Tell me, friends: Tell me about the time you bitchslapped a god.
>>47944508
>Pathfinder gameI was new to /tg/ okay
>Be Barbarian in a party with a Cleric and a Fighter
>Fighting against BBEG, a goddess of darkness trying to bring about eternal night
>Cleric is dominated
>Fighter is being force choked, will die in a couple of rounds
>I do the one thing I can do - full attack, orc double axe
>both shots are crits
>one rolls max damage, the other one below
>TPK prevented
>Goddess now maimed, I severed her horn with the blow
People called my character Grak Hornbreaker from that day forth.
>be a party of 5 fairly strong adventurers
>been fighting humans worshipping an evil God who wants death and diseases
>we fight our way through a lot of shit, and because these cultists are pretty fucking resourceful, they opened a gate to the plane this god inhabits
>we go there to stop the god
>the rest of the party legitimately wants to kill the god, my character just wanted this cult stopped once and for all, and our attempts clearly didn't deter them.
>finally get to the god
>surprise, a god is fucking strong as hell
>upon declaring our intent to destroy the god, she becomes furious
>warrior immediately gets maimed
>sorcerer gets mindcrushed and falls over
>berserker goes to attack, and literally gets thrown 500 meters up in the air after striking the god, barely surviving the fall, and not even scratching the god
>archer fires a supposedly "God slaying arrow" which pisses off the god
>I was playing a rogue who had a cloak that made sneaking past even supernatural senses quite easy, and was sneaking up on the god
>realize we cannot fight this, and takes a different approach
>sneak attack slap the god.
>the god is thown off guard, and during this brief moment of attention, I start lecturing this diety of death and disease
>"We kinda need you around here, but your cultists are making a mess down there. Would you kindly just make them stop?
>God hesitates
>asks me why he should stop his priests from doing her bidding
>shrug and just give a lame line about it just attracting this kind of attention, from heroic adventurers trying to do good stuff.
>God laughs, and lets us go, in exchange for me staying
>group tries to argue OC, but only the archer is in a position to say anything, and decides not to.
My character was retired (obviously) and then in a campaign two years later, we hear of this god again. Turns out my character got used as a missionary for the god trying to "reimagine" herself as a slightly more benevolent god.
>>47944508
Well I got a story about how a player got slapped BY a god and lived.
>Be at final boss of game
>Almost unkillable godlike being
>Giving dramatic speech about how we're going to fail and she's going to remake the world in her image and blahblahblah
>Orc pirate character speaks up, interrupting her
"That's really cute *wittle god*"
>DM look at the players and goes
"Uhm, do you really say that?"
>Player looks around a tad concerned before saying with a smile
"Of course"
>Villain goes to use touch of death in the form of a bitchslap
>Player rolls a nat20 on a save and lives
>Villain even more offended, spends an action point to do it again
>Player rolls another nat20 and gets dropped to 1hp, but is still alive.
>We proceed to annihilate the "wittle god" through non-conventional means as direct combat won't work.
>Orc character ascends to godhood and become the god of the seas, pirates, and cooking halflings (that last one is a small story of itself)
>This character is still a reoccurring god character in our games 2 years later.
>>47944508
Honestly I never quite liked Alison till these last few panels. I didn't dislike her much mind, but I feel like she's starting to change from a bland audience insert into a good audience insert
>>47945166
She's still a shit character from a mediocre comic.
>>47945126
>God of cooking Halflings
I DEMAND a storytime anon.
>>47944508
Sounds fedora as fuck.
>>47945261
If we're talking high fantasy with polytheism, it's reasonable to assume powerful mortal can surpass weak god.
>>47945283
Yeah, but bitchslapping a god and delivering some "you're evil because you're not progressive" monologue is a bit heavy handed. I mean, for my tastes, and I'm admittedly picky as fuck and largely devoid of optimism. It's not even a long monologue or anything, so I don't even know why I'm whining about it.
>>47945261
Nothing wrong with a Paladin pimp-slapping an evil god.
>>47945425
I would argue that feeding maids to a woman eating tree is pretty evil.
>>47945257
It's actually really fucking underwhelming. But alright I'll do it just for you
So to defeat the "wittle god", the DM gave us a clue earlier that she has some magical books that give her most of her power.
Well reading this books would also transpose some power to the reader. reading them enough can ascend the character to godhood
So we assumed "oh we just gotta read them". (which wasnt correct, we had to destroy them but that doesn't matter now) So the orc pirate found a small ancient book written in giant, which he knows because orc. So he opens it and becomes flooded with the knowledge on 101 different ways you can prepare and cook halflings.
Being one of the wittle god's magical books, it also gave him the ability to begin the path to godhood. So when he ascended he took the domain of the seas and piracy, but his TRUE domain is being the giant god of cooking halflings, but he never tells anyone that.
>>47945425
I think it's more of a "get your shit together" slap than the condescending kind. So not a bitchslap per se. OP is misinterpreting it (not sure if intentionally or out of ignorance).
>>47945425
in-context, she just slapped someone who literally feeds the blood of innocents to a bloated corpse of her husband so that it can produce fruits that allow her to live forever
something that even that god isn't happy about doing herself
>>47945425
It's less about being progressive and more about not being a coward.
>>47945226
>>47945166
She's not really supposed to be likable, but I agree that she was a bit too much of an audience insert. I'm not sure she's less of that now though, and I didn't find her to be land before. I do think that her more interesting qualities were poorly emphasized, in large part because she spent most of her time freaking out and reacting to stuff, but her outdrinking a demon in the honor of her sorority was an amazing and legendary thing for her to do, in my opinion, I thought it was a beautiful concept that uses her backstory. More than that, it shows her mundane background in a fantastic light and thereby illustrates the potential mundanity of the fantastic stuff that permeates the comic.
>>47944508
I've suplexed a five mile long Aeon onto the crater that was the mountain he had been sleeping in, does that count?
>>47945166
I think that's partly the point. She's developing as a character, and becoming stronger/more comfortable in the world she's in. I'm still not a fan of audience inserts, but we've got something good here. At least relatively.
>>47945425
Mottom is actually pretty progressive for her background, since she's a female ruler and, when younger, tried to abolish shit that she hated. The slap is more for giving up and turning into a whiny bitch at the first sign of failure.
Character's mother is a goddess. He reacted badly when she killed and ate a girl interested in him. It's a pretty regular thing though. I think he slapped her once at least.
We're playing a in a realistic setting, so "gods" don't exist
>>47944956
anon, that's amazing. Well played.
>Call out fake-ass godess
>give her a black eye
>I get flung to the other side of the world by her backhand in retaliation
>But she missed baptizing the chosen one as a result
worth it
