Dear /soc/
Did I fuck up?
Almost two years ago I met this girl off of Fetlife. Pic related. We chatted for a while, met up, had smoothies, and fucked a LOT. Had a FWB situation for a few months, and that developed into a more established relationship after my attempted suicide about a year ago when she was there for me. After I graduated college the relationship became semi-long distance (she's in MA, I'm in NYC, so we were able to see each other maybe once a month when she drove down and I could get off work.) But the relationship itself started creating a serious pressure on me. I'm dealing with depression and introverted as it is, so constantly chatting with her on Facebook or text was feeling more like a chore than a pleasure. She was frustrated that she didn't get to see me more and wanted to come down more often, but I was drained from work and it took more out of me for her to stay over when I wanted to be resting. But the most difficult thing was that I found myself less and less attracted to her. Because of some issues with an abusive past relationship with an older man she's conditioned herself to act in a babygirl way constantly, which kind of gets on my nerves and she can't stop even if I ask her to. That, coupled with her extreme naivety and general ignorance makes her feel much younger than she is, and I treated her emotionally in a way that I imagine I'd like to treat my future daughter. Which made physical relations really uncomfortable for me, to the point where sex wasn't enjoyable, and that was also a strain on her because she's a 110% nymphomaniac.
(continued)
>>23548242
For all the above reasons, we decided to break up. It was mostly my decision, I think she wanted to stay together forever and actually build a life and family together, and I know it hurt her tremendously for me to do that. The thing that kept me with her, and the thing that's causing me to second-guess now, is that she loved me. She loved me with her whole heart and soul. I don't know if I can imagine ever meeting another person who loves me as deeply in that way as she did. Before meeting her I was pretty pathetic, never had a girlfriend, never had a girl really interested in me. And hey, that's still true. Did I fuck up big time in pushing away this one girl who thought the world of me?
>>23548244
If you didnt love her anymore you would have only ended up hurting her. If you still love her than you made a mistake. Just dont ever use her for hookups. As long as you dont do that you did the right thing.
>>23548258
I'm not sure if I love her. Or, I love her in a kind of non-romantic way? Like I want her to be happy and I felt happy around her, but the things we wanted from each others' company differed.
>>23548318
From the sounds of it you two cant be friends so its better off to say distant unless you want to be in a relationship with her
I don't think you fucked up in respect to breaking up, there are things about your life and yourself you need to change though.
>>23548242
>conditioned herself to act in a babygirl way constantly, which kind of gets on my nerves and she can't stop even if I ask her to. That, coupled with her extreme naivety and general ignorance makes her feel much younger than she is, and I treated her emotionally in a way that I imagine I'd like to treat my future daughter.
It's cool, I'll take it from here
what you should do is post all nudes you have of her here... But no i dont think you fucked up, never stay in a relationship out of pity.
>>23548244
I'm sorry you and her had to go through such emotional distress. Okay, that's a really tame way of saying that break-ups are usually like deepthroating Satan's spiked dick. The point is, I'm sorry for how you're feeling right now. Just to get that out of the way.
Bottom line, you definitely did the right thing. Again, I know it sucks beyond all words, but for a relationship to work, there has to be mutual attraction between the two people. And communication, a fuck-ton of that (not saying you didn't have that, just pointing out that that's equally important IMO).
Some things you can work through, like let's say you want to have sex twice as much as she does, or she wants to see movies twice as regularly as you do (just to make up random examples). If you two are committed enough, you can figure stuff out. Compromise, etc. You'll always have to make compromises, even the most wonderful amazing person will never be perfect (i.e. - have everything you want, or think you want, in a mate).
But if it's like "this person loves me and I do not love her" or "I want to fuck her all the time and she does not want to fuck me at all", those are completely irreconcilable differences. Period, end of story.
Again, you definitely did the right thing, and hopefully you'll both realize it with time (if you haven't already).
