Stupid Deaths!
Stupid Deaths!
They're funny cause they're true!
Stupid Deaths!
Stupid Deaths!
Hope next time it's not you, heh-hee!
What is the most idiotic, cringe-inducing or painfully uncool character death you have ever witnessed at a game table?
Gave a rousing speech to my men (rolled a 3), charged the enemy, rolled a 100 on my riding test, fated, rolled another 100, fell of my horse, died.
Warhammer Fantasy 2E
>>43590674
>disagreed with the DM about whether or not the kingsguard would notice me stabbing the kind
>had to sit through a dozen bullshit rolls as they murdered my character
I'm glad as shit I dropped that game it was total fucking nonsense
>>43591163
>Murderhobo bitching he can't murderhobo.
Fitting.
It was mine.
First ever Deathwatch campaign.
Fresh off of a Dark Heresy Campaign where I was a Guardsman from Space Kentucky who used a heavy stubber, which he'd named Martha.
>(thickest southern/redneck drawl imaginable) "Come give Martha a Kiss!!!"
Heavy weapons guys worked out okay for me in DH, why not DW?
Chaos Space Marine worshipper of Nurgle starting off with a Plasma Cannon.
First true combat, swarm of Cherubim Servitors.
My first turn.
My first shot.
>98, Overload
>Vents plasma on the person firing, roll like they had taken a shot from the weapon.
"It's okay, I'm a space marine, if I roll snake-eyes, I'll have 4 Wounds and be okay-"
>Rolls max damage.
DM: (to the rest of the party) "You all hear an explosion and see a Mushroom cloud where (my character) was standing. All that's left is his right foot."
That was when I knew the dice Gods hated me.
>>43591182
It wasn't me being a murderhobo, cunt, the king was refusing to give me the magic item I wanted after I fucked up a nest of goblins for him.
>>43591203
>Deathwatch
>Plasma Cannon
m8 you fucked up hard heavy bolter or go home
>>43591203
why didn't you fate it?
>>43590674
Got suckerpunched by a mummy as a sorcerer. Instant negative hp, and no ability to heal it because mummy curse. And we were too far away from anywhere to get it removed.
It was slightly cooler because by diam fiat I had another scene to be awake in, at which point I turned down the option of using the magic scroll we were in the dungeon to get because I had promised it would be used to lift the curse on a feebleminded dragon we found, and instead I point blank fireballed a vampire to try and take her down with me and let the party escape.
It didn't work though because she was stupidly high level and I wasn't going to be allowed to skip the rails, but it was kinda cool anyways.
>>43591236
That's still murderhoboing. Besides, did you do something to anger him?
>>43591236
>Killed the king because he didn't get a shiny thing
Yeah you don't sound like a murderhobo at all you silly bitch.
For one part of a campaign our party spoke with an all powerful being who simply wanted to know why we were set against him. It was entirely meant to be a civil discussion but during it someone insulted the divine being and so they were grabbed by their neck and raised into the air. OOC we told the player to try to apologize to defuse the situation but instead he spat into the god's face which resulted in him snapping his neck. The worst part was just how it was completely avoidable as our DM didn't want to have to do it but the player didn't take the threat seriously.
>>43591163
Nice bait friend
>>43591368
It isn't murderhobo-ing, it was entirely in character. I rolled a nat 20 to intimidate the king for the magic item, and the DM still said he wasn't going to give it to me. So I said I was going to stealth and attack him because fuck that guy
>>43591379
The game is about getting cool shit and the DM was a dick.
>>43591826
Yeah you're definitely just baiting.
I'm a freak, don't judge me.
>Got roped into a homebrew game of Tower Girls under the name Perverts and Princesses on campus.
>me, 1 dude, 2 chicks (lesbian), and the DM, male.
>Starts off simple enough, we pick our Knights and begin the hunt for the Dragon Princess' Lair and the stolen princesses.
>We're having a great time cause it's a light-hearted, slightly crude style game in a currently freeform responses, since nothing important is going on.
>We get to the Dragon Princess' Lair. It's underground, instead of in a mountain.
>Being the resourceful Mouse Knight that I am, I set up a machine to dig a hole for us into her lair.
>The machine strikes a vein of oil underneath the dry landscape, while we're up above sipping lemonade and relaxing on our tents, like bed rolls.
>DM does a roll in front of us and frowns.
>"Your party is sent sky high due to a stray spark from the drill, which struck an underground vein of oil."
>"Nobody survives."
>We're sitting there somewhat shocked that he'd let something that bad happen before we even really got started.
>"The good news is, a band of adventurers has just stumbled upon the clearing of the Dragon Princess' Lair as you go flying! Choose your characters and loot the bodies!"
>It was a pretty chill game without much crazy after that and we have a lot of fun.
Retard Deus Ex Machina "stick to the rolls" host plus subterranean mining and bad rolls = TPK.Yes, there were some ERP segments here and there.
>>43591117
Pfahahahahahaha! Oh that is a good one! Aaaaah, go on, yer through ta the afterlife!
Do NPCs count?
I was playing a near Ascension level Dark Heresy campaign with the most insanely lucky players I have ever gamed with. They managed to survive the Space Hulk mission with barely a scratch. By the end of the game I ended up throwing Chaos Space Marines at them just to give them a challenge.
>The Acolytes busted into a ritual being performed by Word Bearers.
>One of the Word Bearers wins initiative and tries to shoot them with a plasma gun
>Rolls a 98
>Malfunction
>CSM shoots himself in the arm
>Roll dice.
>Maximum damage
>My players laugh uncontrollably as the Word Bearer's plasma gun explodes and melts his own arm off.
>>43591510
>>43591873
He's either baiting or an oblivious That Guy. In either case ignore him and post a stupid death!
>Be me, playing Edge of the Empire
>Our YT-1300 "The Fat Chance" is facing down a ratty, pirated Marauder
>Hyperdrive shot, pirates out for blood (our Politico is really good at making tense situations worse)
>"I've got it, guys. You guys eject in the escape pods, and I'll put the ship on a course to ram them"
>Zero intentions of making a heroic sacrifice
>Just didn't count how many escape pods we had
>DM offers to retcon, but we all agree against it
>Gives me a chance for famous last words-- likely thinking I'll say something badass to the pirates
>Comm the group instead: "Make sure your next pilot is better at math, guys."
>>43591936
I admit, that's pretty damn funny.
>>43590674
Dark Heresy: The Edge of Darkness
Party is poking around in a dark alley - suddenly a angry Steamrat appears!
Psyker got this, and before the party could yell "NO!" throws his dice for cramp.
Psi phenomenon -> reverse gravity -> party (and everthing else) rises up to 10 meters -> falls to the ground, party mostly down to 1-5 Wounds, my adept got a 10 at the damage roll. GM lets it cout as righterous fury, so he adds another D10 to the damage.
Critical damage, direct hit to the head and instand death. I burn my last fate point to cheat death.(gm gives me 0 wounds and unconsciousness) Party is slightly disarranged, steam rat is half death and enraged. So, GM rolls for attack: yeah its me! My fellow brainiac player tries to shoot the rat of me.
He hits (Supprise!) me...with a Shotgun, at point blank and with critical damage.
On this day i knew, the Dice Gods hated my char (and i swear: the gm, too)
>>43591236
>>43591826
Pic related
>>43592062
That's not how righteous fury works!! (in the good version of the game)
>>43591473
Never compromise. Not even in the face of Armageddon
I have an NPC one. My friend is running old world hunter for us, and we were investigating a junk yard . I forgot the exact reason, but there were fomorians (fomori?) there and infernalists in the basement. We went down and the npc leader of the group was immideatly thrown against a wall and killed. There were three infernalist sorcerors in the basement and we thought it was going to be a really hard fight, when the main infernalist botches his roll to teleport, and per the rules ends up halfway embeded in a rusty car outside, immediately dead. It was fucking hilarious.
>>43592113
When i began to host games as GM myself, i learned this, too.
as i said: and the gm hated me, too
>>43591473
>OOC we told the player to try to apologize to defuse the situation but instead he spat into the god's face which resulted in him snapping his neck
This sounds like something that would actually happen in fiction. Heroes can get pretty dumb sometimes.
>>43591473
Sometimes you just gotta take a player down a notch. Instadeaths should be used sparingly, but spitting in a god's face is a good time to use one.
the Gnome With a Wand of Death got me
>>43591354
Aw dude. Instant respect.
>>43590674
One of my players may be reaching one soon if he doesn't reconsider his methods next session.
Basically, he's trying to extort an international secret society that has its fingers in several higher-ups throughout the Iron Kingdoms.
He's gonna be black-bagged if he doesn't realize how stupid that is.
>>43591884
tell us everything
It's the only game of towergirls I've seen actually happen so far
My Gnome Illusionist got real frustrated during the last boss fight after realizing he'd actually done nothing the whole fight as everything turned out to be an illusion. So in an act of impatience he decided to open the hidden latch on the throne the halfling discovered blowing himself to smithereens.
>>43591948
I lol'd
Well done. Best last words.
>>43596284
Just got back, didn't expect anyone to respond.
That was really it up to the deaths part. Free form RP cause we hadn't gotten to the dungeon and no mob encounters. We used the Knights page from the 1d4chan page and I got us all blown up because the DM refused to let the hand of fate sway against his "event" page.
If you mean everything that came after, that's a different story and not fit for this thread.
> Halfling sorceror.
> Pyromaniac, violence afficonado, drunk. Awesome.
> Survived an entire valley full of orcs, hobgoblins, undead, evil cultists, easily conned ogres.
> Hauled ass, got paid.
> Boat trip to mysterious island. Laid in lifeboat entire trip, bribed sailor to refill his drink.
> Pirates, natives, dinosaurs, adventure!
> Entered the walled-off "forbidden zone", ready for more adventure.
> Scouts ahead in a random bog.
> ALLIGATOR SWARM
> Ded. RIP lecherous half-man.
>>43598379
>Halfling eaten by gators.
How appropriate.
> Sci-fi campaign.
> We have a lot of money. Go shopping
> Player B convinces Player A to buy something called a "Micro-Nuke" launcher. B even uses some of his money to help buy it.
> We stumble about and end up with our ship docked aboard the BBEG's super dreadnought.
> BBEG thinks we will be loyal to him because last time we met we spent a lot of effort to get him acquitted of a crime he wasn't guilty of.
> We are escorted to BBEG's command room. Have a chat and he shares his plans.
> While walking back to our ship, player B decides to betray the group. He runs off back to BBEG.
> Rest of us get back to our ship, cut the fuel line on B's mech, then figure out plan to deal with super dreadnought.
> Begin executing our plan. We kill some guards.
> We walk into a trap. B has been given 50 soldiers to kill us.
Soldiers that were all standing in a group, with B in the middle. Neither the soldiers nor B got to have their turns before A fired his micro-nuke launcher and vaporised all of them. The weapon that B convinced him to buy.
I blew up one of the team rogues in my last Pathfinder session without a twinge of guilt.
We were being swarmed by sewer bugs, and the only other "weapon" I had besides my alchemical bombs was a cigarette lighter and some concussion grenades (we're playing with the Technology Guide). They needed my help, and my character hates standing around like a lemon while his friends are being eaten by sewer bugs.
>>43590674
Hunting heretics and cultists, when suddently.
>CHAOS BOOK
I want to burn it, but the idiot scribe opens and reads it first.
I blammed him when he started giggling and gibbering nonsense.
>Surrounded by killer bees and low on health. >Due to their strength draining poison, the character was greatly overburdened.
>zapped the wand of digging downward and fell to their death, crushed by the weight of their equipment.
>>43590674
One of my players, the one I commonly associate with not being an idiot and having good plans, encountered a trapped hallway in a dark heresy game. They were investigating some alien ruin in what was to be a dull, low level, dungeon crawl to introduce a new player to the setting. Also, doing a dungeon crawl in Dark Hearsay sounded like giggles.
So trapped hallway it is.
The poke and prod it a little, probably all of 5-10 minutes.
Can't figure out how to determine what activates the traps, how many there are, etc.
Don't come up with any clever solutions such as say...using their grappling guns to jury rig a zipline system...
they just...run down the hall of traps.
yeaaaaaaa.
Its not technically what killed them. The monster was...the monster wasn't really that tough either. Its just a lot harder to kill when your party is shy a bunch of limbs.
>Low level party in 2nd edition D&D
>My character was a puritan cleric. Very very lawful and religious
>We basically get invited to a private dinner with the king of a not!skyrim country
>Find out his wife is a Succubus
>Wife is controlling the king and sucking out his life force
>We all gather in the middle of the night to storm the keep and free the king
>Castle is filled with low level demons and undead
>Makes sense, the Succubus is pretty powerful and has two daughters too.
>Go through the entire castle killing the undead and demons
>Save the kings only daughter
>Finally kill the two lesser Succubi and reach the mother
>Huge bossfight ensues. The king is killed and tunred into a deathknight
>We get our shit kicked in so hard it wasnt funny
>The only thing that saved us was the DMPC which was a Gnoll with like 18.00 STR and a OP paladin that joined just that game. Literally the personification of DMPC.
>Everyone is downed but the Gnoll which gets the last hit on the Succubus
>Then the biggest fucking surprise happens
>It was all an illusion cast by the Succubus. We just killed every single guard in the castle
>And the king
>And his wife and daughters (They were still Succubus)
>realize the entire kingdom will never believe us
>Everyone is at like 1 to 3 hp and can barey stand. No health spells/potions left.
>Kings true daughter comes to us and says "escape through the sewers"
>"Okay"
>My Clerics powers fade and his god sends him a vision saying that he is foresaken
>Cleric decides his gods wants him to stay and have a fair and just trial
>I was a 100% sure I would be able to prove that the Succubus did it
>Instead I get tortured to death
Thanks Kent
>>43604005
That's not a stupid death, that's a serious case of shit GM
>>43590674
>DH 2.0
>Have none of my original limbs due to cursed rolls
>0 fate and am the scout
>Go to scout cathedral
>Suddenly praying nun! I hesitate to blow it to kingdom come
>Dissapears and is right behind me
>Me: "I drop my firebombs and dodge"
>98
>Hit head on pew land on own grenades they explode and I catch fire twice.
>Eventually put out 4 wounds from death
>Next room
>Scout ahead again 98 perception
>Miss obvious death trap culexis
>Fail 10/12 tests that could have saved me from surprise Culexis assassin
>DM: "-1d100 from all stats you failed tests on"
>STR:25 Roll 59.....
>Die
He even gave me the "Are you sure?" but I completely blew through it believing that my luck couldn't be that terrible twice.
>>43604068
I agree with this. Fuck that DM.
DM's really need to learn that you can either have railroading, or pathos. But if you railroad the party into "mistakes" and then let them pay for it, it's just shit. Of course, I bet he's one of those DM's that gives zero hints about how his world works, and then springs the "but you could have done ANYTHING" on you as if his railroading ass would even accommodate you.
>>43604869
>Still scouting ahead while close to death
This might have been a stupid death, but it wasn't very entertaining.
>>43590674
There was the Call of Cthulhu game I played.
>Never played before, picked an orderly.
>Rest of group was Book Expert, Occult Expert, and Medical Doctor
>tfw I realize I am a red shirt and name my character Morley Fodder.
>Our first stop is a rare bookstore.
>We are out back of the store when a car starts gunning towards us
>They all stand their ground and start firing.
>I take the time to dash against the alley wall, out of the way, before firing
>None of us can even hit the car our rolls are so bad
>Book expert with zero skill in combat hits driver right between the eyes
>GM rolls some dice and laughs
>Car swerves a hard left as the driver keels over and the car slams right into me, sparing the rest
>>43604921
>>43604068
> I bet he's one of those DM's that gives zero hints about how his world works, and then springs the "but you could have done ANYTHING" on you as if his railroading ass would even accommodate you.
Pretty good guess. We ended up playing 5th edition later and he banned magic users from wearing heavy armor and put rules in saying that only the wizard could create magic items or new spells.
He was pretty railroady. That entire session really killed it for me though. He later had my wizard die in while he was casting a spell. Literally told me that my enemies just stabbed me to death.
>>43604005
>>43604068
>>43604921
Honestly, I could stomach the "Hurr, it was all an illusion" tweest and most of the crap consequences.
Although there should have been a metric ton of perception checks or whatever.
But the Cleric's god forsaking him is Grade A bullshit.
And having the Cleric who was noble enough to go back and face a fair trial get tortured to death is just a dick move.
That's when I'd reroll the character as an Aasimar, restored to grace in the afterlife just to show the GM.
>>43604949
Yeah, I rolled with a DM who pulled stuff like that. Not a bad sort, really, but he just had a very different concept of roleplaying than the rest of us. He was a real rollplayer, and he just assumed we're all thinking the same way he does. So we don't even know the name of the main city in the setting, but he does expect us to have a good idea of what kind of spells liches and succubi can cast.
If you want to play a level 11 character and still feel like a useless muckraker, come play with my DM. The trap dungeon while we didn't have a Rogue was especially "fun".
>>43604990
>Honestly, I could stomach the "Hurr, it was all an illusion" tweest and most of the crap consequences.
>Although there should have been a metric ton of perception checks or whatever.
Well, yeah. But that's the point of roleplaying: There should be a way to see this. A bunch of subtle hints, perhaps.
This is just ripped straight from Oblivion, anyway. So why not do the same thing Oblivion did? You murder a bunch of villagers while under the influence of the Hist, which makes them look like gobbo's. But they all die in one hit, they scream, cower, and run away. It seems really odd the entire time, but you have to go through with it, because it's a fucking video game.
So in this scenario, how the fuck are the illusions hitting back so hard? If it's just the king's sweet daughter, that dangerous succubus should be running away from you, pleading for its life, and not actually use all the spells and shit a normal succubus uses, because it's a fucking ILLUSION.
And then it goes from railroady bullshit to actually compelling storytelling where the players kick themselves over not asking the questions they should have been asking.
>>43605029
Yeah, reading the story, my first response to the twist was, "Oh, that's bad and hamfisted. But I could see a GM doing that with good intentions."
And then, I read on and realized, "No, he's just an asshole."
>>43604941
marvelous.
>>43605077
>>43605029
There was a "hint" to be fair. The castle had an illusion on it to appear spooky (bloody floors, couldnt see outside the windows, etc) and the illusion did break once or twice to reveal a normal looking castle.
Still, the guards were casting fireballs and at one point the party wizard lost his sword and had to grab two skeleton arms and fight with them for an entire encounter.
>>43605007
>The trap dungeon while we didn't have a Rogue was especially "fun".
Any GM who does this and doesn't let you go back to town to get a wagon of chickens is also an asshole.
>>43590674
Getting run over by a Grey Knight Terminator. Poor fucker didn't stand a chance. A couple of organs in a stew of red goo.That was my character.
>Playing Only War
>group's That Guy thinks it's a good idea to spit in the Commissar's face
>"are you sure you want to do that?"
>Of course he is
>Gets a bolter round in the face
>Gets mad that he was killed
>Fucker i don't care if you want to play russian notCatachans not!Fenrisians, if you are stupid enough to give shit to a commissar, you deserve to die
>>43590674
>Playing dnd
>Down in a swamp
>Fighter goes atop a grassy hill
>"I think it's safe guys!"
>Giant scorpion burst out insta killing him
>>43591473
>>43605206
So which is a more certain death, spitting in a Commissar's face or spitting in a god's?At least a god has a chance of having a sense of humor about it.
>>43605238
On the other hand, at least you have a chance to win a fight against a Commissar.
>>43605257
Fair point.
>>43605234
I am stupid and I don't understand, please explain.
>>43605101
That's means he was running around fighting with two severed, bloody limbs right?
Jesus.
>>43605007
And still I am here and ask myself: why do people do things they clearly hate and don't enjoy in the least?And if someone mentions masochists: they DO enjoy pain, so if you hate and love something, then shut up.
Is it stockholm syndrome?
>>43605367
Numerous factors. Friends are playing, maybe it will get better, maybe it's just me, etc.
Thankfully I wasn't in the party for this one I only heard about it after the fact:
>At local gaming club.
>Game one of my mates is in is a player short due to illness.
>Game another one of my mates is in is cancelled due to exams.
>GM decides to bro up and let the other guy fill in for a session as "Some kind of castle ghost or something that's haunting the missing player" (it was a pretty silly game based around lego so they dropped a ghost sheet thing over the character model)
>During a chase the guy subbing in throws some fireballs into the room full of flamable oil and flour that the party is in.
>GM gives him a chance to reconsider and reminds him that this is a really dumb plan
> Does it anyway
> All crits errywhere
> Castle explodes, TPK
> Sub guy later claimed that he remembered the GM joking that he had an afterlife sequence work-a-round planned for some point just in case the party accidentally killed themselves and he thought that he was being helpful by blowing the party to hell.
> None of the rest of the group have ever let him live that shit down.
I shot myself in the head playing russian roulette because I forgot to take out most of the bullets from my revolver
>>43605440
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh man! That's really a stupid death!
That's right, you're through! Carry on to the afterlife!
>>43605367
If you're playing with random wankstains online, it's easy to walk out. Same if you're playing with a FLGS group. But if you're playing with friends who you want to stay friends with, walking out will make you look like a tard. Instead you try to swiftly end the campaign before everyone becomes so jaded that they'll never want to RP again. And then you take a break.
In my last campaign, the juice had clearly run out. Despite the DM having a habit of being a rollplayer, at least his previous campaigns had been sort of fun. The players were feeling the RP fatigue, too.
>>43605505
Hm. I see.
Well, every mistake is a lesson, or so they say. What we learned here is that you should never let that guy GM again.
>>43605531
Thankfully, we didn't.
That Guy DID walk out. Twice. The second time, he stayed gone. Nobody was impressed by it, and everyone thought he was being a petulant child.
Which he was.
Our Warlock was never of a clever sort and had a real penchant to fucking us over more or less intentionally. As in, accidentaly blowing an innocent townswoman to smitherens during a failed intimidation attempt. Or reassuring a guard that we are completely trustworthy by speaking to him with telepathy. Also, he loved talking back to everyone, especially people in positions of power. Nevertheless, we liked the guy and his shenanigans were pretty entertaining. And then he died just as he lived.
At one point, he betrayed his patron to serve an ancient demon of wrath in order to "exact revenge on the one who slighted him". A while later he fell during a fight with a completely unrelated abomination and promptly got sucked into his new master's realm. He felt his body distorting and changing and finally he appeared in the demon's presence. "Rise, my servant. Your failure-" was interrupted by something along the lines of:
"No, I won't rise and fuck you because the whole thing is YOUR failure. You said you'd give me power and here I die, thanks to you being incapable of keeping me safe."
At which point he got squashed.
>>43591473
That happens, when you summon Superman.
>>43605257
Trust me you don't
So my 3.5 D&D group was fighting a small dragon that was part of an evil army. After round after round of tangoing with the beast, it made a last ditch effort to run away.
It took off with our high level barbarian and wizard in hand. The wizard had a vial of impact (or some explosive substance) and decided he wasn't going to go out like a punk. He then casted scorching ray on the vial and blew himself and the dragon up. The dragon then fell to the ground, landed on my fighter and killed him. The wizard who blew himself up ended up at -69 health and the barbarian just passed out from the dragons clutches.
>>43591236
Sounds like a murderhobo to me
>Be me
> Cleric of Asmodeus
> Playing a game with free form with people I've never met
> GM Starts off with CR 3 to 5 creatures when we're level 1
> Never reveals his rolls either and I know he was making stuff up as he went
> No story entire game and the diplomacy and bluff skill were completely worthless. Because apparently everyone has a dc of 50
> Rogue and ranger die near instantly
> We have a Obitu bard named Pelvis Presley
> The cancer is strong
> Tries disguising himself as a ice monster
> Decides to melee combat Ice monster
> Gets knocked out cold.
> Drag his body over next to the rogue
> Ask GM if I role played Sacrificing him, could I get a boon from the dark lord to bring back the rogue
> Gm doesn't give me a answer.
> Decide to go through it, get all these folks together and surround the bard and rogue and have them pray as I bash his skull in
> Positive energy blasts forth from the bard and apparently damages me a human who's alive.
> Two sessions later, I'm visited from a Grim reaper sent from the Bard's god apparently.
> Grim reaper literally wipes out 2 people before it comes to me.
> Tells me to renounce my god
> Being a prideful Asmodean I call out to my lord and tell him to smite this kek
> Gm simply goes "he cuts your head off"
> Didn't hear no rolls or nothing
> 3 people dead from one creature
> Grim reaper just bursts into flames after I die.
> K
The game of Numerena. I fall into the pit when rescuing our party nerd from being dead when I'm fumbled a fucking easy roll (like, 3 or higher from 20) and died because we don't have a healer at all and it was right after the boss fight. Dice gods are laughing at me. Or they furious because I lost my set of dices somewhere.
>Barbarian Dwarf
>Have to make two acrobatics check midrage to avoid being thrown away from a hurricane bearing down on us in the middle of a boss fight.
>We took too long getting to the boss, so now we had less than ten rounds to kill him, tear off his head for the bounty, and promptly fuck off before the hurricane destroys the camp.
>30
>1
>Despite overcoming the blast of wind, I stumble, lose my footing, and fall.
>Roll Fort
>1
>Told to reroll
>1
>Again
>1
>DM is very quiet, mouth tightly shut. He didn't want to do this.
>Tantrum of Nihil, I am sorry, but you hit your head on a rock on the way down. You're unconscious for the remainder of the fight.
>Rest of team managed to kill dude, but had to leave the bodies to avoid being swept away by the storm.
>Including mine.
>Rumour had it after the storm passed, the Rogue, Tantrum's only friend, tried to mount a rescue effort to see if I were alive, and failing that, collect the remains for
>They found nothing, and his failures to save his friend haunted the Rogue for the rest of his days.
>>43610785
>>>
He mighta lived.
They never found a body.
>party fighting some bad guy at some cliff
>bad guy ends being between me and the edge of the cliff
>rest of party is unable to fight (unconscious or stunned etc), i myself am disarmed
>decide to be a hero
>Me: i run to the guy and try to dropkick him off the cliff!
>gm raises his eyebrows
>GM:whoa that's cool, roll your blahblah
>guess what i roll
>NATURAL FUCKING 4
>i miss
>i fly off the cliff
>Me: SHIIIIEEEET
Well, it wasn't a character death, but last tuesday I *basically* got an npc killed.
We are playing 5e, Out of the Abyss adventure, and we come across some brown mold. Now, this shit drains the heat from you and does damage. Being the alchemist of the group, I thought having some of this moss would be cool to make potions out of or something.
So our Goliath pc decides "I can deal with cold" and trots up with his squire npc (he has the noble background.)
Queue the NPC getting one shot from the mold.
All the meanwhile, I have mage hand.
>>43610785
Wait, I remembered the bear one.
>start a new campaign with friends.
>roll paladin.
>others roll a fighter specializing in throwing things, a war priest, a monk and rogue.
>our first job is to rescue some a bunch of villagers trapped in an underwater cave.
>I'm the only one with any swim investment, so I have to lead.
>Rest of the team is tied to me to not get swept away by the flow, and I basically walk on the bottom of the river a la "non giving up school guy".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abkFCAiEtps
>roll a seventeen on my swim check.
>all three other people crit fail
>they all drown while I barely manage to fight both the current and their dead weight, drag their corpses to shore, pass out.
>a bear comes out of the woods and carries the smaller guy away, dragging the rest of us because of the tow rope.
>I have no Face, and I must When.
>>43591163
>>43591236
>>43591826
>Murderhobo McRegicide
>>43609445
Fairly certain that was bait or a bad troll
But we did once have a thread go to 500 posts over whether or not doing exactly that was stupid or not.
The final result was that it depended on whether or not it was the group's opinion that the PCs should be able to walk around like General Zod and the Kryptonians
Damn, "General Zod and the Kryptonians" is a halfway decent band name.
I died to a save or die spell with a DC that I couldn't even reach on a natural 20 on a surprise round after failing a DC 38 perception check.
>>43613863
Stupid and provoked by a That Guy.
>First time playing 3.5
>Had played other rpgs
>Decided to go Spiritual Shaman
>Roll sandnigger with a fixation with snakes (his spirit animal is a fuck huge one)
>That Guy seems interested in my class, he plays a bard archer
>On a boat with the rest of the party
>Group of pirates attack
>The boat is empty
>"Whut?"
>Is a trap, from every corner appear saguajins
>We manage to kill them but both boats are stuck together
>Decide to go into the pirate boat to see how separate them
>On a corridor a group of saguajins attack
>Bard and me are the only ones in that zone
>Bard "Don't worry, we must not move so they don't flank us, I'll throw caltrops in front of us to stop them"
>Ok
>In his turn he throws caltrops in front of him and flees
>Wut?
>Monsters can't follow him because caltrops so they suround me and kill me
>He commits senpukku lately by jumping inside a room full of black power kegs and rerolls a Spiritual Shaman
That was also my first time experiencing That Guy.
>Have a *very* fast and athletic Kenku character
>Make it through a tower type dungeon set to collapse full of traps at a full-run pace, whole situation reminiscent of the beginning of Raiders of the Lost Ark
>Make it to the top of the tower to grab an important item, and make it back to the bottom
>Fail a save or die banshee wail trap and collapse dead something like 20 feet from the exit
>Tower collapses and renders my body irretrievable
At the very least, I managed to chuck the important item before being struck dead by the trap so it made it out of the tower to the rest of the party. Still annoys me and probably the stupidest death I've had of any character, since it felt forced. Like my character definitely stole the spotlight, but excelling in this specific kind of situation was what he'd been made to do, and everyone in the group was having a good time with the scene, like throwing in more traps here and there to be avoided or taken in stride.
And then right at the end the DM just whips out the save or die, and it honestly felt kind of forced and just thrown in because of what was happening.
>>43613863
Could be worse, I died to a save or suck (paralized then coup de grace) spell that I could only fail with a nat1
>>43614149
I agree. It just loses its impact because it's shunted in a way that looks like everything was predestined and no matter how you go you're going to fail.
>>43614154
I think being presented with a 0% chance of making a Die or Die spell is actually worse.
>>43590674
Half-demon follower of Slaanesh, gone rogue after a few centuries of endless orgies. Manage to evade death for a few centuries. Decide to join a mercenary group, decent normal people. Except one: a humanoid ooze. The ooze was a real bastard who gave new meaning to "lack of impulse control". Murderhobo in the extreme, super fetishy. Guy playing him was a prick too. The merc group wound up putting salt around every bedroom since salt was like acid to the little guy and otherwise he would literally slither into your room and steal shit.
Group gets hired to kill a politician staying the night in the penthouse of a super-hotel, few hundred stories tall. Get through the lobby fine, ride the elevator up. The ooze decides to guard the ground floor incase somebody tries to get in, nobody argues. Knock down the door and what do I see? The body of the politician and this old pal of mine from the endless orgies: Calabos. Calabos is a cyborg who gets off on skinning people and wearing them over his cybernetics. I know everybody else in my group is screwed unless I get to Calabos first. We lock eyes and I say, "Hey Calabos, what you been up to?", lifting my gun up at him. Suddenly he's right up in my face, "I'm having fun!" Promptly throws me out the window. Try twice on the fall down to teleport safely to the ground, crit fail both. Smack into the ground at terminal velocity. Half-demon-ness kicks in and barely keeps me at ~1-2 hp. As I'm about to start healing myself, the ooze comes slithering out with this thought in his head that if he kills me, then that means he'll be the strongest in the group. Shoots me in the back of the head while the rest of the group is getting raped, skinned, and murdered, not necessarily in that order.
I remember my first ever character death and that was pretty stupid. It was the first campaign I'd ever played in and me and all my mates were still young, dumb and way 3 edgey 5 me.
My character's backstory and motivation was that I had accidentally got my soul sucked into a gem and then the gem was stolen off me and I was trying to get it back; and it happened to have been nicked by an evil vampire elven prince who was the brother of the good vampire elven prince who was one of the other PCs (I did warn you about the edge).
Anyway long story short I eventually managed to get my soul back and the other PC managed to reclaim the elven throne, and as a result he had a busted as all fuck magic sword that could reflect magic and I had somehow managed to gain levels in a bullshit homebrew class the DM invented that basically let me eat magic spells thrown at me, absorb the magic and then throw it back at people.
The final confrontation of the campaign is upon us, and we and all the armies of the gods were gathered in a secret tunnel under Mount Olympus trying to stop Asmodius and all the armies of hell braking out and conquering the gods and taking their places (the only defense I can offer for this plot line is that we were all twelve at the time and it seemed less dumb then).
Asmodius is facing off against the elf king and flings a ridiculously huge fireball with all the epic magic trimmings at the armies of good. Elf king uses his busted ass sword to try and reflect the spell back but because it's twinned and repeating and all that jazz he can't get all of it and a sizable chunk is heading straight on a course to wipe out our army of angels and dead heroes from valhalla. I dive in front of the remainder of the spell to try and absorb it to stop it re-killing all our resurrected heroes, successfully pass the roll to eat all the magical energy.
Cont.
>>43614582
The weird homebrew class the DM had given me considered all the spells I ate to have a raw mana value based on their spell level and I had a limit on how much mana I could safely store without risking a backlash as the excess mana leaked out. By this point the battle had been going on for a while and I'd been soaking more mana than I could dish out by absorbing spells to save our allies. Go to check my mana limit after swallowing the fire ball, It's taken me from just inside my safe limit to twice my max capacity.
I roll a fort save to try and keep control and hold the mana in; crit fail. I go up in 300d6 force damage fireball killing me, the party, Asmodius, the gods and collapsing Mount Olympus on top of all of us burying us forever in a tomb of rocks (which also did enough damage to Coup de Grace any one that I hadn't dropped)
Oops.
Moral of the Story: Never consume a power source larger than your own head.
>>43614506
>this thought in his head that if he kills me, then that means he'll be the strongest in the group.
You have to admit that, technically, he ended up being right.
>>43614758
Yeah but he was also the only one left alive in the group (which he was okay with) and we booby-trapped the hell out of our base with salt because this guy was such a little shit.
>>43614846
Boy, you guys sound salty.
>>43615294
Oh, Carlos...
We didn't want to be salty. The guy stole so damn much that we honestly couldn't keep track. He was rude, crude, and his common decency was non-existent. When we put the salt around our doors he begged us for money so he could gamble and buy a shit-tonne of meat for himself to eat/dissolve that he then inspected for even the most miniscule trace of salt. A solid 99% of the meat that he bought, he would just leave lying around. When he was satisfied with the 1% that was left he was constantly paranoid about somebody salting his damn meat to poison him.
It got really bad when we had to work with an Adeptus Sororitus. Luckily the few mutations I had could easily be hidden. Then the ooze goes up to her and just straight up asks, "Can I get in your armor with you?" He's tried this thing before with pretty much every woman we've ever had to work with and it's never worked before. The DM decides to be generous, lifts a d20 and says that on a 1 she says yes. On anything else she grabs a saltshaker and pours it on him (She's a Sororitus. Her body belongs to the Emperor). One ridiculous roll later, they are disturbingly sharing her armor for the next hour of the session.
I have a storytime that I think is cool about the first D&D game I was in, I figured anyone cares to hear it. It had a stupid death for everyone involved except me.
>>43617589
do it faget
>>43618130
I don't know if it's because I so tired or if it's because your post is the epitome of /tg/ style gentle encouragement, but I laughed pretty hard.
>>43618130
There was a Drow Sorcerer- lawful evil, guy was a good role player which sucked because his character was an evil little prick
-Warforged Fighter- Stupid Good, considered himself the most experienced, sort of was, DM let him play Warforged in Forgotten Realms. Not the worst thing he was allowed to do.
-Elf Ranger- Chaotic Neutral, the character was an alcoholic moron and a shit disturber.
-Half Elf Sorcerer- Neutral Stupid, not like he was Neutral in a dumb way, the character was just overwhelmingly stupid.
-My character was a Wild Elf Rogue- Chaotic Angsty, it was highschool and the weeb was strong with this character.
-DM was a good guy, though he let the Warforged get away with some dumb shit, there was nothing saltworthy happening, it was highschool, and we are all still friends now. That said, what happened during these roleplaying sessions was utter ridiculousness.
I just want to say before I start that when a highschooler plays tabletop rpgs for the first time, some railroading is totally justifiable.
Our first session had us all meet in a tavern. After some dialogue, of course, badguys strolled on in and combat just had to start. I engage in two weapon fightan with a badguy, and as the Drow casted color spray to damage the both of us, I sort of knew deep down that this was going to be the sort of game where characters get eachother killed. Was sort of right.
Well after the fight, some guy has a task for heroes just like us, and sends us off to a big ol’ city to help out a guard guy. We all go along because whatever.
>>43618515
forgot to mention, this was my first campaign
The next sessions are filled with the team trying to screw eachother over, hatred growing, me suffering for being the only one who wants to just continue the journey, and the Half Elf just being remarkably stupid and succeeding by sheer dumb luck.
A few sessions into our trip, we encounter an empty village, and decide to investigate. The Warforged goes up to the first house he can find and knocks on the door, almost bashing it off the hinges.
“HELLO! IS THERE ANYONE HOME?”
The Ranger goes up to the window and looks inside to find a terrified family holding eachother in the corner. Being drunken idiot, he sarcastically says “Oh hi there. Yeah, we’re here to kill you.”
They take him seriously. One thing leads to another and next thing you know villagers come out of the woodwork with pitchforks and torches.
DM goes around the table, Drow stands his ground prepared to fight, Warforged defends his Drow friend (shouldn’t be friends ic now that I think about it), Half Elf giggles dumbly, Ranger takes drink to keep buzz going. It comes to me, I state outright that I know how this is going to go, tell the DM I am rolling a Hide and a Climb, I climb a nearby tree and hide in it. I want no part in this madness. I watch the show.
>>43618561
So, the villagers point their pitchforks and torches at the group (minus me) and demand an explanation, Drow tries to be diplomatic and puts his hands up. DM says his robes slip down and they can all see his Drow hands, and before he can roll any kind of diplomacy, Ranger yells “HE’S A DROW! KILL HIM!”
So of course combat starts, and the group begins fighting (read:murdering) the men, women, and children of this village. At this point, DM tells me to roll a reflex, I fail it.
The story called for us to prove ourselves to the people by helping fend off an attack of trolls. It ofcourse did not play out that way and now it was a three way battle. I am knocked from the tree and put to low hp, but I decide that I must now help. Between the people not knowing that I’m actually with my group and the DM just being a bro about it, I’m able to move around without villagers attacking me. I find a torch and start trying to burn any downed trolls before they can regenerate.
A nat 1 is rolled, I light myself on fire, the damage puts me unconscious. The Ranger then tries to at least kick my dying body onto the troll.
A nat 1 is rolled. The ranger sets his leg on fire, proceeds to run in circles screaming with his leg on fire beside the burning body of his teammate. After managing to put out his leg, he puts me out so I don’t die. Is very specific that he does so by peeing me out. It is now that I wondered ooc why my character would continue to travel with these assholes.
By now, combat has finished up. Trolls are all dead. Villagers are all dead.
The DM states that while I’m alive and well, I take a charisma penalty due to body wide 3rd degree burns, and it will be a while before we find a cleric who can fix it.
As we walk away, the Ranger says his leg hurts. My character pulls out a knife and tells him to shut the fuck up until we get to the city.
Alright, I'm gonna conclude this later, bedtime. I want to go into more detail with the rest of this
>>43618589
I'll be waiting here, this story is funny
>level 5 party be me a fighter Torrad Knorson rest of party bard monk and lizard man NPC we convinced to join us
>spent last three sessions looking for ambassadors that we where body gaurding
>This session in basement of church where super secrete cult meeting is taking place
>Have great time doing dungeon crawl
>Party finds the ambassadors tied up in a circle around a giant sarcophagus
>Room also full of cultist, death knights, and evil priestesses
>Great now we need a plan Torrad says we sneak in and slit the throat of head priestess
>Party agrees now how do we sneak in bard says he can cast invisibility
>casts it on monk befor hand we have the monk a dagger to slit the priestesses throat
>Plan A is in motion plan B of hack and slash through all the cultist is on stand by
>Monk is right behind head priestess I ask DM will this kill the priestess he says it will do like an extra D4 everyone is dead silent for a second
>find error in what DM said this whole time the priestess was slowly going around the circle cutting the troats of the ambassadors in one go
>After silence is broken we decide to go through with plan A renamed butter knife sneak attack
> Monk puts butter knife to throat of priestess goes of invisibility tells whole room of baddies untie the ambassadors or she will slit throat of priestess
>Hoard of baddies knowing it would only do 2d4 of damage from reading the players hand book advance on the monk
>My character attempts plan B at bars and lizard man run away
>In the end we all get caught weird ritual finished and the BBEG is revived from the dead lv20 death paladin by the way
>wants us the grovel befor him lizard man and bard do so Torrad gives a bow Monk spits in his face
>ready for monks to be rekt monk lands three crits in a row BBEG shrugs it off and just knocks out the monk and the rest of us
> We all wake up tied against a wall butt naked BBEG tells us what he wants us to do
Will continue in author reply
>trying to save another player from a whirlpool
>he keeps failing strength checks to hold onto the ropes we throw him
>end up using my grappling hook as a throwing weapon and just lodge the hook deep in his thigh
>start to reel him him
>fail my strength check to brace
>I had tied my end of the rope around my waist so I get yanked in
>guy I was trying to save suddenly starts rolling like a boss and passes a bunch of swim checks despite the penalties for having a hook in his leg
>he gets to the edge and pulls himself out of the water
>meanwhile, I've failed enough swim checks to be pulled under
>the rope goes taunt
>he fails his strength check and gets yanked back in
>we both drown
>>43622046
>Basically the BBEG tells us he wants us to tell his arch enemy that he is alive why doesn't he do it himself I will never know, and if we don't he will kill us
>bard and lizard man say yes they where given some crystal so that if they broke their promise they would take shit tons of necrotic damage
>monk is flailing and spitting at the BBEG BBEG is fine with this and does kill the monk
>BBEG asks my charecter why shouldn't he kill me since I haven't been that agreeable
>tell him that the bard and lizard mm are weak and that would die if they travelled by themselves
> DM wants me to roll persuasion I'm proficient in persuasion
>rolls natural one
> BBEG kills me outright and then ports my body to Corpse-Land (TM)
>Monk is sparred since my natural one still convinced the BBEG that the bard and lizard man needed a guard but not me
>RIP Torrad Knorson 2015-2015
>>43613678
Got a link to that thread? Would love to read it.
>>43603586
hey shoggy
>>43600317
Oh fuck, that is the best. Nothing like irony to top the revenge cake, I say.
>>43592062
That's not how it fucking works. I hope you shot your GM later.
If you burn a fate point? You are immune to death for the rest of the SCENE. Things will...happen...so you will not die.
>Friend is GMing for the first time. One shot Call of Cthulhu game.
>Set in South America near an poor ass village.
>He struggled to give us any plot hooks, and we kept failing all spot hidden checks.
>Other player decides to build a catapult for some reason, another guy steals loads if mattresses and places them outside of town (we had nothing to do, so they were just fucking around). My character just tried to get laid and update his blog.
>Eventually we hear ominous chanting coming from nearby Aztec pyramid.
>Us and the whole village head there (one player passes speech checks on villagers so they drag the catapult too) Climb the temple steps , and just as we reach the top, the evil death cult has summoned their dark God.
>We turn around to book it. I, thinking quickly, shoot other player in the leg so I can escape while it eats him.
>He headbutts me in the knee as he falls, I fly off the pyramid.
> I roll 1 to land in the catapult.
>it launches
>GM says I need to get 5 to coincidentally land in the mattress pile outisde of town
>Get 7
>Become a smear of jam right next to comfy mattress hill
At least I never got my soul stolen by the evil God I guess
>>43622481
http://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/41223784/#41234707
A lot of it is stupid, but enjoy!
>>43590674
First time playing D&D, me being a complete lvl 1 noob with 2 more experienced friends. complete TPK from a pack of lvl 1 wolves and a forest fire. Don't remember which edition though. Party wizard decided his beauty sleep was more important than getting eaten alive by wolves, which pissed off the barbarian. Barbarian tosses the wizard into the wolves with sheer rage while I decided to scamper up a tree like a scared bitch. 1 tossed alchemist's fire, 1 forest fire, and 3 rounds later, everyone died.
>>43623911
I've had a shitty week. I -want- stupid. Thanks for the link.
>>43604933
Sort of the point of stupid deaths. I'd already gotten the table into gales of laughter by nearly killing myself with incendiaries. Although I had been healed by the time of culexis but it wasn't much help against a stat based attack.
>>43591203
>Deathwatch with Chaos
why not just play Black Crusade at that point
>>43591948
fucking kek
>>43591163
Awww... some little kid wasn't allowed to murderhoboing.
>>43626537
Hey, at least he got out and saved the rest of the group the trouble.
>Playing Call of Cthulhu
>At literally 2 sanity
>Facing an evil spirit
>All investigators fail sanity roll and run off except mine
>Already psychotic, empty rounds into spirit, can't run cause horribly crippled
>Only way to go
>Not giving it the satisfaction
>Roll to shoot myself in the head
>Max damage
>Sweet relief
>Wait
>mfw was not actually enough to kill me
>Spirit steals my soul
>>43630095
>Earlier game
>At final boss
>Giant japanese demon, leader of small gang made up of old men who were once kidnapped as high school students
>Priest steals demons book of rituals
>Casts spell that turns american biker, Johnny Kicks,into giant demon motherfucker.
>Kicks demon through the chest
>Japanese bancho finishes him off
>Suddenly, demon glows red, shouts that he'll take everyone out
>Explodes
>Everyone dodges out of the way
>Except for the priest, who is just a shadow on the ground now
>Shit, priest was the only who knew how to reverse the demon spell
>Hands rip out from ground, splitting the floor revealing a lake of fire and lava
>Hand grab Johnny Kicks, crushes him and drags his body into the earth
>Ground closes, only one left is the bancho
>For shits and giggles, DM rolls for which hell Johnny got dragged to (Buddist hells or something)
>Fucking rolls an 8, literally the worse hell imaginable, all previous hells put into one
>To get an idea how fucked Johnny is, the previous hell is getting a pole up your ass while being burned alive in constant pain for all eternity.
>Its all good though, cause we saved Johnnys soul and he turned into the Ghost Rider of japan, pretty much.
>>43590674
1st PC.
>Lvl 3 wizard in AD&D
>Dragonlance setting.
>Basically means GM throws all the draconians at our party.
>Party has fought it's way to the top of a castle tower, where we're in a tense duel against the most powerful draconian we've ever fought, a Sivak
>Wizard miraculously kills Sivak with Critical Dagger.
>Unknown to me, when Sivak Draconians die, they turn into a homing sphere of flames that pursues the player that killed them.
>GM: "It only moves 30' per round, you could outrun it."
"But the tower is only 20' across!"
>GM shrugs. "Well, it's gliding toward you."
"Okay, I... Uh... I'll jump off the tower!."
>Oh, that's a good way to get away... What are you going to do about falling off the tower?"
"Uh, I have feather Fall in my spellbook."
>"Oh do you? Wait, you said that you were out of spells before you made that stab. and you've cast... yes, you've cast your full spell alotment."
"Yeah, well, I didn't prepare it anyhow. Still, this has to do less damage than that fireball."
>"The tower was five stories tall. That's about sixty feet. So 6d10."
"And the fireball?"
>"1d6."
"Aww fuck."
The wizard did not survive contact with the flagstones below.
>>43590674
The paladin once accidentally killed the guy they were going to interrogate by dropping him three floors.
As he was an assassin, they had him knocked out and tied up with rope, his legs taken out so he couldn't run (the paladin has a knack for busting kneecaps).
They wanted to lower him into the alley below to drag him somewhere.
I asked the paladin to roll a strength check and he rolled a natural 1.
The ranger, who was nearby, tried to catch the rope, but rolled a 7 total, not enough to stop a falling body.
So this guy drops like a bag of sand 30 feet and cracks his skull on the ground.
I'm a big softie at heart, and I like to give too much to my players, though I'm trying to become more fair, so I tried to roll a Massive Damage save for an excuse to save the guy.
He died anyways.
A friend got in the boat with a guy who was being banished from a pirate fleet. They managed to avoid two canon shots, but the third hit straight on. Then the sharks showed up. Yeah. Wasn't pretty.
>>43596226
Reminds me of a game I was in for a few years. A temporary player (he stopped coming, apparently smoking weed and playing League was more important) died, no rolls allowed... Because of his own decision.
>He's been spying on us for a while now
>Working for a secret organization called The Thorns, who have been despoiling the shrines of the Goddess, Lir, and generally being dicks to everyone
>After working with the party for a while, he has had a change of heart. Wants to work with us, for good!
>Middle of the night, he takes a portalstone (we had just camped near one) to the area that the Thorns were based
>Ushered into meeting with the head fag
>Tells them the stuff
>Shows them maps he's made
>Tells them what route we're planning to take through some shithole backcountry desert
>Tells them that he wants to leave the Thorns, that he sees things our way now (really?)
>GM has repeatedly asked him, "Are you sure that you want to do this?" at this point
>Yes
>His throat is slit, body dumped into the silt-aqueduct (Dark Sun based world)
>He walks out of the shadows at our camp, accompanied by the shadowy figure we've come to associate with the Goddess of Death, Sa-Nah-Gig, with his throat showing signs of recently being cut from ear to ear
>"So guys..."
