Meanwhile, on fantasy /tg/...
Why are scientists so overpowered /tg/?
Fucking soldiers always have to be bounded by realism in a setting where scientists create bombs that destroy everything for miles and make the area uninhabitable for years.
Hey, should I be do anything to prepare for a couple new players I'm getting? One's a halfling and the other's a.. I think lizardman but that's basically an umbrella term for a half dozen races.
A higher chair for the halfling is obvious, but is there anything else I should consider? Different drinks, allergies, stoke the fire or something? I've only ever had humans and half-humans in my game before. And an elf once I guess.
/abyss/ when?
I fucking hate nit having a place to discuss demon things with fellow demons.
>>44267433
Besure to have something made for everyone, and if conflict arises, just say that you were unaware and that you will do better to mind the slight.
So we're having a bit of a problem at our table Ladies and Gents. The Elf is causing a bit of an upset, he won't drink the Dwarfs Ale he brings with him, it came to a head last night in our game of "Charlatans and Spies" (5e, don't hate) when the Elf threw the Ale over the Dwarfs character sheet and said he'd rather lick our Halfling players toes than "sample that Dwarven beer you wash your beards in".
Normally I'd kick the Elf without any hesitation, but he plays a really good character and he's rather central to the plot right now. What do I do?
>>44267405
It's problem DMs if nothing else. Letting them access magic-mart. The ritual schematics clearly call for spirit poisoning metal for the big bombs, and DMs just let them buy it. Not even major city alchemists use that shit, it's dangerous in anything than a lead chest and can still give you their metal plague.
Force them to actually work for their reagents and they're balanced even before actually imposing construction time on them. But lazy DMs just let them trade in gold for game breakers.
>>44267473
Yeah but I don't fucking know what lizardman need. Never met the guy -assume male from the name- and I have never met one before.
They're not carnivorous are they? I can't afford all meat snacks all the time.
>>44267473
Has the dwarf actually washed his beard in it? Serious question.
So lads, I've got a situation on me hands. This guy, an orc, bright fellow actually, wise, strong like most orcs, but a bit of a clutz. Anyway, he wants to try some sort of homebrew that revolves around him being homeless and gennerally good with his wits and hands, sort of like a homeless monk who could make shit. Should I let him?
On a side note, what do orcs consider a delicacy?
>>44267531
They do eat rats, so find a few stickem in a cage, leave leftovers there, and watch.
>that guy keeps trying to discover magic in your setting, just because he can find the proper reagents
>halfling bro wants to DM
>in his dwelling
I swear I have literally reshaped that Fucking place I've banged my head on so many stupid Fucking "decorative" beams that are "typical" of halfling architecture. Though I remember I had a shit there once and my turd looked Fucking gargantuan in his halfling privvy.
>>44267569
My cousin spent his apprentiship with an Orc, he said that all he used to eat was boar or similar red meats. Oh and the sweeter fruits, see if you can get some cider apples or something. Hope that helps.
So recently, a minor spook has decided that it wants to join our group. The remnant soul of a town elder from gods know where, and he just showed up after a session and asked if he could be in the next one.
What do?.
>>44268017
Thanks mate, any tips on the homeless crafter thing?
Am begining dm plz ;..;
>>44268041
Did he bring a character? If so, sure, why not. Honestly most ghosts are pretty chill, held back by regrets like "I never got to enjoy my hobbies" or "I pushed away all my friends to focus on work" and that sort of shit. As long as he shows up on time (lots of ghosts have terrible time management) you're fine.
Just have some candles and salt around, just in case.
>tfw no qt human gf
why live?
>>44268041
Put it like this, saying no could mean bad spooky times.
Saying yes could equalghost blowjobs for XPI mean- a good player
Alright so I'll give you guys a rundown of what my campaign looks like:
>We have a machine playing an arrogant, American heavy weapons soldier (me), a necromancer playing a snobby, British gentlemen that only uses revolvers, a skaven that plays an angry, German shotgun user, a vampire that plays an Italian cook that uses a typical rifle and picks up all the ladies
>Our DM is a dark elf that has been my best friend for awhile despite being a meat bag
>Game is us trying to take down the Soviet Union and trying to keep them from nuking our country's respective capitols at the same time
>Everyone plays just fine and the game is very exciting due to most things coming down to the wire
>One problem though
>The skaven keeps stealing some of my body parts and will deny it if I confront him about it
How can I get him to stop /tg/?
>>44268150
He said he wanted to play a crafter who revolved around making things progressively more strange and uncanny.
>>44268161
>most populous race
>can, will and has fucked everything
>half elves, half orcs, half dragons, centaurs
>still can't get hume gf
>laughing_dorfs.scroll
>>44268206
Set up a sort of electric cloak, or bring some sort of wand/scroll of detect lies.
>>44268215
Eh, I'd give that about two spoops out of five. There's plenty of living people who think that shit's "deep."
Now, if he sounds like he's speaking from experience when describing that shit, then you might want to worry.
>>44268069
Guise plz ;..;
>>44268206
Boobytrap your parts. Put them in conspicuous locations.
Hard to deny it when your robo-cock is sovereign glued to his hand.
>>44268161
Even I've fucked a human girl. They're all sluts. Lizard girls are where it's at.
>>44268254
>>44268296
I'll try these
>>44268263
He had the smell of fish and brine, and detect chaos was ringing out. Is it possible he knows something like a shoggoth?
>>44268161
In my time I have found closeness with humans to be a pleasurable past time at best and at worst tedious. They are so shortlived, this is especially true if they neglect their weaker bodies with excesses of food, drink and their sometimes irritatingly reckless natures.
It is sometimes sad when you are with her at the end of her life and you recount in your head all the aspirations and dreams she had which never came to be.
I wonder sometimes if they perceive me to have held them back from their possible futures.
Be wary of attempting to find kinship or "love" among the brighter candles as they do burn half as long.
What feats should I take as an FBI agent?
>>44268381
Go back to your tree hugging, just because you live longer doesn't give you an excuse to be on the high horse.
>>44268389
I like Contact Network. Some say you should focus more on combat, but I think FBI Agents can get away with gathering info if you are in a decent group.
One of my players insists on bringing their fucking familiar to our sessions. I wouldn't mind but it leaves hairs all over the got damn place and tries to climb on the table. What's a polite way of telling them to dismiss that shit until the game is over?
>>44268389
>>44268425
Why play FBI when you can play CIA instead?
>>44268482
I prefer the MI6 archetype. Mad CHA and influence bonuses.
>>44268479
Tell him to summon a better familiar. My party's necromancer has his skeletal lizard with him every session and it's very well behaved.
>>44268381
How does it make you feel knowing that my superior metal body will outlive even yours you pointy eared freak?
>>44268381
As an elf, I think you need to take several chill pills.
>>44268482
I can't hunt aliens if I'm CIA.
Hey guys, I just started a game of Offices and Bosses and one of my players started complaining that he couldn't play human.
I told him it's a no magic setting with only one race (dwarves obviously) but he won't accept it.
Should I just kick him? I'm a little afraid, he's a large half-orc and can get really angry. Maybe call the city watch in case he tries to pull something?
>>44268425
Human presence detected.
>>44268550
Your soul was given to you, mine was gifted. You will live longer but your light is among the dimmest in creation. I pity you.
>>44268588
Such items would have no effect.
>>44268736
The city watch have better things to do than deal with your make pretend games, just let him be a tall dwarf that shaves. Make him have to earn respect from others if he wants to be so different.
>>44268625
But you can find Dr. Pavel
>>44268736
>alerting the constables to this
>laughingmonks.embroidery
Imagine their faces when you tell them that you need someone to protect you from a bully. By the gods friend grow a pair.
>>44268769
Then you need to take an active effort to relax. We live for a pretty long time, no reason to spend most of it being stuck up.
>>44268863
Real easy to tell the difference between High Elves and Wood Elves these days.
>>44268769
Why would a soul matter?
>You can use magic
Magic is only needed by inferior life forms. Fireball? Arm-bound flamethrower. Healing? Gnome repair gel. Tame beast? Over 200 beast calls ready to play at any time as well as soothing music. Accept it. Magic is useless.
>You will be taken into the afterlife
Afterlife is bullshit and you know it. All of these gods only want to fuck with you anyways. I'd rather stop existing that become a god's science experiment
>You can gain benefits from the gods while you're alive
Yeah and you can also be corrupted, zombified, have your soul get torn out of your body by a lich, and be the target of many other soul-based attacks. Souls are useless
>>44268921
There are too many kinds of elf. And they all get offended if you mix them up. How the fuck am I supposed to know you're a plains elf, not a forest elf? Or a mountain elf, not a high elf.
Yes I am saying they all look the same to me.
>>44268980
*tips tricorne
>>44269015
I hear you, Elven GMs are the worst. 9/10 will try to put their fetish into the game.
>>44268980
Liches get a bad rap, the odds of having your soul ripped out by one is less than getting attacked by an owlbear.
>>44269051
What fetish did yours push?
Mine was scales.Really awkward when you share an arcane realm, it turns out.
All the adventure paths I know of, like Normandy and Counter-Insurgency, are obviously good-aligned. How could I go about an evil campaign? Maybe have my players be comcast employees?
>>44269015
Snow elves are the only bearable elves I've met
>>44269044
You know it bby
>>44269051
I had a lich in one of my games that attempted to rip my soul out because my Nigerian their character stole his character's revolver. He was quite surprised whenever it didn't work. The following fight was more exciting than the campaign was. Owlbears are cute. cute. CUTE!
>>44269104
Maybe with an experienced group. Maybe start small before ramping up like that. Somalian pirate adventure?
>>44268921
I'm actually a High Elf.
>>44269168
Did you consume herbs recently to obtain that title, or innate?
>>44269144
I swear, some Liches give the rest of us a bad name.
>>44269168
You all look alike anyways.
>>44269080
Most of it was real weird stuff, but the worst was some guy elf trying to force this "Japanese" splat book on us. I swear the people making this stuff are just throwing shit in the pages now.
>>44269168
Highborn for (longer than yours, automatons don't count) life.
>>44269205
I think I know that book. Yeah.. The historical stuff is neat, but the 2k shit is just insane.
>>44269187
Highborn like >>44269207 said.I smoke from time to time and watch the stars because I can.
>>44269339
Never done herbs. I mean they wouldn't have any effect on me anyways. How does it feel? I'm curious.
>>44269407
You ever dream? It's like that, but awake.
>>44269407
Most races just calm the fuck down, find inane shit hilarious and amazing, then get hungry.
Orcs and half orcs get jittery I think. And there's a couple other exceptions. Drow are immune? Or maybe extra effected.
Daily reminder that Humanity is the only true race.
All others are animals.
>>44269407
Well what race are you?
>>44269339
Nothing better than taking some herbs and going and sneaking onto the roof of the orrery at dusk. Watching the day fade into the night is amazing.
>>44269497
>/hum/
We made that shit board for a reason.
>>44269558
Yeah. WE made that board.
Knife-ears, shoveldicks and furfags get >>>/out/
>>44269575
Fuck, you would think after being dead for a decade I remember.
>>44269456
>>44269485
Thanks
>>44269497
Daily reminder that humans only live 20 years longer than goblins do. FUCKING GOBLINS
>>44269505
Not going to post my face for security reasons but my model looks like the big guy on the left. I prefer a flamethrower though. Most people call me crazy but it does wonders against a crowd
>>44269616
You want to do herbs? As a construct? Ahahah
The only way you could expand your mind is by deleting old data.
>>44269675
Never said I wanted to do them I just said that I wanted to know how it felt.
>>44267531
Yeh, mice are good. Some types like fruit. Some eat only fish.
Insects are a good all-rounder. We all eat a bit of crawly.
>>44269700
That is true, I've had a tankard or two. I'm not paying attention.
>>44267066
who here plays Salary Man 4th ed with the Count Faster splat book? shit is fucking insane with all the boosts to accounting and business logistics
Anyone else /adventurer/ here? Ex-swordmage adventurer here. City of Porthaven says hi.
>>44269906
Pssshhhh /bodyguard/ master race trepirting in. Someone has to protect the fleshbags
>>44269950
>>44269906
I'm sure both are fine occupations, but this is to discuss our fantasies of the mundane, not real life. LARPing is the worst when people try to cheat with magic for their accounting or fast-food jobs.
>tfw no hot nuclear physicist gf
V'certh frgeth ruthtyergur bhurg furtha ryeroglyph R'lyeh.
>>44267485
if the dwarf is that big a dick about insisting people drink his ale, get some firewater and insist he drink it instead. Dwarves arent used to that kind of alchohol content
I know I'm its impolite to pick dice with my talons but when you have no opposable thumbs to play with, what else am I supposed to do?
>>44272913
A friend of mine used a transparent dice cups, she could just shake it from the table, it solved most of her problems.
>>44272307
YOU HAVE A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT
SEE A DOCTOR
>>44269497
>>44269558
Reminder that human-only campaigns are snorefest. Yes. Even your "technological futuristic human-only campaign setting".
No, I don't care how many culture by skin hues there is. Bring more variety.
>>44273156
I've tried including the common races to such a setting once. Elves had to be excluded due to their dependency on magic, it wouldn't be realistic. Halflings could fit in the world, but trying to make the rare halfling in the world a human height disorder would be so unpolitical correct I didn't bother. Same with dwarves, they are so up stuck in their culture to even consider the possibility they could have a link to human-kind.
That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Rifle" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Mosin Nagants deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.
I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine Mosin Nagant in Russia for 1,400,000 Ruble (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 3 years now. I can even cut snipe of soldiers 1000ft away.
Russian gunsmiths spend years working on a single Mosin Nagant and drill it up to a million times to produce the barrels known to mankind.
Mosin Nagants are thrice as accurate as American rifles and thrice as reliable for that matter too. Anything an American rifle can shoot through, a Mosin Nagant can punch through better. I'm pretty sure a Mosin Nagant could easily snipe an American Soldier wearing full Kevlar with a simple noscope.
Ever wonder why WWII America never bothered conquering Russia? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Red Army and their Mosin Nagants of destruction. More so, in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with Mosin Nagants first because their killing power was feared and respected.
So what am I saying? Mosin Nagants are simply the best rifle that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Mosin Nagants:
(Two-Handed Exotic Rifle)
5d10 Damage
17-20 x4 Crit
+5 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork
Now that seems a lot more representative of the killing power of Mosin Nagants in real life, don't you think?
tl;dr = Mosin Nagants need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.
>>44267606
>that guy keeps trying to discover magic in your setting, just because he can find the proper reagents
I have one of those. He's an adept IRL, so he thinks that just because his IQ 80 Caucasoid Soldier found some sulfur and bat guano, he can just start flinging fireballs at people willy nilly. Even though it's clearly a Not!Age-of-Men setting where the gods didn't even give anyone magic yet.
Adepts can be good players sometimes, but by the gods they never know when to quit with this crap.
So... uh, how can you tell if a halfling girl is into you? One joined my group after my orc bro moved to Austerim to take up a career in alchemy. She keeps looking at me and then looking away and hiding half her face under the side of the table when I catch her.
I mean I thought at first she was nervous because I'm kind of loud, not my fault, bard college trains you to project and I have a little efreet blood (family holidays get loud). Now though... she's been claiming the seat next to me. I'm not sure... she's kind of cute but, I'm bad at picking up signals.
>>44269104
Third Reich, Spanish Inquisition, Western Expansion, African Colonialism, Jihad or Crusade of your choice, Mongol Horde, Aztecs, list goes on.
>>44273156
You know the Variants book they put out a while Back? Neanderthals and shit?
>>44273851
Yeah. Its a shitty book. Races evolving from a previous and now extinct form would be interesting ideas... if it wasn't obvious all life was custom made by the gods. seriously. Its theology 101.
Don't get me started with their religion working solely on faith, and the priests having no divine powers from the gods they have chosen.
>>44273506
>hobbit crush what do
Get that bitch some afternoon tea with a side of sausage. If ya know what I mean.
But really. Hobbit bitches love guys who can cook.
>>44273506
court her like you would a human, but
be more loyal to her than usual
and refuse to move in a hobbit-sized house.
Which earth space-age army is the best? My vote goes for The American Republic
>>44274156
My vote is for the International Space Station
You attack me, you attack the world.
>>44273956
You haven't noticed how you can custom breed a species for certain traits by adding certain selective pressures?
>>44274107
our houses are made comfy bro, have you ever stayed overnight in hobbit country? I don't know how foreigners do it, they live in over-sized hovels and take so few meals.
>>44274255
Actually. Yes. For a year with my ex. My back still hurts. You want something in-between, tall enough for a human yet not so big a halfling feels undersized.
>>44274255
>>44274285
Pussies. I live in a closet. Automaton living expenses are so low. I love it
>>44274308
I live in the wild. I have nothing but a hammock, clothes, and my personal iStone. Its a good life.
Post Battlemaul 401k armies
>>44267066Thanks for the new background, anon.
>>44274308
how do you deal with the boredom, though?
>>44270058
You worry about that minutae in your games? I mean that's probably fine if you're an adventurer or a wizard or a knight, but I'm a candlemaker.
>>44273156
>He uses real world non-human races instead of greys, bigfeet, and reptilians.
>>44267066
That bridge looks really unsafe...
>>44275265
/tg/, traditional games, clearing out dungeons with friends, and my job as a gnome bodyguard. Today is one of my days off and all of my friends are busy so here I am
>>44275336
Its about representation, anon. I'm sure your friends would want to be represented too.
> Sasquatches and Lizard-folk are being real world races.
Just because you don't see 'em in civilized towns doesn't mean they don't exist.
>>44276263
Wasn't there a guy with a lizardfolk player in here earlier?
>>44278904
They might look at you like that now, but in about three centuries they'll come around. They'll wish they had chosen a guy like you: a respectable elf with an Adept's salary who keeps his nose clean. Instead, they'll be struggling to raise two kids on the leftovers of some pin-headed brute whose shift barely leaves him enough time to beat his wife, gamble the money away, and wind up in the drunk tank again.
So chin up and keep studying. You might not think you're so lucky now, but keep at it. You'll be hot property soon enough.
>>44272307
wrong board m8
So guys i have a problem i DM a setting of M&M (Modern & Medieval) and i have a new player. The problem is she/him is a Illithid, yes i know it's stupid, but my group was playing in a dungeon and once he/she saw our group playing he/she decided to join without much a invite, i don't know why i accepted ot neither the other members but it must have been because i was too afraid of having my brain eaten if i refused. Now, she/he choosed to be a chaotic neutral noble woman called Elizabeth Báthory because of that she/he is dusturbing the groups game but for some reason i can't simple send her/him away and every time i try to think of something wrong she/he look at me in a funny way. Help me /tg/
>>44280529
Get a local Necromancer or Automation to "remove" them for you.
>>44280529
>for some reason i can't simple send her/him away and every time i try to think of something wrong she/he look at me in a funny way
She's mind-raping you mate. That's fucking illegal as shit. Go call the cops before she winds up eating your damn brain.
Not saying all illithids are like that, but moments like these make me glad that we have laws against this kind of shit.
>>44281348
>>44280529
Folks that hang out in dungeons are never good news. If they were well adjusted they would live in a tower or town like most people.
>>44268177WOO WOO
>>44268820
Just remember to shoot the guys before you throw them out of planes.
>>44273728
>Crusade
>evil
>>44281630
>Slaughtering men and woman
The writers really phoned in the crusades, who would actually claim they are good after doing all that stuff?
>>44281662
Did you miss the part about Muslim invanders in the fluff? Crusaders are simply a reaction force to a greater evil.
Also: God wills it!
The Holy Land has to be free!
>>44281694
I dunno, I'm not a fan of how gray everything is in setting. Why can't we just have a class with detect evil/good? Even with no magic there should be something.
>>44281710
>Why can't we just have a class with detect evil/good?
Because not every game has to be that realistic.
>>44281710
They introduced lie detectors and there are feats and training to take for reading body language you know.
Speaking of which, are body reading/hypnotist magicians just OP? I should not be able to do half the shit that they're capable of without magic.
>>44281370
>Folks that hang out in dungeons are never good news. If they were well adjusted they would live in a tower or town like most people.
I know what you mean. There was this one guy I played with, a pretty big orc dude. He was pretty chill considering his background, a sort of loner type. Didn't talk about his family much, but apparently he spent a good part of his life in a dungeon.
Long story short, we were in his place, and on the way to the bathroom I opened the wrong door. Totally bare 10x10 room with a locked treasure chest in the middle. I didn't tell him, of course. I've heard what those guys do to people who find their treasure-rooms. The goddamn maniacs. I haven't spoken to him since.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, you can take the orc out of the dungeon, but you can't take the dungeon out of the orc.
>>44281630
>Mongol
>Evil
they dindo nuffin
