Jab. Parry. Dodge. Sweep.
The lesser apprentice contorts to catch the sweep of your lightsaber, receiving only the empty air for his efforts. It was a ruse.
Feint.
His body resists at first, but without another second’s hesitation is heard crashing into the black stone walls of the wide chamber, nearly 20 meters away.
I feel the familiar vibrancy, the surge of power that every consecutive victory brings…the clapping from the throne behind me, in the midst of the polished room, only bring it to another high, another tectonic rumble which I can feel emanating from myself and echoing about the space around me. Jar Jar sighs deeply.
“Another brutal finish, my powerful apprentice,” Darth Plagueis states flatly, as though a teacher grading a student’s paper. “No pity, no remorse, and no openings…you are certainly powerful, but…” he stops mid-sentence to consider something to himself. A flash from the rubble doesn’t let me pay attention to his next thought.
“JAR JAR, you insignificant worm!” the young, battered Sidious cries out across the floor, “this is not your victory yet, fool!”
“Meesa disagree, little Palpy.”
>Force Fight with Sidious, put the weak human in its place. 1v1 no sabers bruh.
>Walk away, because you’re goddamn Jar Jar Binks
>Motion to Plagueis with a disparaging look
>Try to usurp political power in this situation by convincing the battered Sidious- using a mind trick- to help you attack the unsuspecting Plagueis.
>write in
Welcome to everything you ever wanted and everything you hated packaged together in a single one-shot. This is Darth Darth Rising Quest.
(I'm not sorry)
>>44368452
Boring
>>44368452
Force fight. A sith does not leave opponents alive if he is wise. Such is the way of the dark side.
Also, Palpatine first name is Sheev.
>>44368452
Force fightI know this is shitposting and shit, but I can't help it. This looks horribly funny
“You ask for it, Palpy. Jar Jar will take care of your corpse!” Palpy doesn’t even grasp the extent of his mistake. I outstretch my hands…flippers…things and “Palpy” pales as he realizes what is about to happen.
“Come now Jar Jar, there’s no n-” and his force-laden words turn to gurgles as I, Jar Jar, begin to choke the ever loving shit out of the coward.
“No Palpy, only dreams now!” my eyes can’t even blink, my blood is screaming for the thrill of yet another kill, another foolhardy, weak apprentice picked up by that ever ambitious Plagueis. As if there could ever be another apprentice stronger than I, Jar Jar Binks, Scourage of the Gungans. Yes, I feel the young Palpatine’s soul slipping. The howling void in the force that exists around me, its thirst will soon be slaked by yet another blooming soul. The air clenches. My head pounds with hunger. My eyes bulge with anticipation. My outstretched right hand begins to droop slightly. My crazed grin begins to slacken slightly on the right side of my face with the sensations I can almost feel alr…
Wait, what. That’s not right. Palpatine has stopped struggling and is gasping for breath. Plagueis has an inquiring, odd expression on his face.
>”Quick, something isn’t right!”
>Ignore whatever it was, kill your opponent
> “What’s the matter? What are you looking at??”
> Man, my arms feel kind of numb
>>44369103
>Whats the matter? What are you looking at?SHITPOSTING GROWS
>>44369132
"Wharsst thur matrergh?" I attempt to articulate to the room at large. Oh goddamn it, what? I try to say it FORCEFULLY this time.
"Yurhh tehrr mah wusssh zha roblem." I spit out, words dripping with the force this time...I think.
Palpatine stops gargling finally and looks at the scene incredulously. Plagueis is hardly any better and now looked a bit dumbfounded, as if he suddenly learned his childhood cat had been a goldfish all along.
"Shit Jar Jar, I think you're having a stroke."
>Yes
>No
>Ooh, Icky Poo Doo!
>>44369301
>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>44369321
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" my speech manages to burst out through my slumped face this time, and out of the corner of my eye I can see Plagueis anxiously motioning to three black-plated protocol droids. Palpatine absent-mindedly pulls up the sleeve of his robe to check the face of his wristwatch before hesitating and letting out a maniacal laugh and letting the loth cover the mechanism once more.
Your vision blurs out as the droids seize your limp body, carrying you out of the arena as your single-eyed vision fades to black...
DARTH DARTH RISING
________________________________
You awake in a dimly lit, damp room. The room swims in and out of focus around you. Bubbles float in front of your eyes....
Oh, you're also in a kolto tank.
"Shit, looks like our boy is kicking back!" one of the robots calls to the other as the tank begins to crack and groan each passing second as you regain consciousness.
"Yo, you better not blow th-" but before the droid finished, the capsule holding you explodes in a shattering salvo of glass and metal.
"Aw shiiiiiiiiiiiit, why you gotta break the fucking equipment like that? The tech costs more than my goddamn chassis, dawg."
>Talk to the droid, what happened? How long have you been under?
>Tard rage like only jar jar can
>Take a better look around the room for (Write in)
>Go searching for...(Plagueis, Palpatine, etc...)
(also, OP finally drunkenly concluded this will get very few particpants and doesn't really care. Will stop waiting for additional responses and will begin typing within 5 minutes of first response)
>>44369613
Oh my god I can't breath this is actually so funny
Good job OP, fan for life
>>44369613
Tard rage, was it ever a question?
>>44369696
>writing
>>44369613
Tard rage
>>44369696
The air begins to crease on itself, becoming denser and heavier with each of your successive breaths.
"Yo Bitch, you gonna front for that tank? Tyrell and I are robots so da' man don't pay us jack shit, so-"
"How Wude" your once articulate mouth garbles out between your grated teeth, interrupting the presumptuous machine. It hits you...
You lost your first match. To palpatine. Your eye stalks begin to glaze over....
-----------------------------------
"AY, take yo greasy graspers outta ya usb ports cause I brought fresh oil for ya'll nigg-" The droid shuffling through the med-bay door calls out, but is intead answered by the sight of...
"NOOOooooOOOOOOhhhhh! Meesa no lose! MEESA GRIND INTO TINY PIECES and BLAST PALPY INTO OBLIVION!"
Jar Jar literally vaporizing the medical bay with force lightning. There are little pieces of charred dark-plated droid machinery here and there and a really odd smell.
The gungan also has no clothing.
>Slowly exit the room and vow to purge your optical receptors as soon as possible.
>Walk outside and purge your memory core right there
>Shed robot tears
>Pretend like nothing is wrong, introduce yourself. You are a sith protocol droid after all.
>write in
>>44369876
QUICKLY exit the room
we're at full-force tard-con 1
>>44369876
Fucking run! The autism has no limits here!!!
>>44369933
>>44369958
>Writing
Damn this is some next level tard, you think to yourself as you process what is in front of you. Man you wish you could quit your job, but you're just a goddamn robot.
Taking in the scene, you notice a particularly large pile of sparking droid parts spattered with some charcoal brown substance. The smell gets noticeably worse.
"yeah, fuck this shit," you mumble to yourself as you turn 180 out the same doors, turning off your olfactory sensors in the action. C3PY.0 is gonna need a few memory wipes after this time.
----------------------------
With a few deep breaths, you regain your former composure. You also are butt ass naked and finally realize this fact. A small black piece of machinery, a chip of some sort, sparks awkwardly at your flippers....feet....whatever, you get the idea.
>First thing is first, find your sabers
>Clothing first, not everyone likes gungan porn
>WHAT DAY IS IT
>Tard around, looking for someone and/or some idea where you are (write in encouraged)
>(full write in)
>>44370057
>First thing first, SABER
>WOSA ROBED MAH?
Anyone know how long until a thread is pruned on tg? Your QM is drunk, tired, and still needs to wrap presents
>>44370057
>WHAT DAY IS IT
>SABERS
>>44370161
you should be fine
check the catalog and note the age of the bottom threads
QM will prob be back later next morning. If not, the twitter is https://twitter.com/TheRedL4dy
feel free to yell at me in case I forget to finish up
>>44370260
Kek live long and protester
A bump for you.
Saved it.
>>44372765
>>44370395
much love
>>44370255
>>44370068
>writing
>Merry christmas fags
First thing is first....as the old naboo saying goes, "the blood of the proudest gungans flows alongside the the weakest infidel; the goober fish will one day swim alongside the leviathan after swallowing the heads of its enemies, so too..."
Actually, that probably isn't applicable to this situation. Now that you think of it, Dad's colloquialisms never did make much sense in context and you never heard them again anywhere else....
Anyway, Sabers.
You call out with the force, but nothing responds....in fact, you feel no living presence in the entire facility, which you recognize as Plagueis' compound but...creakier? Something moves, but it's just a droid shuffling around. The thing is projectile vomiting engine lubricant for some reason.
You reach out once more for your saber, but notice several oddities instead.
>The combat room seems collapsed in on itself, what could have occured?
>The Master's quarters seem empty, but there are scavenging organisms scampering through the place.
>The armory is emptier than you remember
>The sith archive is open....
>>44373632
>>The sith archive is open....
Such festive captchas.
>>44373632
>scavenging organisms
They must have stolen my sabers.....and my clothes! They must pay! Also i'm hungry, maybe they know a pizza hutt nearby
>>44373632
>The sith archive is open....
OP's family dragged him off to open presents. Back now!
>>44373744
>>44373767
>>44373858
>writing
The archive is open? Plagueis always left it closed, usually with himself inside it. He lived in it most of the time, actually, more so than his own quarters.
"Meesa got a baaaaad feelin abou tis."
---------
The archive doors, carved with intricate symbols resembling a sort of cuneiform, stand stark open in front of you. The one untouched exterior has lightsaber scoring across its face.
But the inside is the problem. The dome-like interior is clearly missing something- empty even. The walls are peppered with rectangular designs inscribed in the surface, each with a small gray topaz in their center. Approaching one, it hisses slightly and the rectangular pattern extends outward from the wall to reveal a small alcove space.
Empty.
Something was stored here. If the door is any indication, they were not removed peacefully.
A beeping noise and a whisper echo through the room. You look around inquisitively, and you see two small jems shining with bright ruby light near the ceiling in the room's corner.
"Traitor," the word hisses through the compartment on the right.
"Murderer," the word echos in the stale air.
A rumbling comes from the left compartment: sharp, silent, but felt resonating in your own body. You feel it deep within the force, like silent vibrations about to shatter a wine glass....but hungry.
"Meesah think somettin is stinkawiff here..."
>Left Compartment
>Right Compartment
>Honestly, just write in whatever and I'll run with it. I don't really railroad
>>44374259
>>Right Compartment
What could go wrong
>>44374375
As you approach, the whispers grow louder and louder...but when you go to touch the pattern, they abruptly stop. The compartment hushes softly as it slides open, laying bare its contents, a red pyramid.
As you could have predicted, the voice you heard prior calls out once more but you catch the tail end of its words.
"...oon. I have felt his thirst in the force. He will strike soon, I know this to be true. Thus, this is to be considered my last testament and a final record of my teachings," states the voice of your former master, Darth Plagueis.
As the voice finishes, a small figure projects out from the red device. It looks up at you, expectantly.
"Should you lust for my power, you must prove your own first. I shall ask you one question, and an answer you shall return."
"I reside within this boundless domain,
With neither walls nor mundane bane.
I arise perpetually, all new shapes,
Laughing e'en as the sun's maw gapes.
I traverse those hungry beasts,
Sating banality with creative feast.
I behold all on the mind's vast wing,
With this vast arrogance of a slumbering king.
No mortal coil can end me,
For I descend to greater depths, becoming eternity.
What am I?"
>You gonna need a write in, boss
>Fuck it, walk away and do something else
>Blankly stare
>So...next compartment we go
Also, my apologies for constant delays. I'm dealing with family every five minutes or so. Check in every 10 minutes
>>44374611
An answer?
>>44374787
clever, but nah
>So...next compartment we go
Wesa aint never gonna figure out that riddle.
>>44374611
>Meesa Darth Darth Binks, Whousa you?
>>44374883
Jar Jar and the holocron's guardian stare blankly at one another for a time. Jar Jar gives a brief cough....another awkward silence.
"So, what is your answer seeker o-", the sith lord begins...
as Jar Jar interrupts Plagueis (pic related).
"Meesa Jar Jar Binks. Whoua yousa to deny meesa anything?"
"Insolent little.....I AM THE GREAT SITH LORD PLAGUEIS! MY NAME IS TERROR AND MY-"
Jar Jar shrugs, "Meesa try to look-see for a fuck, but meesa no find one." You turn to the left compartment.
"H-Hey, you can't just walk away like that Jar Jar. There is a process here! A centuries old tradition! The sith lords of ages past have all entrusted their.....you know what, fine. You'll be back. They always come back." Plagueis huffs before crossing his arms and disappearing with a bloop.
(1/2)
>>44374961
>"Meesa try to look-see for a fuck, but meesa no find one."
Glorious.
The leftmost compartment doesn't emanate any noise or sound like Plagueis. Yet, instead you feel a slight pulling sensation at your own center, as if a vaccum is tugging at your insides.
The few steps you take closer to it, the thinner the air gets...
This time you impatiently slap the pattern instead of just brushing it. Your old master's holier-than-thou tendencies and OCD always left you more than a little waspish upstairs.
Without a hiss, the compartment opens to reveal another red pyramid...but unlike last time the compartment is layered in an inky blackness. In a split second, the room is filled with a roaring noise as the shadows in the compartment explode; pouncing upon the walls, you hear the doors slam shut and the room quickly becomes an enveloping void of darkness, nothing from before is visible. In the dark mists you twist left and right, but see nothing. Not even the vault the holocron was stored in- directly in front of your face- is visible. You reach out to see if it is even still there, but your hand...flipper...goddamit I don''t-even-know-what-to-call-it finds nothing.
Looking up, your eyes meet an object, a mask, the only thing in this emptiness.
>Sup
>I'll take Plagueis again, pls
> Ask (What?)
>Write in
>Sup
>>44375065
>I'll take Plagueis again, pls
Fuck-fuck this poopy-day, weesa out.
>>44375123
Wesa probably need to figure out that riddle before we go bother him again.
>>44375065
>Sup
Yousa know bout da riddling?
>>44375156
>>44375138
>>44375123
>>44375087
>writing
"..."
The mask kinda just floats there.
"Soo what yousa know bouts the tricky sneaksy riddling?"
The mask kind of tilts it's head quizzically, as if to ask what the fuck you're talking about.
You'll take that as a no. The mask audibly sighs and shakes it's....mask(?) confirming your suspicion.
You scratch your ear...flaps...anyway, you get the idea.
>Ask who/what he/she is
>Start a conversation (about?)
>Ask if it has an extra lightsaber around
>Back to Plaguey
>Write in (ask/do what?)
also, I'll be back in an hour or two, check in at 3:00 as I'm heading out to see a movie with the family.
>>44375309
>Ask who it is
also
>Ask whatever the fuck happened in this place. last time you saw it it wasn't so shitty. I mean it was a shitty place, but not THIS shitty
>>44375309
>Gimmee mooey mooey force majyks
>>44375156
Answer's water.
>>44376154
not gonna lie, ya'll some balls at answering riddles
>>44375338
>>44375386
>writing
>will not include riddles in the future
>"Meesa Jar Jar Binks, who yousa?"
The mask curtly growls unintelligbly, no longer- and never truly- capable of speaking as the living do.
(I am the Hunger of the Force; I am the consumer of worlds; I am Darth Nihilus.)
>"whatta big bad-bad happen here, yousa see?"
The creaking howl of the mask is brief, this time.
(What has always happened of a sith master and pupil.)
It pauses for a bit before continuing to rattle.
(Hell if I saw though. Ever since the holocron picked up on the local satellite service. Over 1500 channels in a premium package, just for 300 credits a standard galactic month? Now that is something anyone would eat up.)
>"Gimmie mooey mooey force majyks!"
The mask makes an low, prolonged howl that reminds you somewhat of a yawn.
(Sure, Still gotta prove yourself though. Think you can stomach it, boss?)
>Stomach it, push it to the limit
>Got that riddle figured out et? This is your option!
>Fuck you, Fuck Plagueis, Fuck this shit I'm out
>Write in
>>44377745
>Stomach it, push it to the limit
Meesa never going to figure out that riddle, so weesa got only one choice.
>>44377796
"Meesa strong, Meesa take everything yousa throw!"
Jesus Christ this speech impediment is getting frustrating.
The mask rattles again.
(There is no turning back once you have accepted this task, death is all but guaranteed)
>Still yes?
>No
yeah, OP is out. This thread took more time than anticipated.
Merry Christmas to all
>>44378226
Merry Christmas!
>>44377963
>Still yes?
Maybe we could do the growling thing eventually.
