Letters to those who may or may not read them.
Dear Thomas,
(1/2)
You've really done a number on me. It's been three years since I've seen you and you still terrify me. This probably would have been easier to get over of you'd just beat me. No one really believes that the mental/emotional pain can be that bad but at least bruises heal. Call me a phyco ex all you want (I should have known from how you talk about the others) but nothing I did ever deserved what you put me through. I worked to support both of us while you stayed home and smoked because you were "sick". Full of shit. You were literally full of shit you anal retentive bastard.
I'd cook, I'd clean, I bought your booze, I bought your drugs, I paid for your cell phone, I paid for your internet. And you screamed. I was so scared to talk around you, to breathe too much because you'd snap all the time, ask me what the sigh was for when all I wanted was to breathe, and then scream at me when I said I hadn't sighed. Wait until I was a sobbing, trembling mess before you'd "comfort" me, or leave me to pass out huddled up in a ball.
>>23614639
(2/2)I was scared to tell you I didn't love you. I tried to leave you and I was stupid, let you drag me back and further away from my friends. I let you tell me I was weird and that's why no one liked me. That's why you went out with friends alone while I stayed home, quietly waiting for you to come back because you'd be mad if I wasn't. I like to walk you know, but you'd never let me. I wasn't allowed out of your sight, if I was mad you'd hold me down until I broke down. If I was at work I needed to text you, or you'd be mad. If I went for groceries I had to text you or you'd be mad. I couldn't talk to my own grand mother alone. You knew I'd probably tell her about how you really were. It took months of slowly pushing you away, and you got violent at the end, put a hole in the wall, tried to put one in the closet door, but I got away. You broke up with me. I was free.
Or, I thought so.
And today I saw you get on the bus. I had to get off. I tried so hard to stay on until the bridge, I needed to catch a bus from there to home. I couldn't do it, I was shaking too hard, I was crying and I had to leave before someone noticed, before you noticed.
It's been 3 years, and you're still the worst thing to happen to me. Even over my mother, even over that rapist. I've moved past them. You still terrify me.
We used to talk a lot on this board (and a little off the board as well) but you can't seem to hold a conversation and your glaring personality issues are even more apparent to me because of that. I deleted you off kik, trying to remember why I added you in the first place because you're not that great looking either lol. But what else can I expect off of soc other than people obsessed with themselves
hey M
I just hope you're doing well.
B,
You had me actually believing that I needed you, even after you cheated twice, and lied, and treated me like shit despite my attempts to be the best boyfriend I could be to you.
You called me out for insignificant bullshit and equated it to your cheating because you're ashamed of yourself but too weak to admit it.
I've found somebody better to persue now. This girl treats me like a human being and enjoys my company. She's caring and sweet and truly funny. She's everything I fooled myself into thinking you were.
Cheating is vile. It's the most disrespectful and hurtful thing you can do to somebody who loves you. And like I told you before, it shows a complete lack of self respect.
I feel bad for you. The stigma of cheating will stay with you for the rest of your life, and people will shun you for it. You brought it on yourself, so live with it.
S.
Phrigga,
I think about you a lot. I hope you're well. I stopped talking to you because it felt like you didn't care about reconnecting. Be safe.
>>23615572
I am.
I think I'm falling in love with you and that's bad
Cymoril, you taught me I can be happy again, and showed me what really makes me happy for a short bit.
Rachel, you taught me I can be loved, and I love you too, like family.
Athena, you made me feel so good about myself, you gave me everything for a short bit, and I miss the ever loving hell out of you, and I'm so sorry about what I've done. But I have forgiven myself for what Ive done, I wish you did too, but thats a huge thing to ask.
And to all of you, besides rachel, I hurt so much without you. I am killing myself with destroying my body and health, and as hard as im trying to stop, im not sure i can
Dear N
You always liked me and I always liked you. The thing was, you refused to be serious. I was the kindest to you, you were really funny and sweet. Out of the blue you started behaving like an asshole to push me away. You started being an outright dick to make me not like you anymore. Several times over the years we drifted apart and randomly reconnected. When we laughed about the past and things between us began warming up again... I would hint about a relationship. But, each time I did this, it seemed like you had a hundred excuses lined up as to why it wouldn't work out. I'm not really mad at you for it and I never truly was. You were right about your main reason. You were kind of a fuck up and I was probably better off. I know you wouldn't have cheated on me or taken advantage of me. I know you're a decent guy. But I also know playful bantering might've quickly turned into constant bickering, antagonizing... And with our argumentative personalities, perhaps you would have constantly felt you had something to prove. I know you always felt you didn't have much to offer, and you used your humor as your armor. Maybe I made you too self conscious. In a way I think you rejected me because you thought I was too good for someone like you, and that I deserved better.
We're much older, but I've known you still have feelings, even after all this time. Maybe you're different. Maybe you're not. But I still remember what I liked about you at the very beginning. And the only thing that's mattered to me since is that that part of you has remained the same throughout all these years. To this day I wonder if you were wrong. And I wonder if you kick yourself for not giving it a try. Or if you want to try, now.
Because I still like you too.
M
Hey S, you're really cute and I can't stop thinking about you.
>>23616040
Could this be about me? I'm an "N" dating an "M"..... I sincerely don't want to get anyone's hopes up for no reason, just thought I would say something.
Also, whether this is about me or not, I love you.
"Dear ‘best friend’,
I don’t want to be second best anymore. I always was, and always will be.
You will never change. I’ve told you about this countless times and each time you say, ‘I will text you more. I will text you first. You’re the first person I call when something happens.’ And maybe all of this was true. For a moment or two. But you lose best friends and find new ones. I am always the best friend on the side. I am always the first one texting you, calling you, trying to make plans for us. But it’s okay. I understand. She is better than me, funnier than me, prettier than me, more like you than me. She is closer to you than I will ever be.
And remember all those plans we made? Going to LA together for a whole summer? Getting married if we hadn’t found a husband by the age of 45? Yes, those things are always on my mind and never on yours. I am never on your mind it seems, yet you are always on mine. I can’t help being the one who contacts you first. I want to know how you are, where you are, and what you’re doing. I want to see you. Yet you don’t want to know or do any of that. At least not as much as I do.
You have a new life now, new friends, a new best friend, new school. You always tell me you love me, and that I'm your best friend. But you never show it. I have always been the second choice, and that will NEVER change unless you really try. But you never will. Because that’s just you… I don’t mean as much to you as you do to me. You prefer spending time with your new best friend rather than with me, but its okay. I will get over it… some day, I will."
This is a letter I wrote in 2013. It's been three years since that, and she still hasn't changed. We've drifted apart in the past few years, and thankfully I think I've gotten over her. She was my first real best friend... Yet, the fact that I'm posting this and thinking about her right now is a clear indication that I still miss her and the thought of her.
Dear Life,
Thanks for beeing so shitty. Fuck off.
Alex.
>>23616171
Your name?
Dear Chloe,
Jesus Christ, what the hell? I envy your resilience. THREE DAYS after I break up with you on good terms, you find someone to settle for. Meanwhile I'm sitting here crying an masturbating.
With a distinct lack of love,
Fuck off
>>23614613
Hey J
Look, I'm going to be honest, I still have some love for you, I really do care what happens, but I wish you would get the fuck out of my head. I should have just left when you cheated on me rather than trying to forgive and causing myself and probably you so much pain for those 6 months.
I hope you and your husband have a long and happy life and your child is born healthy and and you have many more.
But stay away from me, because seeing you still causes me pain, and still causes me joy and It'd just be easier if I could forget you.
Dear G,
Wish you nothing but the best, but I wouldn't get back with you even if we were to get our shit straight. Three years wasn't easy, but we managed it and I was willing to try and make it work, but you weren't having it. I'm more broken than I've ever been and don't see myself getting out of this state for a while. It's going to be difficult for me to go back to my day to day life without you, but like you said, life goes on. I still remember when we were in highschool thinking man, she's beautiful but she'll only ever see me as a kid. I hope you find somebody who will treat you well and make you genuinely happy.
With a broken heart,
K
>>23614613
Fuck I'm losing my god amniotic mind I for got to take my meds last night now i. Fucked there are people outside waiting for me to abduct me fuck help
