Let's get a depression thread started. What's on your mind? Share, if you want to share. It's the easiest to explain to strangers.
>Can't get over my crush for few years
>Change uni, move to a new appartment with a bunch of people
>One of my flatmates is a girl i instantly develop feelings for, she is perfect, pretty, not a slut (i am actually pretty sure she is still a virgin), does not go much, she does not even have any social networks (well she does have facebook, but its absolutely bland because she 'does not see the appeal of social networks' or whatever)
>She is the only girl other than my former crush that i felt really anything towards to in the last 5 or so years
>We get on well with each other
>Ohshitsonsheistheone.jpg
>Go out with few Chad friends of mine, they convince me to bring some of my flatmates (including her)
>I do because i was already kind of drunk and did not realize the inevitable result
>The chaddest of the group goes after her, they spend the entire night talking
>He walks her to our flat while I am drifting around the bar, drinking myself to death because all the chads paired with all of my flatmates
>The next morning he tells me that she is such a great girl that he did not even think about fucking her and then dumping her and that he'd like to develop a real relationship with her and that she is so pure that he walked her home without even kissing her
Can someone just fucking kill me already
What I'm going through, is something I can't even explain. A feeling of being worthless, loneliness and being scared of pushing people away, losing people. I feel like being such a bother to people that I'd rather avoid talking to them, but I don't want to lose them.
I have no idea what to do, and I feel like crap.. Also, my counter is on 0 days again.. Pic related, even though it's not that bad this time.
I want to experience what it is like to be loved. I have this delusion that there exists out there a girl who can appreciate me for who I really am.
>>23937882
I feel you. Had a GF but that didn't end well, she was an absolute bitch. Didn't exactly help my depression at the time.
>live in expensive city
>lease ending in may, rent going up too much
>roommate wants to bail
>can't find a new place in time
>rent a friend's extra room for a month
>can't rent long-term because sister is allergic to cats
>may is up, still no place
>new roommate moves in
>move all my shit to the basement
>feelsbad
>find a great place
>all set to move in
>landlord calls me, says he's not done running application
>deposit is now $2k payable to him instead of the $750 payable to roommate who is leaving
>can't afford that
>sleeping in friend's basement
>cat is being boarded
>no options
plus
>terrible awful shitty job that i might get fired from soon
>want to quit but trying to find a new job at the same time as finding a new place is fucking stressful
and
>lonely as heck, miss my cat, miss some stupid demigirl
>unfulfilling life
>feel like a burden on everyone
>want to die
>>23937903
I wish there was a camp that people like me and you could go to and hang out, just living for free and helping one another
>>23937965
i wish someone would hit me with their car
>>23937970
you got nothing to lose man, go do something stupid
im such a fooking fuck up i was supposed be a doctor but now
<be me
<be in 30s
<searching job had 5 jobs before where i rage quit cause idiots at work bullied me permanently
<got job interview all seems good
<placing me where people work
<standing around no one explains shit
<get bullied
<rage quit once more
mfw im unable to find a job
fuck this planet
>getting married
>still in love with crush of ~5 years
>know he has a gf
>acts like he doesnt and tells me he loves me
>what the fuck is wrong with me
>i dont want anything to do with him and I'm sorta happy im getting married
>but i still love him?
>very confused
> :/
>moved away
>Lost a lot
>regret it all
>barely alive
>>23938155
why not just have an open relationship? It's much better than stewing over drama like that.
I just feel lonely and worthless. No girlfriend, ever. I would be with trans woman or even be gay for a femboy but no, nobody wants me and it becomes more painful every year. This was fine when I was around 18 but its been over a decade of criplling loneliness, my entire 20-30 is just filled with loneliness and depression.
On another note, people on this board can be so chill and nice though it's why I like this place, I wish we could hang out in real life.
>>23938227
what is preventing you from meeting these people irl, anon?
>>23938254
Some live in America for a start. I also haven't been outside my local area in 6 years.
>>23938278
>live in america
god I know this feel. Everyone just seems too indoctrinated with nationalism or religion to be worth hanging out with, right?
>>23938227
>I would be with trans woman or even be gay for a femboy
>classifying these people as a last resort
maybe no one likes you because of your disgusting personality
>>23938363
Not really, in no way did I say theyre a last resort, Ive always been into them it's just that trans woman and cute boys are rarer but I have no preference.
Nice try though.
sry for my bad english
its just like i dont even care anymore
nothin bothers me
i feel so empty
i consider suicide but i dont want to stress my "friends/senpai" with the outcome
>>23938383
there's no reason to be ashamed of your posts ;_;
I'm in a pretty similiar situation. I too would like to know how to solve joblessness
About to leave state for a better jib and bf diesnt even know yet. Hes out getting drunk; called his house and mother in law answered sounds heartbroken im leaving but the bf has no cell and therefor clueless :( im dying inside but gotta chase that paper.
>>23938816
Mfw auto correct didnt fix my tipsy typing O.o. Job* doesnt*
I want to do a 180 with my life. I'm 23 and I've literally only ever had videogames (and my ex) as an interest. But for the last few years I've gotten increasingly disinterested.
What I want to do:
-Lose weight (I'm a 5'4'' fat manlet), been my dream for a decade, but always lacked motivation
-Get a "new" (old, repairable, preferrably free) bike, and go wherever with it after work every day (can't get- and don't care for a drivers license)
-Reduce time at "home" (I live with 0 affection parents) to something like less than an hour a day, sleeping excluded
-Learn to meditate or such
-Maybe meet someone to call a friend again
What I'll do instead:
-Get home, sit at my computer and lurk all day
-Sometimes play a videogame
-Get annoyed and feel like shit over old internet friends who I don't like anymore (including my ex who I wanted to try to get back together with but she proved to me that she isn't interested in becoming a decent person)
>>23937825
I remember the feel bro.
>Scared shitless of death every second I don't think about other stuff
>Also very interested in life and death and the concepts behind it
>Voices in my head constantly telling me I am shit
>Can't get a straight thought because of too many thoughts (starts to sound like static)
>Can't feel happiness that strong anymore
>Only way to get strong emotions is being abused and feeling sad
>Actually longing for sadness by now
>Crying is almost better than an orgasm at this point
My life outside my head is pretty good though
>be fat grill
>crush hard on local fitzen, fuck a lot, fwb for half a year
>meet long distance fitzen online
>aggressive, forces relationship
>swerve fwb, I need a daddy 2 take care of me
>meet up with qt fitzen, gets srs
>second best sex in life, won't let me lick his butt
>second best to fwb
>try to be good loyal girl
>fwb keeps texting
>ignore texts, ignore the wet dreams
>he had his chance
>wants more chance
>can't break up with long distance
>too scared fwb is pranking
>realize problems center around insecurities with myself n needing acceptance from the dick
>realize never finished college
>realize friends are only from dead-end job n only surface level
>realize no goals or lasting passions
>need confidence 2 focus on myself
>need 2 focus on myself 2 get confidence
alternative metal, ambient, atmospheric black metal, atmospheric sludge metal, avant-folk, avant-garde metal, black ambient, black metal, blackgaze, dark ambient, dark cabaret, dark electro, dark folk, darkwave, death doom metal, death metal, depressive black metal, djent, doom metal, drone metal, ebm, electro-industrial, electronic, experimental, folk metal, funeral doom metal, futurepop, gothic metal, industrial, industrial hip hop, industrial metal, industrial music, industrial rock, industrial techno, martial industrial, melodic black metal, melodic death metal, neoclassical darkwave, neue deutsche härte, nordic folk music, nu metal, pagan black metal, post-hardcore, post-industrial, progressive metal, rap metal, sludge metal, technical death metal, traditional doom metal, visual kei
>Skype:
la.furra.darketa
Every couple of nights I toss and turn in panic when I close my eyes. I still suffer from vivid flashbacks of when I "worked" as a prostitute at sixteen. My parents kicked me out, and I was basically thrown to the wolves. Each night I did whatever it took to get some money for food, or water, or whatever. I took whatever, and tolerated anything. One person got off on cutting me and I still have scars from that today.
I've cleaned up since then. I work full-time, live comfortably, and all that. But I still feel weak and pathetic, or easily replaceable. I really shouldn't, but I just can't shake the thought.
Experienced life, seeked answer, got a lots, now I face the cruel reality of being alone,cuz there's not a lot of people that can understand what I've learnt.
Tl;dr: I'm so lonely because of my brain and it's slowly fucking me up.
does anyone want to team up and do some web development together for $$ .. and generally to cheer and emotionally support each other?
