Funny stories thread?
Funny stories thread.
>>38543367
That was perfect.
>>38545318
Funny, anon.
;_;
>>38546517
It is funny, because it's as melodramatic as Tropic Thunder.
"Muh-muh-muh head muh-muh-movies..."
>>38546962
This makes me hate you.
>>38545318
Anon why, that's not funny, it's really really sad and amazing. ;~;
>>38547162
Sorry.
>>38543077
Four options.
Boxcar Joe
Piplo Pep
Homeless Guy #2
or Real Life PC Party?
>>38547344
Fuck that's cute.
>>38547344
Fuck that's terrifying.
>>38547344
Fuck that's erotic.
>>38547344
Fuck that's fucked up.
>>38547344
Fuck thats fuck fuck.
>>38547344
Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
>>38548583
/thread
It isn't shameless self promotion if you've been drinking!
>>38549519
>>38549519
Yes it is, but we'll let it slide.
>>38549540
>>38545318
F-Fuck you.
>>38549994
Are there more Three Kingdoms games than I though? Because I thought the main one was that old famicom one, where the hell would someone play that nowadays?
>>38550203
It was probably Dynasty Warriors.
I hope he finds this one day
>>38546575
Are you that same anon from the last thread that bitched when the other guy claimed to have written it?
>>38553416
>>38553873
Guys, I have a request.
Does anyone have a screencap of the normal guy that gets taken into Drow civilization and fixes all their shit?
>>38554090
>inb4 retards who think there's something wrong with this story
>m-muh oppression
>>38554209
Sorry bruh it's just me here and i don't seem to have it
>>38554397
>>38554346
Hey man, it's okay. I have been looking for it for months and nobody seems to post it.
>>38554444
Kay
>>38554465
I'm crying
>>38554601
Glad you liked it anon
>>38554465
Is this the end of the thread?
>>38554640
No i still have a little bit more before i head off to bed
>>38547344
>>38547501
>>38547559
>>38547654
>>38547830
>>38548531
>>38548583
>>38548654
Aaand screencapped.
>>38554764
thanks anon
>>38554789
>>38554798
>>38554808
Well i guess im done for the night. Hope to see more stuff contributed when i wake up
>>38554764
I would have put the replies on the other side, otherwise its nice to be a part of a screencap.
I actually hadn't seen some of these, this thread should live a little longer.
>>38549255
I must know more.
>>38554110
>you will never have a GM so tired he hooks your characters up with loli poon
;_;
>>38547344
I love seeing my OC!!! XD
>>38559130
That GM is sorta a dick. You gotta use the kid gloves when a little kid is playing.
daily reminder posting fresh OC in these threads is looked upon well
>>38554209
>>38560674
Okay, let me give you some fresh.
>>38561651
>>38560306
>>38561721
>>38561764
>>38561651
Whups. this is supposed to go there...
>>38561828
>>38561884
>>38561903
>>38561925
>>38561949
>>38561966
>>38545318
Man, dude, guy! I have no more feels to give! Why you do dis?
>>38562195
>>38562220
Does anyone have Sir Dick Cummington?
>>38562246
This goes before that.
>>38562272
I have dongsworth and the dutchess...
>>38553922
Best holiday mascot ever.
>>38560674
Holy shit, you are my hero. Thanks a ton.
>>38562304
>>38554432
What the fuck am I reading?
>>38559324
>baiting /tg/
Nice try
>>38563135
Some damn fine good roleplay son
Anyone got that S.T.A.L.K.E.R. screen cap where they were doing donuts in a deuce and a half with tunak tun on the radio? Shit was fucking cash.
>>38558860
That man deserves a medal.
>>38562023
Now I want to know what exactly happened in that thread to make that guy have a reaction like that.
>>38558967
>not posting the second part
>>38543367
Ok, this shit is great
>shit that didn't happen
>>38566953
>>38567022
>>38567059
>>38567191
>>38567228
There was an entire thread of this.
Maybe more, but I was never able to find em.TOO SUBTLE FOR ME
>>38562304
I almost died laughing thanks Anon
very long read, but worth it.
>>38547325
Yes.
>>38567593
I lost the image when my computer died, but it went something like this:
>have LGS in mall, across from Hallmark or some kind of store that doesn't jive with gaming
>They start to ring this bell once in a while to declare they're having a sale or just get attention or whatever
>it's loud. Really loud. Obnoxiously loud.
>people in the LGS start to get sick of it
>on a busy day somebody gathers everyone together and they hatch a plan
>go about their business in the LGS
>Eventually, across the hall the other store picks up their bell and starts to ring it
>Everyone in the LGS looks up, takes a deep breath, and lets out the biggest WAAAGH!! they can
>the bell stops
>the shoppers stop
>everything stops
>mall security from the other end of the complex comes running to see what's wrong
>LGS folk shrug
>they don't hear the bell again
>>38567835
Does anyone have any of the tales of Crazy Hassan's Used Camel Emporium?
>>38567919
So our game was going well up until a couple weeks ago - we play at one of the player's houses, and his mother began to insist that we let his little brother play (because he's been complaining he wants to all week). The player has privately been informed that the use of his house depends on it.
So little brother joins in, halfway through the campaign. To try and "learn" he's been reading through his big brother's books, except this pretty much amounted to looking through splat books for the pretty pictures.
He comes to the game and demands to be a demilich.
We just kind of sit there, unsure what to say. This is a level 9 game and the guy wants to be a demilich. Obviously, we tell him no. Cue half an hour of temper tantrum (he even started to cry twenty minutes in.)
The mother comes and yells at the big brother, big brother tries to explain the problem, and eventually he relents - if he gets to play his second idea, a dragon.
Now see, the other problem is the DM. He's an enabler. He was actually trying to suggest the kid play a lich wizard 4 instead. So when the kid wanted to be a dragon instead, guess what he got? Yep, a dragon.
A very young brass dragon. The first thing he does is declare that he's the party leader. When someone disagrees, he declares "I pin him to the ground and breathe fire on his balls."
His big brother tries to change his mind, but nope. "I am a big majestic dragon, I should be ruling the lesser races! You're all humans, so I'm the leader."
Ten minutes of crying later, we decide to play along. It's not so bad, the kid wants to carry on with the GM's story - so he can come out of it the mary sue leader, but whatever. He's not saying "Let's ditch this dungeon" or anything, so we're cool.
Until we get a message from the local king, that is.
1/4?
>>38568012
The princess has been kidnapped by a dragon, he wants us to help, blah blah blah. (It's actually quite a good story but also really irrelevant.)
The kid immediately assumes that:
a) he's the dragon in question
b) Asking for a ransom of 1,000,000gp while in the king's court is a clever idea.
He'd watched Austin Powers the night before, so when I say b) I mean he's yelling "ONE MEEEEEEEEEEELLION DOLLARS!", jamming his index finger in his mouth because he's a fucking retard, and giggling like a schoolgirl.
At this point everyone is holding their head in their hands. Our poor, poor DM is trying to hide behind his screen.
"What?" the kid asks.
Eventually, the DM comes to our rescue and pulls a solution out of his ass - the kid did do it, but another dragon stole the princess while they were going to see the king. Everyone saw that dragon, so everyone thinks the kid is joking and have a good laugh, then send us on our way.
Kid only pouts a little. He wants his princess back.
We manage to get to the dragon's lair and defeat it without too much hassle (the kid likes to go "Are you suuure?" and demand his AC and the dragon's stats be checked every time he gets hit), and there the princess is, tied to an altar. Everyone's preparing to wrap up (we're all ~18-20, but now that the kid is playing we have to stop before his 9PM bedtime) when the kid, looking through a DMG he swiped from his big brother, asks:
"How much exp is he worth?"
Hell, no.
The DM makes a show of looking at his notes and decides to go for a cop-out, saying she's not worth anything but he'll get "quest exp" for returning her.
So the kid calms down, at least for now. We take the princess and return...
And the kid demands his 1,000,000gp.
1/4
>>38568062 that should be 2/4, durr
The big brother finally loses his temper. Unfortunately, that just means turning to the kid and saying "Don't be a retard, you can't do that."
"Fine," the kid says, giggling, "I shit on her chest."
If the demilich got an awkward silence before, this was a kind of anti-sound that nulled any noise in the room. Nobody believes - nobody wants to believe - that he just said that.
In the pause he adds, "and then I rape her."
And finally, breaking point is reached.
See, on the other side of the kid is Dave. We don't have any assholes in the group, but if we did it would be Dave. If he doesn't know a rule from memory he can find it in the stack of books we own in under a minute, he doesn't have much tolerance for faggotry, but he's a nice guy and prefers quiet roleplaying. He's a quiet guy, slow to anger (although even he has needed to be talked into staying by the DM).
At this point, Dave loses his temper.
"I cast Phantasmal Killer."
"What? No, you--" Enabling DM is cut off by Dave slamming the dice cup in front of the kid.
"DC 25," he says.
The kid rolls. Even before the dice stops moving he's reaching out to stop it and saying, "I rolled a thirty."
Dave's hand slams down over the dice, nearly hitting the kid. He leaps back into his chair. Dave lifts his hand.
It's a 10.
3/4
>>38568090
"See? Thirty," the kid says.
Before the kid can react, Dave snatches his character sheet and looks it over.
"Your will save is +7," he says.
"But I have special immunity to--"
Dave rips the sheet up.
The kid starts to cry, and launches an attack on Dave. Dave responds by grabbing the kid by the hair and dragging him off.
The others follow, partly to try and stop him but mostly to watch.
Everyone knows that sooner or later, the kid's screaming is going to attract the Mother. Dave smartly wrestles the kid and gets a grip on his arm instead beforehand, but doesn't let go.
"What's the meaning of this? What are you doing?!" The angry mother rushes over to console her bawwwing kid.
Pussy DM steps forward. "I'm sorry, ma'am, we won't do it agai--"
"He stole my cigarettes," Dave suddenly says.
If you hadn't seen what happened before, you'd think Dave was mad over this. We nod, because we know the truth. Dave has this odd nervous habit - his left leg starts to jitter and shake when he's angry - and right now he's leaning on big brother for support. Nobody dares fuck with his lie.
"WHAT?!" The mother finds his hard to believe, of course. The kid is quick to react too, pointing to Dave and screaming "LIAR!! LIAR!!!"
"Check his pockets," Dave says simply.
Guess what Dave managed to cram in the kid's pocket while he was shifting his grip?
4/5 whoops.
>>38568133
And now?
The kid is STILL grounded. He's never going to play D&D with us again. Unfortunately, we're out of our only good gaming spot. The mother thinks it's our fault for being such a bad influence on him and doesn't want us back, and big brother guesses it will take at least six months to get on her good side.
We've been looking for somewhere since. We've tried a player's bedroom (crammed into a one-person room with a single chair didn't work), Dave's backyard (it started raining) and are currently holed up in his garage/basement. It's not a good place to play unless you want to LARP steampunk noir or something, but it's something.
And we've made a new house rule - Dave never has to pay for snacks again for a year.
5/5
>>38568170
Stale pasta.
>>38568223
You're welcome to contribute something fresher, fartbreath
>>38568263
>Join an online campaign
>Set in historical England, 14th century
>Make my character, typical Knight, has fought in the Crusades and come back victorious
>Join the roll20 room
>Immediately see something wrong
>29 players
>29 players and a GM
>What the fuck
>I decide the GM must be utterly insane and go with it to watch this clusterfuck
>Three fighters, five or so bards, two clerics(and no spellcasting), and around twenty something commoners, aristocrats, and the like. The party has basically no combat capability.
>First session begins. I'm playing a Rogue, sort of silver tongued devil setup, fluffed as a Poet
>GM actually pulls the "you all meet in a bar" cliche
>We're on a pilgrimage to a shrine
>That's it.
>Just a shrine
>It's only about a week's ride away.
>First session is literally everyone sharing their character backstories
I left after the first session.
>3.5e
>Party includes a human paladin and a changeling rogue
>The paladin was raised in a small gnomish village and is very ignorant of the world as a whole
>During the first session he sees the rogue shapeshift
>"What *are* you?
>Rogue asks if he can roll a bluff check to convince the paladin that he's a plant
>Nat 20
>Paladin spends the rest of the campaign thinking one of his comrades is a sentient, shapeshifting plant.
>>38568402
I am Groot.
>>38565347
IIRC, that was the thread that this screencap came from.
>>38568750
Except that now I see I'm retarded.
Maybe I should full-view screencaps before posting them.
>>38543077
Have a funny/sad one.
>>38568351
>not wanting to play through the Canterbury Tales
>>38569048
Have you ever read that shit? Medieval English literature is incredibly boring.
>Playing Cyberpunk 2020
>I'm the Netrunner
>we're in dystopian San Francisco
>We have a thumbdrive we got from a punk hacker kid who got into some shit he shouldn't have
>The group is in the back of a bar that's built half over the water, we're meeting with a more experienced netrunner to crack the encryption on the drive
>Her and I are plugged in together, I'm fending off defense protocols while she works on breaking through the code
>Meanwhile a PMC is busting down the front door, the others are having a shootout in the front of the bar
>Every round I have to roll a d20 to fight off the protocols, can only fail four times before my brain gets fried
>first round, decent roll
>second round, 1
>third round, 1
>fourth round, 1
>fifth round, 6
>get zapped and rip the interface off, get dazed, she's on her own
>the bar gets set on fire, whoops time to leave
>She's not done decrypting, but gotta go so I yank the drive out which knocks her unconscious
>We drag her out the back door, there's a boat waiting down a ladder for our getaway
>A couple make it into the boat, the one carrying the netrunner flubs his roll and she drops into the water
>I'm climbing down the ladder, have to roll to manage it in my dazed state
>roll 1
>fall off the ladder, crack my head, start drowning, lose the drive
>the other runner and I get pulled into the boat, we zip away
That was our last session. I should probably throw away that die.
Here's one in the same vein as >>38561925
>>38569124
Yes I have. Wrote my dissertation on it. Its actually pretty good but requires detailed study to really understand, reading Chaucer is more history than it is literature.
If anyone gives a shit I'll give you some interesting examples.
>>38570016
go for it, this is /tg/ after all.
>>38570072
Ok really this could be a separate thread on its own. Basically Chaucer is a satirist. If he says one thing he usually means another. Now for those of you who don't know the Canterbury tales starts with a prologue that describes the characters as the narrator sees them. Character 1 is the knight. He goes first because this is medieval society, he should go first. Makes perfect sense.
How is he described?
>>38570211
http://www.librarius.com/canttran/genpro/genpro043-078.htm that gives you the middle English text and a modern (shit) translation. I don't propose to go through it line by line but if Chaucer directly tells you something. He will then tell you another thing by his description.
The Knight is called a gentle, perfect knight. So what do you think of? A bretonnian basically.
The physical description of the knight (at the end of the prologue) tells us differently
He was a verray, parfit gentil knyght.
But, for to tellen yow of his array,
His hors were goode, but he was nat gay.
75 Of fustian he wered a gypon
Al bismotered with his habergeoun,
For he was late ycome from his viage,
And wente for to doon his pilgrymage.
He isn't wearing real armour as such, he has no heraldry (a huge fucking deal) he is stained and rusty. He is no real knight.
>why do I give a shit?
it would take the better part of the rest of the thread to lay it all out but the knight is not really a proper knight. This period of medieval history saw the rise of the mercenary as a millitary concept and some scholars view Chaucers knight as being a caricature of Sir John Hawkswood.
You have this contrast then of knightly ideals that society has, and the reality as Chaucer paints him of a Knight obsessed with money and fighting, with no ideals whatsoever.
>>38570514
If anyone really really really finds this interesting I'll make a new thread for it when I have time.
>>38570610
Please do
>>38570514
>>38570610
oh that'd be cool
>>38570621
>>38570690
It might be a few days. I still owe /tg/ the completion of the britbongsteros sagas as well.
>>38570610
Please do, I love it when /tg/ has academic threads.
>>38568955
Still waiting for him to finish the rest of his campaign tales.
He's already had eight stories of Britbongsteros set after that one, and still more to go.
>>38544939
10/10
>>38569497
If I ever get rich I'm building a Scobby-Doo mansion.
>>38548916
11/10
>>38549519
That's disgustingly cute.
Not sure if anyone has posted this yet
>>38574500
Not /tg/ related, but I guess somewhat funny?
>>38554110
I find that this might be fitting.
>>38574500
How did his dad have that much free time?
>>38576354
>Liberal Arts Major
>>38574559
Holy shit. That was a trip.
>Me, 18 year old attending uni.
>only /tg/ thing I do is magic, which I play every Wednesday at our LGS
>I play exclusively edh for reasons mostly pertaining to money
>At the time the only deck I had was melek
>deck wins by using a combination of mana rituals and twincasts to comet storm everyone to death, also enter the infinate for shits and giggles.
>the game is me, an iroas player, and my bro darreti player.
>I had been having a discussion with another friend of mine about taking out exile of immortality, he kept asking me what the best case scenario of the card was, I just wanted some form of recursion
>its near the end of the game, and the iroas player easily has lethal on me, and swings for just enough. I crack elixir and live with just two life.
>next turn I draw enter the infinite, and asses my remaining board. The only significant things are a reliquary tower, a leyline of anticipation, and exactly enough mana to cast enter the infinite.
>I think that if I can politic iroas into sparing me for one more turn, I can cast enter the infinite at eot and explode everyone.
>Pass turn, Iroas comes around
>swings at me with two 1/1's for exactly lethal
>Fuck it, I cast enter the infinite in combat, just to show that given one more turn, hell, a little more mana with which to cast some removal I could have had it
>with enter the infinite still on the stack, darreti bro looks down at his lands, looks up at mine, then looks down at his, before saying six words.
>"I ghost quarter your reliquary tower"
>At first I think he is just adding insult to injury, before he reminds me that ghost quarter gives me an untapped land.
>I search, find a mountain, resolve enter the infinite, cast the bolt I only had because the elixirs graveyard shuffle, kill one of the 1/1's and survive combat with one life
>Iroas player is aghast as he realizes he has no way to deal that one damage to me.
>He passes turn, I untap, and promptly turn everyone and everything into dust and ash
>>38574559
Fucking over the dude from his bootcamp would've been a better ending.
>>38549648
>Natural 20 can do the impossible
>>38562027
Oh god I'm dying
>>38578536
We'll just pretend to ourselves that he died on tour, a bullet in his stomach and an empty prayer on his lips.
>>38550229
It's dynasty warriors. Series has so many games you learn about the ruler's children's children
>>38574559
That was fun.
>>38554257
I remember that thread.
It devolved into 3 sperglords trying to argue that the DM HAS TO cater to the players or they aren't DMing properly versus everyone else in the thread calling them retarded.
>>38581068
I still see that as catering to them, just not full on appeasement, which is good. He didn't railroad them until after they completed their retarded shit, so they still got a decent campaign, albeit with a funny bad end.
>>38561679
BRILLIANT
>>38568955
>>38568955
the only problem i see with that is the Dwarf coming from (Not) Yorkshire and not (Not) Durham, where there were far more mines (by Pop, Area and Total) and a genuine underground town thats nicer than the town on top
>>38581391
also, the bulk of the population is shorter than average
>>38562597
That feel when something you DM'd gets posted.
I can die happy now. Thanks /tg/.
>>38578536
The priest was probably a pedo anyway.
>>38581326
The DM should've kicked them out as soon as they started acting like retards. A good party knows to follow the story and not let stupid shit get in the way.
>>38581535
Out of all magical realm shit I've seen on /tg/, that one example there simply makes the least sense
>>38582172
Yeah but a good DM knows how to deal with parties that aren't good.
>>38582191
Yeah, just imagine all the other things he could have wished for instead that still would have gotten him off.
And why did he have to include everyone else.
>>38582224
You're clearly underestimating the complexity of his fetish.
>>38582224
It's the including everyone else bit that makes the least sense
I mean, revealing the kind of fetish you'd want to keep hidden from everyone forever is standard for magical realms, but directly causing a full party wipe with your magical realm is just fucking weird, and rude
>>38582206
The only way to do it without fighting is to throw them out. Call the police if they argue.
>>38561764
Holy fuck wow.
Oh man. I haven't laughed that hard in a while.
>>38568170
still good
>>38583043
Faulty logic in the second part. Batman could absolutely be an employee of a private organization, or more likely many employees. It would explain how he is able to go out night after night, and how the Batman is regularly crippled or killed and yet still returns to Gotham. It's far more likely for it to be a party of highly paid and trained Special Forces-types being used as the vigilante arm of some rich cartel, only sending out one operative at a time (unless they need backup, in which case they bring in "Robin" and the other Bat-identities) than it is one man with billions to embezzle, the training to act as the Batman, and the psychological issues to keep up the work for decades.
>>38583421
So it IS Wally West!
>>38583421
>>38583421
except the Batman and Robin (the boy wonder) format means they need 2 separate pools, one of which gets less active duty and is subject to (random on the implied scale of the operation) size changes from Puberty. also, the 2nd part of the 2nd part covers why a larger op is out
I have a story. So i have a group of friends that i game with every weekend or so, we usually get together for a few hours and play some PnP games and some board games or card games, or just get drunk and play rockband. Anyway about a month ago i decided i wanted to run a game of Pirates! with these guys. For those of you who don't know about the game, its a very laid back game. There are only 6 skills, no real rules besides be a pirate, and a big focus on doing whatever you feel like for the sake of fun and describing them as hilariously as possible. So in short its perfect for drunk assholes. As the players are rolling up characters i remind them that there is a spot on the char sheet for peculiarities, which are just funny or weird fluff about your character that doesn't matter gameplay wise. Another thing to note, is that every fail roll is a critical failure so if roll to shoot a gun and fail, the gun will blow up in your hand and injure you but you can't die in this game.
So when everyone was ready to play we ended up with a pretty crazy group of scallywags. There was me as Garbage Beard the Capitan, two or three regular pirates, a pirate who was just a Shark in a sailor outfit, a coward who just wanted to go home, a guy who was drunk on rum both IC and OOC, a pirate whose penis head was a corgi, and a duel battle axe wielding barbarian. Not a pirate int he slightest, he was just a barbarian on a pirate ship, and he refused to use any weapon that wasn't his axes.
>>38584958
So we set sail and everyone goes around the ship doing stuff until something significant happens. Immediately the coward declares that he wants to go home, so he marches into the captain's cabin and attempts to shoot him in the face. He fails his roll and i put a bullet in his chest. A couple of guys decide to get drunk, but fuck up their rolls and end up braining each other with beer mugs. The drunk decides to fuck with a prisoner by dangling him over the edge of the ship, but ended up slipping and falling overboard himself. And finally the barbarian decides to kill a priest who was being held prisoner by flaying him alive, he passed the roll and then the player went on to brutally and vividly describe exactly what he was doing to the prisoner while staring directly into my eyes.
Eventually i figure its time something happens and I state that the look out spots a pirate hunter's ship off in the distance. Most of the players man the canons, and then procede to fuckup and hurt them selves because none of them knew how to use a canon. The shark decides to climb to the highest point on the mast and wait there. At some point the barbarian gets both his arms blown off, so he replaces his arms with his axes. As the ship gets closer the players ask what type of ship, so i tell them its a Spanish Caravel, but being a few beers in i fuck up and say "Carnival" and the player immediately decide that the ship is a literal carnival that is full of children. So the players swing over to the ship and begin to slaughter children, in graphic detail. Then the shark leaps off our mast head first and kills the child capitan by landing on him and swallowing him in one bite. The players then lock all the remaining kids in the caravel's cargo hold and blow the ship up. The game ended a little while later after the player went ashore, found a lot of treasure, and got raped by dick wolves repeatedly. The night ended with pizza and more beer.
>>38584969
the fuck
>>38584969
I feel that your game suffered from an inconsistent tone, sir.
>>38570016
>Dissertation-senpai
>Read all the stuff you posted
>Go back and re-examine the Canterbury Tales
>Realize I didn't give it enough credit.
This was an interesting read.I still prefer more modern literature.
>>38543367
That's how you fuck with your party without being that guy.
>>38585354
>>38585420
We were all drunk. It was tons of fun.
>>38581535
>Why?
>I think you know why?
>>38549616
Wait, Brick guy was you?
>>38550319
>>38585826
Thank you. I am also Britbongsteros anon. I hadn't actually realised that that had been posted in this thread. I'm feeling touched.
Thank you fa/tg/uys
>>38583043
>PC reaches a conclusion
>>38543077
Long ass story coming in, brace yourselves
I will need some setup for this so here goes:
When I was in my country’s equivalent of junior high we had a pretty good party:
Me: DM/GM also played a bit of 40k tall as shit kinda skinny not very good with people.
Mustachebro: my cousin who was one year older than me, we went to same school and all that lived in tiny villages quite close to each other as kids. He always played chaotic good, mostly rouges or rangers and played a really fun overly religious Scum in our DH game he looked pretty regular, started losing his hair at 15 grew a magnificent mustache at 17 to compensate retreating hairline also a huge friggin nerd and surprisingly good at cross country skiing
Emobro: Mustachebros friend from his year was a bit too dressed like a emo played punk music with his older brother but only ever played one inssuferable special snowflake character he also played 40k as ravenguard he was so,ething of a prettyboy and the girls seemed to like him and he was a bit cooler than the rest of us for most our school time
ShyGirl: moved to one of the tiny ass vilages back in grade school 3rd or 4th year i think. she was really into pokemon and she had a foil charizard so we were best friends from the second day we met, never really got along with the girls though. She was short with dark hair alwasys cut in a long bob, always wore long sleeves, pretty sure she cut herself during highschool which was a pretty rough time for her
Anyway, on to games
We fumbeled through our first games of "Drakar och Demoner" and Dunegons and Dragons during junior high, good times good friends and all that. Shygirl was alwas a nice good character Mustachebro was always somewhat crazy and Emobro tried to be dramatic as fuck most the time but it worked out.
>>38588012
Gymnasiet (senior high equivalent i believe) came on for Mustachebro and Emobro was forced to move to a nearby city but Emobro moved to a different city while me and Shygirl stayed one more year in the town school and games were called of
Next year me and Mustachebro shared an apartment and Shygirl lived a short bike ride from us we played just the three of us but there was something missing in the dynamic. At the end of spring Shygirl asks if she could bring a girl from her class along when we started a new game in the autumn.
We were all in on it of course ,shygirl had always been a bit lonely and we were quite excited to meet one of her new friends, and one more player could spice things back up.
After two years Emobro had given up the education he started and came back as a first year in the same city as the rest of us studying restaurant planning to become a bartender and so it turned out that we had gone from 3 to 5 participants in our games.
The new person looked pretty much like your stereotypical lesbian. Acne all over her face, slouched, about as flat as a board, sometimes wore glasses sometimes contacts, hair always in a fauxhawk, had it blue for about a year and almost always wore cargo pants and a t-shirt. I will call her Fauxhawk (cont) (I wrote this down most of the way beforehand so I will dump them pretty quickly, Always wanted to share it. sorry for my English writing, i run it through spell-check at least)
>>38588012
What country does this take place in?
>Gymnasiet
What that?
>>38588237
Not the guy but, I think Gymnasiet is a prestigious high school in Sweden.
>>38588164
Anyway we start playing DH everyone rolls three characters and chooses one of these with balance discussions and so on
MustacheBro plays Hiveworld scum chaotic good/ neutral always out for the team first but did not shy away from emeror inspiered heroics
Shygirl plays the kindest female arbitrator ever since ever
Emobro plays a forgeworld techpriest
Fauxhawk plays noble assasin male he was played as a bit of a smoothtalker and made dirty jokes and innuendo all the time.
The chraracters workd really well of eachother the Scum and arbitrator were good natured while the other two were more cold hearted scum and assassin were kind of crazy but the other two rained them In quite well most of the time.
Game goes on MustacheBro an Fauxhawk when going crazy off each other sometimes got a bit out of hand especially since Emobro was studying to become a bartender and me and Mustachebro had taken upp making mead in our appartment we had started drinking a bit during our games.
Anyway all of a sudden slaanesh happens and after a roll it turns out that the assassin become quite “sexually frustrated” this simply gave a few drawback I thought would hang on to until she(he) could get I sorted out at the local brothel, thus also costing some money as extra. Instead Fauxhawk looks at MustacheBro and goes “prepare your anus”
She manages to grapple his character and Mustache bro just screams “Where is the butter when you really need it!?!!” out loud in our apartment. They are both smiling from ear to ear and giggeling slightly tipsy as they are.
Shygirl looking down into the floor walks up to Fauxhawk and pretty much tows her out into the bathroom and locks the door. They are gone for quite a while.
Fauxhawk comes out first, totally straight faced and says no more rape or anything like that okay?
And looks me right in the eyes and says she is sorry she took it too far. I get the hint no more stuff that could be offensive in that way
>>38588286
its just the equivalent of senior high, the gymnasium in Greece stated out as physical training but expanded into School learning as well, therefore secondary education is called gymnasiet Yes this is kinda weird
>>38588313
ShyGirl comes back from the bathroom redeyed. we cut the game for the day.
This group goes on for a year until Emobro wants to bring in this girl who he had met at the local game store playing 40k (eyebrow wagging intensifies among the whole group)
The Girlfriend comes to the next session and she looks…. Normal. Like totally normal, kinda big tits, normal height, fashionable clothes, slightly bleached hair, she could have been any 18 yo Swedish girls . She has played both 40k and DH before with her brothers apperantly so we just throw her into the game.
She plays a guardswoman from a imperial planet. Standard stuff good RP
First game goes on fine she is a bit defensive around fauxhawk whos character is all chummy with Emobros Techpreiest but otherwise everything goes fine
Around our fourt game she gets a bit too much to drink and after being generally irritable for about an hour snaps at Fauxhawk (who was exchanging conspiratorial looks and notes with Emobro about drowning ten levels of a hive in order to hopefully kill of some genestealers, the rest of the party did not really aprove of this) “what do you even want with him anyway, fucking lesbo?” Fauxhawk goes straight faced gives her the fucking look and “what the hell is your problem we are playing a game here you spoiled little [horunge](means Whorechild)!” and we’re about to have a fucking catfight.
Shygirl, looking straight down into the table actually raises her voice and shouts “cant we all just play the game and have fun?” everybody goes quiet and looks at the tiny girl with way to much alcohol in her swaying at her chair almost crying. We all stop for the day.
After this everything gets calmer, The girlfriend only ever gets a bit short and only a handful of homophobic or physical insults are thrown at fauxhawk I about 5 months’ worth of weekly games everytime they start something either emobro calms his girlfriend or Shygirl just mumbles something and everybody calms down.
>>38588313
>Shygirl looking down into the floor walks up to Fauxhawk and pretty much tows her out into the bathroom and locks the door.
That's pretty depressing. Hard to pull a funny story out of that.
Shygirl sounds like she's got some issues man. No offense.
>>38588455
After our first game in January we decided to talk about the first hobbit movie since Shygirl had just seen it and all others in the party saw it on the opening week. There is a lot of drinking and snacks since Mustachebro made a shitaload of mudcake and we had quite a bit of homemade mead to go with the ususal snacks and the drinks that everybody usually brings.
Emobros girlfriend start getting short with Fauxhawk making flat jokes and the likes accusing fauxhawk of staring at her cleavage first in a joking way but when Fauxhawk says she was not looking the girlfriend start getting snappy “oh come on everybody knows” Fauxhawk responds with “just because teyre bigger than mine doesn’t mean the world revolves around em”
Girlfriend-“you are just a jealous little bitch that thinks she is someone and pretends that she doesn’t like dick because she cant get any without tits, are you sure you are even a girl?”
Fauxhawk gets up from her chair “you and me right now, I will fucking kill you” and she throws a half-empty glass at the girlfriend but due to being really fucking drunk almost hits Emobro instead.
Everybody is silent except Shygirl who is sobbing into her cuba libre and slowly looks up and says in a shaky voice “Why cant we just get along and have fun?”
The girlfriend answers the “fucking lebo is freaking me out!”
Shygirl says:” I wish she was a lesbian” tears running down her face as she stares into Emobros girlfriends eyes “because she is such a great fucking girl but if she was she probably wouldn’t be fucking mustchebro”
>>38588571
I'm starting to hope this turns into a massive troll story now.
>>38588566
her motheer had a very bad boyfriend (the reason they moved) and she heard stuff, and when she grew older and understood what had really happened she became very sensitive about things like that and dysfunctional relationships in general made her very depressed
>>38588571
Everybody goes silent again. Fauxhawk and Mustachebro looks really red though she had been chugging back a lot of drinks this night but he has not had half as much .I look at mustache bro and he just starts to shovel mudcake and candy into his mouth with his hands. “So…” I go looking at Fauxhawk who is staring down into the table and fidgeting “…you fucked Mustachebro?” this girl blushing full red and drunk off her ass goes
“No…” Figets blushes even deper and mumbles ”we made love” TLnotes: (“we made love” is nowhere as awkward and dated as the Swedish expression “vi älskade” is)
Again silence
And I fucking lost it , I laughed my ass off, mustachebro starts laughing at me and awkwardly deposits half chewed mudcake and candy all over the table setting off everybody else
And so to this day the most romantic thing I have ever seen is a young woman flat a s a board in a pair of beige cargopants and a black t-shirt with cheese doodle dust on it, face red as a beat covered in zits and acne scars and drunk off her ass proclaiming that she did not fuck my roommate she “made love to him”
And we almost totally missed one of our oldest friends coming out of the closet because previously mentinoed roommate spat fucking mudcake and candy all over his character sheet and most of the table.
We quit the game that night never picked it up again and at the end of that semester most of us went on to university fauxhawk and mustachebro are still together and as far as I know so are Emobro and his girlfriend Me and Shygirl are both still single, both of us ended up at Lule univestiet of us so we hunt the campus for pretty girl together at times, actually played my first game of DH here instead of just running it. Life is good.
>>38582224
I think you know why.
>>38588672
>so are Emobro and his girlfriend
Why anyone stays with crazy jealous and suspicious people I never understand.
>>38588785
She is pretty ok as long as she isint drunk though acording to him she got a lot of shit for being to much of a tomboy by the other girls as a kid and the fact that Fauxhawk kinda judged her for looking "normal" her feel put out, Also big tits and low necklines.
>>38588672
>Not ending with you ans SHygirl together
5/10 you tried
>>38588672
>not having a threeway shygirl and chicks you pick up
Step it up man.
>>38589538
>>38589038
give it time guys
>>38562597
>>38543077
Sometimes, being a cop isn't pretty.
>>38558860
Does anybody have sauce on the Nami picture in the OP? Also this guy is my hero.
>>38591081
I'm crying
>>38543367
>>38545318
>>38592708
anon its name, shes hotter then a volcano in a volcano on a jackrabbits yellowbellied onefooted dance off
>>38594171
>and our skeleton
>>38594304
DM let a guy play as a skeleton
I've got a story about a halfing riding a paladin if anyone is interested.
>>38594417
Did he do anything interesting?
>>38594840
Sure.
>Brother calls me up and says he's got an idea for a party that involves stealthing all the time and never getting ambushed.
>I say cool and roll up a halfing wild mage with the urchin background. Lots of dex and cha, perfect for a stealth party
>He rolls up a half-drow cleric of trickery who serves Mask
>Other friends play a drow ranger, human bard, and a Paladin of the ancients
>seems pretty sneaky so far
>what my brother actually meant though was that we were gonna be supreme badasses, killing anyone who gets in out way, super grimdark, etc...
>true definition of murder hoboes
>not what actually happened
>My halfing ends up being quite randy seeing as how he has a tendency to laugh at everything and enjoy his baser desires now that he is an adventurer rather than starving on the streets
>Anyway our adventure begins as all good adventures do, in a tavern
>>38594896
He was spooky
>>38594896
>We are approached by the Black fist to find a thief who has been stealing rare tomes from all over town
>My brother is acting super paranoid, thinking that people are onto us and following us, trying very hard to get us into the noir lifestyle
>meanwhile my halfing is carefree and happy-go-lucky
>his exploits include, but are not limited to: Throwing an illusory pie while shouting happy birthday after being found behind an illusory statue, hitting on the master scribe of the archives of Phlan even after she spilled ink all over herself, stealing far too many cakes from a lord of Phlan
>These kinds of happenings are slowly breaking the serious mood of the setting that the DM worked so hard to put together for the adventure
>Eventually we happen upon the thief at the scene of the crime after he murdered someone and the chase scene ensues!
>We chase him through the archives end up fighting a couple of spectres, follow him through a broken wall through the sewers of Phlan
>we sidestep some carrion crawlers and tarzan swing over a cesspool only to follow this guy through the swamp outside of Phlan for the whole rest of the day
>when we finally see him in the distance we can tell he is ragged and weary, but he has this massive black shape next to him
>we decided to split up and surround his camp, hopefully overwhelming him
>The Drow goes one way, bard and my Brother loop around behind his camp and the Paladin and I head onto a third side
>Did I mention halfing? I'm on top of the paladins shoulders the entire time.
>As we surround the camp the black shape becomes aware of us and unfurls into its true shape, a Black Dragon
>We all freeze, we didn't come here to tango with no dragon
>My brother had his illusory double out and has it start walking off yelling, "Hell no!"
>we try to parley with the thief and as ragged and weary as he is he is willing to surrender
>We WOULD go take him with ease if it wasn't for, you know, the giant dragon at his side
>A tense staredown ensues for a couple of rounds until I finally get fed up of the issue not being resolved and launch a flurry of magic missle via quickened spell
>Did I mention wild mage?
>I roll my d20's and land on a 1, "Welp, hope I don't self-cast fireball"
>47...
>looking through table...
>"A unicorn controlled by the DM appears in a space within 5 feet of you, then disappears 1 minute later"
>wat
>a unicorn, you mean those good-aligned defenders of the forest that attack evil things on sight?
>yeah that kind of unicorn
>Brother launches a guiding bolt hitting near max damage
>Bard runs by smacking his ass taunting the dragon with Vicious Mockery
>Paladin realizes that this chance will never come again
>It is his destiny to ride the unicorn and slay the dragon
>Paladin beseeches unicorn to ride it into battle
>unicorn agrees of course
>So the stage is set, Halfling is unnerved by the fact the he is now riding a paladin riding a unicorn into melee range with a acid spewing dragon who just so happens to go next
>Dragons turn
>Seeing as how it was just blasted by magical spells from all directions it decides that its best course of action is to unleash its breath weapon
>with a range of 15 feet
>acid spray fizzles out since we are safely outside its range
>oops
>The dragon beings to panic and tries to fly away, but treeline inhibits such an act
>the valiant charge begins
>Halfing clutches onto the paladin's helm for dear life while the unicorn charges and prepares to gore
>After the onslaught of spells and mockery the Dragon has a whole 3 hit points left.
>before the charge
>Dragon is now vivisected with the Paladins axe and unicorn horn combo
>and that's the tale of how wild magic saved the day
>>38595078
I've gotta say this murder hobo term offends me. Hobo's aren't just homeless people, they're migrant and they work, and by definition they couldn't be serial killers because if they don't follow the hobo code made at that railroad convention then they technically aren't hobos. Also I doubt most adventurers doing that shit are homeless. It just doesn't sit right with my autism, I suggest replacing it with murder bohemians.
>>38595210
screencaps?
>>38595252
Lemme put it this way, there are migrant workers, homeless people, and murder hoboes. All probably have the same class, but took a different subclass and play their characters completely different. We use this term "murder hobo" as a simple catch-all because we are stereotypical by default.
