Hear ye, hear ye. I hereby call to order this meeting of the most illustrious Mages Guild! Now because some slut, who shall remain unnamed, could not pick up after herself when induldging in her bagel addiction we now have a super ant investation in the guild. Many ants. handle it.Welcome to the Mages' Guild. Pick a name and join in! Conflicts are resolved with d20s when needed, or with playing it out. When the thread dies on /tg/, we keep it going on 4plebs. For additional resources, please visit http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Mage%27s_guild
>>43893700
Excellent. A proper source of prey.
Unless...
How large are these ants?
>>43893700
. . . . . . . .
>Looks around for ants
>>43893700
She's NOT remaining unnamed, it was goddamn Jill!
>>43893752
Sup.
>>43893759
Her name is jill? I should write her a thank you note.
>>43893782
>Glares at the ants.
Are these the ants?
Friendly warning people, laying a finger on these ants is likely to put us in yet ANOTHER major political crisis across several planes of existence.
FUCK THESE ANTS, I'LL CRUSH THEM WITH MY GODDAMN WANG.
How art thou noble knights of this fair kingdom?
>>43893782
. . .
>>43893843
FINE! THEN MY OOZES CAN ROAM AROUND THE GUILD AS WELL!
>>43893815
we are ants, yes
>>43893782
>We should*
>>43893700
fuck you, you're just mad cause we took your drugs.
>>43893843
Listen to the smart man in a pointy hat, he knows what he is talking about
>>43893891
Not particularly knightly. And I'd hardly call this kingdom fair.
>>43893843
At least it's not as bad as the indoor opossum rainstorm of 291 C.E. That shit was, like, impossible to nap through.
>>43893904
>the owl lands on his shoulder
Tyrone, why did you eat the entire fridge from the kitchen?
>>43893958
And it made it very nearly impossible to study
>>43893891
. . .Wizards, not knights. Though I guess some knights are here. Dunno why though.
>>43893901
Oh I'm sorry are oozes productive members of colonies that can be trained to assist you in daily tasks?
Oh they're just creepy and exist purely to slip me up on the way to meetings huh?
>>43893904
And we've really got to talk about your subtlety if you don't want to end up pocket dimensioned like the last colony to 'visit'
Are we at Hogwarts?
WHEN I CAN START MY WIZARD LESSON?
>>43894005
Oh, that might be a little bit my fault. I may have told them that Parati finally perfected his design for a sexually curious tavern wench construct.
In my defense, I had just lost a lot of money playing cards and needed to make myself feel better.
GUYS I FOUND A WAY TO PISS OFF THE SUMMONERS GUILD
instead of learning summoning magic/making pacts with creatures, we just force the soul of the monster/creature/person/etc. we want to do menial labor for us into a piece of cardboard shaped like a rectangle
just imagine the Summoners guild's faces when we are better at summoning than them without knowing how to actually summon
>>43894060
>stares at him
...What.
>>43893759
I'm sorry!! How would i know they were going to find out??? I have hidden so well and in such good and high places too.
>>43893977
We where hungry and it was there.
>>43894034
We live here. we're not visiting.
>>43894060
yo, what's up homie?
>>43894107
What in the hell?! Not you, the other Jill! Wait... HAVE YOU BEEN EATING MY COATS?!
>>43894034
Nope. They actually are productive. At least the ones I created are.
>>43894088
But... We have a summoners department. ALL MAGICAL GUILDS ARE SECOND RATE COMPARED TO US!
>>43894060
No no no, all the knights that seem to come here are chicks...
If only I was single. So many missed opportunities.
>>43894107
Not you, another Jill.
>>43894107
>In the back with her hood up
Dammit Jill
>>43894107
......
>>43894108
But still, we could starve.
>>43894136
Hello Glug.
>>43894088
Are you the one who's been doing that!? Do you know how much trouble you've caused?
>>43894136
>No no no, all the knights that seem to come here are chicks...
>If only I was single. So many missed opportunities.
I...I know...
They're REALLY wound up about serving girls, for some reason.
>>43894107
Can you spare me that recipe you have for Powder of Dreamless Sleep? I think I've spent far too much time around the Conspiromancer, hook-nosed merchants have dominated my dreams as of late.
>Hurries in, smoothing his robes
Why was I not told that a meeting was being held?!
>>43894136
>But... We have a summoners department
so we just fire the entire summoners department and used the money saved from funding useless research into more important stuff
like better quality food at the dining hall
>>43894132
Coats? It that how you name the fluffly yummy thinks keep in big wooden boxes?
>>43894136
Oh okay carry on then
>>43894140
Teehe. Sorry Jill i promised i would eat it but i decided to keep it for later.
>>43894195
..What was that you said about what I was making, Witt?
>The owl glares at you
>>43894179
Herp derp, what is the create food spell?
>>43894202
because you where too busy pretending to be a kobold?
>>43894212
We second this. More sugar cubes.
>>43894230
What? I am the KLU regional representative, thank you very much, not delusional.
>>43894202
I just heard about it too. And apparently people have been putting outsiders in cardboard cards.
>>43894220
I'm calling an exterminator. I swear the merchants association is behind this.
>>43894179
Hey.
>>43894195
THE SERVING GIRLS TO!
>He breaks down crying
>This is what happens to a man who multi-classes into bard starts dating a chick who is never played and he has too much of a conscious to cheat on her
>>43894212
Nah.
>>43894220
. . .You sing-
>He slaps himself
No Glug, you must remain faithful!
>>43894274
They will die like the rest cat boi.
>>43894296
Want me to get noone?
>>43894136
>Nope. They actually are productive. At least the ones I created are
Then get your apprentices in line!
I keep finding my paperwork trapped inside them 3 floors away from my office!
>>43894108
Damn, I thought I'd finally achieved subconscious minion summoning.
Don't suppose you're willing to team up so I can always be first at the cafeteria?
>>43894220
>Sigh
It's fine Jill. How are you?
>>43894314
Are you the one eating my clothes? No? Then you've got nothing to worry about.
>>43894379
Are your clothes sugar coated?
>>43894314
. . .NO! HE RUINED MY CHANCES WITH TWO SEXY BELLY DANCERS! TWO!
>>43894344
Okay. So... Do you think some demonic oozes will work for whipping them into shape?
>>43894195
Recepie? What is that? I just have some powder with me.
>Flapping her little wings the mothgirl sits on the mans hand flapping then rapidly deploying a silvery powdered on the mans hand.
Tehee, i will be going now i still have some food around that those ants didn't grab it.
>fly away
>>43894403
No, no they are not.
>>43894424
...A reckoning is coming.
>>43894344
That wasn't me. I can't create full fledged oozes, just bolts of ooze.
>>43894424
Oh, eldritch abominations be praised. I cannot possibly sit through another lecture on the increasingly lengthy puppet strings of the merchants' guild sober. I have a breaking point, you know?
>>43894424
look in the airducts
>>43894456
then it wasn't us.
>>43894344
Hmmmmm what do we get out of it?
>>43894270
Ah Mr. Allard. Also, what?
>>43894523
We've been finding and freeing trapped lantern archons. I had no idea that they were doing it for that reason though.
>>43894422
Frankly I would prefer it if we didn't have an ooze uprising.
So no.
Please.
>>43894467
I didn't even know this was possible and frankly I'm horrified
>>43894514
We can come to greater negotiations I'm sure.
But for now I'll tell you that I'm a master at generating excessive amounts of sugary water.
>>43894560
How odd. ..
>>43894560
Oh, how has my brother been with helping you? Has he stopped or is he just taking a break?
>>43894597
You know that I already had an entire Oozemancy Department made, right?
Also, the oozes won't rebel against me.
>>43894597
What about.............. Sugar cubes?
>>43894597
>The owl lands on Arnold's shoulder
You fret to much. Ooze is actually quite wonderful...when it isn't being used for questionable purposes.
>>43894626
No sense of right and wrong...
>>43894627
I've got it under control now, thanks to him letting me take a break. A real godsend.
Not literally, but you get what I mean.
>>43894643
Now, my memory is hardly watertight, but when was the last time a gathering of oozes led to anything unquestionable?
>>43894710
Well, mysterious figure known as Anonymous, there are times...
...You know what, you're right.
>HIIISSSS.....sss?
(Roughly translation from now on)
Hi, I'm new here, I'd like to learn how to use magic for.....what are all these ants doing here?
>>43894671
Yeah, I know.
>>43894710
Hey, I haven't been here the longest time. However, as an actual and proper oozemancer I can assure you that will not be happening quite as often as you think.
>>43894764
Don't worry about the ants. What kind of magic are you interested in?
>>43894710
>>43894742
I dozed off and dropped my nametag. Say what you want about Jill's proclivity to attract pests, her sleeping powders are top-notch.
>>43894764
We've decided to use them as semi-permanent decor after the exterminator quoted a pest removal price of a lock of Parati's hair.
>>43894671
Indeed. I hope the archon are well. I always found them to be an agreeable sort.
>>43894786
Um...
>little hands point together, big cross behind back
Not sure....I don't really want to use destruction magic, so maybe illusions or creations?
>>43894806
..Who removed a lock of my hair?
And where are they now?
>>43894627
>Also, the oozes won't rebel against me.
I've heard plenty of hive leaders say this and be proven wrong.
Hell this one time when I was fresh out of college I became a hornet queen for a week before I let it get to my head.
Anyway... I guess be careful...
>>43894636
Oooooh sweet invertebrate child of mine I'm going to show you something beautiful
>>43894643
We think very differently on what ooze is acceptable for...
>>43894851
We drew straws to see who would get stuck with hair removal duty.
I turned the straws to snakes before we could determine a loser. Don't tell Arnold it was me.
>>43894925
...
I swear to all the gods..
>>43894872
Arnold, Witt turned the straws into snakes.
>>43894845
They're fine. A few minutes in the sun and a positive energy channel and they get right back up.
>>43894925
Witt, are you confusing your dreams with what really happened again?
>>43894872
I hope no one's referring to me. I don't like the term bug
>pouts
>>43894851
I wouldn't know, I just got here
>>43894925
Snakes? That sounds delicious!
>>43894967
>Arnold, Witt turned the straws into snakes.
Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
>>43894980
>Witt, are you confusing your dreams with what really happened again?
This is...entirely possible. I blame the merchants.
I mean Jill! I blame Jill! Someone needs to put the Conspiromancer in extraplanar stasis. His theories are infectious.
>>43895004
You have a familiar face. Have I seen you in the halls of sleep?
>>43894847
Hm, well, there's a wide variety of destruction spells in Oozemancy. Same with constructs, weapons, and gear. Watch.
>Golden ooze specked with black bits congeal over him and crystallize into armorThe armor looks like the Aquarius Saint Seiya armor.
>>43894872
Well, I am the father of the Ooze Demon Lord, ArchDevil, and Fae Lord.
>>43895091
Hah.
And also, Pierre technically is Extraplanar.
He once became Schrodinger's Cat.
We're not really sure if he still is or not.
>>43895091
N.....no...I just got here...
>Still talking in hisses. Gonna need a familiar I think
>>43895004
It's cool I have a very diverse understanding of biology belonging to inhuman beings, so I'm very unlikely to offend!
>>43895091
And as for you, enjoy these brief few moments of me laughing and chuckling, because I'm actually secreting pheromones to attract some very angry and large wasps to this very location!
>>43895136
I think that was a no to destruction, Glug.
>>43895157
You wanted to study illusions? I can help you get started there.
We should eat the ants and fry this insolent slut. Also my department needs a proper lab, we won't stay one more week in the kitchen.
>>43895136
>Well, I am the father of the Ooze Demon Lord, ArchDevil, and Fae Lord.
And all by different mothers. You harlot.
>>43895157
Ah, a speech impediment. Such an unfortunate affliction. Where's the linguamancer when you finally need one?
>>43895209
C-can we not kill her? She's technically my drug dealer. I mean. She supplies me with reagents. Yes, reagents. For my myriad complex magical experiments that have nothing to do with a magical opium analogue.
>>43895182
S-s-s-smoke bomb?
>>43895231
Witt, I already found your ridiculously large stash of opium.
..I'm probably going to blow it all up now because of what you did.
>>43895203
Oh. My bad. Thanks for correcting me.
>>43895231
No, their artificial. I'm not THAT lucky.
>>43895182
Well...human I definitely am not
>giggles a hiss
>>43895231
Speech...impediment....Oh, my hissing! Sorry, I don't have vocal cords I think. Might need a fix
>>43895203
Ooh! That sounds fun! It...is fun, right?
>>43895272
What kind of monster would waste seventeen and a half pounds of pure, beautiful, whimsical, silly, lovingly crafted opium?
You are a monster among mages, Parati.
Sorry I'm late everyone. Some asshole parked his time machine in my secondary backup decoy phylactery's hiding place. I tried disintegrating him, but he and his hot friend ran off.
What did I miss? Have blown up the moon yet?
>>43895305
>starts painting a few bombs on a canvas
Uhuh...
>they come to life and he throws them into Witt's Closet
Sorry.
>>43895327
No, but i'm blowing up Witt's opium.
>>43895298
Well, if you don't want destruction spells there are still the creation and summoning part of oozemancy.
>>43895327
Nope, but hey, wouldn't it be fun to replace the moon with a giant ooze?
>>43895298
I find it so.
>Fades out of view completely.
And I'm not even that good at it.And now I'm imagining invisible Xenomorphs.
>>43895327
Currently everyone is getting their panties in a twist over a minor 'bug problem'.
I personally am loving the company and thinking back to my freshman years.
>>43895355
I'd normally be mad over such a blatant waste if it wasn't for teaching Witt a lesson.
On that note...
>>43895305
>BUZZ BUSS MUTHAFUCKA
>>43895231
we don't need to kill her, remember what was done with the liemancer? just take some pieces off and call the necromancers.
>>43895355
My dreams warned me that today would be a bad day.
I knew I should have stayed in bed.
Fine, then. Fine. I'll be productive. Where is the strange-looking newcomer? I'm going to teach it how to banish magi so deep inside the spirit realm they'll need to emerge fully-formed from Korlock the Eternal's head to get back to the material plane.
Gnoll shamans just have the classiest sense of humor in their banishment rituals, don't you agree?
>>43895381
>>43895438
>a loud explosion goes off in the closet and the door falls down, smoke coming from it
>The owl looks at Witt with the smuggest of all smug grins
What was that Witt?
I couldn't hear you over your opium exploding.
Now you know how it feels like to be violated in the middle of the night by thieves.
>>43895438
Beyond, Witt are you the one who's been doing that? I've had to go through there three times this week alone dredging people out.
Seriously, it's a pain, and I'm guessing Korlock didn't know about dental hygiene.
>>43895389
Eh, but I like her. She just needs to not get crumbs everywhere.
>>43895438
Wait, are you the guy we usually keep locked up?
>Appears in a cloud of noxious black vapour, coughing and spluttering.
"Hugghh! Blugh... now then, why was I not informed this gathering was taking place sooner? I had to extract the location from the mind of an intern, and I can tell you I was in a bit of a hurry so I may have left it a bit messy in there."
>>43895379
I can still see you though....OOoohh, invisible to humans, got it......where do I start?
>>43895477
GYAAAH!!
>holds head from all the ringing, much louder to her than other normal people
SHHHHHIT! MY SENSES! What was that?!
>>43895512
Sorry, this is one of those spontaneous meetings.
>>43895535
>Congeals some cyan ooze on his hand
Want me to help ease any headaches you might have now?
>>43895512
I don't think anyone was informed really..
>>43895535
That was opium exploding.
>>43895535
Well, you'd go to the illusion department...But I think that all of the teachers replaced themselves with illusions and went to the beach. So I can teach you a spell.
>>43895510
>Wait, are you the guy we usually keep locked up?
Yes! In my opium closet! The one that the gods-be-damned Artemancer just turned into rubble! I was HAPPY there...
>>43895483
Funny story. Korlock USED to have one of the finest set of chompers in the entire astral pantheon. Once he was introduced by...some amoral dimension-hopping fiend, surely...to the wonders of dwarven alcohol, the halitosis just began to spiral out of control. And the rest is history.
>>43895438
where is my fucking create shoyo? what you did to him?
>>43895512
what exactly do you do?
>>43895182
can't you just unsummon tha ants?
So how does one get into this/what is it?
>>43895599
By happy you mean getting high.
>>43895612This is a strange little Freeform RP of a very dysfunctional Mages' Guild, where chaos erupts at any given moment and shenanigans are quite a commodity. It's pretty simple to join in, just pick a name and come on.
>>43895612Welcome to the Mages' Guild. Pick a name and join in! Conflicts are resolved with d20s when needed, or with playing it out. When the thread dies on /tg/, we keep it going on 4plebs. For additional resources, please visit http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Mage%27s_guildjust pick a name and a safe trip
>>43895599
Figures, the same day anyone who could help me with this takes off, I'm left with Witt trapping people in other planes.
IT'S NOT FUNNY, WITT! I'm the one who has to deal with all of the paperwork!
>>43895612Mages doing random stuff with no sense of morality. Pick a magicky title and join in.
>>43895577
> Blusters impotently, showering nearby colleagues in a sooty mess.
"Well I must say this is a rather unprofessional state of things! Where are the Beurocro-magi! Where are the Theoretical Organisationo Casters! Someone shall pay for this insolence!"
>>43895596
I'd love that actually. If it's a simple spell I could try
>>43895577
NO! No....I'm fine....I think...ack...
>>43895587
Care to explain WHY there is opium exploding?!
>angry hiss and tail lash, but calms down
>>43895599
Dammit. Why did you come out?
>>43895612Freeform roleplay of wacky mages!
Usually the 4chan threads have very little to do with any actual established setting but we continue on archives with an actual setting of our own creation.
>>43895670
Dude, Antruthius is just pissy the ant-hive mind named Tyrone stole some of his coke.
It wasn't super important.
>>43895601
Not my ants bud.
And I'm starting to warm up to them.
Can't you just think of them as big, sass talking puppies?
>>43895697
Because Witt is a moron and needs to pay for taking my hair without permission.
Hey guys, what going on here? There are ants everywhere and I swear it took me at least three fireballs to clear them out of the hallway
>>43895663
>I'm the one who has to deal with all of the paperwork!
Paperwork?
You mean those sheets of papyrus the beaurocro-magi toss at you? Hells man, I just feed that to the ink imps in the sub-basement.
>>43895647
>By happy you mean getting high.
Durrendonis the Magnificent clearly displayed in his treatise on alchemical happiness that they are the same thing!
>>43895697
>Care to explain WHY there is opium exploding?!
Parati is envious of others' joy, apparently.
>>43895743
I wouldn't say that too loudly with Arnold around. He gets a little bit irritable when people purge his friends.
I cast firebolt on the nearest ant!
>>43895697
Illusory bells.
>Snaps her fingers, creating the sound of bells lightly chiming.
>>43895743
Jill left bagels out and super ants got in.
>>43895722
if my condimen... i mean, magical substances get damamge by your ants they will became a huge Farofa Argentina
>>43895697
Are you sure?
>He starts whispering
And is this better? Also, I don't think I got your name.
>>43895766
Yeah, but they've got it set up so that when I don't file the paperwork, two more papers appear on my desk!
>>43895766
Durrendonis is a huge fraud. I already told you this before. Infact he doesn't even have magical powers, he uses special effects.
>>43895766
So did the baron of blood peak, but that didn't stop me from killing the gnolls in the valley last week.
>>43895781
goddammit, Jill.
>>43895701
"Pissy! Aha! Regret!"
>The ancient spell weaver quivers with unquenchable glee.
"Then the work of my order is already done!"
>In the space of a heartbeat the old man's body crumbles to a black ash, leaving a pile of tattered robes and an invoice for services rendered.
>Nervously eats bagels
>>43895766
>>43895730
>About to get mad at the spite then calms down
......so....you know how we reproduce, right? If I hear any more explosions nearby, I'm going to be looking at expanding a new hive, and you two are PRETTY high on the list for host meat right now...ok?
>toothy grin
>>43895769
You can't just do that! That's rude! What's up Grindledorf?
>>43895830
Seeya.
>>43895837
NO CRUMBS JILL!
>>43895853
Shooting fire-bolts was my thing... I thought I coined that as my thing last time I returned from the ASTRAL PLANES. My beard hurts.
>>43895837
Stop eating those bagels, Jill.
You're attracting more ants.
>>43895849
It would work on Witt, it wouldn't work on me.
Because you'd be dead before you could even raise a claw.
>the owl hoos
And even if you did impregnate me, it STILL wouldn't work.
>>43895806
You can talk normally, I just don't like loud noises. And....Aurora. It's Aurora
>>43895781
>perks head up
Pretty. Do I just snap?
>>43895810
See, this is why you need an opium closet. The bureaucrats never check for you in closets.
>>43895811
Fraud or not, his work is an absolute milestone in linking the subjects of existentialism and magical study.And I LOVED that one film he did with Ifrit Johansson. She's so hot.
>>43895849
>will incubate xeno-eggs for opium
>>43895853
Stop yelling at me! it's not my fault the janitors and maids and Rod didn't do their jobs!
>>43895904
B-but I love bagels. they're my all time favorite food!
Rolled 3 (1d20)
>>43895837
>tries to snatch the bagel from Jill as punishment for super ants
Here's the coffee, tea, and pastries everyone. Whats happening?
>>43895811
Really? I uhhh should go talk to him.... to uhh see if I can put a stop to his fraudulent ways....
>>43895897
Yeah yeah, but you gotta choose the right targets. Like that guy.
>Points to Witt >>43895937
>>43895914
Okay. Pretty name by the by. So, you're going to be an illusionist?
>>43895940
Okay, just, can you use a plate?
You know what I'm tired of all this whining/murdering innocent ants, I've got paperwork to do in my hive anyway.
I'm still gonna be negotiating a sugar cube deal for this 'problem' you're having but murdering them probably won't help the situation.
Makeshift spider sling-shot, away!
>Swinging followed by crashing in the hallwaySmell ya later nerds
Rolled 5 (1d20)
>>43895951
Gah! Noo! Stop that!
>>43895988
What's wrong with a napkin?
>>43895937
It really isn't. Did you know he steals other mages' work?My Nigga.
>>43895940
Stop eating them.
>>43895969
You go do that.
>>43896005
>stares
..Hoo.
>>43896046
You wouldn't ask Puch to stop eating apples!
Rolled 15 (1d20)
>>43896020
Jill, you need to be more responsible with your bagel eating.
So I want to take them away until you learn your lesson.
>Trying again
>>43895914
Snap, imagine the sound, expend a tiny bit of mana.
Or at least that's the method that works best for me.
>>43895951
Classic Talo. Unparalleled warrior and bringer of violent ends...absolutely horrendous thief. I give lessons on subtlety and tact, my friend.
In exchange for opium and peaceful closets / crawlspaces / hollow floorboards.
>>43895988
Fireballs? But I just sto...bought new robes yesterday.
>>43896046
I...uh...no...never...heard of that before...I mean...how despicable...that's just...the worst...
>>43896092
Her name is Pulch.
And that's because apples do not attract super ants.
>>43896109
Now you're insecure.
>>43896020
It just doesn't cut it. Look, do you WANT people trying to fry you up because of crumbs?
>>43896005
SPIDERS AREN'T BUGS!!
>>43896109
Oh, don't worry. I won't be hitting you with fireballs.
Rolled 11 (1d20)
>>43896098
>Jill summons up a large pinball flipper to try and smack you away
I don't have a problem! I can stop any time I want!
>>43896109
Witt! Help me!
>>43896149
No they attract Worms.
>>43896153
But everyone loves my bagels in the archives
>>43895904
ohh a fighsty one....they always make the best hosts...
>pats head with a toothy giggle
Do tell why it wouldn't work. That's interesting to hear
>>43895937
As for you, eggs need no incubation, only fresh meat. If you know what I mean....
>>43895988
Hopefully. It seems very interesting
>toothy smile
>>43896102
Hmmm....
>clicky finger, no ding
Um....
>again, hiss
....close enough?
Rolled 11 (1d20)
>>43896149
Are you kidding me? Apples are naturally sweet. They are ten times more likely to attract super ants.
>>43896098
>>43896174
>Sighs
The things I do for close friends.
>oozebolt of sleep at Talos!
>>43895954
Well I guess no one wants coffee then
>Starts to move off with the tray
Rolled 5 (1d20)
>>43896174
>rolls to banish Jill to the extradimensional plane of eternal carbohydrates
Go! Be free, young witch! Be one with your inner bread!
Rolled 10 (1d20)
>>43896109
Hey, I got it eventually, didn't I? And isn't that what really matters when it comes to stealing shit?
>>43896174
It's for your own good Jill!
>>43896222
>Attempts to counter with stolen bagel
Rolled 10 (1d20)
>>43896232
Gah! Not that kind of help!
>>43896228
Mort! Coffee please! Also tell frank he's a dick!
>>43896202
>As for you, eggs need no incubation, only fresh meat. If you know what I mean....
Are you flirting with me, newcomer? I'll have you know that's extremely inappropriateand quite flattering. Are you free later? We could get to know each other better over some narcotics...
>>43896153
>Oh, don't worry. I won't be hitting you with fireballs.
The last time you said that you filled my comfiest pair of shoes with ooze...
>>43896228
>Webs briefly shoot into the room, stick to the tray and yank it down the hallway
*Muffled "Thanks Mort!" In the distance*
>>43896271
Here you go
>gives Jill coffee
What did Frank do?
>>43896200
>>43896222
Not Pulch's apples.
Believe me, she does strange things to make them the way they are.
>>43896202
Revenant.
Our autonomy is completely different then yours.
Yours work because they have similarities with humans, and possibly dwarves and elves.
>>43896200
Yeah, but not as crumbs on the ground, you catch?
>>43896259
>AH! Purple ooze is all over your face!
>And you're feeling veeeeery sleeeepy.
>>43896286
Again, for the last time, that was some other mage! They wanted to get the new guy in trouble because he uses a weird magic!
>>43896302
What didn't he do?
>>43896338
>Sticks her tongue out
>>43896344
Yeah well the janitors and maids are suppose to clean them up.
>>43896299
GIVE ME BACK MY TRAY!
>Runs after the it
>>43896202
Well. It seems like you need some practice. Or a proper spell book.
>Walks over to the shelf, a small stone lizard crawling on to her shoulder from the couch behind her.
Ah, here it is. This describes ghost sound, which should give the same result.
Rolled 6 (1d20)
>>43896259
>Hey, I got it eventually, didn't I? And isn't that what really matters when it comes to stealing shit?
Style is obviously preferable to results. Why do you think the thieves' guilds have gold-plated chamberpots?
>>43896271
Ah. I'm a little rusty on anything non-banishing at the moment. But let me work out the kinks real quick...
>rolls to transmute Jill's bagel into a Greater Bagel of Increased Fortitude
>>43896344
>They wanted to get the new guy in trouble because he uses a weird magic!
Magism! I call magism! And you, sir, are a filthy magist!
>>43896368
No, I am not french kissing you Jill.
Rolled 1 + 1 (1d4 + 1)
>>43896344
>Very sleepy
>Going to cuddle someone to sleep
>Rolling for who and to grapple
>1.Jill
>2. Gluglobul
>3. Mortimor
>4. Witt
>>43896338
So.....undead.....seems fair...
>>43896286
>curious hiss
I was....not flirting?Am I your type? That's slightly odd....but approvable....
Rolled 15 (1d20)
>>43896424
>too sleepy to properly roll
>>43896424
Poor Jill. Would you like your funeral dirge to be bagel-related?
Rolled 17 (1d20)
>>43896397
whoa.... Enchanted bagels?
>>43896420
Blah! I wasn't offering to
>>43896424
>>43896459
>Uhh so is that Me or Glug?
>>43896444
No, not Undead.
Why does everyone think that?
Though we do share some characteristics with Undead, we are not.
>>43896493
Then please stop sticking your tongue out.
>>43896384
>looks at the book blankly
......does it come in Braille? I can't read letters that don't protrude a bit....
>>43896459
>>43896493
>Is cuddled and trapped on a couch but still awake if that was for me'
>>43896508
Stop telling me what to do.
>>43896368
Well, maybe you can make their job a bit easier? I mean, I think it would be a nice thing to do.
>>43896397
I WAS TALKING ABOUT ME BEING THE NEW GUY!
>>43896424
>>43896459
>Are you going to need to roll again?
>>43896444
Hey hey! Back rooms you two!
>>43896522
Actually, the girl you are talking to is blind so yes, it does.
>>43896493
>Uhh so is that Me or Glug?
It's...it's...
A DOUBLE GRAPPLE.
It's...so beautiful...
>cries, while shuffling closer to the xeno
>>43896493
>>43896525
>It was for Jill, meant to roll a 1d20 in addition to the 1d4
>>43896522
...huh. I'm sorry, I assumed you would be able to read it this way.
>Opens her bag and pulls out a different book.
This is my own spellbook, in Braille. You can borrow it to try the spell.
>>43896508
Oh sorry
>nervous hiss
All this talk about not liking being called a bug and I do the same thing. My bad....is still livid about explosion
>>43896556
No, I found a regular book first. Since she needs Braille, I'll be lending her my normal one.
>>43896556
Ah, ok, I see it now
>starts reading quietly, tail wagging
>>43896525
I'm not.
>>43896577
Uhuh..
>>43896593
No, I figured you gave her a regular book seeing as how she asked. I was just saying you did have one since you yourself are blind.
>>43896608
Also, if you plan on doing things with Witt I suggest you take it to a back room.
>>43896567
T-talos? please stop.... Fuck I really hope Incindia doesn't see this.
>>43896621
Good.
>>43896643
>Still being a sleepy catgirl
Gooood night jillllll
>doesn't let go.
>>43896681
This is what happens, Parati. This is what happens when you explode my home. I get frustrated, and overwhelmed, and utter incantations of drowsiness without trying.
This is on you, Revenant. Jill will be consigned to a miserable fate of being crushed beneath the weight of Talo for all eternity.
>>43896640
What? If anything I'd just have a parasite violate his face and lay an egg in his.....HANG ON
>glares at Witt
Stand back, peasants, I can handle these Super-Ants!
>Mass Enlarge Creature
dice+1d20
>>43896643
Jill, need some help with Talo?
>>43896681
I might be able to counterspell.
>>43896681
>Grumbles as she tries and fails to get free
>>43896740
Shit.
>try again
"dice+1d20"
>>43896723
...And I care why?
Rolled 5 (1d20)
>>43896740
NO YOU FOOL, THAT'S NOT HOW YOU DO IT!
MAGIC STAFF, MAKE THESE ANTS GROW!!!
>>43895937
Witt. I actually try and do my job every now and again. Crazy me, right?
>>43896740
>>43896772Try putting it in the options field.
>>43896640
I'd offer my own humble dwellings but someone exploded them.
>>43896724
Uh...
>awkward smile
Thought-scrying is illegal in the guild meeting room, of course, so there's no possible way I would ever do that to ANYONE here, especially you.
>more smiling
Rolled 11 (1d20)
>>43896748
>>43896741
>Talo goes to sleep still holding Jill and covered in goo, but feel free to roll as much as you need to beat this result.
>>43896792
I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! I AM A PROUD KOBOLD, MOST REVERED KOBOLD SORCERESS OF MY TIME THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>regains composure.
Ahem.
>Mass Enlarge Creature
>>43896724
Oh, so you weren't getting the implications? Or... is there something else?
>>43896740
Uh, Mrs. Mezmerrowminx? We already handled things. Tyrone just lives here.
>>43896748
>Not sure if you are just doing this for comedic purposes or not but you rolled a 17 against Talo's 15
>>43896787
OH NO! RITA!
>A belt appears which has a single strap around connecting to a large belt buckle of some sort with a strange orb in the center
>Gluglobul places his left hand on the side of the belt bringing his right arm across to cover his chest
Witness my... TRANSFORMATION!
>Gluglobul brings his right arm forward and a flash of green light bursts from the strange orb!
>The green light envelopes the Sea-Elf and forms into a suit of smooth green armor with a black underlayer.
> The armor is composed of a chestplate, shoulder pads, gauntlets, boots, and a strange helmet resembling a krakens head with acid dripping from it.
I am, Dengen Senshi Bituman!
Rolled 2 (1d20)
>>43896848
>Snaps wand in rage, incoherent babbling
Rolled 15 (1d20)
>>43896848
YOU FOOL, YOU DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING THIS TIME
I WILL TURN YOU INTO ONE OF MY MONSTERS SO YOU CAN DESTROY THOSE PESKY PALADIN RANGERS!
>>43896848
Are you...
>>43896864
I...um...I'm sorry.
>>43896844
Oh, so now you're saying I'm not your type, eh?
>folds both sets of arms, getting in Witt's face
>>43896903
>>43896844
Get a shagging room somewhere instead of here, you didn't see me in here when I have sexual intercourse.
Which was only once, but whatever.
Rolled 14 (1d20)
>>43896901
>Reflexively casts Enlarge Person on Grand Transmuter Rite
>>43896958
No wonder you can't let me have my peaceful closet!
You know, the sexually curious tavern wench constructs were an abject lie, but I'm beginning to think they might not be such a bad idea.
>>43896846
>Nah I think it's funny.
>>43896863
>ComedicFetishJust kiddingOr am I?
>>43896901
Not if I, DENGEN SENSHI BITUMAN, have anything to say about it!
>Looks like a kamen rider
>>43897023
>THIS IS A SFW BOARD DAMMIT!
>>43897001
..I did it in my Art Room, you dolt.
And of course you would want that, the last girlfriend you ever had was a plank.
With a face and breasts drawn on it.
And you somehow actually believed it was a girl.
>>43896984
YES, RID ME OF THAT PESKY DENGEN ONCE AND FOR ALL MY MONSTER!
>>43897001
LOOK.....if you want to shag a 15 foot xenomorph, I am not one to judge. But I'm not one you'd want to shag. There's be rather....unfortunate consiquences
>>43897080
PLANKELLA WAS A BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT WOMAN AND WHEN SHE LEFT SHE TOOK THE BEST PART OF ME WITH HER.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SPEAK ILL OF PLANKELLA.
Rolled 19 (1d20)
>>43897083
SENSHI!
>He jumps at you
PAWNCH!
>And attempts to punch you and send you flying
>>43897057
>>43897057
>Is cuddled by a sticky catgirl
>I-is Jill holding her hand?
Rolled 19 (1d20)
>>43897083
uhh... uhh, okay.
>Casts Enlarge Person on Dengen Senshi Bituman
... really don't know how this was supposed to help you, Transmuter...
Oh dear, it seems like this place has devolved into something very close to resembling a brawl, without fully becoming one, or at least not that I can tell, unless, of course, it's a psionic brawl, which I should admit is both entirely possible and not something I'd want to witness. If I even could. I'm not sure, perhaps there are different methods of psionics, it's not my field of expertise, but anyway, I do hope things here calm down.
>>43897142
Next you're going to tell me that you met her parents, Maple and Bamboo.
>>43897167
>What do you think?
>>43897164
>>43897171
>>43897157
CURSE YOU BITUMAN, I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME!
>>43897213
Only Mr. Elm. His loving, devoted wife was lost at sea in a great storm.
I...I guess tragic loss just...runs in the family...
>gets misty eyed
>tries not to cry
>cries like a bitch
>>43897247
That totes happened to me too, for reals reals.
>>43897167
Ooooh, okay. Wait, I thought you said you WEREN'T a lesbian.
>>43897171
>OH GEEZ!
>IT'S LIKE KAMEN RIDER J ALL OVER AGAIN!
. . .Hey, can you make a pendant that allows me to go back to switch from normal size to this size?
>>43897234
I always win, Rita! For I fight for Power!
>Wait, he doesn't fight for Justice?
>>43897247
..Oh gods..
>turns into his human form
>looks like Not!Atilla The Hun
>Pats Witt on the back
>Rushes in
Oh, a meeting? I didn't miss too much, did I?
>>43897247
>watches
.......you're talking about wood you tried to shag and a tree that blew over? That's.....that's kind of pathe-
>sees crying
-tically tragic what happened, I'm sorry
>kneels down eye level and nuzzles Witt
>>43897318
>>43897369
Th-thanks, guys...hey, uh, neither of you would happen to be holding onto any opium, would you?
>>43897364
Just the overwhelming sound of people being downright pathetic.
And her.
>Points at >>43897185 , still talking to herself.
>>43897448
Oh, that. I was wondering why it still sounded like one of the other professor's classrooms here.
>>43897185
Oh, right. Her.
>>43897426
.....
Excuse me.
>walks out
>walks in with a plank he painted on that looks a brunette with glasses
>hands him it
....
>>43897426
>xeno thought process
I don't have opium. I could look around for some hallucinogenics or marihuana if you wish?now I'm thinking of a xenomorph getting high. Good job /tg/
>>43897490
PLANKELLA! I THOUGHT I'D LOST YOU FOREVER.
>speaks to himself in a high voice
No, Witt, you lost me in a card game when you were inebriated.
>returns to regular voice
I'M SO SORRY PLANKELLA I'LL NEVER GAMBLE AGAIN
>plankella voice
I was more concerned about the drugs and drinking...
>Witt voice
OH DON'T WORRY I CAN ALWAYS FIND MORE OF THOSE
>Witt and Plankella exit stage left, deep in conversationBye bye
>Is like, 40 meters tall
Hey, can someone, uh, shrink me back down?
>>43897426
>>43897505
You can get high with oozemancy! I developed oozes that can affect people like hallucinogenics.
>>43897484
Does she ever shut up?
>>43897505A magical place.
>>43897364
The main hall isn't in ruins yet, so I doubt we missed anything important.
>>43897542
>Raul enters, stage left, with a confused look on his face
Did I just walk in on something I shouldn't have?
Rolled 20 (1d20)
>>43897313
I'M NOT!
>Roll reflex to avoid the falling pinball machine
>>43897578
Ha. hahaha. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
>>43897578
>Is hard to dodge when you're 40 meters tall
OW! Jill! STOP TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY SIZE!
>>43897566
My eyes must be stuck on future sight. All I see is flames.
>>43897556
Uh... From what my niece told me of the class she sat in on, and from what I've heard from her, no.
>>43897566
>Shrugs
Fair enough.
>>43897576
Someone is a bit delusional. But what do I know, I'm a xenomorph
>shrug and hiss
>>43897578
PRAISE CRITICUS!
Oh, so we are having a meeting,
>>43897542
....He really is pathetic.
>>43897576
....Yes.
>>43897611
THE STOP CALLING ME A LESBIAN!
>>43897645
Hey quin
>Is being cuddled by a sticky sleeping catgirl
>>43897669
WELL WHY DON'T YOU EVER CUDDLE WITH ME!?!
>>43897578
>Jill is just Catgirl-sexual
>Walks in and takes a seat.
Well this is expected. Hello all.
>>43897556
Not these days, no.
>>43897622
Might be the past, I've burned a lot of villages in my time.
>>43897642
I'm biding my time until our archwizard decides to bring up the hat issue again. Until then these meetings are mostly just for killing time.
>>43897695
Hello Hermos.
How is your wife?
>>43897642
>>43897702
How wonderful. If anyone needs me, I'll be at the fighters guild. At least they can keep quiet.
All this talk of meetings and tension is getting me rather excited. I might just lay an egg....in which case everyone should probably leavetitle change for consistency
>nervous hiss
>>43897702
Isn't most of what you do nowadays finding ways to fill time?
Also, just between you and me, the new teacher is kinda... what's the word I'm looking for...
>>43897669
Hello Jill. Busy? Also, what's this meeting about and how far off-topic has it gotten?
>>43897695
Hey, can you get me clear skies for the rest of the week? I'm tired of all these storms tearing into my airship.
>>43897784
That's disgusting.
>>43897804
You once painted a picture of hundreds of people vomiting.
>>43897784
Nah, we've handled worse. I myself have fought against hordes of an alien species not unlike your own in another universe.
>>43897738
Really? I thought they would be just as loud. I suppose the lack of exploding labs might quiet things down.
>>43897786
Yes, it does seem to be what I do these days. As for Lachesis, as long as you don't find evidence of her trying to stab me in the back, she has my full support.
>>43897683
BECAUSE I REASONS!
>>43897690Who isn't? kek
>>43897791
Super ants have infested the guild and we are so off topic I can't even.
>Is currently suffering the fate of all things cute
>>43897725
Loving and hotheaded, as always. She's taking care of Franz while I'm at the meeting. If that is what this actually is.
>>43897791
Depends, what section of airspace do you need clear? I can't make any promises though.
>>43897846
I doubt she could form a coherent sentence, let alone a coherent thought long enough to think of stabbing you in the back.
>>43897850
Ants? Again? And here I was hoping we would discuss what to do with our ice cream surplus after someone opened that portal to the plane of infinite ice cream.
>>43897851
Everything between Fortune City and the Capital of Valmia.
>>43897822
Yes I did, and it was to express total disgust at the incompetence of a certain dwarf who was tasked at delivering a jewel to me and in turn I would give him the painting.
Because he failed so hard, I gave him that painting.
And I deliberately made it not even look good.
>>43897851
Good, and these really aren't meetings at all.
>>43897850
Ants? Oh yes. I could attempt to get rid of them. It would mean setting up shop but I believe that quite ok if I could at least control them
>happy hiss
>>43897850
Hm, I don't like that reasoning!
. . .AND WILL SOMEONE SHRINK ME ALREADY!?
>>43897871
>strokes his beard
That wasn't a problem back when she was dead, so perhaps you could find the reason why. Knowing her, that might be the reason she is like this, so someone will try to get to the bottom of her mystery.
>>43897902
It's a meeting by technicality. And there are a lot of things around here that depends on such technicalities.
>>43897894
>>43897850
I could dispose of the ants quite easily actually I think
>gets stares
....it would mean setting up a totally different hive though...
