who /depressed/ here?
let's share and talk to each other
This guy
>>23883057
is he still coming here?
so, let me vent some stuff
have struggled with depression all my life and i've been pretty bad lately
i've being on party hard mode, going out drinking from place to place which i guess is some sort of escapism
and although that seems fun i am really anxious all the time because at some point it's gonna stop (cause normal people go home and sleep) and when i get home i feel bad for the rest of the time
also i've been engaging in pretty stupid sexual behaviour, think i've got too drunk and went to whorehouses pretty much every week this month and i always end up having sex with 2 or 3 girls in a row when that happens
there were some good experiences in there but some bad as well
every time that happens i feel all guilty and ashamed for days in a row and wanna kill myself and can barely talk to people
was googling right now stuff about sex addiction and every online tests pretty much says "yeah, stuff is there bro, get help while you can"
planning on seeking that help this week, but i always end up not caring much about myself and not doing that
been very sick for more than a week now as well and haven't seen a doctor yet
can't really talk about that irl with anyone for obvious reasons
>>23883070
Thats pretty rough, and he is me. I stopped coming here for like a year. Anyways.
I can see how whorehouses would give you a lot of guilt and shame. And years ago when I use to make good $ I did the same thing party wise(minus the whorehouses). Use to spend upwards of 500$ a night, sometimes I would rent a hotel room after a night of partying and spend over 1k on cocaine with my friends. That was a really shitty time in my life. And i did it mostly because I had nothing else to do and had shitty friends. I would never go back to that lifestyle it is incredibly unhealthy.
i'm pretty depressed atm familia
shortlist
>technically homeless
>nice guy i know put me up in a hotel while i'm waiting to move to my new place, feel bad about it
>separated from cat until then also
>finals this week, probably gonna fail at least one of my classes, not getting good grades in the others
>not getting enough financial aid to pay my tuition, let alone scale back on work hours so i can get better grades
>my job SUCKS, it's dehumanizing and i'm burnt out
>not sleeping
>lonely as fuck, miss people who don't miss me all that much if at all
>no time to do anything that makes me happy
>b r o k e
>hate this city, wanna move, nowhere to go
Life is fucking pointless, why bother? Might as well just kys if your life is shitty. I'd already be dead myself but I'm scared of fucking up and ending up more miserable than before.
:-)
>>23883235
:^) quality post senpai
>>23883148
haven't been here for ages, but i remember you from some threads
yeah, that's pretty much what i've been doing, -cocaine +whores
and i have pretty good friends, but somehow don't wanna bother them with my problems
also it has a lot to do with tfwnogf for me
intend to quit that lifestyle soon, though, thanks dude
>>23883150
but are you trying to get another job? try to find something that you wouldn't hate working and that can help you better with the financial stuff
(i know, obvious response and not easy at all to do, but idk)
gl with tha and with the finals and everything else, anon
>>23883235
>I'd already be dead myself but I'm scared of fucking up and ending up more miserable than before
nice trolling
too bad i can relate to that
>depression at a high for last few years
>quit my most recent job from burnout
>struggling to scrape money together to pay for my apartment after that decision
>fully reclusive now. lost all my energy since I don't walk to work any more.
>extreme loneliness for the last several years as well
I'll post my story.. I need help Anons. Pls :'I
>Be me
>Meet grill at party, we seem to connect immediately and flow together as assuring as a current
>I soon thereafter begin to fall in love with said grill, yet her emotions seem slow even after a year
>I find her slipping. When I say "I love you" she seems to forget to say it back
>Though she always had this way of reassuring me.
>Skip forward, I write songs for her, construct and compose my heartfelt desires through gifts and many other gestures. But it still seems off.
>She gives me her phone to play with, while studying one day. Instantly she teaches reaches back over and takes it.
>I find that she'd deleted the app kik
>I wonder.
>I bring it up to her later that day, and ask her to look straight into my eyes and say that she's always been loyal to me
>She does, without skipping a beat
>How can women, or even girls be so cruel, conniving and deceitful?
>Eight lies later, and one attempt at blaming her cheating on me, she finally confesses.
>She was sexting another guy from out of country
>I'd even found out that she had a meetme. Sure it may not seem like much, but to actually experience giving all your trust and in the very next moment, having it crushed, it changes you.
>And the way you think of eternal love. I realized then that it didn't exist.
>After 6 whole months I decided to take her bach. She was definitely sorry and the change was almost immediate. She became more loving, sweet and sincere about everything
>At least I thought. She still deletes some messages. Like how she'll mention that she'd messaged her brother or mother, and then when I go to look, there's nothing but messages to me.
>Clearly some are missing, but why? Why would anyone want to hide something from you if it wasn't cynical?
>She watches me like a hawk now every single moment I have her phone. I suppose making sure that I don't wander into something I'm not supposed to see?
What do I do? Has she only gotten sneakier? Tell me
>No friends
>Not good at anything
>Shitty job with bad pay
>No future
>Felt nothing but numbness or sadness for the last 12 years
Honestly don't see the point in going on most days
Honestly if you think you're going to find quality friendships or relationships with people on this shitty board you deserve your depression and should kill yourself. This coming from a guy with two suicide attempts in his past
>>23883301
she could actually not be doing anythig wrong anymore and you are just paranoid
or she could have gotten sneakier
anyway, it doesn't sound like you are comfortable with the situation
you know, being in a relationship where you are constatly paranoid about it and constantly looking at her messages is not very healthy
>>23883301
Dump her
No offense but getting back together with someone fooling around behind your back was retarded
>>23883301
Thats called a toxic relationship m8. You should never really have her phone, if you have to inspect what shes doing on her phone than you shouldnt be in a relationship with her. Trust your gut, its never wrong.
>>23883309
Only fowl human beings tell others to kill themselves, its one thing to be depressed, being a piece of shit is all on your end.
Idk, I've always wanted to study graphic designs/web design. However I've never met someone who does this sort of work for a living. I've gone trough pointlessly studying a degree in computer science which I hate. I'm currently trying to be a police officer. Eventually I want to work in a cyber crime division.
I think I'm depressed because I no longer do anything art related. Also I just don't hangout with people anymore its hard telling people I live with my parents. At first it was because my parents needed someone to help pay the bills, my dad lost his job. However I just like all the money I save up which has helped me pay for school. Idk, life is getting better however I still feel bad for alienating my self. This has hurt me more than anything.
>>23883329
I felt that way at first. Until she started accusing me, herself. She constantly hides her phone, makes sure I don't wander around on it or she snatches it back, and deletes messages. That can't be right. Thank you either way.
>>23883336
I would have no problem whatsoever doing that. The only issue is, she would most likely kill herself (no kidding) and I don't think I could find anyone better.. it's so problematic.
>>23883344
That's the thing, I don't want to be the type of boyfriend that is constantly wondering and controlling. My gut is saying that she's talking to someone else... Thank you for listening and advising. Any thoughts are appreciated.
>>23883354
You picked up the wrong girl from the wrong party. Move on. Find someone who cares for you.
>>23883356
The support does wonders, thank you /sock/ bro. I don't know if there's anyone else out there for me, but it can't hurt to look.
>>23883363
Honestly I think saying that an unfaithful and now overly paranoid person is the best you can get is selling yourself short
Nobody deserves that kind of shit
>>23883367
I agree with wholeheartedly. I'm just now discovering though, that's not the way the world works. Thank you for the kind words though. You all have the potential to change someone's life, as you're doing so now. Looking at the bigger picture, maybe it's best to leave her.
>>23883354
>>23883363
been for a while in a relatioship that i haven't ended before because "I don't think I could find anyone better", know the drill
the thing is, been sad because you are in a shitty relationship and being sad because you are alone is being sad and that's it
the difference is that the second option leaves you some possibility for improvement
Recovering here! Female,20yo. I've been depressed since i was 13 (got violently bullied and other similar things,suicide attempt,...)
And today i am feeling better and better. I'm gonna even take an exam this week! I have a girlfriend that loves me dearly and a sweet dog.
Things get better. Keep hope!
>>23883382
what I mean is: althought the "I don't think I could find anyone better" is probably not true at all, ending the relationship would be better regardless of that
>>23883384
Good to hear things are picking up for you anon
After hearing "it gets better" for 12 years I kind of hate that phrase now though
>>23883391
Used to fucking hate it too i wanted to scream "when?"
But it just happens. Slowly. Sometimes without even realizing it. I still have my bad days but it's ok. So please don't lose hope and take care of yourself
>>23883403
Things have still been getting worse and its a bit late for not losing hope for me, thanks for the encouragement though
>>23883389
I get what you're saying. It was very inspiring in your first reply. I feel that it's true. I'm also interpreting it as, you can't excel, learn or move on simply because you'll be stuck with her. When you could be near to finding the one who would care and love far more. Thank you. I think this was the last push that I needed to do what is best. I appreciate you all.
>>23883409
Good luck bud, hope all goes well
>>23883351
Also I would like to know if anyone on this board has a degree in arts or related to writing, dance, music .etc.
I've lost all motivation I had to pursue something in art. Art used to be the only thing that kept me from depression. I've always been really introvert, however my art was always the reason why people would start a conversation with me. My first girlfriend liked me for my artwork.
>>23883425
I have a degree in audio production and I've been playing guitar and writing music for about 12 years.
I worked in the videogame industry for a couple years out of school getting paid good money to play guitar full time. It was a dream job but it didn't last and I got laid off.
I thought that having some experience would help set me up for a career in that field but work is really hard to come by. I did work on another big name title but it was short lived and I needed steady work.
So now I work a low paying warehouse/trucking job where 12+ hour days are common and the schedule isn't regular, but it's a steady job with 40+ hours a week. It's for an event production company so it's vaguely related to what I studied but it's mostly physical labor.
I still write and record music all the time and I know it's good, but it's not worth any real money. In the past 2 years I've made less than $300 on original music. It's hard, but you just can't give up, and I don't think I could quit even if I wanted to.
So that's my story, I wouldn't do anything differently because I don't know what else I would have done if it wasn't music.
