Hear ye, hear ye, I call to order another meeting of the Mage Guild. All arcanists concerned, please assemble.
As you're all aware, the useless hippies at the Circle of Druids managed to block our plan to blow up the moon at the Interguild Meeting, saying that the benefits of being able to study moon rocks didn't outweigh the drawbacks of tides becoming unpredictable. Now, it goes without saying that druids are useless leeches that should be put down for the good of everyone, especially their own children who no longer need to be contaminated by their stupid beliefs, but since we currently lack the authority to do such a thing, we'll have to think of another way to study moon rocks. Does anyone have any suggestions?
>>43713114
Now now, don't go getting upset with the Circle. They're just worried about the tidal shifts that the loss of the moon would cause.
As to the "moon rocks" query, there are about four or five spells that I can think of, off the top of my head, that could get one or two of your more trustworthy apprentices up there and back, alive. Send some skeletons and you drop it down to one: Cave's Dichromatic Portal.
Or just have your Eldritch specialist contact one of the Outer Gods, s/he won't miss the sanity they'll lose from it.
Moon rocks? Why study those, study the sun.
>>43713114
Perhaps we could simply transform something else into moon rocks, then study them? Like the forest the Circle of Druids meets in?
>>43715868
They don't let any of us within 55 feet of that grove. I feel like they do some type of knowledge spell as we enter here. Maybe they're hiding amongst us? There are a lot more ferns than I remember in this building.
Authority only enters the equation if someone gets upset about it.
I say we hire a bunch of adventurers hanging around taverns to kill all of the druids, that way they can't trace it back to us.
>>43715868
What about the students? Bloody useless the lot of them.
>>43715999
We tried that once to get rid of the rats down in the lower catacombs. Ended up having to flood them to prevent a race of half-man, half-rat overtaking the entire city. Who knows what we'll get if we try to bump off the druids with them. Probably man-plants that will fuck my petunias to pieces.
>>43716031
Clearly we should've created a race of half-man, half-cat people to fend off the half-man half-rat menace! It would've solved everything!
>>43716008
Well in line with attempting to obtain more Moon rocks, we could use some of the students in the new spell to create Astronaut Skeletons.
My word! If we use it on the students while they're still alive the Astro-Skeletons will start off with their own fleshy-space-suits. Won't need to bring that money grabbing tailor-guild into this.
>>43716031
All I'm saying is that last time I had trouble with a duke, a few adventurers and rumors about how the duke was a vampire later, i didn't have a duke problem anymore.
>>43716008
Excellent idea. Sadly, I am forbidden from casting such spells on students since the "Golden Scholarship" incident. However, I'm sure there would be some willing to volunteer. For the good of the sum of magical knowledge of course.
There is no need for an apprentice. An automaton is all we need! Simply create a means to transport it (I vote for the popular choice of portals) and the automaton can do the rest!
How did the experiments into extra-planar travel go? Surely they would allow use to simply blow up the moon of a reality we have no reason to care for?
It could be argued that the properties of an alternate-moon moon-rock would be to far removed from our own unexploded one, but it should be withing acceptable margins.
Wait, I've got it
Lets turn all of the druids into catgirls and blow up the moon while they're napping!
I say we don't blow up the moon, we bring'er closer - we can move rocks, and it's a big rock, is it? - take rocks that we need and fling'er back in place, problem solved.
>>43713114
I say we burn crosses in the druid's forests!
>>43716566
'Fling' rocks? We don't 'fling' rocks. What are we, the Engineer's Guild? The Rock Throwers and Tumbler's Guild?
>>43716567
>stupid nametag
Clearly we should turn the moon into druids that way everybody wins!
>>43716666
Nice try super satan!
I KNOW WHAT WE MUST DO!
>>43716400 is saying we can travel extra-planar. Why don't we get a moon from the plane of moons and crash them into each other. Two means twice as many rocks, and we also have the chips more likely to fall on us.
Ingenious, really.
We should create a portal connecting to the moon maybe making the folks of astrology making the paths would be a more efficient way? Or we could just kill some virgins and use the blood to send demons to up the moon.
I have never posted in these threads, but live for them. Thank you all so very much
>>43716825
If me make portals I can start up some Moon rock plantations.
>>43716922
We would need the blood of a small village, 36 folks but it's duable. The demons don't brief in the void of space and we could make the right calculations to open a portal this way.
>>43716982
Demons! I'm a god fearing wizards dammit! I will not taint my soul by working with demons!
>>43716487
I like the way you think Talo. Them Negro catgirls sure are valuable.
>>43717011
Dude chill they are lesser demons they only want blood. Besides what's so important about a soul it's now like you're using your anyway
>>43717067
It's the principle of the matter!
>>43717067
This here understand it. They're just lesser demons what could possibly go wrong?
Obviously, best plan is to go ahead and shoot more rocks at it. Those rocks knock against the moon, knock rocks off, and they fall back to earth so we can study them! Easy.
>>43717130
How about use meteors to kock some rock out of the moon? Maybe we could use some blood of the villagers and make some meteor hit the moon?
>>43717130
A take away jobs from the negros? I think not!
>Looking disheveled and above all, tired, Hermos drifts into the room.
Sadly, my magic doesn't help with knocking objects out of orbit. And my cryomancy isn't particularly helpful. Anyone have anything to eat? I'm starving.
>>43717189
No, no - we can shoot rocks up from down here. All we have to do is make sure they fly fast and far enough to reach there at the right angle and at a good time. There'd the the problem of making sure the rocks came back down, but we could solve that, right?
>>43717290
Timpi! Get Mister Brimsley a snack!
>Whip crack
>>43717314
I don't like it!
>>43717054
As a catgirl, you are kind of making me feel uncomfortable
and that's saying something since Randall trained me.
>>43717314
That can work, but what about civilian casualties from the falling debris? Especially if we crack large chunks of it off? I'm not okay with that on many levels.
>>43717433
Yes but you're not a negro catgirlOR ARE YOU?so you have nothing to worry about. Also who is Randall?
>>43717526
Well...uh...that's where you could come in! You could catch the rocks in a cyclone or something, so we could drop them in a desert somewhere.
>>43717546
Just one of the more... problematic mages that have shown up in these meetings. Convinced an apprentice to sell her soul for magic power. She's been hunting down his doppelgangers for a while now.
>>43717636
Okay then
>>43717599
And this is why you're a junior terramancer. Cyclones and winds aren't something I can conjure easily nor control. And think of the side effects of making a cyclone in a residential area...
As loathe as I am to agree with the druids, blowing up part of the moon does actually affect my job as a weathermancer, so I'm not completely on board with it.
By Hypnos, this place seems uptight. What has the Guild so riled up?
>>43717757
Moonrunes. Mint julep?
>>43717636
>>43717672
No, he was a perverted wizard(ess) whose apprentice turned me into a catgirl which got me started on this path.
>>43717802
I'm not some scrying idiot, and I don't much care for alcohol. Got any warm milk?
If the Guild would simply lift its ban on ascension to lichdom, surely I could use the power to form some sort of tower of skeletons to reach the moon and recover the rocks. It's win-win, really.
>>43717850
Timpi!
>Whip crack
Set a cow on fire and then milk it!
>>43717881
Pah! My tower of Negros would be better then a tower of flimsy old skeletons.
>>43717881
Dead people don't dream, Edric. I can't support that.
>>43717850
I have sweet wine want some?
>>43717887
>>43717907
Negromancer! Cease oppressing this womyn cowfolk and discriminating against the skeletons! They must return to the safe grave at once!
>>43717926
Your milk sir!
>>43717958
Pardon me, I should say African-Amerimancer
>>43717958
I'm an equal opportunity slaver dammit!
>>43717958
No, no! They like it out here! Righty, Dusty?
>bones fall to the floor in a dusty heap
They love it.
>>43717526
Don't worry about casualties i have the perfect way to clean up after it. So nothing will reach us. And most important we must protect ourself from the falling moon rocks.
>>43717946
No, no. Thank you though.
>>43717965
Oh, good. I've been needing another glass.
>>43717881
That seems like a bad idea, for two reasons.
1. Distance between the the surface and the moon would require too many bodies as well as their forms being unable to sustain in the atmosphere.
2. I cannot allow the weather patterns to be disrupted since your corpses are subject to the wind and other beings int he sky.
>>43717812
Riiight. Forgot the perverted bit, and didn't know about the whole catgirl bit.
Sorry to hear that.
>>43717986
Oh really, shitbaron? Why don't you allow brown-elf to black transracials to become slaves?
>>43718036
You'll wake up Morpheus himself with that racket. Why not take a nice nap?
>>43718002
A spire of zombies could protect the bone ladder! What a genius idea, Hermos. Now, we simply need to find a group of adventurers to procure my phylactery. Who has spare adventurers?
>>43718036
Who says I don't? Was it you Timpi you lying bastard?
>Whip crack!
>>43718066
You do know you just asked a paladin to relax? They are all stressed with their laws and stuffs. I just wanted a little bit of blood for my research but they said it was a no, no, matter.
>>43718066
Don't insomnia shame me you cismagicschool heteromancer, check your XP privilege! Off to the sensitivity monastery with you!
>>43717990
No, no, no. It's not that I'm worrying about casualties and the paperwork associated with it, I deal with enough of that with my family and profession. It's that casualties are happening at all due to our foolishness.
>>43718036
Please calm down, you're straining my headache and I'm at the end of my rope.
>>43718073
You misunderstand me, but I doubt I can make you understand.
>>43718096
Oh, I wasn't aware.
>>43718106
You're raping me with your insults and your wakeful-privilege.
>>43718115
Edric is a necromancer the not so broken corpses can come back as working force. We will need some working force to work on the moon stones. Or are you suggestion we carried the moon stones ourselfs?
>skeletal hand raises from under the table
Why don't we end the ban on lichdom?
Oh, what a marvelous idea!
>>43718141
Don't you go perpetuating sleep culture you problematomancer.
>>43718185
End Mortal Privilege Now!
>>43718220
I think you should relax you will end up tearing up a vein or something and that could be terrible.
>>43718191
You want me to suppress my sleepness? That is racist bigotry. I can't believe you call yourself a Paladin, you should just Fall so that the world knows you try and segregate the sleeping from the non-sleeping.
I'm going to go write on my wizard-blog about this.
>>43718185
>Hermos just sighs.
We're not ending the ban on lichdom Edric. Stop that.
>>43718220
You're a moron.
>>43718155
I believe levitation or gravity manipulation should be within one or two of our member's abilities.
>>43715757
No good, sun rocks disappear at night
>>43718244
Triggered! AB+ have just the same circulatory risks as anyone!
>>43718331
But some get very low life spans sometimes.
>>43718288
This is an outrage! I would never use my power to overthrow the guild and replace you all with subservient skeletons, honest!
>>43718375
My detect oppression's triggering like crazy! Give me one reason why I shouldn't Doxmite you.
>>43718399
>Sniffs the air
Smell that? It's bullshit, and...and
>Points at Edric
And you're the source. Though it may also be the paladin.
>>43718399
Edric that is offensive i supply you with manny corp...i mean raw materials left from my experiments. I sure hope you really didn't mean what you just said.
>>43718423
I have black blood in my veins.
Pillows and Sheets, all of you are so tense! I don't want to have to cast Smooth Jazz.
>>43713114
>Enters calmly, "late" to the meeting.
>Clears throat
I propose we assemble a Guild Hall on the moon as a remote research station.
>>43718437
That, my esteemed colleague, is the smell of a hack. You forecasted no rain yesterday, and yet, my graverob-....studies, were flooded out! Care to explain?
>>43718444
Certainly not, brother. Unfortunately, there are those out there that are too blind to see our magics for what they are, the magics of life and unlife.
>>43718538
Not a forecaster. I just make it rain where I'm told. And if I'm feeling like it, the "studies" of necromancers who threaten my life and those of my friends.
>>43718528
If you guys wish to do such, I will not stop you, but I won't be using it.
>>43718538
I agreed some lack view and the art of unlife can be quite vast and require a long life span to study all of it. But the meeting is not about the linches.
>whispers to Edric
Besides, i heard that moon rocks can be used against spirits right.
>>43718612
I swear, if you use the Sacred Moon for anything besides good, I will make your life EXACTLY like your worst nightmare. To the letter.
>>43718528
And how do you propose we do this?
>>43718646
Easily. We vote on a measure to instruct the guild to build such a Guild Hall as soon as possible. Then we merely move it through time to the moon as we see it now. Of course, we have to vote on the measure or else we'll never build the thing.
>>43718642
No, no Requies i would never dream in using moon rocks to attract werefolk and trap then in a attemp to study their transformation capabilities by testing their blood. That would be ridiculous.
>>43718688
Just like I'm not about to cast Smooth Jazz. Oh, wait.
>makes lots of hand movements
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGURYe7coRU
>>43718723
Requies, this music is fantastic! You're certainly ahead of your time.
>>43718751
I know how to chill. I'm a Dream Wizard, after all.
>>43718723
Fall's asleep
>>43718770
Oh yes, yes of course. Though I presume Brimsley knows an awful lot about that as well.
>>43718776
>Takes out a quill and inkpot and begins to doodle arcane symbols on his face.
>>43718723
I may not be able to sleep on account of the undeath, but even I can appreciate that music.
Also, these plants I've grown that replicate ears are almost as sharp as my old pointies! It only took about a century!
>>43718880
At the current moment? Sadly not, I'm usually pretty calm but my wife and our newborn are running me ragged, has left me a little stressed as of late. Love them dearly though, such a gift for a mobster like me.
>wizard
>wife
OY MATE THAT'S A GOOD ONE
>>43718890
>turns around with such a potted plant under one arm
I've already got one, and it took me far less effort.
>>43718939
I had thought you said you were knowledgeable in cryomancy, Brimsley.
>>43718994
>Look of realization dawns across his face.
Ah, alright, a pun. Sorry. Tired, that's all.
Smooth Jazz calms all things. Let the powers of easy-listening wash over you.
>>43718994
Well yeah, no surprise there. I'd expect nothing less from a chronomancer.
by the way, that batch of wine I've got in the works, with the screaming hellberries in it. The one that'll be ready in about twenty years? Did you get the bottle I leave you in the usual time?
>Dusts off his clothes and stands from his chair.
Well, I must be off. My wife deserves some respite from our son, thought I should drop in at least. I might come back and browse the archives later if they're both asleep. Have a good night all.
>Nods to Requis, Sevelyn, and Doc'tor as heturns towards the door.
>Simply walks out, though some clouds are seen gathering and heavy rain starts to pour outside as he leaves.
>>43719043
It was most enjoyable. You really are something special, Selevyn. I only wish you'd warned me about the fact that distilled screaming hellberries tend to come out the same way they go in. Still, some knowledge is learned firsthand.
>>43719018
Do not concern yourself so, Brimsley. Perhaps Requies could conjure you a warm blanket and you and I could revisit this meeting after you've had a nice nap?
>>43719124
Yes, good night Hermos. Sleep well.
>>43719124
>mutters
Seven seconds...
>>43719126
>Calls out behind him
Dinner is waiting to be made by yours truly tonight as with most nights right now. I'll be around sometime, just might be late!If I have the time I'll show up in the archives later tonight or tomorrow afternoon.
>>43713114
Why not making a big wall around the druid council, conceal the Moon with an illusion over their area, and fling some white rocks over the wall, telling them "We blew it anyway !" ?
>>43719126
I'll have to remember to warn you about that.
At least it's not the Viper's Tongue brew all over again. Three whole paladin ORDERS were looking to burn the plant matter from my ancient bones for that one.
Seven seconds... seven seconds!
>>43719188
Because that would make the Dream Wizard angry, and you have to sleep eventually. Whether you want to or not.
>>43713114
Blow up the moon? Sounds like a boring bit of engineering to me. You dragged me out of the library for this?
>>43719214
Well, can't we build a wall around him, illusion is area, throw druids at him and tell him we did it anyway ?Crap, I was late for This kind if thread, sucks to be european. Good night everyone then
>>43719188
Pedro, I ran into your cousin "Monster" Manuel yesterday. He tried to sell me a goblin wearing a wooden box, claiming it was a - and these are his words - "deescout mimic."
Last week he painted his sister green and tried to pass her off as a dryad.
Week before that he had an armadillo with a shovel taped to it's nose marketed as a bulette.
He needs help.
>>43719259
I'm the Dreamwalking is a thing. Anyone falls asleep, he can just go through their dreams.
He's also incredibly rich and handsome, so society would revolt.
>>43719261
HE PAINTED MARIA GREEN ?
Son of... Well I must apologize for my cousin's behavior, and I'll repay you the price of this gobl-box.
I've the right set of spells to end all of his madness.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven... seven seconds!
>>43719333
>looks over
Until what? Or are you just thrilled that time has passed?
>>43719312
Eh, I didn't buy it, so you don't need to repay me.
As for his madness, I know one or two decent counselors. Might be a little easier in the long run, ya know?
>>43719333
I'll bite. What's with the seven seconds, Doc?Wasn't it 20 minutes last time?
>>43719299
So that's why there was an handsome guy last night in my dream.
I vote to ban his powers, can't have someone this intrusive and powerful free of his acts.
>>43719206
What are You doing ? Stop playing with this watch, you're gonna break it !
>>43719377
He's pretty benevolent. Just don't fuck with him. You look like you're tired. Maybe some Calming Music can help you nod off?
>>43719363
>>43719371
Don't you understand? He left. He left seven seconds before he was supposed to...
Am I seven seconds late? Was he seven seconds early? How did I not know about this?
Seven...
Welp, I've got to take off. Working on a deterrent to keep adventurers from getting irradiated by the ruins of my home kingdom. Gotta plant one or two seeds and see what happens. Maybe I'll share what I learn with you folks tomorrow, should the meeting still be going on.
>>43719544
Probably some sort of divergence in the timelines. You're the Chronomancer, so you'd know better than me.
Anyways, I have an appointment with some sheep. Dream Wizard out.
>>43719397
Why not... After all music... Can't be so bad...
>yawn, and Begin to sleep, drooling over his robe and mustache
