/hoc/ General
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You are currently reading a thread in /sp/ - Sports
Official thread for the discussion of ice hockey and advanced meme theory.
>>63972316
doggeh
can I get a dank meme
>>63972427
HE SHOOTS HE SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOORES
JOSEFSON
There is no /hoc/ but /hoc/ and dog is its messenger
Tootoo even beats Malone
it's like some teams exist as what the wwe autists would call "jobbers". And I 'm not saying it derogatorily for the Hurricanes. Their fans must feel bad.
Patrick Kane is pretty darn good at hockey
>>63972316
Dog
>2-0
>2@gs
>against Colorado
lmao
>>63972575
He is a very good ice hockey player
kane can violently assault my '5 hold' anytime he wantes even in a cab or in buffalo or with a girl watching with a rape kit but we wouldnt need that as long as the streak keeps going
>>63972575
and good at getting away with violent crimes too
I miss Klein and Stepan so much, just look at that smile
>>63972762
Right now I just want him to pass Crosby. Hoping to catch Mario / Gretzky is just unrealistic. Those records are gonna stand forever unless they increase goal size or change some rules.
>>63972903
he looks weird tbqh
>>63972924
He does but he always looks happy
Truly, how can the Devils win the rangers and play the Canadiens head to head and lose to the Avs and Bjs?
Has there been some sort of agreement between teams in higher positions and lower ones? Equally playing the Habs, I mean come oan.
Galchenyuk is a great and fast player. Additionally, he plays in a good ensemble. Maybe if the Devils kept Kovalchuk, the teams could be comparable. Esquire named him one of the best players. You wouldn't even be talking about it right now, forget it. Only such teams as the Devils (read: quality) can bring about such highs and lows. Undoubtedly this season is a puzzle for me. Juxtaposed of course to last season, who was my first, granted, kek. Unlike last year, however, this one is like clockwork: win the favourite, lose to the lower in standings. Scary, if you think about it.
The season is not over however. Let's wait and see. Ovechkin is not going to win a Stanley Cup before the devs anyway, amirite? Stanley cup: The highest honour.
How will we blow this lead?
> tfw no puckslut gf
>>63973240
Why do canadian girls have good bodies but ugly faces?
>>63973240
her and the finn queen are best hocfus
>tfwno catfight gamethread
>preds pking
>>63973110
You might not
another one bites the ice
>rags
>>63973782
Make one
>Icing to aim for an empty net
common faggots they teach not to do this in PeeWees
SCAR
>king
>no ring
josi josi josi
>>63974060
he didn't even play tonight you fucking idiot
What's with the >rags and hanging onto old decrepit players too long
>>63974238
Thanks for retiring the midget, stralman is dope af
>>63974334
I miss him too especially with Klein injured
>ottawa infrastructure
>>63974480
Ugh, reminds me of playing in shitty rinks and getting the blade of your sick caught in the zamboni door. Fuck that noise.
>>63974828
That's why I played goalie. That, and I couldn't skate.
>>63974017
>tfw >we finally beat a bad team
>rags
shit team
shit fans
shit franchise
>>63974868
Dude,I played goalie also, you have to be really good at skating to move around in the crease.
Did you guys ever win?
>>63975013
goalies are typically shitters who cant skate
>>63975107
That's why your meme country has the worst goaltending on the planet.
Fuck. Canautists are the worst.
>>63975175
uhh pretty sure a canadian won all the goaltending trophies and another one won the cup.
are you upset about this?
>>63975175
:^)
You're welcome
>>63975107
I never intpost, but holy shit, is that a thing you actually believe?
>shuffles, half butterfly slides, post transfers with any speed are for people who can't skate
I've played Canadian teams, you guys were better than this
The best teams were from the upper peninsula though
>>63975258
its pretty true all through minor hockey goalies are shit at skating, good at balance
ever take the pads off? i could probably beat you skating backwards
>>63975013
I was just bad at skating fast. I only played for fun, not competitively.
>>63975295
Well their stride is a lot different, the edges on their skates aren't meant for going fast, they're angled so they can support themselves and move around in a lower position, so yeah, I'm sure you could beat a goalie in a race. That being said, I know a lot of goalies who are great skaters, and if you watch them skate in normal skates and no pads you wouldn't even be able to tell.
>>63975240
Are you seriously suggesting Cory Crawford is elite? And Price has had one good season and is now literally DiPietro tier. Then again, why am I not surprised?
>Canadian hockey "knowledge"
>>63975405
>.931 is DiPietro tier
dont you have some kids to molest chubs?
/hoc/ bait just ain't what it used to be
>>63975350
Me too senpai, I first ice skated when I was 11
Growing up in Florida sucked
>>63975392
lol maybe they're fast for you
never met a goalie close to as fast as me
>Karlsson keking Keith with a defensive play and then keking Kane with an offensive play
Like poetry.
>>63975425
I was talking about how he's going to be on the books but never play again do to incessant injury. Fucking idiot gook.
You are literally retarded. It's impressive, actually. I was under the impression that someone like you wouldn't even know how to turn on a computer, let alone shitpost on a cambodian sock knitting website.
Guess that's where all your taxdollars go up there? Educating the developmentally disabled?
>>63975479
>tfw never learned to skate
>tfw will never become NHL superstar
>>63975540
It's never too late man
It's a great date activity too
>>63972575
Not as fast as Achillies Karlsson tho :^)
>>63975526
lol
>this desperate attempt at damage control
show me on the doll where canada touched you, chubs
>>63975479
>tfw skating has always been a part of PE class during winter from the age of 6
>>63975621
>n-no, price is e-elite, this is a one off th-thing
Shouldn't you be in bed, kid? You got school in the morning.
>>63975642
Sheeit, how can I raise my kids there?
>>63972473
This is a truly dank meme.
I have to sit down for a minute and get my bearings again.
im really salty right now so if I shitpost the Mild hard soon I apologize ahead of time
>2 years ago Sens placed Hoffman on waivers
Thank Jesus no one claimed him.
Official top 5 prospects for the 2016 NHL draft:
1- Jesse Puljujarvi: One of the best prospects in recent memories. He can put the puck in the net like no other prospects this year can. He can play a great physical game due to his size and weight (6ft3, 205 pounds). Has solid hands and passing.
2- Auston Matthews: Probably the most NHL ready prospect, a talented playmaker with even better goalscoring abilities. While not the most physical guy on the ice (6ft2 but only 190 pounds), he always gives his 100%.
3- Patrik Laine: While not as ready to make the jump as his fellow top 3 members due to temper issues, he has by far the biggest upside of the draft. An habile goalscorer who isn't afraid to use his 6ft4, 210 pounds body to hit his foes.
4- Justin Bean: The best offensive defensemen of the draft, is actually of decent size compared to most other defensemen of his kind in the draft (6ft1, 180 pounds). Can also play a good defensive game.
5- Jakob Chychrun: The defensemen that combines offense and defense the best in the draft. Has a nice size to go with his abilities (6ft2, 195 pounds). He lowers in my rankings due to a disappointing start of the season.
>>63975664
>wins a vezina jennings and hart
>n-n-no he sucks
lmao kys chubs
>>63975482
Haha no, I could dust you up buddy
>>63975678
Find a swedish partner and/or move here for work.
>>63975749
Bean?
>>63975765
SIX (6) WEEKS! TOP KEK!!!
>>63975708
Meh, if the Wild get shitposted on tonight then they deserve it. But I don't think you'll get the chance, at least not on an on-ice result
>>63975785
lmao
>amerifats
>physical activity
no.
>Preds outshoot another team 2:1 and lose
>Poile won't do anything about it
alas
>the toronto maple laffs
>"""""""""""""""""canada's team""""""""""""""""""""
>>63975835
>amerifat wrestling fans
go back to /asp/
>>63975807
Yes, there is a prospect named Bean. He plays for the Calgary Hitmen.
>>63975924
And you need to fuck off back to Reddit.
>>63975858
Not about to list my hockey accomplishments on a Taiwanese basket weaving forum, but unless you played AAA or higher I could literally embarrass you
>>63975749
>Justin
Dang, I meant Jake Bean
>>63975971
> being an internet tough guy
> thinks he isn't embarrassing himself
>>63975958
back to /asp/ amerifat wrestling fan
>>63975971
lol this high school hockey fag thinks beating some house teams makes him good
what do you think Zetterberg said to Nyquist after that meme goal?
>>63976026
den glider in
>>63976011
Just stop posting, senpai.
>>63975749
Laine doesn't have temper issues (anymore at least)
Yeah we all know that coach case but it was like 2 years ago and he's really mature nowdays
>canada assmad again
color me shocked
>>63976063
You realize hockey is a sport right? Autists like you prefer sweaty shirtless men pretending to fight.
>>63976099
Still have no idea why you keep talking about wrestling. That's /asp/ territory now, read the sticky.
>>63976094
No need to color you at all, friend
>Looks at the all-star votes
>John Scott at the top
Why does the NHL let people vote again?
>>63976026
"I didn't know Arizona had claimed Bernier of waiver"
>>63976113
you post in wrestling threads with this>>63975405
image
come out of the closet f am
>>63976128
He's a shit player but based on the behind the scenes thing leading up to the Kings/Sharks stadium series game he's a pretty great guy and teammate.
>>63976128
It doesn't really matter, they'll rig it soon enough
>>63976128
Who cares about all star?
I'd vote for Scott definitely
>>63976174
He doesn't afraid of anything
>>63975561
>date
>>63975642
Same here
I don't actually remember ever learning to skate. I just know I can do it no prob.
>>63976153
Sorry senpai. I guess I have to retract my earlier praise of the Canadian education system regarding the mentally disabled.
See, you could go and look at the filename and see that different people use the same image on this mongolian baking forum.
It's curious, though, that you know so much about wrestling posts on 4chan. I shouldn't be surprised though. I've heard the developmentally challenged likes that stuff.
But, hey, good on you buckaroo! Hobbies are important.
>>63976245
"Hey, wanna go skating at (insert local rink here)?"
She will nearly always say "but anon,I don't know how to skate"
"Me either we can learn together"
When you reveal your powerlevel, you can spend the rest of the two hours catching her while she falls down, it's a foolproof plan.
>>63976293
Do you mean like you were too young or like you've never been on the ice?
How much is Mike Hoffman gonna get paid when he inevitably leaves because the Ukrainian Jew and Murray short changed him last year?
>canautists on suicide watch
>>63973240
sigh...
>unzips dick
>>63976374
I don't remember learning, I just did it.
>>63975749
Poopinjärvi is a bust. Id take Laine over him any day.
>>63976302
>getting this buttblasted about getting caught liking wrestling
>typing a diatribe defending yourself
Yeah totally we all believe you
Get back to /asp/ there are some shirtless men you should be watching and posting about
>>63976446
>it's real in my mind
Go to bed, Gordo. You have school in the morning.
how good is adam larsson this season? don't get to watch a lot of devils games
>>63976477
t. Wrestling fan
>>63976501
It's cool that you like wrestling, I guess, but that goes in /asp/ now
>>63976501
I'm running out of fedoras senpai. Please do the thread a favor and get back to Reddit.
But maybe tomorrow, right? Big day at school coming up for you.
Can we all agree that the 2015 NHL draft in general was a bust?
McMeme is injury prone.
Kikel is shit
Hanifin has been terrible
Strome and Marner can't even make the NHL
What player is going to have the biggest dropoff when the NHL starts testing for cocaine?
I'm guessing Seguin is going to be one
>>63976566
>calling me a child
>he enjoys watching sweaty men pretend to fight
KEK
>>63976584
Probably Patrick Kane.
>>63976584
Honestly, why would they? Why do people care?
Guys, I went to go skate today, and the guy who sharpened my skates was mean to me because I told him I bought my skates online. While he was sharpening, a bunch of people showed up behind me needing sharpening skates, so he didn't really sharpen my right skate, only my left one.
Feels bad man. What do I do if I want to skate and he's there again?
>>63976585
Come on dude. I don't want you to flunk your test tomorrow! You really need to go to bed now.
>>63976641
Because muh murrican public opinions and laws.
>>63976641
Rich people like to protect investments.
Or have ways of getting rid of poor investments like mike Richards
>>63976666
>calling me a child
>he literally enjoys wwe wrestling
>>63976662
Dude, you gotta remind him of that shit
Did you just leave after? Wtf?
Also, befriending the skate sharpening guy has benefits
>>63976702
>Biting to such an obvious bait.
Just stop replying while you still can. He won't stop to argue.
>>63976732
I didn't know until I was skating, and I didn't feel like getting off the ice and going back.
>>63976768
Pretty easy though
I just call him a wrestling fan and he gets madder and madder
The only thing more embarrassing than wrestling fans are bronies
>>63976578
Larkin
>>63976817
Larkin was 2014.
Try again.
>>63976780
Yah, if he is there again I'd tell him that he forgot one of your skates
http://espn.go.com/nhl/story/_/id/14170280/nhl-2016-world-cup-hockey-united-states-roster-projections
>>63976858
But anon, that might make him upset.
>>63976858
I don't want to be a dick tho faM. I was just going to go again on Saturday. If he's there again and asks why I want them sharpened again, I'll just say the right felt dull.
Guys I posted a post like 5 minutes ago and it still hasn't shown up in the thread.
Spooky.
>>63976889
Asking someone to do their job isn't being a dick
Did it not have any edge on it?
>>63977071
Barely had one. I could almost completely slide my skate horizontally across the ice.
>>63976817
>Americaitlyn hockey knowledge
Guys?
Is it safe to say that Teräväinen is a bust or should we wait another year?
>>63977149
put a trigger warning next time pls
>>63977172
He was okay last year. Sophomore slump I guess.
>>63977172
He is in the NHL, so we can wait for now.
>Penguins
https://youtu.be/ALV-QtDFpSw
>>63977207
>People unironically listen to country
>>63977172
maybe another year, probably a bust though
>>63977242
Found the POC
>>63977242
Okay nigger :^)
>>63977202
>>63977203
Okay.
I really liked watching him in liiga. So dynamic. It's just weird how it doesn't translate to points in the NHL.
Ofcourse scrap minutes don't help but it's all up to him.
>>63977206
that webm gave me story blue-balls
>>63977263
>>63977292
> implying country isn't just a bunch of white niggers
>>63977334
He had 10 points in the playoffs last year.
>>63977206
>but why
Because that's where that fat penguin pussy is. That narrator doesn't know shit.
>>63977375
Accurate as fuck my slant eye friend
>>63977375
Ok Tyrone
>>63977263
>>63977292
Literally the only people that like country are girls that pretend to like music, and homosexuals.
>>63977263
>>63977292
Is this how it is in Canada? Only white trash listens to country here
>>63977506
>literally
>>63977384
I know, but when I watched him in Liiga, I wasn't thinking this is the next Justin Williams.
I thought he would be the next Pat Kane ith rapr charges and shit.
Pretty fucking disappointed how he stopped being an asshole and a good prospect.
>>63976443
>>63976443
U are pretty fucking stupid if you do this
FYI faM, quite possibly the biggest choke in football history just happened.
Lions literally won the game, but at the end of the play pulled a face mask, giving the Packers one extra play, then Rodgers threw like a 70 yard touchdown on the final play to win the game.
Just don't want you to miss out.
>>63977896
I don't think it can qualify as a choke when you expect that team to do shit like this
>>63977896
>stream dies just after the face mask penalty
JUST
Puljujärvi will blow your mind in the wjc.
He's been slumping in Kärpät anti hockey system and finally gets to do his thing in wjc.
It's going to look fabulous.
>>63978068
Are you going to any of the games?
>>63978068
Is his thing scoring zero (0) goals? Because that's what he did last year
>>63978120
Zero points.
>>63977994
It's an underdog story, though. You start off the game leading by 20 points, then you win the game, commit a stupid penalty (Although looking at it, it's a pretty weak call), give the other team one more chance then lose to a ridiculous hail mary.
It's a fucking choke bro. It's like in 1980 of the US lost to Finland after beating the USSR. They weren't expecting to win anything that year, but that would be a massive choke getting the silver.
>>63978116
I have tickets to all Canada, Sweden and Finland games.
>>63978224
Nice, what did that set you back?
>>63978167
Got any more?
>>63978120
He was very young and was robbed by goalies and posts about a dozen times.
He looked very dangerous and created the most scoring changes of team Finland.
His performance got him where he is in the rankings.
>>63978370
nothing with 4 frames like that my friend. that was high quality meme work, dont come by it too often
>>63978462
He is a one trick pony. All he does is shoot the puck no matter how shitty of an angle. That's why he didn't score, and that's why he is a bust
>>63978543
Idk, that seems to work in beer league
>>63978543
He's a selfish player. Tries to dangle through three guys and gets BTFO instead of making a play
>>63978543
lmao you don't know shit about his game.
He is shifty as fuck, plays the body and make plays. A full dynamic superstar prospect.
>>63978250
I scout juniors for an NHL team. They provide me with tickets and travel.
Does anyone else think Ovi is a selfish player? I don't watch him a lot but whenever I do, I see him gong coast to coast, or trucking through the zone to get a goal when he could have made a better play.
What happens when Auston Matthews out-scores Poopoo and Laime combined at the WJCs?
>>63978734
I used to scout juniors for an NHL team too but apparently there's only junior teams there
>>63978734
damn you fucking rekt him
>>63978543
>>63978734
Pro Scout. Who should the Canucks take with our inevitable lottery pick this year?
The real deal
>>63978766
>there's a better play than scoring a goal
Do tell
>>63978766
Hes a goal scorer and Russian so those both lend themselves to that designation.
Plus the Caps game plan for the past few years has been FEED OVI EVERYTHING so that makes it worse.
A little, but its exaggerated.
>>63978773
America takes over hockey
reminder
http://www.isshockey.com/iss-top-30-december-2015/
>4 PULJUJARVI, Jesse
JUST
>>63978854
I mean when it's not necessary for him to truck it along and shoot, when he could pass it to a team mate and have a better chance at a goal. I know he has similar numbers as far as Goals and Assists, but I'm just going off of what I see when I watch him play.
>>63978885
>4th
>>63978883
Fair enough, I've never been one to watch the Caps, so my perspective mainly stems from highlights or games against the preds.
22 days
https://youtu.be/ALV-QtDFpSw
>>63978804
Depends where you're picking.
Matthews is probably out of the question and a superstar winger won't do you much good in an empty core.
Olli Juolevi is what I'd recommend if I was working for you and where you will be picking.
Are the Devils elite?
>>63978766
If you have the skill why not do that.
If you don't why would you try, make a play
>>63978766
No, he passes a good amount of the time. Like on one of the goals tonight.
And there's no one on the ice happier than him when a teammate scores a goal.
Ovi doesn't give a shit about scoring records, he wants a cup.
>>63979040
not really
>>63979016
Too late, already drafted chychrun
>>63978773
I don't think that will happen and I fully expect Laine to win the goal scoring race.
>>63979108
Why would you do that?
He has already proved that his offense is nothing special while Juolevi has been showcasing his breakout pass.
>>63979040
nah, just overachieving
not that there's a problem with that, mind you
>>63978998
Only 14 until we have to find another asiaposter
>>63979225
Because fins can't produce D
I'll be playing Ice hockey for the first time in a local league this spring. What should I expect? I'm 23
>>63979334
Is it a first timer league? Except your legs to be sore
Even the most clueless scouting service there is has Chychrun falling like a rock.
He doesn't have anything that warrants a top 6 pick in this draft.
>>63979334
Keep your head on a swivel, dusty.
>>63979368
Yes it is. It's the lowest division in the league.
>>63979368
Where's the rest of your flag?
>>63979310
unless ur mom is in the sauna
>>63979334
sore feets and getting btfo'd
Get fucked
>>63979390
He won't be playing in a contact league, he won't have to worry about that.
>>63979397
Expect people not changing, high sticks, and people falling over when they're skating backwards.
>>63979467
>>63979443
>>63979390
Neat. Any tips for a first timer to make sure I'm not complete ass? I expect to not do great anyway. As of now I practice stickhandling a fuckton
>>63979515
make sure you fight somebody day 1, or else they will all think you are weak
>go on /hoc/
>Nepal and Mongolia are acting like they know hockey
>leave /hoc/
>>63979515
Have you ever even skated?
Let's start from there.
>>63979515
Uh, try to play back more than up (so you don't get caught behind the play)
Play your position (your teammates might not do this)
Don't start shit, it's beer league
Change often (forwards should change after one minute or after going up and down the ice, dmen can stay out longer)
>>63979533
>can nada beggin for attention
Here's your reply chief.
>>63979532
Duly noted
>>63979567
Yes, I've been skating on and off since childhood.
>>63979585
Alright, good stuff to know. Basically don't be an ass and play smart
>>63979585
>nhl 16 pro
holy shit SHARP
>>63979614
Honestly, just don't be an ass. Some guys are trying to make it to the nhl in beer league and nobody can stand them.
You're there to have fun, the refs are there to make $30. They will make shitty calls. Don't fuss over it. Befriending the refs will give you many advantages.
>>63979614
>Yes, I've been skating on and off since childhood.
Allrighty. What position are you going to play?
>>63979515
Best advice I can give you is commit to off ice workouts. In Midget our coach had us do 2 hours of dryland, for beer league do like an hour
Here's some vids I have saved for form reference, the box jumps one helped me increase my verts
https://youtu.be/m0Y-V3bUrgM
https://youtu.be/XxYAxQambe0
https://youtu.be/-HXrgzycTlk
>>63979708
I figured a lot would come down to personal conduct. Thanks man
>>63979719
Either RW or D (6'1" 206lbs) Basically comes down to needs of the needs of the team, but those would be my first choices.
>>63979753
Oh shit these are good. I'll have to incorporate this stuff into my usual routine. Thank you.
thats a pretty cute dog tbhfam
>>63979820
meant2quote OP tobehonest pham
>>63979753
When I was in juniors, we had this former Soviet coach who had us running on a soccer field with a parachute strapped to our waists.
Ville Peltonen a Finnish national team legend said Vladimir Jursinov did this too back in the day. One of the red machine secrets I suppose
>>63979771
If you're going to be playing rw, you need to keep your blade down and always look what your center is doing.
You just have to be ready.
>D
Can't help you. Finns suck at defense.
Teppo Numminen is the greatest defenseman of all time from Finland. Let that sink in.
>>63979820
>>63979869
> not thinking >>6397263 is the cutest doge
Pls
Who can stop us?
BEST TEAM IN HACKEY
>ufw the Stars win the Stan Lee Cup
>>63980007
Alright I appreciate the pointers for wing.
>Teppo Numminen is best Finnish defenseman
Oh my...
preds offense is in the toilet senpai. At least it happening now.
>>63980050
>Double Bennetration
>>63979882
This is why all Finns are superb skaters but don't know shit about scoring.
last two digits of my post determines how many games dalASS wins in the playoffs
>>63979882
They did that to us too but on the ice. We had to strap parachute on and do suicides from end to end usually everytime after a loss no matter how we lost be it to refpuck or injury. Seems like Canadian coaches took a page out of euro hockey program book.
>NHL 15 be a pro mode on the Lightning
>game goes to shootout
JUST
>>63980130
Teppo was a Norris contender for few years but for a hockey country it's pretty bad.
Next in line are Reijo Ruotsalainen, Kimmo Timonen, Sami Salo.
Rasmus Ristolainen is propably the 5th best defenseman of all time from Finland based on this season alone.
>>63980214
>>63980050
Literally anyone with quality defense and even slightly above average scoring.
Your back-end and goaltending are laughable
>>63980241
Canada took the whole book of Soviet hockey and ran with it.
There's nothing left of the original game.
Can't wait for beer o' clock
>>63980308
Not true. François Allaire incorporated paddle down fundamentals into his reverse VH methodology.
>>63980387
Eight minutes son
>>63980439
what?
>>63980452
52 minutes here in the 1st world bud.
>>63980463
You said there's no remnants of the old game left. François Allaire teaches a goaltending style (reverse VH) based on the fundementals of paddle down style.
