What's the most retarded character you've ever seen somebody play? What's the most retarded character you've ever played?
>>47847118
>party is entering country that is on the look out for them
>a couple party members Dimension Door in or something, rest lie
>dwarf barbarian comes in with greatest lie
>looking to set up a brewery with dad, and is scouting ahead
>such a great lie he doesn't even have a dad
>gives the guard his real name and clan
>is the last remaining member of the clan
Literally an older Yuko from Persona 3. Just straight up fucking Yuko.
Well I think the guy may have been retarded idk. I jumped in for a one time session with my friends group one time and there's this weird locked door that has a bunch of hands just sticking out of it. I'm thinking wow this is obviously not something I wanna touch. It's either a curse or gunna grab you.
>I wanna see how this group handles things and they've all ready proven to be fairly stupid.
>random guy is like okay I grab one of the hands to try and open the door
>IMMEDIATELY PUNISHED curse and he has like 1/4 hp and is like uhh okay I'm out. He leaves the dungeon and goes back to town and I'm like lol wtf is this shit.
>>47847118
>Someone else
nWoD Gengrel Vampire.
They were picked up by the cops for punching a uniform. We were going to have to break him out or something when he does the most retarded thing I've ever seen in a tabletop.
While in holding he calls attention to himself, getting the other prisoners and the guards to look at him. Then at which point he absorbs into the concrete or whatever. In front of everyone. And on camera.
Everyone at the table was dumbfounded.
Glad he left the game shortly after.
>>47847118
>>47853385
that always strikes me as a particularly mild example, I mean it's nowhere near the time I yelled at someone for not believing pikatchu was an evolved pokemon in front of the class
Ork madboy.
Ork weirdboy.
>>47847118
I still have the doc she sent with the character bio. Some excerpts incoming.
>History: Her parents were a woman named Lonnie. For on Lonnie's family heritage was, Lonnie's mother was a Domani and her father a Saldaean noble who belonged to a medium house in Saldaea. Her fathers name was Michael Williams and who belong to one of the minor houses of Andor. Shortly after the Aiel war, Michael was sent to Tar Valon on business. It seemed that the White Tower wanted to make a alliance with one of the Houses in Andor. This at first seemed to surprise him, but Michael could understand this. The only thing that truly caught him off guard and surprised him was that out of all of the larger Houses in Andor his house and the House of Williams was chosen. Micheal's house was one of the smaller and minor houses, but when he received a letter saying he had to come to Tar Valon to set everything up as well as to talk and make arrangements for this alliance, he went.
>>47847118
During our last campaign one of the players played an Orc he described as "too stupid to know he's Evil", and boy he wasn't kidding.
>>47847118
The most retarded character I've ever played was Brick.
A meth addict biker, who was roped into a Hunger Games style arena fight.
Combat consisted of jumping on people and punching the shit out of them.
The B.B.E.G. of the game, turned out to have a clone of Brick, from the future, with cybernetic parts. (Literally, because the DM couldn't find anything to kill us at this point, he took my character sheet and copied it, adding insane stat buffs.)
>>47856012
>playing wheel of time as a setting
>proceeding to fuck it up this badly
this makes rand, who was intentionally about as special snowflake as possible, seem downright normal and well adjusted
>>47856259
Honestly, I was more caught up about the incoherent writing. But yeah, it was cringy.
That campaign was weird, I got some of the best players I ever had in it, but I'd rate 3 of the 5 worst players I ever, ever, ever had in close to 20 years of GMing all from that same campaign. Fortunately, none of them lasted more than a few sessions.
Had a player in Shadowrun go for an Oni physical adept samurai named Jubei Yagyu, ripped straight from Onimusha. He was about as high profile as it gets in a game I made clear was about discretion. He rolled into Seattle's pier on a wooden boat looking straight out of the 18th century except for his drug lab on his boat. He tried to come at a Knight Errant riot squad with only his katana. I would like to say he learned quickly how devastating stun effects are in Shadowrun, or that he wasn't invincible, or that walking around challenging everyone in Seattle was a bad decision, or that the Yakuza are not to be fucked with or ignored.
He experienced all of these things, yet learned none of them.
>>47856321
Well, don't leave it at that. Storytime on the others.
Playing shit mekton game the setting was in highschool and the mech combat was a VR game that GM forced on us and whole group a bit sick of our GM shit so we roll
Me
>Green skinned child obsessed with taking over the world viva harebrained schemes never attended class except PE and ran around with a dart gun full of tranquilizer
Friend of myn
>Fat blond spikey hair red shirt belt with kickass buckle that had flames on it who plays video games all day
GM's edgelord friend
>small boy in glasses wears a white lab coat purple gloves with red hair self proclaimed boy genius
There was one more but I forget what he played
The two games we did manage to pull of where very amusing tho the GM didn't like it one bit
>>47847118
>Play as Karvak, the half orc barbarian at the dawn of 3.0
>Karvak has an INT of 6.
>that roughly translates to an IQ of 60.
>yeah, he's a paste-eater.
>played him as a cross between Bevis and Skeletor
>giggled like an idiot at anything he didn't understand, stuttered and slurred his speach, resorted to violence as his only resort.
>party jumped by Darkmantles, everyone else stayed calm and let the wizardfree them, Karvak immediately started headbutting a stone wall until he bludgeoned the darkmantle to death, and then into gooey pulp, knocking off half his own HP in the process.
>party finally saw him as a loyal but dangerous liability and put him down.
>>47856781
Well, I've told one of the stories a couple of times before. Right near the start of the game, we had "Venom Killerman", who was basically trying to play a weebish anime style swordsman in the WoT setting. He wanted to start his character with a magic sword (extraordianrily rare, kings can have trouble getting them) called, and I shit you not
>The blade of doomness.
and his backstory was how he ran around fighting the best bladesmasters in the land. At level 2.
He also had his height listed as 1.68 cm, and when I asked him if he meant meters, he told me to stop pretending to understand the metric system, because I'm a stupid American.
In retrospect, I should have had the first enemy they came across just step on him.
1/2
>>47856781
>>47857099
#2 is later on in the campaign, but actually way stupider. He played a wolfbrother, which if you're not familiar with the WoT setting is a person who has the magical ability to tap into the group mind that wolves have, and also gives certain powers over dreams. They're very rare in the books, but they're starting to recur for reasons not entirely clear.
Anyway, the guy who wanted to play one was joining midway through, when the rest of the party was going through Tar Valon. I forget the exact specifics, but I remember trying to loop him into the party by having some local guards hassle some Tinkers, and his character being the closest there was, with the rest of the party coming along a few moments later.
I was expecting him to try to at least ask what was going on, try to talk to the police. No, alone, unarmored, nearly unarmed, he walks right up to the patrol leader and bites him in the face. Then, when the guards pull out their weapons and attack him, he tries to shout to everyone nearby that his cause is just and they should defend him.
Which of course didn't happen; and the rest of the PCs, acting in character, weren't inclined to help an obvious madman who just bit a guard for no reason. Anyway, I tried to throw him a bone, and had the guards subdue him, and say they were going to bring him back to the mages living there to heal his obvious disease (wolfbrothers get golden eyes, they're rather recognizeable)
As they close around him and start to drag him to the tower, I ask him if there's anything he wants to try, and he says that he makes a grab for one of the guards daggers and stabs him with it. At that point, they just chop his head off.
>>47856152
Did Brick and Brick's clone start wrestling and the rest of the team struggled to figure out which one they should shoot?
>>47857122
>Well, that one's been with us for the whole time.
>Yeah, but the other one is partially robotic. That shit's pretty sweet.
>>47857219
>Didn't the normal one save you by jump kicking a dude into a piece of rebarb?
> yeah, but the other one has xray vision
This came from the second campaign I ever ran. I still play with this fucker, he has sine matured, but boy oh boy was he retarded.
>Playing Pathfinder in a homebrew Generic European Fantasy setting
>Start the players off as having all rolled into town to take part in a tournament, all staying at the same inn
>They all make nice and start talking at the inn, establish characters and etc etc
>I have a shady man walk into the bar, literally describe him as "a shady man in a long black cloak walks into the bar, sits in a corner, and stares at Idiot Player."
>Idiot Player walks over to him
>All is going as planned.jpg
>"I stab him in the throat."
>Que table silence
>Another player, "You're stabbing the plot hook?"
>"He's not the plot hook, he's a shady guy who's staring at me!"
>We can't convince him to not do this, so I go fuck it he stabs the guy in the throat
>Guards in the inn stand up and go arrest him for killing a random man in an inn
>Roll initiative because he wants to fight them off
>He goes first
>"I slit my wrists!"
>Que table silence
>"...okay, the guards look bewildered, then grab you as you bleed out and take you to the jail."
>"I thought that would work..."
To this day, he cannot or will not tell us what he thought slitting his wrists to escape the guards would do. There were 1,001 things wrong with that campaign, but that still takes the cake as the most pants on head retarded thing I've ever seen a player actually do.
>>47857341
>Guards in the inn stand up and go arrest him for killing a random man in an inn
>Roll initiative because he wants to fight them off
>He goes first
>"I slit my wrists!"
I have no words.
>>47857341
>>47857380
I can kind of see that he might of been hoping to plea insanity to avoid execution or something, but I doubt that's something ye olde town guard give a shit about.
>>47847118
buddy of mine never EVER tells the party critical info, even when it's in our best interest. Shit always plays out like this:
>(us)Should we take the road of whiskey and blowjobs or take the long way around through the bog of eternal ass-raping?
>(him)I'll scout ahead! *sees the bog is full of gems and gold, the road, on the other hand has a balor that is currently ripping an army to shreds* Uhhh...we should take the bog.
>(us)Why?
>(him)I just feel we should take it
>(us)Why?
>(him)I think it would just be better
>(us)Are you fucking retarded?
>(GM) Do you want to, maybe, oh i don't know, TELL THEM ABOUT THE FUCKING DEMON?
>(him)Nah. Guys, lets just take the bog.
>(us)Dude, you don't get to scout anymore, we're taking the road, it's faster, and it's not a fucking bog.
As for most retarded character I have ever played, it was a character that was literally retarded, his int score (in dnd terms, wasn't a dnd game) was barely sapient. was lots of fun, whole group loved him. We has a big dumb brute turned up to 11, ironically i missed most combats (due to irl schedule conflicts) and made nearly every mental skill check in game, beating out the mental based characters
>>47847118
Chad the mentally challenged college football player/frat bro, also his social skills mostly consisted of starting fights and harassing women. Huge asset to the party because he could easily be convinced to do anything by just lying to him about someone calling him a bitch or betting that he couldn't do something.
I played a "French" "Anarcho-Fascist" terrorist who was only in the terrorism business so he could be infamous (infamy is just as good as fame and easier to get). Also had an old librarian woman who was actually well read and reasonable, an idiot obsessed with telling puns, a misanthropic super genius, and a hippie beggar.
Retard ended up murdering like 20 people with his bare hands and blunt objects, terrorist started a riot in LA which lasted for weeks and purposely implicated himself in blowing up a Walmart and starting the riot, pun guy infiltrated several well guarded buildings including a police station during the middle of the several week riot to get the terrorist a police uniform, super genius blew himself up trying to make a pipe bomb, beggar hippie managed to revive super genius using music magic (only for super genius to die in a Walmart explosion caused by retard) and librarian helped point us in the right direction.
Terrorist and genius were named Sebastian du Fromage and Hugh Jass respectively and don't remember the other names but the pun guy and hippie were brothers in game.
>>47859202
that actually sounds hilarious
The most retarded player I've ever seen was a chick named lisa. Horse faced, wall eyed and sharp as a sphear. Playing casual 3.5 in the MTG Ravnica setting. She nearly small sized wild elf rogue.
Never did anything helpful, i meen literally never. Chased people down in combat to give them shit like a book of whittling, opened chests w/o checking for traps. When she did fight she hit allies as often as enemys, though that was mostly her dice's fault. Her crowning moment of idiocy was when she just drank a love potion the wizard randomly handed her. Dm said She could chose who she fell in love with, couldn't decide. Decides to roll a die for it.
Now the party was a halfling rogue, half elf barbarian, gnome wizard and myself, a 14 foot tall half vamp gnollish barbarian/fighter named donk. Labels party as 1-4 in order of aappeaence and rolls a d 4. Lands on 4. Decides to stick with the die roll and picks the fucking murder dog saying "he'll love me to, what's the worst that could happen?" Clearly she had not been paying attention to all the people donk had brutally murdered for various reasons, mostly just cause he was hungry or angry.
So we get back to the inn and get patched up from the meat grinder of a dungeon we just cleared. So fed, drunk and relaxed she decides it's time to consumate their new love. They go off and she offers herself to donk. He thought to take the enlarge monster belt off before bumping uglys but the dm made me roll slam dmg cause she was still so much smaller than me and a virgin to boot. She passed out when she got the knot, the sudden lack of screaming caused the party some concern so they checked on her. They open the door stacked up like a swat team ready to rescue her from her own stupidity but find her unconscious and stuck to the very content looking gnolls crotch. They 180 and go order some brain bleach from the barkeep to erase what they just saw. And that's the dumbest shit I've been apart of.
>>47851132
Dam son. I'm not sure how masquerade violations work, would that just be one strike against you or would it burn through all of them at once.
I had a guy that was in and out of our group that first played a self-professed "Lawful stupid" Paladin of the plaid god. See its funny because hes a dwarf that drinks wears a kilt and talks Scottish. Not that he ever stop cracking shitty jokes while talking over the DM until he had to be told to STFU. He didn't show up again after that
Several months later he rejoins the game and wants to play a Sorcerer. He rolls up ok stats but one 7 which he drops in Int. He then literally plays a retarded character. Full retard. Cast jump indoors and bashes his head on the roof "See because im stupid har har" retard. The game derailed after this from a year straight of playing and 6-7 steady players to dead by this month. Fucking faggot
>>47847118
Retarded IC or OOC?
>>47862778
>Playing casual 3.5 in the MTG Ravnica setting
>>47862928
That's a sunrise
If you're lucky the other Gangrel won't get their hands on you, they'll probably have him Torpid in a box, only awoken to try and teach Neonates to practice Protean 3 and wield their new claws
>first ever TTRPG
>3.PF
>"wow! this new hero is gonna wreck so much face!"
>that guy is convinced his character build was the build to end all builds
>World class asshole, just there to kill shit and imagine a high body count and piles of loot. Complains about flavor text, ambiance, and backstory.
>The biggest problem is that he has an online friend who is super good at "breaking" pathfinder and D&D, so he gets any character he makes optimized out the ass
>comes in with a "gothic lolita" who is a 22 year old who looks 12 with white and purple hair whose grandfather was a LN Warforged, kind of like a combination of Robocop and Judge Dredd
>I dont recall him killing anything except random npcs to piss us off because he felt he didnt have enough time in the spotlight
>any skill set is equal to a doctorate laureate or a olympic class athlete
>None of his EXTREMELY disparate skill set was really justified in backstory, or in play
>The worst part of it is that he then turns around and complains that his character is too weak, and that the system must be broken
>Actually, Paizo has implied it.
>Darth Vader would have made a boring protagonist
>I miss the times when a magical realm was a DM hosting a game where players got tentacle raped
>passive aggressive against everyone else
>gm railroads out the ass and ignores everyone that tries to do somethig smart
>Time goes on. We shoot at a lot of shit and we end up fighting a vampire.
>I give a speech about worthless wealth and common mans common good and other stuff while touch all the jewels on his sword and thrown.
>Nat 20
>That Guy throws a hissy fit after town guards get suspicious about a FUCKING BUGBEAR walking through the town gates, with the symbols of an evil god on his armour and wielding a pair of bastard swords.
>complaining that you won't personally bend over his way to let him play his Special Snowflake in his special Group
>mfw
>>47863468
If you knew my dm you'd run screaming or bring your fucking A game. He's an old school grognard and an asshole to boot. But damn it if he doesn't run a fun clusterfuck.
>>47862778
I remember the last time this came up.
>paladin got kidnapped by cultists
>imprisoned in a shitty cell in ruins under city
>breaks the restraints, then kicks the door off
>lone cultist guard, obviously afraid of her after that display of strength, armed with only club: "Don't try escape, I'll stop you!"
>"OK" Paladin returns back to the (doorless) cell, sits there until other cultists return to bring her as a sacrifice to the abomination they worship
>>47863500
>rambling nonsense
>>47863689
>>47863560
I wish i had more donk stories that were that good. Most are kinda meh "then we killed everything and donk ate the bodys" endings.
One with another dm was pretty amusing ti me at least.
So conically stupid and easily destracted donk was often a problem durring talkys. The dm for that game was quite a clever man. Gave me a rainbow pinwheel that was super shiny when spinning and a slinky that did the same when it went down stairs.
I'd deliberately not pay attention while donk was playing with his toys in the corner (thanks to the incubus's endless supply of suggestion and my crap will save.)
Fun shinanigans with those were the time i hyperventilated and passed out 12 times in a row playing with the pinwheel durring a very, very long talky.
The other was when we made our way to the temple of 10,000 steps.
Donk sees this, quickdraws slinky and starts running for the top as fast as he can. Fort saves vs fatigue everywhere, pass with flying colors and make it to the top whole party chugs along at a reasonable pace. Monks at the top aren't sure what the fuck is going on and rwady themselves for battle. Donk ignores them, plants slinky and gingerly tips it over with one finger. Slinky slinky slinky hyena giggle slinky slinky slinky giggle, all the way down the stairs making checks not to start falling down. Again, pass with flying colors. Pass party at full sprint after the slinky giggling like a lunatic. It gets to bottom, and stops one stair short. Welp, back to the top. Pass party as they get halfway up cursing and grumbling, stomping my way up. Monks at top again WTF but don't stop me. Chace it hack down, again giggling like a madman. This time it hits the bottom. Leg it back to the top with a spring in my step, beating the party to the top a third time and sitting down in the wind to watch my pinwheel. Monks are scratching their heads when the party finally catches up and explains why we're here. Was a good day for donk.
>>47863500
>>comes in with a "gothic lolita" who is a 22 year old who looks 12 with white and purple hair whose grandfather was a LN Warforged, kind of like a combination of Robocop and Judge Dredd
>>47847118
Dumbest friend's char
>I'm a street shark with a chainsaw.
>I try to chainsaw this innocent man's steel boat in half because it would be cool.
>Oops, I've fallen into the boat's propellers and become fish food.
>This time was not wasted.
Dumbest ever played
>The one which existed in 4e
Playing an L5R game, first session.
> In Dragon lands
> Lots of tension between Dragon and Phoenix right now due to on again off again war
> One of the PCs is an Isawa Shugenja, the most Phoenix of Phoenixes option.
> Party is meeting up and getting introduced
> The Shugy encounters a Dragon swordsman, known for their ability to imitate a human blender.
> Dragon is rude to the Shugy, who insults him back
> Challenged to a duel
> Out into the street for their duel
> Shugy has no ranks of the dueling skill and no katana, because he's a fucking spellcaster
> Duel starts
> The Shugy drops his sword into the mud, instant dishonor
> Dragon cuts him open, winning the duel
> Dragon walking away, Shugy basically calls him a bitch while casting a buff spell
> Tries to punch Dragon with Fists of Earth
> At that point I'd had enough and just stabbed him into unconsciousness
> By the grace of the dice he survives, just
> The Dragon thanks me and leaves
> A kind monk goes to heal him and take him into the inn because he's a kind old monk npc
> I stop the them and explain that I own him now on pain of actually stabbing him to death
And that's how I made another PC my slave for their idiocy.
>>47863998
Nice.
>>47847118
I played a space hillbilly once. All skill points in shotguns, wrestling, and animal "handling". Didn't play for too long, but the stupidest thing I got away with was pouring boiling water on another character suffering from hypothermia.
>>47847118
Youngest friend in group
>The one that got us all on /tg/
>Read a few too many 'lel epic' stories
>Keeps trying to make his own
>"I'm a space marine!"
>Remind him we're in fucking neverwinter
>"No, seriously, I'm like a fighter, but delusional with super high INT."
>Tell him he's gonna die.
>"It'll be fun."
>It's not fun.
>Renames half his attacks with some 40k bullshit
>Gets mad when the GM is all "No you don't have a fucking rifle what the shit?"
>Quits.
>>47856804
>GM's edgelord friend
>>small boy in glasses wears a white lab coat purple gloves with red hair self proclaimed boy genius
So Dexter, of Dexter's Lab?
>>47856012
Is that translated from something?
>>47862778
>donk
Oh, shit. The legend speaks.
>>47864360
They're all cartoon characters.
>>47864374
Nope, that's word for word what she sent me.
>>47864391
Then please tell me you did all the shit face to face.
I couldn't imagine online play like that.
> Playing DND 3.5
> Character is a level 1 "that guy" rogue
> In Jail for starting a fight with a shopkeeper, and losing
> "I smash my face against the wall so the Shopkeeper can't recognize me"
>>47862778
>sharp as a sphear
That was intentional, right?
>>47864434
Yes we did, although I got everyone's bios by email first.
There's more, and it's more of the same incoherence.
>>47864377
I'm a legend now? Shit I'm tickled pink people like my stories.
>>47864523
Yes. I've literally never met someone dumber than lisa.
>>47864583
He was asking whether you intentionally misspelled "sphere" as a joke, or whether your post was hilariously ironic due to a total lack of self-awareness.
>>47863743
This.
>>47862778
>>47863998
I'm really liking this Donk guy.
>>47864683
Oh, no i just suck at spelling.
>>47857099
>He also had his height listed as 1.68 cm, and when I asked him if he meant meters, he told me to stop pretending to understand the metric system, because I'm a stupid American.
Oh fuck I remember that storytime.
I'm still laughing.
>Dumbest character concept
Fairy Fighter, 4th edition. More specifically, a brawling fighter. ie, a fighter build focused entirely on grapples and holds. My character was not even a foot high. I decided he would be El Moskito, the smallest luchador in the world. His crowning achievement was snapping a black bear's neck to kill it after pinning it for three rounds(while punching it to death) before I killed him off because the concept stopped being funny after 5 sessions.
>Dumbest character I've played for real
Same game, later character. A hobo. Literal hobo. Was partially insane, in the le wacky random xD variety, joined the party because they were off to murder the emperor of his country and he figured he didn't have anything better to do.
He was also an incredibly powerful Warlock, and much later in the game we realized he was the only member left of the party that killed the emperor, and thus was the focus of most legends afterwards. He once evaded assassination while staying at the replacement emperor's palace because he built himself a pillow fort, then remembered he's homeless and curled up on the floor behind the pillow fort. When the assassins burst into the fort and found it empty, he responded by setting the pillow fort on fire.
His greatest achievement was when we killed Vecna and my hobo warlock, who was a lich by this time, called dibs on his job. 2 other gods, who owed us one for killing Vecna, grudgingly allowed it, and my character became the god of undeath and secrets, while adding hobos and cardboard boxes to his portfolio.
>Most retarded other player PC
Gonna have to say the Rogue who shot a bartender in the face because he wouldn't sell his popular and successful bar for dirt cheap. We didn't even have a reason, or use, for the bar. We had lots of explaining to do when our party face came back next session.
So I was DMing a homebrew sci-fi. I asked all the potential players for a basic character story, which I would help them make so it would fit into the universe.
This guy did not want my help.
Luckily we never played with him.
Now whilst the character himself is not retarded, I'm sure you will enjoy the read anyway.
Oh boy. Let me get the link.
https://www.roleplaygateway.com/jak-vitharn-t7154.html
Judge me, /tg/. Judge the evil that men do.
>>47865626
>there was no advanced technology 1000 years ago
MY SIDES
>>47865626
>if he is killed, he stays dead 3 days, then comes back, FEELING good as new
Edgelord assassin jesus
>he was a normal man, until he was 12
Fucking kek
>>47865626
>this was written 8 years ago
>there are still people alive today who would read this and go "yeah okay"
>>47865626
Are those fucking Morrowind spells?
>>47865859
>>this was written 8 years ago
EXACTLY 8 years ago, down to the fucking date lmao
>>47865626
Happy birthday, Jak
>>47865941
>the exact date
HOLY SHIT
>>47864094
>Jawsome
>>47847118
I am unable to play anything that isn't retarded.
>Elf Barbarian Tourguide (5e)
>Lovecraftian Dwarf Warlock that talks to squirells
>The Partys advisor that is mad as a hatter
>Goody two shoes summoner that mentally snapped.
I remember yelling "WHO THE FUCK GAVE YOU A PERSONALITY?!" to my summon whom the DM thought it would be funny if it bantered with me.
>>47865941
>EXACTLY 8 years ago
Jak should make a comeback
>>47857099
>everything about this post
Got a good chuckle out of me. Kek.
Oh, perfect.
Probably an ogryn I rolled minimum Int for in OW.
Had trouble figuring out the arcane workings of a ripper gun, so he just beat foes with heavy objects. Could not remember his name without help. At least once got in a fight with his reflection.
>>47865626
>https://www.roleplaygateway.com/jak-vitharn-t7154.html
>(alternate universe version of Jack the ripper and springheed jack)
Just in case we weren't sure wether this was an actual historical document...and he even messed up the order to mention them in. Propably on purpose, for edge
Im done. ded. this is it.
>>47855839
i can top that, easy
Ork Gayboy
no i am not kidding
>>47865626
>he was a normal man, until he was 12
>walking on water and 3 day res cycles
>all that stolen shit from Elder Scrolls
>that subtle Agent 47 influence
thank you for this hearty kek
an intelligence 12 ogryn.
>>47865626
Memes aside, I actually kind of like the single spell in there called Blinding Speed.
>blinds the target
>makes them uncontrollably fast
That sounds exactly like something a dickass wizard would make.
>>47865887
Those are DEFINITELY Morrowind boots.
Actually funny to see another guy looting shit from the game for his shitty OCs.
>>47871037
It is a pretty dickassy item in the game, yes.
If you want another example: you find three scrolls that give you a two second long MASSIVE boost to your jumping skill.
The jump lasts much more than two seconds.
>>47867186
>I remember yelling "WHO THE FUCK GAVE YOU A PERSONALITY?!" to my summon whom the DM thought it would be funny if it bantered with me.
I know that feel
>order Eidolon to scout ahead
>it ignores me and crawls onto the ceiling
>Most retarded character I've ever played
First time in a voice game, I was supposed to be playing a japanese cyborg operator with all it entails - sneaking, planning, doing overall ninja stuff.
Got anxious as fuck, started to freeze everytime my turn came up, so in-game the badass cyborg operator ended up being not only incompetent as fuck, but overall retarded. Example:
>party is in a police precinct, trying to speak to a contact
>supposed to be all low-key, since we're criminals
>in walks the terrifying cyborg naked from the waist up (he had a coat back in the party's van)
>everyone starts to stare
>ohfuckohfuck I uh... go back to grab my coat
>cyborg walks out of the precinct, grabs the battered coat, walks back in
Incospicuous as fuck. The game went nowhere after that, but everyone says they at least had fun. This guy was also supposed to be reigning in another character with a love for explosions and big guns, which... did not go well.
Pic related, the malfunctioning cyborg. Haven't tried voice games after that.
>>47871478
That actually sounds pretty good for a light-hearted game, pure badass on the outside, utterly inept buffoon on the inside.
>>47871523
It probably would've gone fine if it was a light-hearted game, but that wasn't really the intent at all. He was a sort of dramatic character in his planning, but my execution was horrible. That said, the whole time we were laughing our asses off. It was a fun session. There's a theory that he was actually malfunctioning and would need to have his circuits repaired. No one noticed the sparks coming out of his head.
>>47867186
>Elf Barbarian Tourguide (5e)
How
>>47856804
I recognize Zim and Dexter, but is the guy in the middle supposed to be the main dude from Megas XLR?
>>47847118
Pyker who wouldnt stop summoning demons.
had to be put down by the playerbase.
still not sure if he was trolling.
>>47847190
In his defense how likely was it that the guard would know that there's exactly one member remaining of clan Urstdolf, or that clan Urstdolf was even on hard times/existed at all?
Unless it was like some big world known event that clan Dolfurst was killed down to exactly one survivor or the guard was a dwarf it seems unlikely he should have known.
Now the part where he gave his real name to someone who was on the lookout for them, well, that was probably the real mistake.
>>47856054
To be fair that sounds like it could be entertaining. Though I can very easily see how it wasn't.
>Played an epic level game in 3.5 because I guess we hated ourselves that month or something
>Player plays a druid
>Combat #1 he wild shapes into something dangerous but not like epic level dangerous
>Gets his face stomped on by something normalish
>Combat ends and his character pulls out his scimitar and commits seppuku
>Everyone is just kind of confused and the player goes its because his character decided he made some bad life choices and wanted to reincarnate as something else
>Keep in mind it apparently took him 25 levels in druid to figure this out
>Throws together another character, with the premise that he reincarnated in some kind of "show up as a fully formed adult with 25 levels" kind of way
>Said character gets shot to death in the third combat of the entire game, I can't even remember what it was
>>47847190
>Guard rolls knowledge: local
>Bullshit alarm goes off, barb is made into a eunuch
>Bard decides he wants to start a bar fight
>Goes to a bar and slugs the meanest looking fucker there
>The guy pulls a knife and he and his friend start stabbing him
>The guards show up and take bard under arrest
>Bard says "Wait, I was sent here by my organisation to find this man."
>"What organisation is that?"
>"The Crows, we're an assassins guild from two continents over"
>Bumps his fine for petty assault up to life in prison for attempted murder
Also of note, in the world this took place in there's only one continent to the side of the one they were on, so going "two continents over" would put you right back where you started
>>47862928
>>47863499
If he didn't quit, my Vampire would've eaten him.
He has the political sway and the strongest dude in the party was basically my bitch.
>>47879307
>bard punches man
>man stabs bard
>guards arrest bard
quality GMing there m8
>>47880841
The bar tender informed the guards he started it, and that he was acting in self defense
>>47880841
>Vaguely medieval society
>Self Defense
>Arresting the dude who started it
You're kind of retarded aren't you?
>>47880861
>>47880870
>self defense means stabbing a dude who punched you
it's like you're not even trying to hide it
>>47880913
If you walked up to a random dude in a vaguely medieval tavern and punched him, don't expect to survive.
Talk shit, get hit.
Punch someone, get stabbed.
>>47880913
It does when the guy punching openly admitted to attempted murder, had the bard not done that he would've been fined as well
>>47847118
My most retarded character was a cowardly rogue in my first game ever. During that game he:
>Ran away at the start of every single combat, only to flank around.
>Threw horse-shit at the enemy commander during a siege
>During the assassination attempt with the OTHER enemy commander, failed his roll and ended up crashing into the table
>Once jumped on a giant ice-wolf and stabbed it.
>Later would repeat this stunt on a flesh golem and be a giant pain in the behind
>Literally tackled the possession out of somebody.
>>47859202
>Super genius.
>Blows himself up making a simple explosive.
>Named Hugh Jass.
I'm guessing he was one of those self-proclaimed geniuses?
>>47857341
>>47857380
Yes, but who's more stupid in this case--the guy trying to kill himself or the guards trying to kill a guy trying to kill himself?
>>47870830
>>47856804
Invader Zim
That Giant Robots shit
Dexter
There's your (You)
>>47849498
To be fair, Yuko's a very minor character without many defining features, so I'm surprised how you managed to base an entire character around her. I romanced her when playing Persona 3 and all I remember is that she enjoyed teaching kids to play sports and she liked drinking coffee.Did your character do either of those things, anon?
I recently played a half Orc barbarian. In a paranoia campaign.
>>47871210
Scroll of Icarian Flight
The name alone should have been a warning. Never mind the guy you find them on landed right in front of you, plummeting to his death out of the sky.
That was a good one.
>>47882543
Only minutes into the game too.
>>47882593
If you head the right direction, yeah. Sort of a tone-setter for some other random encounters and judgement calls later in the game.
I think the naked guy and the 'witch' isn't too far away from there.
bump in the name of more hilarious stories
>>47882355
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-gY1rw92hE
>>47859202
As a fraternity brother I'm a little upset by the first example. It's my culture not a costume damn it.
>>47882543
I still managed to get good use out of them after getting mage guild stuff.
Jump all the way over the volcano, interrupt with levitation when you want to get off the ride.
>>47879307
>Bard decides he wants to start a bar fight
more like a bard fight
>>47880913
I feel like someone that thinks stabbing a complete random stranger that comes up and punches you isn't completely reasonable is someone that hasn't been punched a lot in their life.
>>47856012
>Her parents were a woman named Lonnie.
>Then the rest of it
Aww, I was hoping for lesbian selfcest babies.
>>47863998
> conically stupid and easily destracted
kek
>>47865273
> A hobo
Was his name Boxcar Joe?
>>47868039
>Jak should make a comeback
Indeed, but only so someone can send him to a future where their EVIL IS LAW!
One time a guy I was playing with had his character do a swan dive into lava because he suddenly didn't like the character anymore. Mid-session.
>>47888502
Something similar.
We're mid combat with a small group of Orcs.
>Hey, (GM), my character's not been very good in combat so far, how come?
Well you built a sneaky thief character. I did warn you that they would be a bit squishy
>Yeah, but I thought I'd still be good at fighting
You didn't take any combat skills. At all. And you don't carry any weapons.
>But you never let me do thieving either!
We literally just spent half an hour of you robbing a house, (Player), whilst everyone else sat around and did nothing. I told you that the rest of the party were a bunch of mercenaries, and that everyone was happy with a combat game.
>Well I thought they were wrong.
Okay. Fine. What do you do for your turn?
>I stick my face into the campfire and try to bury it in the ash.
Seriously?
>I want a combat character.
Question for everybody, when you encounter randomly suicide rerolls like >>47888776 >>47888502
Do you ever tell them that they can retire a character WITHOUT having to kill them with dumb shit?
>>47888816
They literally jumped into a fire. I've previously made it clear (or thought I had) that they can start a new character if they have a valid reason, and they're in a place the character could be. So whilst you can start as a wizard, if you're in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, you better have a good reasonI have previously accepted "I was home for a religious holiday" as a good reason.. IF their character dies, then they still have to wait the same amount of time - nobody randomly drops out of a tree or something. I think it's just so that they can't go back on themselves.
>>47858140
I like it.
A seagull
Probably an ogryn gunlugger in Only War game. Picture a four year old kid, only he's 8 feet tall slab of muscle and his favorite toy is a heavy machine gun. His childlike demeanor combined with the brutalities of war were appropriately grimdark. Kept killing despite not really wanting to, because that's what grownups told him to do. At least he got to shoot his toy.
>>47864683
>>47864834
It took me a minute to work out why you'd be complementing what was supposedly the most retarded player you'd ever seen, since I read it as a misspelling of "sharp as a spear".
