>Your rival is a buffoon with a lute
>Wherever you go, he is there
>Mocking you with a jolly tune
I'll just murder him. Seems like an easy way to solve things honestly.
Good thing I'm not a prick and can take a jape or two
>>43566422
Now the song will be stuck in your head.
>>43566400
I kill myself. TPK new campaign.
>>43566437
New campaign, your rival is an imbecile with a lyre.
>>43566400
>Blackaaadder
>Blackaaaaadder
>>43566460
Ah, I see. I kill the DM. First degree murder new campaign.
>>43566561
No game for you, only jail. Your inmate is an imbecile with a keytar.
>>43566400
My rival is a Nega-me? Awesome, I bust out my concert harp that I force that poor schmuck that said he did, in fact, want to make a buck to carry around.
Either
>Sing along with the tune while stoned off my ass
or
>Sing along with the tune, adding impossible melodies outside of the universe while warping his sanity with every note.
>>43566400
>"How the fuck did this guy even get onto the station?"
>"It's three months jump-time and six months station-time from here to Lancea and he's not a registered personnel member."
>"He hitchhiked on a cold freighter for three months just to come here and fuck with me?"
>"It would appear so."
>"I'm not even angry, that's some admirable resolve."
The idea that this man would forego all his worldly relations to time dilation, constantly dress and act like a medieval minstrel, and endlessly sing about my failures as a computer scientist fills me with glee.
>>43566400
>no character like this would ever survive more than one encounter with a group of PCs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZwuTo7zKM8
>>43566637
>No game for you, only jail.
>implying prisoners don't /tg/
>>43566637
Harmonica is more likely.But tonight he's gonna be playing him like a fiddle
>>43567469
Honestly, this is similar to a character in Hyperion.
>>43567935
Oh shit, I haven't read that in forever. I can't remember almost all of it. I know I have it around here somewhere, I'll give it another read. Thank you, Anon.
>>43567747
If the mocking minstrel was that good, I'd be glad to have him around.
>minstrel is singing about how much I suck
>enemies think I'm a pleb, don't prepare properly
>Kick their asses, commence murderhobo
>repeat
>Eventually people learn to fear the minstrel's whimsical song
>they treat it as a herald of death and destruction
>>43567889>like a damn fiddle!
>>43566400
I listen, applaud politely when he has finished, and then, because I am a very large and strong man, I make him eat his lute.
>>43566400
Magically alter the Lute, so that it rips his fingercups open whener he plays
Second time
Hire group of peasants that throw rotten fruits Art him
Third time
Magically give him a raspy voice and have his lute play weeping tunes to his merry songs
Fourth time
Strangle him with a leather band so he will feel pain everytime he tries to sing.
Fifth time
Tell that ugly widow, he is secretly in love with her and tries Tod impress her with songs, but is too shy to ask her out.
Sixth time
Smear paste of dead fish into his shirt and magically give him a cold so he does not smell it(only in area with lots of stray cats or seagulls)
Seventh time
Create illusion oft demon Princess arizia telling him he has, through his ritualistic songs, summoned her. He now has one wish, afterwarts his soul belongs to her. Yes in the marketplace
Final time
Go to the Kings throneroom, with him in tow, habe him Songs his jests, and convince the king, he does that with songs about the king as well.
Do not fuck with bards, amateur
>>43566637
Well played
>>43566400
The poor lad doesnt know he just challenged a full party of heavy metal bards
I cast silence.
Goddamn.
>>43567873
>playing D&D with real Murderhobos.
I'm intrigued
>>43566400
>People trying to hurt, kill or embarrass this man
You poor fools.
>>43566426
Just japes my friend.... Just japes...
>>43566400
My rival is an exact copy of my bard? Fucking fakers man.
>>43566496
Mah negro
>>43566436
I get it!
>>43566400
Almost. My rival is my brother he plays a lute and always mocks my bagpipes and tendency to flip out and magically murder people i find unfunny.
>>43567873
I remember a discussion we had on here, it was about a prison baning TTRPGs out of fear the that it'd make the prisioners try to escape. Because if theyre pretending to be free in a fantasyworld the'll try to be free in the real world or some BS like that.
This is why the Gods invented firearms.
She'd be somewhat wireded out but the simple fact that someone was brave enough, stupid enough or just didn't care enough to actually follow her around in a world that generally saw her as a monster needing to be killed would actually have her warm up to him rather quickly and attempt to befriend him.
>>43573595
>I remember a discussion we had on here, it was about a prison baning TTRPGs out of fear the that it'd make the prisioners try to escape. Because if theyre pretending to be free in a fantasyworld the'll try to be free in the real world or some BS like that.
Jails ban some weird shit. I think the D&D ban was specifically because it was viewed as gambling, which is prohibited.
>>43566400
I challenge you to a rock off!
>>43566400
But i am a literal god, damn it. HOW this mortal came here?
I admit, im quite surprised.
>>43566400
>Be wizard
>Traveling with qt female paladin
>Confess my heartfelt love to her
>She avoids eyecontact, mumbles something about chastity
>That same night, that same fucking night, I hear moaning coming from her tent
>Cast clairvoyance
>It's the fucking bard
FUCK YOU CHAD THUNDERVOICE
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FUCKING PARTY
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>43566400
>be a paladin in a party of bros
>we walk the land, righting wrongs and smiting evil
>after 5 years of hard work, we're known throughout the land, towns open their gates, innkeepers break open their finest casks, priests bless us and lords hail our name
>life is fucking brilliant
>except...
>this one little prancing twat in a hat
>every celebration, like clockwork, you hear this tinkling sound, sarcastic lyrics and the sound of scuffing boots as he bugs the fuck out
>we've never caught him.
>we barely know what he looks like outside that fucking grin he always has
>we just know that the wanker sprinkles his lyrics throughout the land, no matter how remote the area
>10 years later
>each member of the group is practically a living Saint, despite the inevitable jackass relates sniggering every so often
>on our final quest
>a dread lich from time immemorial has arisen
>we handle his ravening hordes, but we know this may be our last charge
>dead on our feet, we face the ancient horror
>we get some blows in, but he casts his masterstroke
>the wealth of all our collective neurosis hits us like a physical weight
>fear, doubt, paranoia, self loathing and more hit us like a physical weight
>nobody can even move
>we hear his mocking laughter as he prepares his final stroke
>and tinkling...
>we look up
>that little prancing faggot is back, strumming away
>all emotions are blown away in a storm only 15 years of bottled hatred can produce
>everyone gets back up
>the spell dies on the Lich's hands with a stupefied expression
>that expression goes to his final rest, approximately 5 seconds later
>we turn on the lure wielding asshole
>he's changed
>golden light pours off him
>his idiotic grin has been replaced by a serene smile
> he tells us all well done and, as he winks and vanishes, says he's got some songs to rewrite
motherfucking bard gods.
>>43566400
I'm a female bard, I do the same to him until we both fuck while we do a duet. Everyone else gets comlletely insane by how loud two bard can be while duet fucking.
In the end a little childrem come out of the disarmonious but amorous melody, making the new bard generation. It comes with a tiny lute and a tiny hat.
>>43566400
You are Jackas from "The Name of the Wind"
>>43576800
ew...
>>43576990
Dont say shit about duet fucking, it's an tradition!
>>43576800
Fucking loud bards.
>>43568609
>Not being a harmless looking character already.
>Not wearing a shitty looking pink, fluffy bunny costume.
>Not wearing clown shoes.
>Not talking constantly in a redicelous voice, like skeletor or pw herman.
>Not bathing in the sweet ambrocia that is watching your enemies misjudgment leads to a terrible demise.
But man, that bard would be like my worst enemy, he would see right trough me.
>>43578681
Yep. That's gonna be loud and they gonna be fucking.
Bloody loud bards. I-it's not I love their bawdy songs or whatever! B-baka!
>>43566400
FROM WHITHER DID THIS MALEVOLENT MINSTREL WANDER?
>>43566400
Holy shit, why and how is this fucker capable of playing his lute in the cold vacuum of space? How is he able to follow our ship which is moving faster then light?
>>43582493
Tis a mystery, sirrah.
Could've sworn that was Alan Davies from the thumbnail.
>>43582522
Nor a bard you wanna fuck with.
>>43574824
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
The demon code prevents me from declining a rock-off challenge. What are your terms, what's the catch?
>>43566400
Music! I like, we drink now yes?
>he's Mocking you
Da Is jolly tune, like bird
>no, he's tanking the piss out of you
LUKA is not needing help to toilet
we rolled stats
LUKA is not a smart man
>>43566400
If my DM do that i ask if i can make a bard and if we can be the students from the same master un a quest for be the best bard ever
Too bad i'm forever DM
>I laugh it off as the better man
>Buy a round for everyone
>Start the drinking plan
>When the buffoon is gone
>I'll offer his lover my charm
>And give her the funny bone
Idk I tried...
>>43566400
LUTE BATTLE!
>>43583626
>everyone
>gone
>bone
>won
>awn
>own
You don't actually speak the language much do you?
>>43582563
>Your rival is buffoon Alan Davies
>Wherever you go, he is there
>Mocking you with a jolly joke
>>43566436
HEH! I know that reference!
