Hi /soc/,
Tonight I come to complain. I used to be a lot here even if I usually dont post anything. But now I really feel like I have to do it. I have to tell my story, because it really kill me. I have to talk about it.
So, I'm called Ellie. I'm a young girl, I'm not a women, but I don't really want to tell my age. Its not really important anyway. I always have been someone not really lucky, and I didn't had many friends ( and I don't have anyone rn, or anyone that I feel close enough to talk about my feels ). I'm really shy, don't talk a lot, so relationships are a bit difficult for me.
A few months ago I was here on /soc/, feeling really really depressed, no one to talk with, so I made a thread ( or came to a thread, I don't really remember ) and just talked about how I felt. That was a beautiful thread ; a very kind american guy made a song at piano for me, anothers gived me their Whatsapp ... But there was this guy, Matt. He was Portuguese, and I am french. I wasn't talking english very good at this time, but I learned very quickly because I used to talk more and more with him. We became close really fast, doing webcams all days, and all my life was resumed to him. He was like an angel fallen in my hell. He helped me, he made me feel better, he made me feel strong, he made me feel pretty, he made me feel awesome. I wasn't scared by life anymore with him, because I knew he was here and nothing could happened to me. He was just protecting me. We were totally into each others.
He talked me about a game, called Undertale. It was looking really cool, so he helped me to download it and I started to play, with my webcam on, on Skype together. I wasn't really good at it first, but as usual, he helped me. It quickly became like a ritual ; I was playing all days with him, he helped me to fight some boss sometimes.
He never let me down.
( following on the next message )
He promised me that we will meet one day, he even did a paper with the date and the hour of the promise and told me that he will put it in
my hands when we will finally meet for real ( pic related ).
He made me trust in life so hard.
And after years of sadness, I was finally at peace with me, with my life, happy, and I didn't cared about anything else. He was here, and that was the most important.
No matter what happened in my life, it was okay. I really didn't cared. Only him was important.
To be honest, I really think this relationship was 100% trustfull and reciprocal.
Of course I was always depressed because its something I have inside me, but he helped so much, he was so better than any shitty toxic drug the doctor gave me.
But all good things have an end. And, as usual, I failed. I fail everything. I failed at our relationship. I lost him. And its not even his fault, its totally mine.
That literally destroyed me. I cant believe that I lost him. I didn't remember since how many months we dont talk, I dont want to remember to be honest. I'm scared
to remember.
And I felt so lost without him, like a child lost in the vast universe, without anybody, growing alone. Trying as best as I could to live without too much pain.
I thinked about him all days. I tried to send him messages, but I didn't. I should've done it earlier. Because yeah, a few days ago I send him a text on Fb.
At first he was kinda apprehensive about talking me back, but he finally accepted. However, he had a lot of homework to do so we didn't talked that much but he
told me that we will be more able to talk really soon ( like tomorrow ). We will probably never be like before, thats why I feel so bad and it breaks my heart.
( following in the next message )
Life is strange. How many probabilities had we to be here, on 4chan, on /soc/, at the same day, the same time, on the same thread ? Almost no one. But we did.
And thats awesome. Its magic.
He made me learn about life and grow up so much and so fast. I feel like its not even reality, like it was a dream. I cant realise I met someone like that.
He brought me so much. But I ruined this beautiful story. I really hope things will be for the best for us, but I'm always so negative ... I can't stop asking
myself questions. Did he thinked about me ? Did he missed me ? Did he felt pain ? Is he happy to talk to me again ? Is he thinking about me right now ? Is he
even thinking about me sometimes in the day ? Does he gonna send me a text soon ? I can't sleep anymore ... There's so much things to say about it, but I'm
gonna loose myself into explanations so I have to stop now.
Well, thanks to the people who readed me, and I'm sorry for complaining about that, I'm not even waiting for attention or stuff. I just wanted to talk. I feel a little
better, so yeah.
Life can be awesome sometimes, but fairy tales don't last that long. Be careful about who you really love. And don't let anything separate yourselves.
>>23955286
>>23955291
>>23955295
This part of 4chan is for tits, dicks, ass, pussy, and hookups/socializing.
You're in the wrong place if you want to post motivational speeches.
>>23955308
Well I know /soc/ is a shitty place but I met him here, and I've met really kind people here too, I'm not posting any motivational speech I'm very bad at it. I know sometimes 4chan can be a really beautiful place. But I feel like its the best place on 4chan to talk about it.
>>23955291
>And, as usual, I failed. I fail everything. I failed at our relationship. I lost him. And its not even his fault, its totally mine.
You need to learn how to love yourself before falling in love with someone. I understand that love can be a magical feeling, but you cant let anyone be your everything. Its sounds a bit harsh and too rational, but its really important otherwise you are going to fall into these love-depression loops.
>>23955330
I know that ... But I'm not someone strong ( even if he always told me that I was ), and not rational at all. My feels are always ruling over me. But idk if I was in love or not ... It was really weird. Ofc I never loved someone that much, but yeah ...
I know you're right anyway. I really have to control my feels, but it was hard to resist. And I'm really happy about this experience anyway but I don't want to be hurted this much again. I just hope he will be here like he did.
>>23955286
>>23955330
And I can completely understand your situation. Because I was in a really similar one. Started with Skype, didn't work out, was depressed for days and weeks. Time and socializing helped, but also had to realize that my whole life cant be about one person who probably doesn't care much about me.
Learn to respect and love yourself, otherwise no one would. You are here, writing about him while he is too busy with his everyday homework. Don't let him become your only meaning and happiness or life.
I know its easy to tell but think about it and realize you are probably wasting your time
>>23955364
I know I really have to improve myself on some points, but it will take me a lot of time. And really, I can't let him be out of my life. Just thinking about it chills me to the bones.
And you know, there were one time when I was before any of his homeworks, he was always here, always. He treated me so well. I can't be mad at him now because he have to do homeworks, its my fault if things went bad.
I used to have really bad thoughts too but I fighted, so at least I ruled over that. I don't know what will happen for me next, I'm lost.
Ik you're right but I'm really not rational and I don't feel like I can be without him for now. Maybe later, but I really need him now.
>>23955405
You put your whole life on a person who probably does not care that much about you. I mean its really easy to say from a third point of view, but still, its not healthy nor successful on a long run.
If you really-really like him, you should try keeping him in your life, as a friend, as someone you can talk to. But don't gamble your life on your decision.
Also, he will feel if you are too clingy and it will give you power to control you. Respect yourself, for fucks sake
But what if matt was actually pedophile?
then u dodged bullet op
gj dodging bullet op
>>23955432
But I don't have anyone, and he's really not a bad person. He cared about me a lot, I know it, he cared as much as I cared for him.
I will try to be strong but its hard for me, I think I'm probably too young, too weak and too lonely. Anyway I have to change but its hard ...
>>23955452
what the hell stop saying bullshits, ffff, 4chan can be full of nice persons but god damn somes are so dumbs. Of course he isn't a pedophile, I'm young but not that much !
Wow ...
>>23955454
I wish happiness for you, but you really need to learn to respect and love yourself. If not for this case, for the next and for your entire life. Another human being in this situation cant be important than yourself.
>>23955470
Yes I have to. Thanks a lot for anything kind anon, I wish you the best.
>>23955464
Nothing ever lasts forever OP.
Complete reliance of another person doesn't ultimately grant love but greed more so than anything.
Your happiness is tied to memories but you're neglecting the fact you can make new ones.
Don't dwell in the past.
>>23955501
I don't want him to be memories, that scare me a lot, I'm not mature, I need someone. I can't be alone, I know myself. Its so hard for me now to be close to someone, I don't want anyone else but him.
I don't really know if this is reasonnable, but desu I don't care, I have nothing to loose after all.
For now I'm at least happy that I talk to him again, things seems to go "well", however I don't know if it'll work or not. I'm not sure of what I'm doing, I'm not sure of myself, but all I know is that I like him really much and no matter if I have to disrespect myself for him. He gave me all of him. I don't feel bad about what I'm doing. I'm just feeling guilty about what I've done. I did a mistake, and he didn't. He worth it. I'm sure he worth it.
but I really dont care*
>>23955538
Do you live with your parents or what? Or are you just a normal young person that sucks at English?
>>23955579
Oh, I'm a normal young person that sucks at English because it isn't my first langage, but its okay though, it doesnt really matter anyway.
OP tell us how did you screw up things with him
also, as the other anon says, you need first to learn how to love yourself
do things you like; sports, drawing, reading, travelling, whatever helps you to find yourself
after that, you have my permission to die, I mean, to meet other people
>>23955464
>somes are so dumbs
You compose some of the best posts :')
Please, never stops!
>>23955286
Don't be too hard on yourself. Every relationship has its problem moments. In good relationships both sides learn from each problem and get better at dealing with them. It takes time but if the relationship is as good as you describe why would anyone throw that away.
What is it that you did that you feel screwed things up?
