I don't think I'm cut to be a DM.
My players just won't stop making my life living hell, and they're doing it involuntarily. Every time, every session, they come up with a completely retarded plan and they get upset if I voice my objections. They think they're clever and think that I'm railroading them because "I care too much about my boring campaign" but they come up with balls to the wall retarded as fuck plans that would get them killed/arrested in real life in every single outcome. And then when they try to use diplomacy, it's even worse. They say completely fucking retarded things, out of touch even with the fake reality of the game and expect it to work because they rolled a 20. It gets even worse when they try to be clever and "pushy" but they just end up saying psychotic as fuck shit and roll intimidation for it and expect things to work out in ways that don't involve being riddled with arrows.
But despite all the lapses in common sense, I can't make nature run its' course and create actual consequences for their dumb as shit actions because I 1. Don't want the game to die and 2. Don't want to be called "that DM".
Fucking kill me please.
>>43643623
Just stop being a faggot
>>43643623
Ignoring the fact that this is obvious bait, you're obviously not in any way the DM for them and they're not the group for you. Either you buck up and change your whole style to suit them, or you leave and obey the old maxim of "no game is better than bad game". Or actually talk to them about it face-to-face instead of bottling it all up like a passive-aggressive fuck.
>Guys my players are shit people
>But I can't stop them because I need this game
Rule #1: Not playing is preferable to playing a shit game.
That's it. Solve your problem by finding better players.
>>43643623
Some groups just have fun being wacky man. So you either sit them down and explain this is going to be a serious game, and if you can't be serious then go home, or you just run a wacky game and die a little inside.
>>43643623
You're fucked then. Either man the fuck up and make realistic consequences for actions and advise them to change their tactics, or accept that this is your playerbase and start changing the campaign so that everyone else does equally retarded shit so they 're on a level playing field.
Or, y'know, tell them to knock it off and accept what happens.
>>43643623
Give us some examples, Op. Weird plans are a staple of many groups, but there's a difference between weird and just thinking they can melt a wall with pudding.
>>43643765
It's not about it being a serious game. I'm not adverse to levity or doing whatever.
But the plans they come up give me headaches because they're ENTIRELY DETRIMENTAL to the thing that they have decided to do.
They wanted to kidnap a king for some reason that I forget while he was in his castle, surrounded by his retinue, advisers, family and an entire garrison of guards.
>>43643943
They remind me of my old group, who threw a Molotov into a packed bar because they wanted to prank each other, then got angry when I said the paladin (who threw two Molotovs, one slipped out of his hand and lit him on fire) should fall because of this.
What you need to do is make death mean something, so they don't think they can just revive or anything. Similarly, have realistic consequences, and encourage them to try planning for the long term.
If you just flat-out stick them with the consequences, they'll think you're a railroading asshole. But if you give them an interesting enough alternative, as well as reasons to not do suicidal things, they stand a better chance at coming over to your side.
>>43643623
This isn't your blog.
Now, saying that, you really only can do one thing: Stop playing the game. It sounds like you don't enjoy it, and you're too concerned over everything they do. If they do something retarded, they do something retarded. You roll for consequences and, if they succeed, it's hilarious. if not, it can still be pretty fucking funny too.
So again: stop playing, since you are, indeed, one of "those DMs" as you say.
>>43643765
Where's the line between "fun" that is basically what normalfags today think wacky, relentless, immoral and uncaring shit is and actually being "boring", which is what proper, rightful order is what we know is?
>>43643943
Kill them, in a "that DM" way, not letting them chances or making characters (the guards, royal and elite guards and other knights) that are powerful enough so they have virtually no chance, throw some asshole move inside there, like a few mages or some shit, maybe a hired rogue to handle these cases so they can't literally see what's coming. They are "those players"? Give them "that DM", man, that's it.
