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Post the most humorous player deaths you can recall.

For me, it was in my very first game. DM had us chasing this bullshit wizard whos special gimmick was creating portals. He could create a few portals at will, but most of the time where the portal ended up was decided by a D20.

We eventually corner the wizard in a castle. Rogue wants to hit him with a special poisoned arrow so even if he gets away, he'll still be messed up.

Holy Paladin decides rushing in blindly and fighting him 1 on 1 would be smarter.

Wizard ends up in the dungeon, and hides...
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I once played a game of Magical Burst where a player tried to protect themselves from a boss monster by putting up a barrier around their space.

Said boss-monster was one of those types who was literally merged with the environment and flooded the barrier with acid while the player were trapped inside.

I wasn't even being a jackass GM, I made it clear the other players could have helped her break the barrier in time if they wanted... but apparently abandoning their friend to avoid taking a few extra hits themselves was the better option.
>>
A robot character player bought a ton of remote detonation C4 and had planned to use it.

Without letting him know, we filled his backpack up with the stuff and he went to negotiate with some nasty people. Unfortunately the BBEG showed their face and with lackeys at the meeting, and surrounded our guy and were basically going to just curb stomp and kill him. Right before that though the BBEG gloated and asked him if he had anything to say about the situation.

Our guy said something along the lines of "Man, I wish I'd gotten a self-destruct mechanism."

It...
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>>44049224
This is both terrifyingly depressing and funny to imagine. I'm picturing someone like slamming on the side of a fish tank as they're melting/drowning and the rest of the party being like "Nah, she'll be fine."

how do i get paid to dm
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>>44048978
Be a grill and stream on Twitch
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>>44048978
You know how every nerd dreams of hiring a bunch of prostitutes just to play D&D, right? The girls walk in.
"Ladies" the nerd says, "contrary to expectations, we will not be having sex tonight. We will instead be playing... Advanced Dungeons & Dragons!"
"What the fuck?" Tammy says "We better be fucking getting paid for this shit."

So, here's what you do, OP.

>Step One
Be a prostitute
>Step...
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>>44048978
Do it professionally.

>Banished all the original Terran XIXth Legion spess mehreens to deep space because reasons
>Years down the line, Raven Guard start having a bit of a serious numbers problem
>Thinks best solution is clearly genetic manipulation
>Ravens end up with most mutated geneseed not in a Chaos Space Marine
>This goes about as well as one would expect
>Finally loses his shit, fucks off into space, quoth...
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>>44048975
Grief fucks with people man.

His Legion was sent to the forefront of the Drop Site Massacre. Which is Emperor levels of retarded actually. Send the sneaky cheeky breakie Beakies to a full frontal assault. He wanted to have his Legion help the Imperium so he tried.

I wont fault him for that. Corax is one of the more sympathetic Primarchs in my eyes.

>>Banished all the original Terran XIXth Legion spess mehreens to deep space because reasons
Its because...
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>>44049209
>But at least he made the Carcharodons eventually
Space Sharks are confirmed loyalist Night Lords.
>>
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>>44049380

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Out of the three following buzzwords, which describes the worst type of Roleplaying character? Which is the most bearable?

>Edgy
>Random
>Kawaii
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Edgy is the most bearable out of those three. At least one can be dark and brooding and goal oriented.

Random is the destructions of a goal oriented party. Kawaii is the disregard of goals generally in favor of being "comfy".
>>
Worst: Random. You can have a character grow out of being edgy or being cute naive moebait, you can't have a character grow out of being a flawed randumb game-ruiner.
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>>44048410
I'm going to say "random" is the worst. I feel like "kawaii" would be the easier to work with by a hair but I don't think I've properly encountered it myself.

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This is the start of the story of a bunch of acolyte techpriests who had the gross misfortune to be assigned from their previous posts to a miniature space hulk, and then be charged with keeping it flying. Omnissiah help them.

Imagine, if you will, being crammed into a shuttle with fifty other assorted tech-priests and sundry tech-people. You’ve been told that you’re being transferred, by order of the Magos Juris, from the life you’ve known for the past several years - possibly your whole life - to another ship, because that ship’s Tech-Priesthood had fucked up...
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oh boy here we go
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>>44048143
So there we were, disembarked onto the worst ship. We were five, though we hadn’t gotten to know one another yet, and four of us stood out in a crowd of tech-priests:

Devi 'Blue' Solaria, Blue is a Voidborn teenager with brilliantly blue hair the color of glass cleaner. She looks nothing at all like a techpriest so much as a girl in a robe; in fact, she wants to be nothing but a girl in a robe; without the robe. Initiated into the Adeptus Mechanicus as a Factor of the Lathes, despite being nowhere...
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>>44048177
OH BOY! MAKOS READY!

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archive.moe/tg/thread/35228347/
suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Accidental Idol Crime Quest
https://twitter.com/Chromatikeikaku

As a NEET extraordinaire, you were not the kind of person suited for the outdoors in any measure. The Sun itself was an enemy. The wind and air slapped you in the face. Heat made the skin sweat off your awkward bones, and the chill of Winter froze you to the core. And that wasn’t even considering the crowds of people who lived...out there. Disgusting.

And yet, here you were - outdoors, in the cold, beneath a bright...
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>>44048064
Cont.


Later that night as Iori slept peacefully, you tossed and turned. Sleep just wouldn’t come, and you couldn’t do anything about it - not that you ever had the best sleeping patterns. What you wanted more than anything right now was a smoke and some fresh air. You get out of bed and slip on a warm jacket and gloves and a hat, trying to be quiet so as not to wake up your sleeping idol. In the corner is a set of snowshoes, a set of skis, and a set of boots.

Which will you wear?

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>>44048071
You don't "slip into" ski boots as much as participate in a life-or-death struggle to wrestle them upon your feet. Plus, they fucking suck to walk around in.

So, boots?
>>
>>44048071
>Boots

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>You are a young man named Lloyd from the frozen Northern mountains of Tordo, on the continent of Teege. After a youth spent learning magic, you and your girlfriend spent some time as bandits after your home was destroyed, but have recently taken a chance to escape that life into a legit one... As sellswords, admittedly, but it's better than nothing.

>Your exact goal will change from thread to thread, most likely involving some job or another you've been sent on.

>The questmasters...
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Shea and co. lead you to a small camp set up just a little bit away from the New Flight's own camp right outside the Ice Authority's capital.

Waiting there are a hardened-looking Ice Dragon (you never learn her name), some armored and tough-looking Icemen (Icemen and Icewomen are human representatives of the Ice Authority, typically answering to Ice Dragons in charge of larger regions, stereotypically viewed as little more than high-end hired muscle with a badge. These two men definitely look the part. You would soon find out from Gyo that that Nick fellow was...
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>>44048282
>C. No comment
>>
>>44048282
>C. No comment

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About to end a campaign, BB is a young powerful sorcerer who wants to become a king and yadayadaya. Was planning to have him become a Lich for the final session, but now I want something more... Obscure.

Suggestions?
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Two liches. Boom. Also force one of the party members to take his place after the battle. (Their choice.) If they do not, the Lich regenerates. The Sacrifice is the only way to destroy the Lich's sacred item. (Dunno how to say it. Starts with an P.)
>>
>>44047676
There is always the obscure, hidden, yet grand and powerful...DEMILICH

No but seriously why does this guy have to become something else to be a worthy final boss?
>>
>>44047923
Phalacturie

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Has anybody here tried running a game without a Common equivalent that everybody just happened to understand? How did it go?
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>>44047456
Gufpet dno azijhe ev kturga sro drut pwik vnesp lom ebdi umbek truld og vleb.
>>
>>44047456
ومضى على ما يرام، تجنبت المجموعة الأماكن التي لا يتكلم اللغة.
>>
>>44047938
>>44047895
Whud av dho vavo horrk ulo avai dlavavk da kuav?

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ITT: Unorthodox ways of using spells and items

What are some ways you've used various spells and items in ways that they weren't intended to solve your problems?

For example: casting Water Walk on a dire shark to force it above the surface.
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Hahaha, I did the same thing on an Aquatic Vampire to kill it during the day.
>>
>>44047426
Starving villagers had to pay taxes
Petrify the King
No more taxes
>>
>>44047468
Handy spell, eh? Kinda like grease.

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"Masami! Masami, wait!"

Too late, she's already ran up to the streets, leaving Mir and I alone together.

"Phooey." I cross my arms. That Masami, she always wants to take everything on herself and then expects other people to bail her out if it gets to be too much.

I am Kaori Itsukuma.
I wish I stayed home instead of chasing Masami

Unlike my reckless little sister; I'm not quite a walking whirlwind of destruction and selfishness. She's akin to a pint-sized tank.
So if that's the case, why am I worrying...
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Archive: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/QM_CardHeart
Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/E9ZihSBV
>>
>>44047415
>Wait! I can find the real Asai! I just need to sleep on it!
hi hearts
>>
>>44047415
>>Hold on, I'm not going back home. I'm going to go find my sister.
>>First thing's first: text Mom and tell her that I'm safe.

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What is your favorite race?
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There are lots of obscure races I like (and a handful of D&D races I think actually deserve to be 'races' as they are meaningfully distinct from humans) but really the answer is elves, I fucking love elves. I don't even care that it's a trash answer.
>>
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>>44047282
>>
>>44047297
Suck my feminine elven dick.

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>This super ancient civilization was super advanced and built everything :DDD
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>>44047000

>Humans are the strongest race
>Humans are the weakest race
>>
>>44047000
Sounds like a good setting rife with plot hooks.

You some kind of faggot, OP?
>>
>There was no super ancient civilization that was super advanced and built everything xDDD

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>Party is exploring a place.
>Player who happens to enter a room either is not explicitly paying attention or fails a Perception roll.
>They fall into a trap and take some damage
>Whole group groans as if the DM has just tread some taboo ground or they just can't be bothered with this shit.

Why do you people even play? What compels you to show up at all if the concept of playing a game physically upsets you?
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The way you deal with that is just check for traps incessantly, context be damned.
>>
>giving them excuses and assuming on their behalf.

Maybe they're groaning because that dumb cunt want paying attention? Or because now they'll have to carry his ass about while he heals up or something? All I'm saying is massive you're wrong?
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>>44046926
OP, post pictures of your players' character sheets.

Oh, you can't? You say there's no way to prove that you actually have a group?

How fortunate for you.

Sometime near the beginning of your party's campaign, they unwittingly assisted a fox spirit and in turn they sometimes get extremely odd luck, almost as if someone was playing a prank on their enemies at opportune moments.

>Beset upon by highwaymen, outnumbered 3 to 1
>Money or your life!
>Before anybody moves, a familiar looking fox darts out from the treeline, skips across the dirt road and disappears into the treeline again
>Highwaymen move...
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Tip them off about an incoming ambush.
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Give them not very useful advice on a regular basis
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>>44046795
A little bit too one dimensional, but I like it.

>Party is relaxing at tavern
>Thugs start planning an ambush for their most hated nemesis, the Party
>One bloke in the thugs group drops by the tavern to pick up beer for his lads, starts bragging about their upcoming ambush strategy
>Whole tavern is quiet as the party absorbs this information
>Upon giving...
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