kick from it, then more power to you. Let's not fall into the "proper way to have fun" trope that infests this place.
>>44516593
>You set fire to your bow, and it burns splendidly
>>44517800
>You fire your bow. The wood has been hardened suitably, and will do +1 damage if you bonk someone with it.
>>44517618
>study Japanese then realize is ugly language and stop
>>44517703
That's the best way to handle combat crit.
I play as an old guardsman in a DH campaign, and despite me frequently failing mundane rolls, everytime I attempt something balls to the walls in combat, I deal a fucking crit.
>Feral World, have to make contact with the Deathwatch marines, find them
>Realize the Deathwatch marines sent actually killed the real one and are in fact the fucking Alpha Legion
>Techpriest set up explosives while we stall them, plan to run after blowing shit up
>He tell us to get the fuck out after he set them up
>Get up
>One CSM have his PA on but no helmet
>Fire with the bolt pistol, called shot to the head
>Pass
>Crit
>Confirm
>nearly another crit
>Tear a chunk from his face
>Then we run the fuck away, explosives kill the second space marine, the other is still alive
>reach the drop pod, make radio contact to get evac
>The first chaos space marine I blown the fuck out come back, missing a chunk of his face
>Yell at everyone to take cover while I stand my ground and fire at him on semi auto
>Miss
>He fire at me with his bolter
>He misses
>Semi-Auto + Called Shot again, asked the GM, penality
>Miss
>He pull out his chainsword and close in
>Fire my two last bolt shells
>Hit with the two of them
>turn his head into mush before he can stab me
>kill a CSM solo
And before that, same mission, I threw a fucking halberd hard enough into another, but unarmored, CSM. It ended up embedding itself into him, and it helped me kill him. I also solo'd the fucker. One day, I'm going to run out of luck, but holy shit my character have a track record for this shit.
I got Hatred : CSM out of this mission. I'm pretty sure the Alpha Legion is going to gun for me now or something.
>>44516707
Dad, I'm gay
Hi gay, I'm dad
>>44515974
I disagree. You do not speak for everyone.
>>44517881
Its funny because gay can be short for gabrial.
>>44517857
>I threw a fucking halberd hard enough into another, but unarmored
Hah, I remember that one. I hope your luck doesn't run dry too soon, I love your stories.
>>44518028
I don't remember posting about it, but I guess It's my GM who did.
The entire mission itself was kind of annoying though : We tried to find a lost arbite and a shipment of ore, and it all went out of hand when the alpha legion was revealed to be part of it.
It doesn't sound too bad, but we
1 : Were on a feral world, meaning lmaonoguns other than flintlocks or muskets, and primitive weapons.
2 : Was basically a "follow the Assassin" mission, because she was of nobility on this planet and the king's daughter, so it translated to her being the only one able to move the plot forward. The only things I did during the whole mission as "Stand around, follow, kill two chaos spaces marines."
And believe me, I didn't have it as bad as the techpriest or psyker.
This mission wasn't fun, at least the next one is on a forge world.The good point is, I got a bolt pistol out of this mission, so it's not all that bad.
Regarding my luck though, the jokes are that he's starting to become Doomguy. He already killed a Slaught, two Chaos spawns, two Chaos Space Marines. I wonder who's next.
>>44517336
The players fucking laughed, it was some fun between friends, you idiot.
>>44516707
Your one rep maxes
>>44519372
>Implying I can do any
