if your dick was an nfl quarterback who would it be? mine would be johnny manziel - was great in college but now doesnt see any action.
Russell Wilson is short and fast
Joe Flaccid
>>64058477
Tim Tebow because it has never had sex.
some practice squad guy
>>64058477
Alex Smeth. Always consistent and tries really hard but ultimately cannot seem to wow anyone
>>64058477
Eli Manning. It does some stupid shit sometimes but it also has some pretty epic moments.
andy dalton because I got a red head
Tony Romo. Just when you think that all the stars have aligned and things are finally going the way you want, your shit get fucked up.
Mark Sanchez because it drops a ball when it runs into a man's butt
Aaron Rodgers because it fucks guys.
Underrated thread.
Brock Osweiler because I'm new to the game and still fuckin everybody
Darren Sproles. Short, but explosive and finds a way.
>>64058477
Cam Newton. Because I just sit back and let the D do the work.
>>64058567
haha, that's for the giggle.
Blake Bortles
Because even if I try my best I still get fucked over in the end
Peyton Manning because everybody used to say how great it was but now nobody wants anything to do with it
Jon Kitna because no one has ever wanted anything to do with it
carson palmer because i used to be great and after some down years and injuries im making a comeback
Michael Vick because it has murdered several dogs
>>64058477
>was great in college but now doesnt see any action.
sure it was OP
>>64058977
wew niggalad
RGIII. No one's seen him in years
Joe Flacco. Prototypical size and strength, but eventually disappoints.
>>64058477
great stuff anon. always good to see anonymous users on 4chan literally rip off jokes from fucking barstool sports
>http://www.barstoolsports.com/newyork/if-your-dick-was-an-nfl-quarterback-who-would-it-be-kfc-radio-episode-146/
Colin Kaepernick. I was in my prime and I thought I had it all. But it's been a hard couple years and I'm starting to give up hope.
>>64059074
nofunallowed.exe
Dan Marino.
Impressive, but never made it to the big game.
Are there any NFL QBs who have committed suicide? Because that's who my penis is
>>64059074
>he comes to spee for OC
>>64059074
Clicked the link, none of those were used in this thread, just the main theme
Andrew Luck
Ugly and functional but mostly useless
>>64059138
mcnair iirc
Steve McNair
It was forcibly removed by my wife when it cheated on her
>>64059199
nah mcnair got murdered and then his gf who killed him killed herself
im just talking about killing myself
>>64059218
yeah, you're right. sorry anon, your dick is not in fact like steve mcnair.
Ryan Leaf
such high hopes and aspirations, now it's in pants prison and addicted to pills
Andy Dalton
Perfectly erect during foreplay but goes limp once the time is right
>>64059138
Vince young
Peyton manning because on paper it looks great but will utterly disappoint you with its performance when u need it the most
Tom Brady because it won't get up without cheating
Doug Flutie
Small but great in action
>>64059307
>looking at your dick on paper
were you writing an essay or something?
>>64058477
I've actually gotten laid more since college than I did during it
That's not saying much though
>>64058477
Aaron Rodgers because my dick really, really likes women. Really truly. Like seriously.
Tom Brady because it took me until adulthood to lose my virginity and now I'm drowning in pussy
>>64059074
>taking a Mongolian macro board this seriously
Consider suicide my friend
>>64059397
You mean because it will only work if you're watching a recording of other people having sex
>>64059380
>tfw only had sex once in college
I'm turning this franchise around though. Office hookups are where it's at sort of.
>>64059393
>>64059074
That Jameis Wintson one is good
>>64058977
>>64059138
No QBs I can think of but I'd go with Junior Seau.
>>64059074
>http://www.barstoolsports.com/newyork/if-your-dick-was-an-nfl-quarterback-who-would-it-be-kfc-radio-episode-146/
none of those were used in this thread
>dat rex grossman finisher
top kek
>>64058977
Actually made me chuckle. Well done.
>>64059393
Mines would be Matt Ryan, always melting under pressure.
>>64059475
>I'd buy that for a dollar
>mfw
Nick Foles - with the right coordinator and system it can be a beast, but put in the wrong situation and everything just goes to shit. inconsistent.
Jeff George. Strong but fails to perform when it matters.
Philip Rivers. Been with the same pussy since the beginning. Had consistency, stability and prosperity the whole time. But now, I realize it led me along thinking it would give me back as much as I gave it.
>Drew Brees
smaller than other big name qb's but goes above and beyond to get the job done, lowkey GOAT
Russell Wilson
>Slippery little snek
Ryan Mallett, because it's cut.
>>64059628
kek
Ryan Fitzpatrick because its a wonder to lic
>tfw finished university a year and and still a virgin
What's the point of living, bros? I'm 5'4 also so absolutely no chance of ever having sex.
>>64059628
Good goy
>>64059656
A year ago*
>>64059652
>>64058714
Eli Manning b/c it's goofy looking and slow, but in crunch time it gets the job done.
Jamarcus Russell because its big, black, and busts fast
Trent Dilfer. Undeservingly part of some amazing things
>>64059664
Joe Montana. Not flashy or anything but performs in the clutch and always wins.
Mark Sanchez becuase it likes to hit butts.
>>64059671
>Wanting phimosis
>Wanting smegma
>Wanting your dick to smell rancid everytime you sweat even a little
Rich Gannon. Took years to become elite but eventually cums through in the clutch.
>>64058477
Can anyone think of an equivalent quarterback?
>Did not kiss anyone till 17
>Later same year got to third base
>Following year a few months before you turn 19 you become friends with ex (same one who was your first kiss) and end up fucking a few times on the side
>Not fucked anyone since and never really try with women
also
[spoiler] find out when you were 18 you have autism [/spoiler] and [spoiler] the first ex of yours was dating someone else but went for you, second was a lesbian (emphasis on was), and the third was considerably younger then you and friend of your sisters [/spoiler]
Fitzpatrick- Surprisingly better than the black guy
>>64059788
Matt Flynn
Matt Schaub
Because no matter how hard I try it's another team that scores.
>>64059788
kill yourself
>>64059341
Underrated post
Teddy Bridgewater
Constantly getting roughed up
>>64059788
Jeff Hostetler
Drew Brees because it is small and better on turf.
Some QB who was terrible, never tried to improve his situation, and washed out of the league
>>64059825
>>64059788
>Did not kiss anyone till 17
Didnt win shit when he was on the Chargers
>Later same year got to third base
Later, went to the Saints and started ballin'
>Following year a few months before you turn 19 you become friends with ex (same one who was your first kiss) and end up fucking a few times on the side
Eventually won a ring with the Saints
>Not fucked anyone since and never really try with women
Hasn't won shit since.
You're Drew Brees
Warren Moon. Big, black, and #1.
Drew Brees because it is undersized but loves Dome.
>>64059812
I could see that.
Certainly can't think of anyone else that would fit.
>>64059862
That's almost perfect actually.
>>64059830
Why my man? Besides been there done that.
Or rather *this* close in the past.
Was after my second ex
>>64059876
God damn son.
This is perfect.
Ugly as fuck emaciated 24 year old kissless permavirgin who has never had a girl interested in him and has never even made an attempt to try or improve
I wonder which QB would fit me. Maybe Brandon Weeden? I dunno
>>64058477
Matt Cassell. Basically the opposite of OP.
Phillip Rivers.
It's one of the better players at it's position, but it's team doesn't do anything to help it
>>64059397
So I'm guessing that most of your relationships end because they catch you cheating?
I'm a fat guy. I have a small dick, but I regularly fuck bitches. I've even done kinky shit like pissed on a bitch before. I'm 25 and have had over twenty seexual partners. I've also deflowered three virgins. Also I've been told I cum a lot.
Give me a QB equivalent /sp/
Hoyer.
Its head is shiny and it's awful solid, but doesn't get the credit it deserves.
>>64059918
Legendary Raiders quarterback Billy Joe Hobert.
>>64059918
Jason White.
>>64059978
You're a pocket passing black QB.
You're make believe.
>>64060004
Fucking REKT
>>64059918
Andy Dalton
>>64060004
So Doug Williams.
David Carr.
It's gotten beat up too much to be any good.
Steve young because Mormon
>>64060025
That is like me being a fat ass though. My dick isn't fat though.
>>64059341
>>64060058
>and now your little brother is doing better than you ever dreamed
Jim Kelley because I made it to the big game four times now and always end up choking it.
>>64059393
>>64059773
>that brainwashing
>>64060112
Now that I think about it, my dick has a lot in common with the Bills in general.
>>64059671
Yeah, because babies have a choice in the matter
Fucking retard
>>64060156
>implying if you don't peel back your foreskin right now and take a whiff it doesn't smell like old fish
>>64059773
>Wanting your genitals to be mutilated.
>>64060208
I just finished mouh fucking you're mom and she didnt complain.
Sam Bradford
Started Sooner, but ended up in two animals
Brett Favre
It came out of retirement to play for the other team.
>>64060147
Does anyone ever point out that duck on the far right looks like Hitler?
>>64060318
Faggot
>>64060323
Notice how he doesn't show emotion
>>64060340
no u
Brady.
Bitches always end up butthurt, regardless whether or not I win in the end.
>>64058888
Drew Bledsoe, pretty gud at first but then passed over for younger talent that becomes GOAT.
>>64059656
Im 5'5 and get laid regularly m8 and im pretty sure im fuck ugly. go to /fit/. Pic related me in best possible angle
Brees
Short but powerful and has a ring
>>64061108
JUST
>>64061161
I know senpai i know
>>64061108
oh fuck off youre clearly a chad
>>64061208
he has a neckbeard, you gutter trash. what the fuck is wrong with you
>Have a spectacular year
>Friends having a spectacular year
>Team of hall of famers
>???
>what happened...
>I got no team and no money
>I guess this is retirement
>Wait a minute! One last chance!
>Just got picked up! YEAH!
>TOP OF THE WORLD AGAIN
>Second Superb
My penis is Kurt Warner
>>64061208
Im definitely not a chad. This is the last gurl i fucked. DOES THAT LOOK LIKE SOMETHING A CHAD WOULD FUCK, DOES IT???
Tom Brady because everyone thinks I have sex but I get keked every fucking time
>>64061342
People are going to fall for this b8.
big ben
alex smeth
>literally incapable of throwing (going) balls deep
Andy Dalton. Good when there's nothing at stake, terrible when it matters.
>>64061342
Not cool bro, this is my little sister
>>64061369
Im serious m8.
>people thinking im a chad at 5'5
>people thinking this girl is above a 5/10
>she told me she literally used to date a tranny
>fish eyes
>fish pussy with diameter of .25inches
>big boobs at least tho senpai
>>64061498
post pic of said boobs
>>64061108
I wish I could believe you but I don't know any guys around our height who have had sex.
Plus I've tried with girls and get instantly rejected. I'm getting over it though. That's why I watch as much sport as possible.
>>64061511
I dont have noods cause i ended it with her after 3 weeks because she opposed to my drinking habits. I have her bra under my bed tho that im going to start using as a cumrag if you want to see that
>>64061517
Tell me more about how far youve gotten before rejection. Have you tried tindr? I just talk to chicks shorter than i am
>>64061557
Yes I've tried tinder. I met up with a girl from it (who was less good looking than me, and a few inches shorter) and the look on her face when she first saw me irl still haunts me to this day.
Then during the "date" she spoke about how all her past boyfriends have been tall and how she really likes tall guys.
All the short girls irl that I know from high school have 6'+ bfs. Also one girl that I thought I may have had a chance with randomly asked "does it suck being so short?". I made a joke out of it but that's when I realised I didn't have a chance with her.
RGIII
It's broken.
Ryan Tannehill, Looks good on paper but can't take command of the situation when needed and is prone to meltdowns.
Kaepernick. Overconfident and blessed with great speed, but poor mechanics leaving much more to be desired.
Jake Locker, had loads of potential and the future seemed exciting, but when the time came it just can't stay upright and eventually just throws in the towel never to be seen again
Matt Hasselbeck, because, uh...
Well just look at it
>>64061594
Thats why you gotta include your height in your bio senpai. Maybe its because youre an aussie? Idk? I have no trouble here but its also not easy. You needa be witty and confident bro. Also get /fit/>>64061594
>>64060315
Underrated post
>>64061657
I did include it after that. Also made an okcupid and listed my height and that didn't work at all.
Nice convo btw, pretty good. I see myself getting arrested if I try that though. "omg you creep" etc, but if you're good looking it would work.
Anyway cheers mate, good luck with future grills.
>>64061685
Yup cheers to you in your future endeavors manlet bro. You will get laid. Dont fuck a girl you actually like though if youre a virgin cause she'll drop you like a rock after if you fuck up(you probably will if youre a virgin). Fuck some fatties on tindr first for the xp.
>>64061734
>>64061790
>>64061802
these are gold keep going anon. I bait girls on tinder all the time but I don't have any of my screenshots on this PC. Always good to see more inspiration
Kfc shitpost senpaitachi
Batch number 2
Batch 2 pic 2
Aorry this actually pic 2 of batch 2
>>64061840
the I'd die to fry line has me dying over here anon thanks
Top kek batch 2 pic 4
Batch 2 pic 5
Tom Brady. I like htting my tight ends, but end up injuring them doing so
>>64061872
kek
Oops wrong person batch pic 1
Wrong person batch pic 2
>tfw this is a ylyl thread
i love late nite spee sometimes it feels like its 2013, and bro culture is alive and well
>>64061931
>>64061950
"oops wrong person" isn't funny at all desu
Batch 4 pic 1
>>64061957
Sorry senpai i try my best and not all of my material is perfect batch 4 pic 2
She had "i lobe luxury and all things posh in her bio"
I promise you will like sorry wrong person message this time
Who would I be?
>Good size
>Lost kiss virginity and sex virginity at 18, regular sex for a year
>No action for full year afterwards
>Now regular sex again
>On rare occasion ends too soon, needs supporting cast, hands and tongue to bail him out of his subpar performance
Top kekkage imo
>>64062062
Pey pey
someone who was great before going pro and got a bad injury (got ugly) that fucked up his entire career in the pros and hasn't done shit since (5+ dry spell)
who would be the qb equivalent of this?
Anyways im going to jack off and watch telly until i pass out cause i have work. if i get enough requests ill continue but this takes too much effort to do from my phone
>>64062077
God damn I knew it.
Well shit famme, It might become a HOFer then, im down.
Keked at your name too, just tell me you aint a kebab immigrant.
>>64062126
RG3
Ben Roethlisberger because rape joke.
>>64062167
jesus fuck, that's right. Once good and promising, future looked bright, now I don't even get to play a single down all season long. fuck this shit.
and how the fuck did you become an aints fan in goddamn croatia of all places? I'm a glorious Steelers fan btw pham
Ryan Fitzpatrick, because i will never have a badass beard like his
also Harvard education another thing I will never have
>>64062163
>kebab
>w Polsce
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/poland/11989250/EU-flag-burned-as-tens-of-thousands-join-Warsaw-nationalist-demo.html
https://www.rt.com/news/324785-british-sikh-punched-poland/
Blake Bortles, it's only good in fantasy.
>>64062190
I met a croatian american whos dad moved to NO a long time ago, from the town where my dads side of family is.
He gave me some saints stickers n shit, I loved the underdog story, and I always had an interest in Am. Football and he sparked it. Just in time to start following them in that glorious SB run.
Then I stuck with them with the SB rum and with the shitty years lately. I watched as many Saints games as I could, primetime was undoable for me because school, and later on work, was always in the mornings. Late night games end at like 2 am for me, and primetime end around 5am.
2014 was my first season I watched ALL Saints games, and 2015 is my first full season, combine, draft, preseason, reg and postseason.
Got Brees and a camo Shockey jersey, easily my most prized posessions lol.
The hope and dream is that Breesy G and Payton stay another 1-2 years, so I can save enough shekels to fly to that friend, hes got season tix, free home games for me. I want to see Brees play.
Nice, I like Stillers. Ben is a stud, and Antonio Brown is likeable. Mike tomlin too, I like his attitude and demeanor.
>>64062198
KURWA
CYKA BLYET
At least you a whodat tho.
>>64062748
Why Shockey? Guy was an asshole, and there were quite a few bigger contributors on that Saints team. It's not like he was TO, Randy Moss, or scissorhands, either, so his personality wasn't really justifiable.
>>64062845
Shockey was the shit before Jimmy Graham arrived in town.
Yeah, he was an asshole but mostly on other teams to the point of them not wanting him on a roster. Payton was the only person who could keep him in check both in New York and in New Orleans.
>>64058477
20yr kissless virgin obsessed with a girl who only uses me as an emotional tampon.
Who am I?
Matt Flynn
Started out promising, but fucked up all of its chances.
>>64062946
That third string qb for the Browns
Aaron Rodgers
I only do anal
>>64058948
>>64058477
Flacco. Rarely seems to get a shot of anything right now, but has stepped up and gone deep in huge games before
>>64058477
Kaepernik - Too quick, an disappointing.
My time is now
cam newton desu
>>64061734
>she actually thinks she benches 450
nigger what, I was considered a bigish guy outside of /fit/ for benching half of that as a 6'0 guy there's no way
>>64058477
Jimmy Garoppolo. A young newcomer who hasn't seen any action yet, but the time will come soon.
>>64058477
Brock osweiler because my dick is as rock solid as a lobster's shell.
>>64062946
Pedro is that you?
>>64059885
Kek
>>64058477
Payton Manning
Getting too old to play much...
Jamarcus Russell because those who saw it years ago can still remember how bad it was.
