Regale us with tales of the greasiest neckbeards you've encountered, why were they so gross and what did you do?
>bored in college
>join local Tabletop Club to pass the time
>expect the worst
>most people actually pretty presentable, non-autistic, friendly
>but then of course there's THAT GUY
>about 300lbs, never showers or uses seemingly any form of hygiene
>permanent pizza stains down the front of all his shirts
>sits next to me
>the stench of ten thousand sweaty armpits mixed with piss wafts over me
>try to move chair as far as possible from him and remain downwind
>opens his mouth to release an autismal grunt about the rules and doritos and dew fumes melt my face off
>fuck me why did he sit here
>unsurprisingly he's an autistic rules lawyer who picks the stupidest characters possible and immediately attempts to derail everything.
>attempts to kill me for jokingly appointing myself the sheriff when that was 'his title'.
>end up pushing his shit in eventually so he immediately demands to switch games
Eventually he left and the rest of the night was enjoyable with all the semi-normal people playing but don't these people have any sense of shame? Why don't you at least wash your pizza stained clothes you fat fuck?
>>43725692
same thing basically, a huge fat fucker in my first group who rolled up a homebrew witcher race/class and always tried to seduce every woman he met
>>43725692
At my own local college gaming club I've run into a few rancid individuals.
One guy (I never knew his name but people sometimes called him Stinkpit) was really huge, tall, about 350lbs or more, and the type of guy who doesn't carry the weight well at all, like he has a really thin bone structure so he looks way fatter even than he probably is. He would always wear dirty pants and stained, stretched to fuck t-shirts, had longish hair that was always greasy and sort of wet. He smelled ungodly, so bad that getting anywhere near the guy was a nightmare. I've met a lot of guys who smell bad, like literally smell like rotting garbage, but he was maybe the worst. The first time I came into a room with him, a classroom that could seat about a hundred people, from almost fifteen feet away I got a whiff of him and I physically covered my face with my mouth with me hand and turned away. I didn't even know what it was yet I was smelling, it just felt like I wanted into a dump. When he would use the bathroom, you couldn't go in there for like fifteen minutes, because the BO was so concentrated in the smallness of the room it would made you nauseous to breathe in there.
The guy also seemed, I don't know, off. I never heard him speak or saw him really focus on people. He would stand or sit, often for long stretches, just staring, at people or at walls or things, his mouth often agape. He had this vibe where you looked at him across a room and just immediately thought "that guy's retarded". Not like downs, but like a Forest Gump kind of thing, low IQ, inability to really engage with reality.
>>43725887
Another guy a few years ago at the same club was much older, probably in his 40s or 50s. He was pretty big too, had a big ass beard. He was the aggressive type of socially awkward, not like he was shy, but he was loud, forceful, angry, demanding of others all the time in a very inappropriate way. I remember once he got angry at a pizza shop that someone was "poaching" his players, because they asked the table of people eating pizza if anyone wanted to play Catan. He got up and was full throated shouting and cursing at this 19 year old asian kid, cursing so loud you could hear him all through the restaurant and everyone was just sort of shocked and silent.
The guy also smelled kinda bad, but not as bad as the average Magic player at the club. What was really gross about him was how unclean he was. He had really long fingernails and there would be grime and mud caked under them, as though he had not cut them or properly washed his hands in days or weeks. Once he showed up with shit on his underwear, the inside and outside of the back of his pants, up the skin of his back and up the back of his t-shirt. There was a lot of it, and when he would lean forward you could see inches of the stuff, caked on and dry like it had been there for hours. He sat there for four or five hours like that, seemingly unaware, then went home.
>>43726023
god damn, my experiences pale in comparison to the autism you've experienced.
I'm so sorry anon
I've played with Virtualoptim.
Trust me, he is much different than you would imagine him.
He's also the one who got me into tg, after bragging to us about his ban.
I could tell stories......
He is actually a really good GM, though.
>>43726023
>shit on his underwear
Why did you see his underwear? I dont even want to contemplate the validity of this story. I want to believe its fake.
>>43726288
I'll take the bait.
I gamed with this one guy, in his 40s I think, retired on some kind of disability. He was a friend-of-a-friend, and even when I say that I'm not sure about it because after we gamed at his house once I never heard from or about him again.
So firstly, just getting there was kind of awkward. Knocking on the front door of the address they gave me was apparently NOT the way to go, because our host for the afternoon was renting half of the house from an asian couple who lived in the other half. They had no idea who I was or what I was talking about, not even knowing the name of the man living crammed into the same building as them.
Now, firstly I want to say that I understand if you're in that kind of living situation. I live in a barracks myself, and most of my gaming friends are college students in rented rooms, so the only time we have space is either at the game store or at someone's relative's house. Stuffing into a cozy room is perfectly fine in my book. But when I'm walking around to the back of a house, and the back yard is full of discarded furniture and trash, and the house itself is in desperate need of a bucket of water to rinse off some of the shit accumulating on it, I get put off a little bit by my surroundings.
The inside wasn't much better. The already small space was further hemmed in on all sides by one too many pieces of furniture. The table we were playing on was exactly that awkward size of being too small for the mat and minis, but too large to simply move it aside and use the floor. There was a loveseat to one side of the table, and a large computer chair on the other, leaving enough room for one person to pass through at any given time. I was the last to arrive, so I alternately stood and sat on the floor.
>to be continued...
>>43725692
>Be playing with local home group back from college.
>GM introduces new guy to group, seems moderately normal
>Greet him since GM usually has good taste in additions
>New guy literally smells like a skunk
>Sit down in my usual spot
>He sits next to GM, can still smell him from 6 feet away
>Realize the dude is blazed as fuck after he starts getting his sheets out.
>Nothing against stoners but this guy walks out every 30 mins to smoke, bringing in fresh waves of stank
>Eventually topic of food comes around
>Order some pizza as customary for group
>New guy doesn't pitch any money in
>Eats half of a pizza
>Starts rolling GMs dice without cleaning hands.
I literally yelled at the guy, my autism can only be so contained.
>>43726293
I'm sure you've seen how fat guys will sometimes lean forward and their shirt pulls up along their back, exposing several inches of butt crack, pants, and underwear. It was like that, but with dried feces.
>continuing from >>43726435
The host himself was on his own bed, using it as a chair and a place to put all of his books and other shit. The sheets were white, once - but when I saw them they were splotchy grey and brown. There was a blanket too, rolled up into a ball and stuffed out of the way. What floor space remained was taken up by a cabinet with clothes, and a bookshelf with about 50% gaming books and 50% miniatures. A CRT TV hung from the ceiling in one corner, on one of those rotating brackets that before then I had only seen in prison movies. The TV was on, and tuned to Fox News - though thankfully it was muted during the game.,
There was also a kitchenette area with a stove that reminded me of an old gas one I'd once had to use when I lived in Philidelphia - only problem is that that stove had dated back to the 1920s, while this stove looked like it hadn't been cleaned since about that time. All but one of the cabinets was missing it's door, and the wooden countertop was the kind of discoloration you'd expect from about twenty years of neglect. One big dark spot in the middle where it saw the most use, and lighter brown towards the outside, with the edges and corners being filled with crumbs. Two pizza boxes sat on top of it, and there was allegedly some two liter sodas in the fridge, but you couldn't pay me to use one of the glasses I saw looming overhead in the corner cabinet.
Finally, the guy. He wasn't a great DM, leading off the campaign by telling us he wouldn't pull any punches and that he'd learned how to DM from Gygax himself. The night ended with the party of five squaring off against five vampires of higher level, in an encounter that we had no way of seeing coming or avoiding. To his credit, he let me ass-pull a solution to the fight and didn't let us get TPK'd, but it was obvious he had expected us to beat them legitimately. This was after about six hours of the most dull world-building I've ever experienced.
> TBC...
>freebleeder player
>>43726667
>>43726656
damn son, was the guy just poor or lazy?
>>43726667
I want to Google freebleeder to see what it means, but I feel like i'll regret it...
>>43727416
My theory isa woman that doesn't use tampons or pads.
>>43727438
You arecorrect
>>43727465
Disgusting.
>>43726288
I believe this entirely. He was a shit, and went on and on about how he ran games for the store he worked in. Exactly the kind of cunt that would "brag" about getting banned from /tg/.
>>43726667
>>43726288
Do tell.
>>43726288
I always pictured virtualoptim as this giant, fat, divorced former reservist in his 40s, holding down some horrible security job and spending his working hours crapping in every tg thread he could because his life was so meaningless.
>>43729207
See I'd always seen him as some early twenty shmuck who barely graduated high school and has put no effort in finding a job or continuing with education, and just spends all his time acting as a wikipedia professor and learning exhaustive amounts of crap no one cares about, like what model of Slavic rifle was superior or what the best medieval era special forces equivalent was.
I am curious to know what anon's actual encounters with him were likeassuming he's telling the truth
>>43726288
Tell us friend!
Regale us with tales of this 'Virtualoptim'!
DO IT FUCKING DO IT NOW
>>43730115
This was a fun story.
>>43725692
Some times I hate being from a low-population country, it's rough to find games and very few spots in the country have actual game stores where people sit down and geek out in the store.
But when I read threads like this, I'm fucking glad. I think there needs to be a critical mass of people before the awkward ones can congregate to the point that they never hang out with normal people in normal circumstances any more. Over here, the mid-tier autists have mostly normal friends who sort of keep them from going off the rails, and the full-on walking disasters can't find enough people like themselves to form a dysfunctional social circle, and are mostly alone and harmless.
I went to a school with some very, very nerd-magnet type education programs, like probably the school with the highest amount of fa/tg/uys in the entire country, and the WORST we had was some chick who was socially awkward and fat and incapable of making friends, and a few guys who probably got bullied a lot as kids and were awkward with women, and one guy who thought hentai was a totally acceptable topic of conversation in mixed company, but he got some sense shoved down his throat really fast.
I can't even imagine what kind of environment would spawn people who walk around literally smelling of shit and not really pay attention to it. I guess it's kind of like with fat people, the more of them there are, the less bad they feel about being fat.
Thank you for reminding me to count my blessings /tg/.
>>43730401
You're welcome
>>43725692
I was in a session with a guy who took of his shoes, took off his socks, and then chewed on his toenails. Needless to say that I bailed.
I wish I was kidding. But I'm serious. Turned out the guy had some kind of mental condition and dropped out of college within the first semester.
>>43730736
Fucking hell. That's quite something. How did he ever make it to college in the first place?
>>43730752
Absolutely anyone can make it through high school.
>>43730790
this
The only way you can really get kicked out of high school is if a teacher catches you with a knife.
Told this one before but.
Moved to a new part of town. Figured I would check out some game groups on meet.com. Walked in so far pretty normal, autism was low. I could have some fun here.
Then Blaze Moonshadow, his fursona, shows up. I know this because he would correct anyone that called him by his real name. This happened a lot.
Wearing a button up shirt with flames on it with a matching sleeves flame shirt under it. I know this because the first shirt would find its way off his body and the stench began.
He smelled like someone bottled B.O. and let it age for 25 years. He would also but in on everyones turn, telling them what they should do. Would also do this I was rolling my characters. This fuck-stick was the most annoying person i have played with. He was also a rules lawyer, but most of the time he is flat out wrong. This lasted about 2 sessions and I found a new store.
>>43730848
Not if you stab the Teacher first.
>>43726288
>>43727539
hello virtop
good to see you remembered to turn off the trip when you needed it off this time
>>43730115
this is most accurate
his trail of internet faggotry was not well hidden
he's posted school, personal life, etc, and you can peg the county he was most recently living in and narrow down the schools he probably went to
he's disappointingly a depressing shithead
but he makes me feel good about myself as such
>>43725887
Don't be a hater. #NurgliteLivesMatter
>>43730901
>he's disappointingly a depressing shithead
What exactly did people expect? That he was some Ray Reddington-tier supermind who came here to shit up threads as part of some elaborate plan?
>>43730901
wait shit didn't mean to quote the second guy there
>>43730848
>The only way you can really get kicked out of high school is if a teacher catches you with a knife.
I had a cousin that picked me up for my Freshman and sophmore year in higschool, he would cut class and smoke weed in my backyard.
He got caught with a switchblade, and even he managed to graduate. His mother pulled a lot of strings though, networking is a hell of a drug.
>Be in D&D group.
>Go dungeon delving.
>Trap-filled dungeon.
>Trap-finders decide to take 20 in searching for traps. We crawl at a snail's pace through dungeon.
>DM decides he wants to insert something interesting.
>Says bard notices hidden door thanks to elf heritage.
>That Guy demands a reason why trap-finders (especially his) didn't see the door as they passed it.
>Holds up game for 10 minutes demanding credit for finding the door.
I wish I had more people to play with in this area, I swear.
>>43730401
>and one guy who thought hentai was a totally acceptable topic of conversation in mixed company
It isn't?
What kind of people do you associate with, anon?
>>43725692
>Who was the most disgusting player you've ever had to deal with in a group?
Me.
>>43732973
Sometimes I feel that way too anon, but the most important thing to remember is that you can be whoever you want. Even if you're ugly or fucked up, if you clean yourself up and make an attempt to be presentable you'll at least come out better than most of these fucked up neckbeards.
