>You've been tasked with defusing a rapidly escalating bar-maid rivalry.
How do you proceed?
Hex both barmaids to lactate beer for an hour or two, that ought to distract 'em.
>>44265936
Oh god... the carbonation...
>>44265902
There is no argument if they are dead.
>>44265902
Goad them into a blowjob competition where you are the judge and keep escalating.
Yes, I am a bard, why do you ask?
>>44265959
>worried about the carbonation
>not the fire nation
Your priorities are worrying, anon.
Side with the weaker of the two.
Gain a useful ally who depends on your protection (less likely to betray you).
Hire a third, younger barmaid.
I have like 500 gold on me.
SMITE AND CLEAVE!
Threesome.
>>44265902
"Don't worry ladies, there's enough of me to go around." Problem solved.
>Putting your arm in a sack containing a pair of rabid possums
>>44265902
What are they even rivalry-ing over?
Tell them to at least pretend to get along and keep serving drinks. I didn't hire them to fuck up while on my paid time.
If they want to compete, compete to be the better bar-maid. Winner gets a small raise and bragging rights.
If you continue to be asshats I'm going to find new employees. Smiling and serving drinks while possessing boobs is not a skill that is in short supply.
I whip my dick out. Obviously.
>>44265936 this >>44266003 this >>44266054 and this
Set the tavern on fire. The harrowing experience will teach both of them to appreciate what's really important.
Or kill us all. This could swing either way.
>>44265902
Wet bodice contest.
>>44265902
Kill one of them, and break the others mind with fear and psychological suffering.
>>44265902
I'm the Bard.
Defusing barmaid-related incidents is definitely under my purview.
>>44265902
tip equally and well.
>>44265902
Flash my tits so people stop paying so much attention to those two stupid wenches.
>>44266054
>Create even more competition over your D
See, you'd make a terrible diplomancer.
>>44266393
Sounds gross. Bar maids are cute. Neckbeards are not.
>>44265902
I decline as I'm some what busy STOPPING THE GREEN TIDE FROM RAPING AND PILLAGES ALL OF YOU! fucking idiots.
![oiCwih9[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/eQ2fW9h.jpg "oiCwih9[1].jpg")
>>44265902
"Excuse me, m'ladies, but you're disturbing the peace"
*teleport behind them*
*Do a backflip, kicking both of them in the crotch and sending them flying*
"UWOOOOOOOOOOOH"
*Cut them into a million pieces with my super-secret katana no jutsu*
"Nothin personnel... m'ladies"
*respectfully tip my fedora and walk away silently, not even collecting my reward*
>>44266299
>not mindbreak her with the D
>>44265902
Okay, why?
What are they fighting over?
>>44266578
buy anon
my penis only has a tip
It's like someone glued an acorn to the bottom of my torso
>>44265965
I'm impressed they were able to stab a knife into that armor
>>44265902
Knock one up, so she doesn't need the job.
>>44266535
How cool!
>>44266437
That's good since I'm not a neckbeard. Anyway, the party already has a wonderful woman member, so they don't need to be paying attention to random sluts.
>>44266175
Usually works
>>44265902
Make them both fuck each other.
>>44266700
>woman member
Trannies are not women. Girldicks don't exist.
>>44265902
Seduce both, get them to fuck each other in a threesome.
>>44266280
>Wet bodice contest.
I don't think you'd get to see much.
>>44266700
>I'm not a neckbeard.
Legbeard detected.
>>44266413
>implying I'm doing this to settle the rivalry
>>44266607
This, that pic is destroying my autism. A fucking knife should break before it stabs through power armor, or the wielder's arm should break. Are those the fucking cosmic knives from Fallout or some shit? This picture is retarded, man.
>>44267139
Don't fuck with Catachans, mang.
Who else but Catties would go shirtless in a frozen wasteland?
>>44266700
>party hires female member to save money on whores
>also means they don't need to wait until they get back into town
>she can have a role in the team as well
>>44266963
>having this much Cheeto dust in your neckbeard
>>44267139
Maybe they were just stabbing their knives into pre-existing gouges?
>>44267188
>missing the dumb pun this hard
Woman. Member.
>>44267139
arent catachan fangs some kind of special metal or some shit?
>>44267206
She's a woman, of course she doesn't get subtlety or puns.
>>44267206
Fucking Christ I'm glad I missed it. It fucking burns.
>>44265902
How much am I getting paid for this?
>>44267206
That's the dumbest "joke" I've read this evening.
Exterminatus extremis.
>>44267212
>>44267199
I'm just saiyan, astartes power armor is played up as some grand artifact in which each suit is a unique project of immense craftsmanship and investment that can take years and untold dosh and rituals and shit to make, if some random mook retard with a knife (even a hardcore mook with a really good knife) can just stab into it, what's the fucking point. of course in the lore it is described as giving SM near invulnerability to small arms and bullshit like humans wielding knives.
realistically you shouldn't even be able to stab a knife through guardsman flak armor unless it's a baller as fuck knife, like a power weapon or something. but I'll let that slide because it's 40k and they might have augmented strength or some plot stuff. power armor though? no, just get the fuck out of town
>>44266607
>>44267139
Those knives are ornamental and meant to be there.
And don't you dare arguing how impractical such an ornament is. This is warhammer armor, it operates by rule of pauldrons.
Remove the bar. Now it's a normal maid rivalry, i was only tasked with bar maids.
>>44267302
>be female
>have bad sense of humor
>>44265902
Since I'm playing a paladin, spankings until they agree to get along.
>>44267382
>the bar was the only thing preventing this bar maid rivalry from devolving into a normal maid rivalry, which are known to be vastly worse
I'll see you in court nonetheless asshole
>>44267547
>TFW your party has no mucleMILF paladin to take young, misbehaving barmaids and bend over her knee and turn their ass red
>>44266535
But how can you be sure it's a million pieces.
You should count the bits of barmaid, just saying.
>>44267653
You'll just have to rely on good old traditional maledom. What a pity.
>>44267731
>old traditional maledom
Boring
Unless it's trapdom
>>44267139
Many knives in warhammer are "monomolecular", and act like a scalpel that doesn't lose its edge and can cut clean through metal.
>>44267571
Does this mean i'm... barred from future jobs?
>>44267361
Those aren't normal knives. Many blades in 40k are simply sharp enough that they can cut clean through power armor or tank armor, even without a power field.
>>44265902
Get them drunk enough so that their true feelings come out.
>>44267750
Trapdom is even worse than femdom. Maledom/trapsub is where it's at.
>Ctrl + F
>Trib-off
>Not found
/tg/, I am dissapoint.
>>44267887
That's an odd way of saying Femdom/trapsub is best
Especially when the trap doesn't start a trap
>>44267887
>maledom
>not gay
What are you, a faggot?
>>44265902
>How do you proceed?
Toss the shota mage to them, winner is the one that brakes him the most
>>44267922
Well that's just handing victory to the trap maid. Be fair.
Orchestrate some form of sordid sex-based competition akin to half the posts itt.
>>44267398
Man, your jokes being bad doesn't make others women.
>>44268512
Wasn't my joke, cunt.
>>44267887
Definition of shittaste
>>44265902
suggest mud wrestling as way to "settle things"
Fire both and hire two more barmaids.
Problem solved.
>>44265902
I'll marry whichever bears my child first. She's obviously the winner.
>>44268857
>being this gay
>>44266012
This is what I've named my balls.
>>44266143
Here's a man that sees the big picture
>>44270043
>not naming your dick "Cleave"
One job.
>>44268589
It's even sadder that you'd defend someone else's shitty joke.
>>44270316
>not knowing what defending is
An idiot to boot.
>>44270399
Your bait is weak as your wit.
>>44270455
>not even making sense
>>44265902
I calmly sit down with the barmaids and we discuss the issue in a rational, sane way using interpersonal communication. And I bring Nuffle. Bitches love Nuffle.
>>44270293
But that only means your rival can name his, "Greater Cleave".
C'mon man.
>>44270510
It's his choice if he wants to be a copycat.
>>44270530
Copycat or no his is still supposedly greater than yours. It's in the name itself.
If yours is great, his is better.
If yours isn't great, his is better still.
Who wants "Cleave" if there is "Greater Cleave" available?
>>44266535
Everyone I see that grin I want to plant my fist in his face.
Who is that anyway?
>>44270506
>we discuss the issue in a rational, sane way using interpersonal communication.
I think OP is suggesting the barmaids are women.
>>44265902
Pickpocket their undawears
>>44270636
You mean you'd steal anything in their panties or you'd steal their panties? Either way, I'm wondering how and why.
>>44270633
>>44270636
>>44270669
>You pickpoket the barmaid's underwear
>One had a bag of holding she was using to hide her bulge, the other had a half suffocated pixie
>>44270730
>One had a bag of holding he was using to hide his bulge
How the fuck did a random ass peasant afford that?
>>44270730
>"You saved my life, brave adventurer~! However may I repay you~?"
>>44270834
Gold, like everybody else.
>>44270730
>One had a bag of holding she was using to hide her bulge
wow that actually sounds very practical as a catheter
>>44270834
As a great hero once said - there's two ways maiden can repay to a man, and in this case, I'd rather have the money.
>>44270828
>he
>hisonly until I find the right girdle...
>>44271005
Then yes, they would be a real girl.
>>44271051
>they
>>44271071
I became unsure if you were talking about yourself or that character so I used they. Which is the correct choice.
>>44271118
"He" can also be gender neutral.
>>44270877
Just use prestidigitation to make self-cleaning panties.
>>44270455
>>44270484
The both of you are idiots
>>44265965
This is basically how /tg/ plays paladins.
>>44271150
>"He" can also be gender neutral.
>>44270828
Tips from adventurers, lots and lots of tips
>>44270834
>Save pixie from barmaid's panties
>Shove pixie down your panties
>>44271150
The singular "They" is the correct gender neutral noun in english though, the masculine plural can double as a gender neutral though,
>>44265902
Hot open faced dick sandwiches for everyone in the bar
>>44272850
>The singular "They" is the correct gender neutral noun in english though
Nah.
>>44265965
That's one of the better looking SM (or CSM I guess) power armors I've seen. I really like the guy's helmet.
>>44273291
Oxford says otherwise
>>44265902
I lie to #1 and tell her that #2 said she was better at the sex. Then I help #1 prove her wrong. Then I help #2 prove HER wrong.
I then walk off as they murder each other, my seed sloshing around in both of their wombs.
Fin
>>44273609
>yfw when dictionaries include colloquialisms so they become 'correct' English
>>44275235
That is kinda how languages work, you know.
>>44270570
Then comes "Supreme Cleave" to put you both to shame.
grab both of their asses. at the same time.
>>44275235
There are records of They being used as a ungendered singular back to The Canterbury Tales from the 1400s
>>44265959
Sometimes you gotta fuck her gently
>>44265959
Well, that's why it's a hex
Alternatively, enchant their tits so the bubbles feel really good
>>44267206
>Guysth
>He meant penis guysth
>Guysth
>Do you get it guysth?
>>44266535
SUGOI!
>>44265902
Ass Wars: They play week long games of grab ass. Whomever with the most ass grabs at the end of the month of deemed the best Bar Maid
>>44275235
>yfw the first dictionaries were already descriptivist and singular second-person gender-neutral 'they' dates to Chaucer
>>44265902
rip out their still beating hearts and eat them before the on lookers.
Failing as that, roll seduction.
>>44265902
Spitroast
>>44265902
"GIRLS PLEASE, THERE'S ENOUGH OF ME FOR THE BOTH OF YOU"
>>44265902
I don't.
Waiting for them to rip each others clothes.
>>44265902
Open my handy defusal manual.
What size are the barmaids' areolae?
Does either barmaid have a LPT port? If so, which one?
Do any of the barmaids' bodyparts have a blank black box near the top?
>>44265902
Patter those tatters, itchy bitchies get that shit scratched, stop arguing, start cavorting.
lederhosen hoe on each arm. Everyone in the tavern clapped.
>>44265902
Give them both the rest of the night off.
Rolled 9 (1d20)
>>44265902
I give them a inspiring speech about friendship and teamwork
I roll for charisma
>>44273609
>OED
Even I know better, and I'm English myself.
>>44279374
>>44265902
>ctrl+F "cut the blue wire, no the red one!"
>no matches found
baka at all these newfags who don't even know how to properly defuse a barmaid...
>>44270834
>skin patterns make it looks like she has eyes above her pussy
>>44266700
>shes not a neckbeard
get her
>>44267760
CARLOOOOS
>>44280443
protective anti-orc camoflage - any orc that tries to rape her will see the false face on her pubis and become confused as to which end to rape.
>>44280443
Not to mention the ones on her chest
Not interested. This bar sucks. My feet hurt. I want to go back to my lab and do experiments. I hope I can get some good quality cadavers soon, my supply is running out.
>>44270834
Burn the fae abomination.
>>44265902
I turn it into a sex off giving each of them half an hour to fuck me as good as they can.
Yea I'm a paladin and yes this is completely lawful and good for me atleast .
>>44282144
Send it back to it's panty prison, let it die by lack of air and dat ass/barmaid pussy
>>44277735
>yfw people spout random shit on 4chins and don't provide evidence but expect you to accept it as fact
>>44283872
>Fucker doesn't have a copy of Canterbury Tales in the original Middle English
It uses they as a gender-neutral singular,
>open them up
>find their meaningless argument wires
>cut them
>successfully defuse barmaids
