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>ITT: Funny/badass nat 20 rolls

Everyone share your most insane instances of nat 20 rolls.
It could either be really funny outcomes or insanely badass ones.
I just started playing recently and have yet to roll one and would like to hear some fond player stories or DM horror stories
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>>47481104
Your thread will turn into another Dnd is shit/dnd is great shitposting thread.

I'm sorry it has to be this way.
>>
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>>47481104
While piloting pic related, rolled to dropkick the boss in his face and got a natural 20. Got to take an extra action to grind his face into the floor for even more massive damage. Felt amazing.

For a funny one, waaay back when the party was just getting started we found an abandoned cart in some beasty's cave. Our ogre had a pretty high crafting skill (for some reason) and decided to try his hand at piecing it back together so we didn't have to walk everywhere. Nat 20'd, so the DM ruled he'd...
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>>47481104

>playing edition of game
>we just finished a thing starting another
>for a guy
>my buddy (kinda an idiot) tries to do something
>"hold up guys I got this"
>natural fucking number
>we all groan
>I step in even though my character isn't great at the thing
>"no, I got this"
>another. Natural. Number.
>table lost its shit

To be honest it was even funnier than that

>there is a disease called "laron syndrome"
>it causes dwarfism and increased resistance to cancer and diabetes
>it is mainly contracted by jews.
>LITERAL IRL DORFS.
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>>47481047
>Physical symptoms include: ... micropenis in males.
Tis a grim life being a dwarf.

Interestingly, though, the paraphysiology of the condition can be double-recessive, which means affected parents can only produce affected children (unlike other more conventional forms of dwarfism). So a colony of Laron's would eventually grown into a civilisation of Laron's without ever producing a tall person.

That's pretty cool. We should gather a bunch of them up and...
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>>47481214
New zealand maybe? or australia since that has a lot of empty space. its mainly deserts and mountains bu- mountains...hmmmm....
>>
>Ecuadorian villages are resistant to cancer and diabetes and are somewhat protected agaisnt aging
>protected agaisnt aging
They even live longer too.

>The breasts of females reach normal size, and in some are large in relation to body size.
Hubba Bubba

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I've read that Guardsmen are executed or sterilized and put into camps if they see Chaos after the battle. Is that true?
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>>47480586
Chaos daemons specifically, lest you get regiments like the Volscani who decided they would rather sell their souls to the dark gods and ambush Imperial forces than to face the possibility of fighting chaos daemons again.
>>
>>47480586
Not just chaos. Daemons specifically. The raw stuff of the warp that will seep into your mind long after you've left the battlefield. And even then, the method of post-battle clean up varies tremendously and is widely debated both in and out of setting.
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>>47480586
No. But nosy people who repeat the story are.

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Haven't had one in a bit, so lets get it out of our system.

Dark Souls Lore Thread: Traditional Gaming Edition.

Please feel free to discuss any theories, speculations or ask any questions you may have about any of the souls games in the trilogy.
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>>47480307

So, is Rosaria Gwynevere?
>>
>>47480328
>So, is Rosaria Gwynevere?

I want to say "no", but a "maybe" is just as likely.

Anybody who says "yes" is just jumping the gun.
>>
So what exactly is going on in the undead settlement with the systematic collecting/bagging/dismembering/burning/pulping/etc of undead? It seems very excessive for just disposing of them, plus the text on a few of the items implies that its more harvesting than anything

I know that the deacons are involved somewhere along the line due to their presence but I'm just not aware of the actual purpose

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CIV THREAD
FIRST TO THREE VOTES WINS
I DON'T WANT TO BE DM BUT WILL BE.
LETS GO ALREADAAAAY!
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Mountain Giants
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>>47479810
GIANTS
MOUNTAINS.
>>
>>47479810
>Centauror Faun
>Desert
Let's be merchants.

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Watching Army of darkness. I think in my next fantasy RPG I'm going to give the undead personalities. Functionally the same, but with some lip.

Let the skeleton posting begin.
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gonna share some of my favorite skeleton pics to test for interest.
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>>47479559
>>
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>>47479580

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Are there any fantasy setting that have cool birdfolk races?

I always hear of catfolk and foxkin and other furry races, but rarely birdfolk.
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>>47479331
LotR
>>
>>47479331
WoW
>>
Tengu have been in Pathfinder for years. In fact, they are probably more common than Kitsune in that they've been PFS legal for twice as long as Kitsune in their ever-shifting "weird races" choices.

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How would you do a painting-based BBEG?
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>>47478734
I wouldn't

But for the sake of argument; a game of intrigue and espionage! The players are members of the art scene in the Jin and jazz art deco age of California. The west is still wildly out of control, with Mafias mobs and foreign agents all vying to cut themselves a big piece of American pie. The players get caught in the middle.
>>
Have the BBEG be the painting in question, cursed - or blessed - by some random supernatural thing Long Ago. Anyone who examines the picture long enough is enchanted by the magic in it, which compels them to form a cult dedicated to rewriting the world to the design of the image's curse (i.e. turns them into a group of badguys), and the magic effects that warp people thusly are naturally defeated by destroying the picture. Whether this works through copies (possibly, if the copy is made by a cultist) or not is up to the GM... but having the party have to raze a certain...
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>>47478734
>How would you do a painting-based BBEG?

>Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/u/Raptor-Chan
>Twitter link: https://twitter.com/Raptor_Chan
>Archives: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Muv-Luv%20Alternative%20Quest

You are 2nd Lieutenant Sam Fischer of the USMC’s Second Expeditionary Unit, and currently, you are standing at attention as the Old Man screams at you.

“WHY THE FUCK DID YOU INVOLVE THE FUCKING EAST GERMAN COMMUNIST FUCKING FAGGOTS IN THIS FUCKING MESS? WERE YOU STILL DRUNK? DID...
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>>47478651
“IF I SO MUCH AS GET A FUCKING HINT OF YOU BRINGING IN CONTRABAND INTO THIS BASE AGAIN DICK FOR BRAINS, I WILL FUCKING PERSONALLY MAKE SURE YOU GET ASSIGNED TO CLEANING LATRINES IN ALASKA FISCHER.”

“Sir, yes sir.”

His eyes still smoldering and knife hand lowering, the Colonel dropped back into his chair behind the desk. “At fucking ease. Take seats, both of you. I didn’t call you in just to fucking scream at you two blockheads, though I fucking wish I was.”

Tentatively, you and...
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>>47478661
>[ ] “Sir, do you want me to exit the room while you discuss this with Captain Schultz?”
>>
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>>47478661
>[ ] Sir, may I suggest a candidate?
Kinda hoping to make this a multinational special forces TSF unit

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I really hate these things. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with "bad guy races," but Neogi are just badly written. All they are are slaving slavers who take slaves. It's especially bizarre that they were introduced in Spelljammer, which was otherwise so thoughtful and creative. There, all they are is bargain bin mindflayers (there's almost literally nothing absolutely nothing about them- slavers and pirates, eat captives, ships shaped like invertebrates- that isn't shared by the Illithids). I opened up Lords of Madness to make...
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>>47478374

Your opinion is shit and you should feel bad about it.
>>
>>47478374
Also planting eggs in their captives who incubate them then die.

But yeah, they're spider-illithids, basically. Not much real value in them.

Now, if you wanted to give them a full work-over and make them interesting, I'd love to see what you can do with them.
>>
>>47478374

D&D is chock full of redundant monsters that exist to be little more than evil things for PCs and friendly NPCs to fight against.

Pick the ones you want, and ignore the rest. Personally, I think Neogi at least look alien and a little disturbing compared to the more comical octopus headed Illithids and their dozens of subspecies.

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How would you integrate something like this into a fantasy setting?
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>>47478325
1. He has balls of steel

2. If your game system can't handle a guy in a suit covered in wheels going downhill, then I feel bad for your system
>>
Cuts travel time by 50% between connected points, you don't need to make navigation / pathfinding checks. Having quality roads is awesome.
>>
>>47478422
There might be a version of this in a more modern edition, but back in AD&D 2E, there was an artifact that was basically a gigantic monster truck steamroller about fifty feet high that constantly moved over the world magically leaving what amounted to an asphalt highway in its wake. Whenever it rolled into water that was deep enough to submerge it, it would plane-shift to a different world.

I always thought it would be cool to use that as an excuse for a trans-continental highway suddenly springing up...
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>Its ok to kill every evil creature, simply because they are evil creatures
>they are "evil" creatures because they are evil creatures
>death is the only punishment for evil

Get out of the way lawfags, neutral is taking over the 21st century
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Being evil (lawful, neutral or chaotic) is not a crime. If your Paladin kills things that are evil just for being evil, he should definitely fall from grace. Gygax did want D&D to have this kind of "hang the evil" frontier justice though.
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>>47478299
>trying to apply philosophical logic and ideals to a fucking game of pretend that boils down the whole spectrum of morality into 9 convenient categories

This thread can only end well.
>>
Objective evil sucks. DnD would be better off without the alignment system.

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My friend insists on being DM tonight even though he's a shitty DM who cant make the story fun, and thinks that DnD is a dungeon crawler.

We're playing tonight with like 4 people who have never played and I know theyre gonna get bored of it within like 20 minutes.
Wat do
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>>47478266
>thinks that DnD is a dungeon crawler

Well, he isn't wrong.
>>
As for right now, let them.
In general, get better friends.
>>
What can you do, other then take over or not go
Post about it after

My players insist on trying to sense motive after literally every line of literally every NPC.

They always level Sense Motive.

I am so fucking tired of explaining every line of dialogue, what the fuck do I do?
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Limit them to one skill check per scene.
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>>47477458
Reply in a monotone voice:

You sensed his motive. It was clear. Or you didn't sense his motive, it was unclear.

Eventually they will understand and leave your group.
>>
That level of scrutinization is emotionally exhausting. Will saves to to not take charisma/intelligence/wisdom damage. Not HARD will saves, but existent, which means that if they keep questioning literally everything it'll happen eventually.

Harry Dresden replaces your party's worst player, abilities and class adjusted to fit the campaign. How well do things go now?
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>player
Harry seems like a cool guy to play D&D with.
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>>47476624
Whether he is a player or a character I suddenly have a second voice of reason to help me steer the group away from stupidity.

>>47476649
He's a little too muh realism when it comes to magic. You don't let the cop bitch about how authorities are acting in the campaign, do you?
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>>47476724
>He's a little too muh realism when it comes to magic.

IIRC, doesn't he play a big stupid barbarian with Billy and the Werewolves?

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