Konnichiwa minna-sans, my name is Ken-sama and I'm offering a rare opportunity for some kawaii bishoujos to enter the paradise that is my personal haremu. A little about myself, I am 35 years old and a proud NEET, but not a leech like some other NEETs are because I keep up the house in exchange for a monthly allowance. Because my living expenses are low, I have a lot of money to spend on YOU when not indulging in my hobbies. A well balanced diet of instant noodles and pocky has helped me maintain a healthy weight and has given my skin and hair a lustrous sheen. My main interests are anime, manga, and eroge, particularly of the imouto love variety. I consider myself to be an intelligent and well informed individual, as I always read the latest news from Reddit, Anime News Network and Sankaku Complex.
If you want to join my glorious harem, you will of course have to make the cut. First you should be 2D. I realize that's a hard thing to do so I'll let it slide if you have an extra dimension. Secondly, you must like gothloli and thigh-high socks. Inferior over-the-knee socks need not apply. Stockings are accepted but only when accompanied by a french meido uniform. Which brings me to my third point, you must address me as "Ken-onii-sama" at all times, especially in front of the rest of the harem. You can be a little tsundere but not too much because overdoing it isn't moe. I prefer the kawaii imouto type though, like Mikuru from Haruhi. Furthermore, you will be responsible for taking care of the rest of my harem, be it changing out their pillows or cleaning their display cases. You will also get to star in your own series of videos on nico nico, as you rise to internet stardom by singing covers of my ingenious Vocaloid songs, creating kawaii dances and performing them in costume whenever possible. Because you will be performing for a wide internet audience, you must be attractive, at least a 9 out of 10, and also a virgin.
>>23655076
Every day at 2PM you will cook my breakfast. It MUST be omurice and you MUST draw hearts and other cute things on it. Then from 4PM onward we will watch anime, usually Lucky Star, K-On or OreImo. We can watch CLANNAD together but you will not disrespect Nagisa and when certain scenes come on you must leave my presence immediately. Once a week we will see the latest masterpieces by Kyoto Animation and Silver Link. If you like childish anime like Legend of Galactic Heroes or Kino's Journey then you might as well stop reading now. At 9PM you will make a run to the combini to acquire instant noodles for my lunch, as well as Hungry Man TV dinners (eating American food is how I stay connected with foreign culture despite my Japanese heritage). After dinner we will make sweet love, and I will retire to my lair to play my eroge and read my h-doujins. You may, at times, be required to assist me with that, during which times you must remain as silent as possible so as not to disturb my pleasure. At 5AM I will have my bath, and we will take turns playfully splashing water on each other. I WILL ALWAYS HAVE THE FINAL SPLASH. NO EXCEPTIONS. Afterward you will have the pleasure of cleansing my body, as I will yours, and we will make love in the bath as well. Finally we will go to bed at 6AM, where we will spoon. I will ALWAYS be the big spoon, and you will ALWAYS allow me to gently caress you as I please. This will continue until I fall asleep, at which point the cycle will begin anew. At no point will you ever speak to my host family, because they will lie to you and try to tell you I am not Japanese.
Now before you rush to respond to this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, read through the requirements again and MAKE SURE YOU FIT THE REQUIREMENTS. Especially the part where you MUST BE A 9 OUT OF 10. Also make sure you're NOT FAT because I don't need some gross fujoshi cluttering up my house. And NO OLD HAGS, you must be 19 or younger, unless you are the onee-san type in which case I MAY reconsider. So again read the requirements, and if you think you're a good fit then PLEASE RESPOND. Only applicants with pictures including face will be considered. The selection process is rigorous and includes a phone interview, in-person interview, cosplay contest and physical inspection. Only one applicant out of the hundreds that apply will be accepted. Thank you for your time and I look forward to being the Inuyasha to your Kagome.
What's your skype, o new master?
>>23655251
Hit me up if you think you're kawaii enough to make the grade: KonataAndOniisan4ever1978
I am impressed that somebody took the time to write this. This transcends autism and reaches the realm of pure glory
I applaud you
