Aww, shit, /tg/! You finally leveled up! That means you get a familiar? What'll it be?
Hard Mode: Real Animals
>>43503901
Slow loris. Because it's adorable, and I can't help but love a creature that has poisonous armpits.
I'm ready to get some fucking wickedness done.
>>43503901
The only choice.
>>43503901
Owl
>>43503901
The real question is, how do we translate this wonderful ability into human body.
>>43503939
Not bad. It's no Pygmy Marmoset, though.
Venezuelan Poodle Moth if I can have flying
>>43503901
Mammoth. Definitely.
>>43503942
More Red Bearded Vulture because they are fucking rockstars.
No question. My choice is the shrike.
It's the world's most unassuming yet metal, badass bird. All I have to do is whistle and the familiar flies toward their eyes and plucks them out. I cast a thornskin spell on myself and become a grisly monument to the shrike's brutality.
>>43504117
Look at this motherfucker. He will kill you dead and feel nothing.
>>43503901
>Hard Mode: Real Animals
okay,
aDodo
because you wont soon forget the wizard with a petDodo
>>43504117
>>43504145
The cutest little crucifier.
>>43504145
Cute Dracula bird.
I'm gonna have to go with this adorable thing.
My choice is the secretary bird. They're just really weird and cool. Something about them has always endeared them to me.
I'd like a 10 foot tall version I could ride around on.
>>43504117
>GO FOR THE EYES!
Personally, I like me a Golden Eagle.
A flying beast that can not only kill just about anything Small or smaller, but also scare badgers and bears, really appeals to me.
>>43503901
>Real Animals
How about fuck you? I'm taking goofy-ass cartoon cow and you can't stop me.
>>43503901
Going to get me a salt water crocodile.
>>43504253
Alternativley, Harpy Eagle. I could have it steal small children for me too.
Echidna puggle.
>>43504253
A Gryphon version for you, anon.
look, let's be honest, I'm a squishy-ass caster, Yes I am and you know it. So you know what, fuck it I'm making this my familiar because:
1: it's a domestic species, I need not worry about some of the complications tied to exotic aminals
2: its a war-dog, it's bread to drag down and kill soldiers on a battlefield, so its a pretty damn good protector.
3: its a lot more dependable than most of my other party members.
>>43504443
Swag. Though I think the legs should be a little longer through the whole thing. It's physique isn't weird and stretched out enough.
>>43503942
>>43504085
And a gryphon for you
>>43503901
Gonna get me a Haast's Eagle.
>>43504145
There used to be a kids TV show. Animals of Farthing Woods when I was a kid.
>This. This is what was on my childhood television. These are mice that talked and had hopes and dreams. These are the mice that never got to their promised land.
>>43504443
>>43504503
I for one think Griffins are totally acceptable, provided they are tiny griffons.
>>43503901
Peregrine Falcon.
The fastest animal in the world.
iguana
>>43504534
>My melanine enriched gentleman
This shit was fucking brutal. Even watership down wasn't this heart crushing if only because you didn't spend as much time getting to know the rabbits. It was basically the game of thrones but with more gore.
>>43503901
Mostly for symbolism but also because I like low key and less over the top familiars.
>>43504602
Mr..... fucking..... Pheasant.
WITNESS HIM!
Game of Thrones with more gore is probably the best description of it.
>>43504639
Underrated animal. People often disregard them for being common but they are one of the most intelligent animals around.
The noble griffin, but only this particular variety.
>>43504700
How intelligent are they compared to Crows?
>>43503991
>not even best Marmoset
>>43504685
>Mr..... fucking..... Pheasant.
Stop it, i'm going to fucking cry.
>>43504731
I think they're about the same level, but as far as I know magpies are the only bird to have ever demonstrated the ability to recognize themselves in a mirror.
>>43504811
That's pretty cool. I know Crows can recognize people, and remember if they're assholes or not. They also drop nuts on walkways to have cars break the shell open for easy eating.
>>43504556
Here's your gryphon.
![manny-ice-age-wallpaper-36-cool-hd-wallpaper[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/9ziem10.jpg "manny-ice-age-wallpaper-36-cool-hd-wallpaper[1].jpg")
>>43504046
Manfred was baller.
Irish elk
>>43504837
Oh, and both magpies, crows and ravens have been observed expressing grief/partaking in grieving rituals.
>>43504837
And they can use tools to get at better tools to get at food.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JY8-gP3Sw_8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZE4BT8QSgZk
Also, they understand water displacement.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZerUbHmuY04
It's almost scary, really, considering how tiny their brains are.
How about a majestic and totally non-demonic babirusa?
>>43504883
>>43504717
>>43504543
>>43504503
>>43504443
I demand a shrike Griffin.
>>43505119
What mammal he would be paired with?
Crab.
>>43505135
Mongoose?
>>43505135
A feral cat. Those fuckers are mean. Got a few that live in the ally behind my house and find dead birds/rats with their bodies chewed to the bone with the heads still attached.
>>43505145
>Like_I_give_a_fuck.gif
>>43505145
Sometimes boobies can be pretty damn dangerous.
>>43505135
Maybe a jaguarundi? Something lithe and deadly. Something similarly unassuming and ferocious.
>>43505249
Wouldn't weasel fit the description better?
>>43505273
Weasel would also be a good choice.
A trash panda
>>43503984
But if we do, people would stop working and just sit around in the sun all day.
>>43505437
They'd also be the size of trees, so there is that.
>>43505385
Honestly, pretty good choice. All the pros of a monkey, but also a raccoon.
>>43505437
Yeah, I can imagine that for some the horror of actually spending time outdoors would be too much.
>>43504534
fuck
you've elicited half-forgotten memories of being read the books as a small child and sobbing uncontrollably at the animal deaths(I seem to remember also wailing "why do animals have to die""why can't they live forever" etc repeatedly)
now I'm going to have to track down copies of the books
>>43505437
Very little would change.
>>43503901
Grizzly bear
>>43505552
The fuck? Aren't most of ground-level workers in germany emigrants?
>>43505385
A friendly, well-groomed coon would be pretty awesome.
>>43503963
Those don't exactly do much.
>>43505730
Only if he can sing.
>>43505712
For one this is more of "European Union as a whole" joke.
And you're thinking Britain. In Germany immigrants don't come for work, they come for welfare.
I had a campaign where my familiar was a Mandrill I'd use to test every bit of danger before the party. He has a burnt face and one arm, I refuse to restore him.
>>43505791
It still doesn't work. I don't remember poland leaching out money from germany like greece.
>>43505804
Baboom the Baboon?
>>43505819
Well, obviosuly nobody else leech like Greece, they're professional leech, but the other countries all piggyback on Germany to some extent.
>>43505762
Well obviously. He's got to pay his own rent after all.
>>43505856
His name was Sakamojo, he had a hard life.
Triceratops
Disregarding the real part, a sergal.
>>43505970
>sergal
Why?
>>43503901
I'm going to name him O'Reilly, because I'm Irish and like Lovecraft, diliberate mispronounciation, shallow subtext and bad puns.
>>43506060
He wants to be raped up the ass by a clitoral hood.
>>43506071
Oh fuck, I just got it. That is indeed a bad pun with shallow subtext. I'm ashamed how long it took me to get it, even though that's a truly obtuse mispronunciation.
>>43504950
Rituals?
>>43503901
A Pangolin
>>43503901
Alot.
Hard Mode: Red Panda.
>>43504717
Oh god! It ate the healer!! Wizard please get it to rel- WHERE IS THE WIZARD!?
>>43504995
Do the crows have fun doing the puzzles are are they annoyed at having to do so much to get a snack?
>>43505145
>It'll grow back
>>43505552
>Via 9GAG.com
Anon why
>>43506539
:^)
>>43505135
Honey badger
>>43503901
You know what? I'm okay with picking one from the classics.
Gibbon.
>>43505145
Crab brother
>>43506268
I'm not sure how else to describe it:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1221754/Magpies-grieve-dead-turn-funerals.html
>>43503901
ur mom lmao
>>43506733
Nobody fucks with crabs.
>>43506733
This might be the second funniest way of swimming i had seen so far.
>>43506749
corvids are pretty fucking smart.
certainly smart enough to be useful sidekicks. Just imagine a world where instead of domesticating dogs into wolves we'd bred crows or magpies into animal companions. Like, maybe to chase away other birds to stop them from eating crops.
And then from there we somehow work our way along to a magpie towed helium sled.
>>43503939
You know they literally cut off their teeth with pliers when they collect them and sell them as pets, right? It's pretty fucking horrible how they're treated.
Polar bear
>>43506873
Everybody fucks with crabs.
>>43505668
A most excellent familiar. Intelligence and sociability comparable to that of a dog or wolf, with the additional bonus of being a fucking bear.
>>43506295
Good choice. I love the idea of one of these dudes trundling along after a wizard. Plus they already look like they belong in a fantasy world.
>>43506900
At airports, tame birds of prey are used to scare away other birds.
One rather unlikely but somewhat plausible-sounding idea would be to train ravens as scouts. They are highly intelligent and have a wide vocal range, and can even imitate human speech, they could potentially be trained to make specific noises for spotting things like humans, horses, bears, deer, etc.
>>43503901
Cat. It's sneaky, unassuming, fairly intelligent, cute, small, sees well in darkness, has keen scent and hearing, can climb and leap reasonably well and can ride your shoulder.
>>43506677
Good choice.
The mighty and noble fossa.
>>43506268
Funerals.
>>43503901
I think I'll stick with this guy.
>>43507130
During the I and II world wars falcons were used to intercept homing pigeons carring orders.
I pick the Bearstack.
>>43507154
And will keep you warm at night.
>>43506174
I don't get it
What's the pun?
I'd go with a sloth, it could just hang out on one of the branches of my wizarding staff.
>>43507397
I'm not sure if I like We Bare Bears's new art direction.
>>43507404
Read it aloud.
>>43507449
Oh really? Orally?
>>43505385
>Trash Bandit
FTFY
>>43507384
One of the characters in my main D&D game (the barabarian) has falconry and did that. It was one of the things that helped turn the tide of the war.
>>43507491
>Trash Bandicoon.
>>43507421
That'd be cool. Good image.
>>43504995
Kea parrots of NZ, check those buffers if you want to see intelligent birds
Honey Motherfucking Bagger.
>>43507404
>>43507488
Sorry Anon, didn't allow for common pronounciations of Irish surnames outside of Ireland.O R'lyehThe O makes it literally "of R'lyeh", if you mispronounce R'lyeh)
>>43507621
+5 fighting/escape artist
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/84025222/
>>43507130
>One rather unlikely but somewhat plausible-sounding idea would be to train ravens as scouts.
I think the vikings may have done something like that - they used to take ravens with them on sea voyages to scout out land. Hence, Huginn and Muninn being Odin's eyes and ears.
>>43504809
>>43504685
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pypyDDPmIQ
this thing
>>43506873
>>43506733
>>43505145
>tfw life sucks
>>43507763
>this kills the crab
>>43507640
Ohhhh
Thanks anon
>>43503984
>>43507621
Nothing compared to a Wolverine.
I am a terrible person.
>>43507811
>>43506404
I don't know, why don't you ask them?
>>43503901
A utahraptor
It would also be my mount
>>43506927
Without anesthetic. And they can't handle bright light, that hurts there eyes. And "tickling" them is apparently excruciating.
brain parasites, i choose you!
attack was super effective!
>>43507819
>Deep Goose
This is now a thing.
>>43507874
The fuck am I looking at here anon? I tried image search, but only got links in spanish.
>>43507874
http://youtube.com/watch?v=bcj0Srt8i6k
>>43505791
>What are Gastarbeiter
>What is the Wirtschaftswunder
Shiggity diggity.
>>43507874
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qL7Gq42vt98
>>43507987
>>What are Gastarbeiter
>>What is the Wirtschaftswunder
50 years ago?
>>43507763
It ain't about how much you get hit, it's about how much you get hit and keep going.
>>43504837
I was watching a "nature does some pretty interesting stuff" program a while ago which featured crows fishing using bread.
People would give the crows bread as treats. The crow would stand on an outcropping from the water and drop in a piece of bread. When a fish came to the surface for the bread, the crow would grab it.
>>43508384
grab the fish, that is
>>43508384
Here is an example of ravens using human fishing gear:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPB2TikKfPA
>>43503901
T-Rex. Fuck you they're real.
>>43508442
>>43507762
I remember that episode of Evangelion. I wish Hieronymous Bosch would direct more. : /
>>43508440
From the video, it doesn't look like they have any evidence.
Otters are crazy motherfuckers.
>>43508525
The Raven in the video was probably trained, sure, but considering everything else that is known and proven about raven intelligence, the story seems 100% plausible to me.
>>43508542
>that ending
What most impressed me is that the otter was aware enough to balance holding off the wolves versus straight up bolting.
>>43508501
>final Sharpe enemy
>>43503901
A three toed sloth.
A.K.A. the best familiar.
>>43503901
Obviously, the right choice is mega squid.
>Pretty as fuck
>About as docile as an elapid can get
>Venom consists of two toxins and a coagulant, all of which can be used to fuck your shit
>Eats fucking everything
>Born in 'straya, so durable as shit too
Sometimes a guy just wants to straight up poison someone else's shit. Also good for stealth and intimidation.
Oppossum. They are like rats but dopey and bigger.
>>43508820
fug. forgot the image.
>>43503901
That's easy, I pickGEESE
>>43504811
I'm sure parrots recognise themselves in the mirror. Maybe not all parrots, but macaws definitely.
>>43508767
>>43508895
Would be my choice, because sneks are pure awesome, though some kind of bird would be second.
>>43507811
That's cute. Lets see how your familiar handles the wrath of over a hundred strong when I choose the queen of one of these. If i'm feeling particularly dickish then I might go with a bullet ant queen instead. Either way I will become the Hive Lord. AND YOU WILL ALL BOW TO ME.
>>43508937
African Greys are supposedly the smartest ones, I think? I remember reading about one that had good enough grasp on human language to succeed at tasks such as "Pick up the blue triangle".
>>43509070
African greys are considered to be on par with a five year old child, which is really nothing to scoff at given the fact that they're fucking birds.
>implying there is any choice but Gray Wolf
>>43509101
An acquaintance that raises them has describe them as "flying five-year olds with can-openers attached to their faces."
>>43509168
Your acquaintance would be completely correct. They're like human kids right down to the fact that they're also noisy whirlwinds of destruction if you don't have a means of keeping them entertained.
>>43504534
those mice in particular didn't really talk that much, after all they were newly born babies
their mother did get to see the event and cry in despair at it so... heck that makes it worse
>>43503901
pic related
The Twist:Billions of them
>>43509321
Inst a billion of them, like, a 2 cm spot on the air you command?
>>43508398
>>43503984
Imagine the guy who wishes a QT mermaid familiar only for her to dry out and die within 5 minutes.
Or if she didn't die would he be forced to spend his life near water?
How far can a wizard move from his familiar/what penalty is there for one dying?
What even is a familiar? A fragment of ones self? A random creature bound to you? In that case is it possible for random people to be teleported away and become someone's familiar?
>>43509454
Cassowarys: Your daily reminder that dinosaurs truly still walk the earth.
>>43509321
>CHARGE, MY MINIONS!
>AHAHAHAHAHAHA
I'll take one of these, big enough to ride.
>>43503901
A dog (preferably a sheepdog), I like dogs.
>>43509490
I could keep her in a magical, walking bathtub. Fuck you, i'm a wizard.
>>43509596
Do you like having spikes jammed up your ass?
Probably either a black bear or some variety of gecko.
>>43505668
>>43507104
Nah, I like my bears with some sick combat skills already built-in.
>>43509596
>big enough to ride
WHERE WOULD YOU SIT!?
>>43509621
...maybe
>>43506668
"Who's a good two kitties fused in utero! You are! You're a good two kitties fused in utero!"
>>43509628
Just behind the head, between the head-spikes.Or cling/attach hammock to the underbelly.
>>43509621
Hey, don't judge how anon spends his free time.
>>43509626
>Wanting a Tokay familiar
>Wanting the gecko equivalent of a canadian goose or a swan as a familiar
You're a sick man, anon.
>>43503901
A penguin. I love penguins. They're really weak against foxes, though.
>>43509373
assuming a tardigrade is a third as wide as it is long
V= 0.8 mm * 4*pi*(1/3 * 0.8 mm)^2 = 0.715 mm^3
So the total volume is
V*10^6 =0.715 L
WolframAlpha tells me that's ~3 cups
So it's not terribly large, but noticeable.
Mantis shrimp.
>>43509710
Man I don't know shit about behavior of different species of geckos, I just want a mount that can climb on all surfaces. Just grabbed a random gecko pic from Wikipedia.
>>43503901
Nothing up my sleeve, presto!
>>43509719
Penguins give no fucks.
>>43509730
Do you plan to be a scuba diveror Aquaman?
>hello i am snek
>i can get the top shelf for you yessss
>i am helpful snek
>>43504253
This is the fucking barbarian of the bird world. They kick their prey to death. They've been known to shatter the hands of zoo handlers with one kick.
>>43509747
>Penguins give no fucks.
Unless they do.
>>43509490
A familiar is an animal who is bound to you. I think they're also mentally linked to you.
If we can have sentient species now, I think I'd have a water spirit, and just keep a vial of water with me all the time. After all, what's more terrifying than someone offering you a drink which later bursts from your stomach and kills you?
... Can water spirits inhabit human bodies? That'd be cool.
>>43504253
>2k+15
>Not riding these like chocobos everywhere you go
ISHYGDDT
>>43504802
Are tamarins marmosets?
>>43506668
>Vivec's Cat Familiar
>>43509661
"Why's your cat look fucked up?"
"Ever watchHighlander?"
"Is that supposed to be scary?"
"Depends.Do you want to know why tigers are a protected species?"
>>43509854
I think Tamarins are tamarins.
Marmosets may be tamarins though.
But neither are monkeys.
>>43509605
Steal the Trick or Treater bathtub from some low quality The Nightmare Before Christmas homebrew.
>>43509805
So if you fucked them you would feel it too? So that would make the two of you the one man band of sex, you play all the roles at once!
>>43509729
shit
I accidentaly used millions
make that 715 LITERS
definitely noticeable
>>43507104
Hot af wife
>>43509912
More like you'd know if they were having sex. Unless you added a spell for that.
>>43509596
For a minute I thought the filename said "dildo lizard" and I was very worried.
>>43509739
Here's a little education for you.
http://tokaygeckoguide.com/why-you-dont-want-to-get-bitten-by-a-tokay-gecko/1603/
Personal choice on familiar is either one of pic related, or a Stoat/Fisher Cat.
>>43510332
Maybe I do want a Tokay then, I hate kids.
>>43509067
Imba.
That must be banned.
>>43510686
Dies to Japanese Wasps. They swarm the Hornet, then cook it alive using their own bodies.
>>43510743
>Japanese wasps
Meant Honeybees.
>>43510332
Sometimes I forget how adorable pythons are.
They've got little chubby puppy faces!
>>43510818
Indeed. Can be a little temperamental, but frequent handling can do a lot to chill them out a bit. Never mind the fact that they see people as giant heating pads.
>>43509067
>>43510958
You're gonna need something more powerful than that.
I'd try encasing it in spray insulation or something dense like that.
While backpedaling, because fuck being anywhere near that thing.
>>43507435
just grin and bear it
>>43510332
I had a Tockay named Killer when I was a kid. He was super cool and loved to eat flowers. One of his eyes were fucked up and completely blue.
He was a good pet, better than the hamsters I had that ate each other, but Killer died when one of his logs fell on him.
>>43503901
>>43508923
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q81ptFSA4mk
>>43509067
You are so small buddy.
>>43504145
Holy shit those eyes
There is no light in them
>>43504253
They have fancy makeup.
>>43509783
>>43504253
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nA6-tAhr-E
>dat music
>and then my nigga straight up swallows the snake.
>dat snake was snapped in two, its spine is definitely broken
>it's probably already dead, but what if it's being digested alive?
>this fucking RAPTOR is terrifying
>>43512523
For fuck's sake. I just don't know anymore.
Me and my familiar are off to deliver freedom to the masses.
>>43503901
I get the only familiar that can match my muscle and fist magic.
>>43513304
Does it also match your penis size?
>>43512420
I have a feeling it would make a great D&D monster. There is another monster, a construct that just goes around picking up corpses and shoving them on the spikes on it's back. I could easily see a few of these birds looking on and grabbing people and animals and mercilessly impaling them.
>>43513417
It goes without saying, anon.
>>43503901
>>43511630
>Green Sea Slug not so green since being molested.
>>43508767
Mah nigga
I Dunno, I just want a Big lizard
>>43507020
that's why they are so crabby
I'll choose the moose, because I am Canadian, and would love riding a fuzzy train around the woods.
For reference folks, don't get close to these guys, they can and will fuck up your day/vehicle.
>>43514437
I mean, just look at this majestic fuck.
>>43514437
>>43514463
I am Per Hiero Desteen, Secondary Priest-Exorcist, primary Rover and Senior Killman.
And I ride a telepathic moose.
Don't tell me he wouldn't be useful.
>>43505759
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Platypus_venom
>>43503901
Anthrax.
>>43505668
I am happy I am not the only one who would wish this.
>>43515077
Holy shit, look at that little douchebag!
I want ten
>>43515454
I think it's called a least weasel. I'm not sure if they make good pets.
