Guys I need help, my commissar shot our Colonel and we don't have any attack orders.
The Orks are swarming us and our
Lord-General promised the Astartes that we'd have this place clean of orks by the next day.
But now they're swarming us because our Commissar also decided to shoot out our Vox-radios to, so we could be more "Self-reliant".
Someone in the Imperium please help m- Oh god he just shot our Lord-General.
What are we going to do?
>>44295664
CHAAARGE!
>>44295664
>>44295664
WHAT'S THAT TROOPER?
YOU DISLIKE THE WAY I RUN THINGS?
THEY DIDN'T SEND ME HERE FROM KRIEG FOR NOTHING TROOPER
MY TACTICS ARE BEST IN BO-
*BLAM*
>>44296068
They've shot the Commissar, now they're gonna shoot me. OOOOH MYYY GOOOOOD!
>>44295664
Who put the commissar in the same place as your colonel OR Lord-General? That's just asking for things like that to happen, now you've got only one option to solve this. Get another commissar to shoot the first one for hindering imperial progress against the Orks. Get another one if that one starts shooting to many officers for the same reason.....just keep getting commissars, it'll work itself out eventually.
>>44295664
Affix fucking bayonets, lad. Time to go over the top, now charge!
>>44296115
>this escalates until the High-Commissar-Lord-of-Terra-andothershit BLAMS! the Emperor himself
>not even Tzeentch could have foreseen this level of stupidity
>>44296068
>>44296107
WAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
UZ BOIS AR' THE BEST 'ROUND
AT FIGHTAN AND WINNAN!
WE AINT GAWT NOO NEED FOR 'HESE 'ERE "TAKTIKS"
RITE BOSS?
>>44296196
EMPEROR FUCKING DAMN IT
Fucking orks ruin everything, even voxchan.
>>44296196
See my order. It's the only way.
>>44296127
>>44296233
Stop crying over Orks talking to you and get to stabbing them soldier.
I totally approve of this strategy. Fight on, guardsman! Fight on to reclaim my world - for the Imperium, of course.
I'd love to fight alongside you, but I have to make sure to take care of the tactical side of the war effort from my super safe bunker far away from all the fighting.
>>44296149
Are you questioning the methods of the fine political officers of the Emperors Commissariat? That's some dangerous thinking there, guardsman.
Besides, this is 40k. Rampant stupidity is not a bug of the system, it's a feature!
>>44296281
Rampant stupidity seems to be the way the Imperium survives.
Troopers, what in the EMPEROR is going on here?
Are you letting this planet be overrun?
I'm going to have to call the inquisi- *BLAM*
>>44296380
I AM NOT SO EASILY KILLED!
AND THE INQUISITION WILL NEVER HEAR OF THIS!
>>44296394
Hey guys I was just wondering if I could borrow a few regiments of -
What the fuck is going on here? What's with all the dead bodies?
>>44296394
They just keep coming
>>44296423
JUST A TRAINING EXCERSIZE SIR!
>>44296430
Where are those fucks from Catachan when you need them!?
>>44296431
A TRAINING EXERCISE INVOLVING GUARDSMEN DRESSED AS ORKS. WE'RE NOT LOSING CONTROL OF THE SITUATION OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, THAT'S CRAZY TALK.
>>44296449
Pretty sure I saw them all blammed about an hour ago.
>>44296458
THE LORD GENERAL IS ONLY PRETENDING TO BE DEAD, I DID NOT SHOOT HIM!
>>44296471
But he's not breathing...at all. In fact, a fair portion of his chest is missing.
>>44296541
I hear he is an absolutely phenomenal actor, sir.
>>44296394
You reek of heresy!
This is Herman von Straub - what is going on down there?! I was expecting our men to defeat the weak and cowardly orks in seconds! And now I'm hearing all this about a Lord General pretending to play dead.
Well, tell that general that if he does not get up immediately, i will make sure he answers to the highest possible authority, me.
I'm a civilian and what is this?
>>44296628
-Highest- possible Authority, my lord? Surely you speak of the Emperor, not yourself?
>>44296672
Clearly this Herman von Straub is a heretic.
>>44296660
Not anymore you're not. Get in line guardsman.
>>44296672
Think we should call the commissar over here?
>>44296699
Where is the line, sir? I seem to be on the twelve plane of torment.
>>44296580
AND YOU REEK OF FAILURE AND SHAME, SPACE MARINE! "WALK SOFTLY, AND CARRY A BIG GUN" CLEARLY APPLIES TO MARINES OF OTHER, BETTER CHAPTERS. THAT SISTER LOOKED SO DISAPPOINTED.
>>44296731
I'll show you torment little boy...
>>44296756
Is that code of kinky sexy? Will I get in trouble if I say yes? Will you shoot me if I say no?
>>44296672
Oh, of course, of course - the Emperor too, don't worry. Now go out there and die for Armageddon, will you?
>>44296748
Sir, at least the Astartes have an excuse for their impotence - said the guardsman standing next to me, sir, as if a fine soldier such as myself would not report such obvious sedition as that to my closest superior officer. Sir.
>>44296822
I'll shoot you if any more heresy comes from that filthy mouth of yours, private. BACK IN FORMATION!
>>44296850
It's good to see men of such faith among us. You can join me in the raid tonight against the Orks. We're going to try take a few PRISONERS this time!
>>44296911
Okay, sir. Can I have my gun back? I promise not to accidentally shoot your hat again.
>>44296911
You know, technically the Imperial Guard doesn't really have a rank like private. They just have Guardsman.
>>44296980
And dead men can't talk back to their superiors.
>>44296933
YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR FIREARM?You can be the bait then. No need to waste more resources on a waste like you
>>44296980
AND YOU CAN JOIN HIM.
>>44297021
Okay. *winds up on the twelve plane of torment again* Sir, I'm lost.
>>44296748
Failure? Shame? I purge enemies of the emperor by the hundreds. Meanwhile you're being overrun by Orks. Also your guardsmen are incompetent.
Leman russ driver: Guys should we check on our comrades who sit on the frontline? We haven't heard from them for a while and the last thing we heard from the Vox where a gunshot someone shouting some profanities then another shot and then only static.
I mean I can even hear even more shooting and we are inside this tank a few kilometers away should we maybe do something?
main gun operator:Yeah how about no.
The Lord-General said do not move until you get the signal and I will follow this order because I saw what the commissar did with the last guy who disobeyed an order and they had to scrub the ground for a full hour to wash his brain juice out and even one of the clean up crew got executed for forgetting one spot.
Heavy bolter gunner 1# : You know he kinda has a point there I don't want my brain to escape my skull.
Hbg 2# : Me neither
Lrd: Okay then let us wait until something happens.
>>44297089
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you rebel scum? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Imperial Academy, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Yavin, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in spaceship warfare and I’m the top stormtrooper in the entire Galatic Empire. You are nothing to me but just another target.
>>44297232
Psstwrong setting
>>44297213
WHERE ARE THE BLOODY TANKS?!
>>44297294
I think we lost 'em. Last I saw they were jumping off ramps.
>>44297232
Kek
Why are the orks dropping tanks on us?
We have inspected the tanks and found them empty, but they are dropping them like they are bombs.
What do we do commissar?
>>44297305
BY EMPEROR WE'VE BEEN OVER RUN! FALL BACK!
>>44297386
For every one of us that falls, ten more shall take his place!
>>44297294
Lrd: Is that signal enough for you Gunny?
Mgo: By the Emperors holy boxers the damn Orks are on the way why did the LG didn't send a message?!
Hbo 2# : Maybe he is dead?
Hbo 1# : What if they are all dead?
Ldr: I don't care if they are all alive, dead or sleeping I wll drive this tank over there and do something against these green skins.
Gunny wake up that lazy bastard on the Lascannon i can hear him snore even from up here!
Mgo: Hey lad wake up damnit we got work to do! ( kicks the Lascannon operator in the back who hits his head against the visor unit).
Lco: OW! What gives lad?! I was having the best sleep I had in WEEKS! What is so important that you need to bash my skull in?!
Mgo: the Orks are advancing and we are late so wake up and get in position we are going to War!
Lco: The Emperor be blessed finally something interesting is happening!
Don't worry about me Boss im always ready to burn some holes through these green monsters
Lrd: That is good to hear and now if someone wants to say somethings against this can he kindly shut his trap and enjoy the drive because I will drive to the frontline and help our comrades. TO VICTORY LADS!
Entire Leman Russ crew: TO VICTORY!
>>44296462
Oiy youse gitz! Stop dat!
We came here for fightin an if youse lot are all ded becauz som humie dakkad nother humie
We don hav anyfing to fight!
>>44296911
>trying to take Ork prisoners
Kommando detected! Where did you get that hat?!
The solution is obvious; you inform the commisar that the orks are guardsmen trying to retreat. Possibly in very good albeit heretical disguises.
One way or the other, the problem will solve itself
>>44296127
>charging
Fucking infantry, load up the howitzer lads
That's it, this clusterfuck has gone too far. I'm declaring Exterminatus upon this world by the order of the Dark Angels Chapter, first and supreme of the Adeptus Astartes. Anybody who doesn't like it can take it up with the entire First Legi- er I mean the successor chapters of the Dark Angels.
Azrael out.
So much circlejerking in this tread
The commissar would have been shot in at least 80% of the regiments the moment he killed the Colonel and in 100% of non-traitor regiments for killing the Lord-General without some undisputed proof that he's a traitor
'If in doubt, move forward'. Our path is clear, gentleman. We charge.
>>44297968
Hey, is that a Fallen over there?
>>44297968
And so the day was saved by the heroic Adeptus Astartes. The planet was liberated from the Ork invasion by just bombing the shit out of it and making sure nothing would move anymore on the planets surface and noone ever remembered that this even happend because no one cared.
>>44298048
FUCK
Be right back, stay right here everybody, I'll be gone for a week smiting evil, but don't worry, I'll remember to kill you all.
>>44297986
Are you trying to lecture the Commissar on when to shoot someone? That sounds a bit heret- BLAM
>>44296545
This post is when this thread started being disc-world 40k
>>44298129
Oh sorry, it was just one of the guardsmen that had been shot.
>>44297453
And for everyone of them that falls one hundred will take THERE place!
Hello fellow allies, I am a shiny Guasdsman. The Emperor protects.
Could you jolly companions point the position of your nearest commanding off- OH MY GOOD THEY'RE GETTING IN MELEE RANGE!
Charge forwards and die well.
man voxchan used to be good
there were praise emperor threads every day 24/7
now it's all cluttered with guard trash and shitty stat the chapter master threads
if i wasn't digging trenches for 13 hours every day i would totally fucking leave this place
You could have avoided this
>>44295664
go full catachan on that shitty comissar
I thinkssss we tookssss a wrongssss turn at Ultramar
What's happening he-
Oh.
Oh hi, guys! What's up with those dead guys all over the place?
QUICK, GRAB AS MANY VICTIMS AS YOU CAN BEFORE THEY ALL KILL EACH OTHER!
>>44297305
The Lascannon is firing but the 120mm Battle Cannon is firing traverse round the wrong way. The Bolters has jammed. I am saying 'driver advance' on the radio set and the driver, who cannot hear me, is reversing and as I look out of the top of the turret and see 12 enemy orks 50 yards away someone hands me a cheese sandwich
>>44299578
Deal with a kiwi-monster squad first!
>>44295664
Shoot that traitor Commissar.
For the good of the Imperial Guard. It is what Major Mortensen would do.
>>44295664
Kill the Commissar, he's obviously cracked under the pressure.
>>44296068
Commissars serving with Krieg units have noted that there is no need for them as a source of motivation. The Kriegers willfully threw themselves into the grinder en masse and without hesitation..
Time to die holding the line.
>>44296068
Commissars in Krieg units actually had to reel Kriegers in as opposed to motivate them, as well as act as a liaison between them and more human regiments.
>>44296260
PFF...
A TRUE SERVANT OF THE EMPEROR KNOWS THAT HIS BUNKER SIS BUT ANOTHER WAY OF SMITING THE HERETIC!
>Fortress of Arrogance, bitch!
>>44304295
Commissar Yarrick sir!
You fought Orks on one on one battles though sir!
>>44295664
When in mortal danger, when beset by doubt, run in little circles, wave your hands and shout.
>>44306115
Emperor guide me.
Even the Commissars are saying to run
>>44306115
more tanna, Cain, sir?
>>44298189
He's right over there, fellow guardsman! The Emperor protects!
Say, what's up with your eye? How come you only have one, and why is it so shiny?
>the Gang reinforces Cadia
Can you do so splaining for me guys? Am I correct in thinking that commisars are not command officers but stand outside of the COC and can BLAM anyone, including officers that fail to meet standards?
>>44308636
Questioning a Commissar is against word of the Emperor himself sir.
>>44308299
>Charlie: I really really like the Ryza pattern Lasguns why don't we use these?
>>44308636
Yes and no, they can execute soldiers found wanting, but to kill an officer without consequences requires some proof (also even that might not be sufficient if the officer was well connected enough), they're not Inquisitors.
Does anyone else hear screaming voicea in their head all the time?
Its just 'KILL MAIM BURN KILL MAIM BURN KILL MAIM BURN' all the time.
>>44310603
You probably shouldn't question that. Just make sure any little cult that forms is far more vocal and hunted than a secret cult of mystics that will summon...friends.
>>44311062
Okay.
Whats the worst that could happen, amirite?
