Ask a drunk dude simple solutions to your RPG probkems
How do I stop my DM from keeping touching me?
>>44013639
My DM won't let me play as a monster in our campaigns.
I want to be a demon dammit.
The party clears out an Orc stronghold, only to find a room with nobody but some unarmed Orc wetnurses and a dozen orc infants.
The Chaotic Neutral Rogue wants to kill them all, the Lawful Good Paladin does not.
How do you resolve this?
>>44013654
mace
>>44013670
tell him iy's just flavor dude. it's just race modifirer
>>44013698
duel to the death
>>44013713
How do I stop my players from macing me?
>>44013862
Stop being a gross weirdo
DM here. Party has latched onto a lich who is demonstrably evil and has committed several crimes against nature in front of them while also condoning an edgy vampire to do as he pleases.
Meanwhile the level 18 mage who is busy trying to rectify the overwhelming level of bullshit (caused by the lich) and is helping the party when he gets the chance is distrusted because they don't know his motivations for opposing the asshole lich.
How fix?
Will you marry me?
Party includes a ghost PC and a priest. The ghost keeps possessing civilians so she can help with quests. Recently she tried to seduce all the male members of the party while in a stolen body. Ghost player says it's just roleplaying and harmless fun. Priest player says it's rape and Chaotic Evil behaviour. Neither player will play until the other character (or player) leaves the group.
What should the GM do?
>>44013639
How do I dick the dragon?
>>44014062
Tell the priest to get off their self righteous high horse, it's just a fucking game.
Tell the Ghost to knock off the creepy shit.
>>44013639
One of the other players has constant simmering salt and generally roleplays terribly but is a super nice guy as well!
>>44013639
How do I keep my players from just charging into fights, regardless of odds or even of basic tactical maneuvering. I've tried mauling and killing their characters when they tried, and suggesting a few tricks for how to catch enemies unaware, but they persist in doing the same thing over and over, and failing every time "CHAREG!" isn't the right course of action.
My cousin has becomes obsessed with demons and it's very disconcerting.
Every day she tries to dry hump me while yelling about how she wants to get railed by stretch while eating out a female hezrou, then getting ravaged by an ice devil and being made it's slave.
It's the same fantasy every time.
I've though about blasting death grips in the house to replace the demon obsession to an MC Ride obsession, but what do you think?
Answer quickly, it's been distracting me from TV.
>>44014235
I think your problems go beyond a /tg/ advice thread anon.
>>44014235
Do it and replace all lightbulbs with blacklight bulbs.
>>44014363
I've done it, and now she's concluding on the floor, and she's drooling everywhere.
Death Grips may have been too hard, should I ease her into it with some Macintosh Plus and Passenger of Shit?
>>44014770
No, now is the time for full immersion. Assault her with icecubes while screaming.
>>44014235
Not OP but another drunken poster.
Have demons enslave their character and make them do really mundane unsexy shit like clean latrines or slop hell-pigs or something. If she gets really pushy about being used sexually have their character responsible for cleaning up after demonic orgies.
That or start rolling for environmental damage once the ice demon has penetrated her character.
>>44013639
I am finding it to easy, and therefore not as enjoyable, to kill the players. They're like retarded versions of lemming. What do?
>>44013937
Kill everyone.
I finished my 4-month long campaign for 5e and now I don't know what to do next
>>44014984
Have you tried sex?
>>44013639
My DM insists that Thr-Kreen use external fertilization but that really doesn't work on land.
>>44015010
I masturbated like seven times today. That's the closest I can get to sex
My dick hurts and I still don't have good ideas for a level 11+ adventure, or the guts to try to run Dark Heresy again.
>>44015065
Teach me to play tabletop games.
>>44015122
First, masturbate at least seven times on the same day until you reach enlightenment
Then grab a game, read the rules, and find a group to play with
>>44015122
The problem solves itself.
>>44015065
Thats bad for your dick. Look up penile plaque, reduced sensitivity, early onset ED, hair loss, lack of motivation, and easy weight gain followed by excessive masturbation.
>>44015146
Will you be my group?
>>44015213
Maybe I will
>>44013639
I got a cut on my dick, how do I masturbate?
>>44015468
morphine
>>44013698
Rape
>>44013639
How do I get my players to actually show up for sessions?
>>44013698
have the paliden detect evil if there evil then let the players work it out amongst themselves if there not evil and the rogue still wants to kill them change the rogues alignment to chaotic evil then let them work it out amongst themselves.
note I am not drunk
>>44013937
the party is clearly evil then also the mage should explain his reasons.
>>44013937
Have the lich, or a messenger, approach the party and attempt to hire them to do evil lich things.
>>44017343
Be a less shit GM.
I'm currently engaged to a woman I don't love who's carrying a child I don't want. She's currently overseas and An old fling is hassling me to get with her and leave my fiancée, going as far as turning up to my place in provocative wear.
What system would be best for letting her down?
>>44017853
I recommend FATAL.
>>44017853
I think GURPS has a supplement for that.
>>44015468
Embrace the pain.
>>44017853
Fuck her, get her pregnant, before the first woman gets back skip country.
New Zealand is nice if you can get in. Canada is nice if you can survive the winter.
