Posts ending in 7 continue the story.
You are a hunter in the woods.
>>43852322
You are waiting for your wife. She is late and you can't have a picnic if she doesn't bring the alcohol.
When suddenly a dryad steals your bow, and declares, "Oh Sister how I missed you!"
When suddenly your heart stops, and you fall to the ground, very dead.
>>43852322
A wild beast appears. It seems to have deer antlers, the body of a bear and the head of a lion.
>>43852322
You've just stumbled upon a camp full of bandits. They've been terrorizing this part of the woods for some time.
>>43852322
When suddenly, a wild Tarrasque appears!
>>43852487
You commit suicide immediately to spare yourself the pain.
>>43852487
You loose an arrow at the beast and flee.
>>43852487
You tear your own eyeballs out.
>>43852487
You drop everything and run.
>>43852487
It demands that you take take responsibility, and is wearing a wedding dress.
>>43852487
You through your MASTERBALL at it.
Congratulations!
You have captured a TERRASQUE!
Rolled 20 (1d20)
>>43852487
Rolling Will save against its terrifying presence
Use a hearthstone to tele-port.
>>43852527
You succeed in your will save, your iron determination and the steely glint in your eye causing the monster to curl up into the fetal position and cry.
>>43852527
With a ferocious howl, you transform into Godzilla!
>>43852527
The Tarrasque flees when faced with your resolve!
>>43852527
Your will is strong enough to tear a hole in the fabric of reality. The Hypercrisis begins.
>>43852527
Your strong will wills the Terrasque away from existance.
>>43852527
Before such fearless bravado, the Tarrasque cannot stand and the beast is slain with a single arrow that pierces not only the heart of the creature, but its very soul in all dimensions.
Rolled 16 (1d20)
>>43852527
Rolling to seduce the Tarrasque.
You see a catgirl shuffle out of the foilage.
>>43852527
The Tarrasque has been tamed. You now possess a Tarrasque Animal Companion.
You prepare your anus.
You feel the sudden urge to shit on the patch of land you are standing on.
>>43852527
You are inspired to ride the Tarrasque, it ends poorly and now the two of you are in jail.
The Tarrasque tells you "Get out of my swamp!"
>>43852527
The Tarrasque is suddenly assaulted, from behind, by a group of Drow.
>>43852527
The tarrasque proceeds to anally rape you.
>>43852527
You challenge the Tarrasque to a Children's card game. Amazed by your determination, it accepts.
>>43852527
You stare the Tarrasque down. It whimpers and leaves, ashamed and humiliated before gods and men.
You suck Tarrasque dick.
>>43852527
You ask the Terrasque if he dares enter your magical realm
You come across a vault containing mimes and clowns.
>>43852527
The Tarrasque gives you his enchanted d20 of nobility.
You bend over and take it like a man.
>>43852527
Suddenly the Tarrasque heads towards your village.
>>43852527
You draw your knife, charge forward and scream out "WITNESS ME!"
>>43852527
(Seeing the Tarrasque curled into a fetal position by your gaze fills you with DETERMINATION)
>>43852646
With traps reverse traps and skeletons.
>>43852667
The Tarrasque fucking BOLTS.
>>43852677
Victory music plays. You receive 5 xp.
>>43852667
>>43852677
You chase that fucker down!
Rolled 9 (1d20)
>>43852677
I throw a rock at it as it flees.
Rolling to hit
>>43852677
Three days later and you are still tracking the Tarrasque.
>>43852708
Shit on the nearest tree stump.
>>43852677
It turns out that there is an elf bound in chains attached to the back of the Tarrasque.
>>43852677
Let him be and return to doing Hunter in the woods things.
>>43852677
Give chase.
That fucker is going to pay for daring to be near a murderhobo.
After some time the Tarrasque comes back with its brother, a famous lawyer.
>>43852747
Well, fuck.
>>43852747
They attempt to file a lawsuit against you.
>>43852763
Using all the years I've spent being a hunter in the woods to put my legal skill to use, deftly pointing out the flaws in the Tarrasque's claims and how he has no ground to take legal action against me.
>Bump
Rolled 13 (1d20)
>>43852747
Rolling for Knowledge (Law) to sue both of them for trespassing on my hunting grounds.
>>43852867
You succeed and take half of their power as compensation.
>Bump
>>43852867
You attempt to counter sue, but riding on the layers back is his paralegal, a voluptuous and lusty elven futa, who doesn't take no for an answer.
She gets down and "accidentally" drops a scroll, bending over suggestively to reveal a tiny undergarment that leaves nothing to the imagination. Then she reads off the scroll reminding you that these hunting rounds are in fact public, and you only need a license to be here. Did you remember to register for yours?
>>43852677
You bathe in celebration. Fruity smells fill the forest from your bottle of Bodywash Shampoo.
>>43852677
You witness yourself as part of a fabricated system and zero sum.
>>43852957
After looking at this neat picture of a Terrasque, you are now aware of what a Terrasque is.
>>43852977
You scream and flee the scene.
>>43852977
Motherfucker still got sued.
I'm waiting for my money, otherwise the Terrasque is banned from reality.
You hire an cute Elvin lawyer, can't tell it's gender.
>>43852867
The Terrasque now has a restraining order, forcing it to move into the sun.
You win.
>>43852867
You crit fail and accidentally seduce them.
>>43852867
The local judge is also a tarrasque and throws your case out because he is extremely racist against humans.
>>43852867
You seduce the Tarrasque's brother into loosing the case.
>>43852867
The terrasque finds this all very rude as he simply wanted to know if you wanted to join him and his brother for a camping trip
>Bump
>>43853417
The Tarrasque is trying to sue you because you startled him during his daily jog, which caused him to fall and get a bump on the head.
This is enough case for a legal battle... IN TARRASQUE LAW
>>43853417
The tarrasque is suing for discrimination.
>>43853417
Lawyer Tarrasque is unfazed by your attempt to counterclaim, saying that this is a national park, not your personal garden. He threatens to take you on due to potential poaching if it matters that much, but you agree to settle it over a friendly fistbump.
>Acquired acquaintance: Lawyer Tarrasque
>>43853507
Party it up with tarrasque bros.
>>43853507
You realize there can be only one Tarrasque at any given time. They're pulling a fast one on you!
>>43853507
>propose to Lady Tarrasque
>>43852867
Engage on a quest to contact Druidic PETA making a case against Mr T.R.Sauqe hunting vulnerable species with no licence.
>>43853523
It's not a tarrasque, it's just an ugly person.
>>43853547
>>43853537
You also decide to inform the authorities that an ugly person has been hiding under a false identity as a Tarrasque.
>>43853547
You pull the portable hole in a bag of holding trick on the real Tarrasque
>Bump
>>43853664
Why would you do that? It's nowhere near page 10.
Also you go to a bar to get drunk. Fucking lawyers.
ask tarrasque for horsey-ride
>>43853735
I bet you like to ride tarrasques.
>>43853507
I call Galgar Ziktik the Gnome to testify in my favor. He has a clear view of the area, so he should know where the public park ends and my hunting zone begins.
>>43853844
bareback ;)
Rolled 19 (1d20)
>>43853547
Rolling for realisation that you were admiring your own reflection in Lady Tarrasque's highly reflective cornea.
>>43854013
You filthy slut.
The End
>>43853547
Twist: your wife was the terrasque all along
Directed by M Night Shyamalamadingdong
>>43853547
you ask what the hell is going on.
Rolled 1 (1d20)
>>43853547
Rolling for magical ability, in order to cast a spell to make Lawyer Tarrasque beautifulonce again.
Rolled 8 (1d20)
>>43853547
Rolling Diplomacy to smoothly use Lawyer Tarrasque to hook you up with Lady Tarrasque.
Rolled 13 (1d20)
>>43853547
Rolling for ugliness. 20 is not ugly, we merely hallucinated.I knew that bong was never a good idea.
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>43853547
Rolling to wake up.
Rolled 2 (1d20)
>>43853547
To hell with this, we're going to go find the actual tarrasque and do... Something to it.
Rolling for success of finding it.
Rolled 14 (1d20)
>>43853547
Rolling to procure makeup kit to make Lawyer Tarrasque a pretty loli.
>>43852677
Thanks to your carelessness, several villages are destroyed.
>>43853547
You start flirting wildly with the ugly person
>>43853547
I attempt to fix the ugly person's face.
The tarrasques were actually all in your imagination as you died a painful and lonely death.
Sleep now anon.
