I've been DMing for my group for a little over 2 years now, and somehow it has worked out. I didn't know anything of the settings or actual things besides "characters have classes" and "magic and monsters exist" was really in dnd. But I started to DM, and with the twin batons of Lies and Making Shit Up, I bludgeoned a story and setting that, looking back, was downright silly. Here are a few examples of the things my players have been forced to deal with.
>There was a group of 4 adventurers many years ago that saved the world. I based them of the Beatles. John was an acended black dragon who was turned into a vampire by Yoko. Paul created a paladinhood who drew power out of pure LAW. George became a warrior monk no one ever heard about. Ringo learned to turn into a bear for max comfy sleepy times.
>To destroy an ancient Quantum Gem they had to travel into a metaphyisical dungeon to destroy its composite elements (that I'm pretty sure I read a thing about, but I might be wrong). They had to fight elementals of
>Calcium (basically a skeleton they just poured water on to kill)
>Magnesium (gentle tap with fire hammer made it into inferno graffiti)
>Aluminum (lightning'd it into a puddle)
>Bismuth (Honestly they just murdered this one regular like)
>Berylium (they used an item that casted effects similar to the deck of many things which I didn't know about. A lucky roll turned it into a book elemental, which lead to a player yelling "HOLD HIM DOWN AND REAM HIM!")
>Titanium, which they havent fought yet. Instead of being vaguely humanoid like the rest of the elementals, it is a T-Rex. A TITANIUM REX.
Monitoring.
>>43624904
>I've been DMing for my group for a little over 2 years now
What does that even mean??
>One player has a cursed sword from his father. At the cost of your own blood, it can sometimes become a vorpal sword (basically the more hp you use the more likely it is). But only against enemies. Outside of combat it is effectively a lightsaber that runs on blood.
>An entire dungeon he sat in the back practicing his lasso abilities until he could reliably tie his lightsaber to his lasso to cut holes through the ceiling of the dungeon to climb out.
>Other player was a member of the royal family of this clan of Dragonborn. I added as a flavor thing that they have to be careful of what they eat, because royal blood absorbs certain kinds of magic and mutates them so they had to be vigilant to remain pure.
>Player only hears "EAT ALL ENEMIES YOU CAN." Currently stands 10 feet tall, and is basically a dragon that breaths iron chains to capture enemies
>>43624977
It means that we started playing dnd ~2 years ago and I've been the DM this whole time?
>The paladins of LAW make use of criminals by branding them with magic and forcing them into law-enforcement under pain of turning-into-an-abomination
>They also make use of many warforged ninja who use their disguise ability as objects to hide in plain sight... as furniture. Unfortunately they aren't exactly intelligent, and so they don't disguise themselves as anything else. They've dealt with furniture ninjas in the forests, floating through the sea, and also (with the help of a disguise-seeing spyglass) a force of several hundred huddled together to form a zeppelin for their leader's travel needs.
>In the beginning of the campaign they were attacked by a mind-controlled mook that they captured. Due to the fact that they wanted to question him they locked him in their room at the inn for whenever they could break the enchantment.
>Turns out the guy was a drug dealer selling hash mixed with some underdark spider shenanigans to basically make sleeper agents for the drow.
>when they found the crew producing the drug, they murdered them, but accidentally lost the giant spider they were using for drugs.
>Because he smelled of the drugs, the spider went straight to the mooks room in the inn.
>They burned the building down to kill the drug-spider.
>But wait! Their prisoner! They rush in to save him, ignoring the many other people
>They've kept him this whole time because the whole world thinks that he is the groups leader and they are the most dangerous of criminals.
>He can't escape, he's too weak to deal with the level of bounty hunters they attract
>He is a slave and a patsy
>It wasnt supposed to be this way
That's all I've got for right now, I can post more as it comes to me
Oh! Those aforementioned drow:
>Travel to a portion of the underdark thats basically a single bigass castle/plantation to kill yoko (drow vampire) while john's away (in hopes of this killing john because he's retarded powerful).
>Sneak into the fields, spy a worker.
>All that I know about elves is they have weird bdsm fetishy culture.
>So I go real broad with it
>Every worker is in a full gimp suits/ball gags and such.
>It impedes their work, but they seem to be having a great time.
>They capture and try to get information out of a worker gimp.
>He wont talk
>Tortureitisthen.jpeg
>Start strangling him, ask him again
>"H-harder," he begs.
>Seeing another avenue of attack, they threaten to STOP choking him if they dont get their answers.
>Guy holding him in a headlock rolls to maintain strangulation
>1
>He breaks the slaves neck
>Drow semen everywhere
>>43625005
>>Other player was a member of the royal family of this clan of Dragonborn. I added as a flavor thing that they have to be careful of what they eat, because royal blood absorbs certain kinds of magic and mutates them so they had to be vigilant to remain pure.
>>Player only hears "EAT ALL ENEMIES YOU CAN." Currently stands 10 feet tall, and is basically a dragon that breaths iron chains to capture enemies
METAL AS FUCK
>>43624904
>Meet the Beat-Alls
I can dig it.
>>43624916
>Elementary
Weird elements, but cool usage
>>43625005
>Standard insane crew
I approve.
>>43625099
>Dredd Paladins
Okay, but where's the Good?
>Furniture ninjas
Taking a screencap and running with it.
>>43625203
>>He is a slave and a patsy
I am loving this bit.
Good work anon!
I abandoned all the established settings when it became clear the players all knew it better than I ever would, and that's no way to DM.
>Whoever this Vekna is, he sure had a lot of hands. Why do you all have one though? Are you a cult?
>>43624916
OP here. Typo in that quote.
>"HOLD HIM DOWN AND READ HIM!"
>>43625671
The elements were from something I read a long time ago about some quantum computing thing. Like a complex particle they needed was made up of those elements.
As far as the Paladins of the Law... the Law is the Good to them. There were no Gods purely lawful enough for Paul, so he called upon extra-planar abominations OF THE LAW. Maybe. He's not exactly clear about his doings/motives
>>43625428
This sounds like crack. I want you to DM a campaign for me too now.
>>43625756
REAM totally works too.
As in, a ream of paper.
>>43626172
yeah, but holding down and reading a book elemental is much funnier to me. Like the implication of reaming is sort of murdery compared to the more invasive but harmless reading
