femanon here. really need people to talk to. distract me, please. life is so unbearably bad right now. what's up with you guys?
>>23710488
im a girl btw
Im gonna kill myself brb
>>23710488
What's up cutie butt
>>23710511
idk. just feel completely worthless and ready to give up. been ready to give up for the last decade. i find it so hard simply to shower, or groom, or even get out of pajamas. i'm so tired of this world. i'm such a problem.
*sigh* how're you? hopefully you're doing better than i am. what're you doing today?
My Kik is Tuntsehc if you're interested
>>23710523
If the only way you can interest people in talking to you is by declaring, before everything else, that you have a vagina, then yeah, you probably are pretty worthless and are a problem to the world.
>>23710523
Nah I'm in the exact same boat pretty much been bed ridden
At some point I plan on reheating some nasty pizza (I forgot how salty and greesy pizza Hut is) and walk to the store to pick up some booz that's about it :/
you?
Skype
>crappyperson
If you wanna chat
>>23710536
i just wanted people to know what gender i was so that they wouldn't assume the same advice pr things that would help a guy would help me.
>>23710539
god pizza hut sounds so good. i'd kill to have that right now. just sitting here watching red dwarf. crying. have to pack but don't want to and i leave on the 3rd, so we'll see if i ever get it done before then...
>>23710488
I'm sorry you feel this way if you want go chat I have kik...
>>23710550
to you and everyone else suggesting to chat on kik, while i appreciate it, i no longer have a phone and my bandwidth is too shitty here to run skype. sorry :/ but thank you anyway <3
>>23710523
Why do you feel completely worthless?
May have some experience with this from my ex same exact lines she would use sometimes. Actually she is on here a lot...
Sounds like your going through a lot hope it helps you to know others are going through a lot of stuff to and there is a light at the end eventually.
I had serious health problems I almost died and other health stuff it seemed grim but I made it through even though it seemed like I wouldn't and the pain was unbearable it still is bad sometimes.
>>23710549
Yah I thought it sounded good to but after eating healthy for the last couple of months my body just can't tolerate it anymore
>>23710549
>watching red dwarf
I like you OP
I had a similar problem, no motivation and avoidance of any situations that would cause me anxiety
>went to a shrink
>diagnosed with depression+anxiety
>he prescribed me prozac
>had a rough 4 weeks of side effects
>felt 10x better
if this is what normal people feel like all the time, no wonder they make everything look so easy
I just wished I had gone to a shrink when I was 18 instead of wasting 8 years doing nothing
>>23710561
Did you just move back home or something that's why net sucks and your upset with your life?
>>23710566
i just have felt worthless ever since i was a little girl. i feel like i just make everyones lives harder and they eventually see it after a few months and they leave. nothing i do is ever good enough, and god knows i try my hardest.
>>23710571
dude i feel it. i've started eating really healthy this last year and we went for pizza hut a few weeks ago and it nearly killed us. shit, we had taco bell yesterday and that...that was a bad decision lol
>>23710579
god see, i've gone to shrinks and shit my whole life. they were all judgemental, didn't care about their patients and all the medication didn't work. valium is the only thing that's ever made me feel relatively ok.
>>23710580
no, just live in the fucking desert right now and it sucks. net will be fine once we move.
>>23710599
Yeah I don't know how to cheer you up over the net lol. When my ex was like this we where best friends for our whole lives and lived together for a long time I would go buy flowers, wine, chocolate,cook etc.
A bunch of the anti depressants have hardly any side effects now and work better unlike wellbutrin and the stuff they used when we where all younger. I'm on nortriptyline hydrochloride since me and my fiance split works good no side effects at all.
I can only eat homemade fast food like homemade pizza or pizza from a restaurant style pizza place like a small family fresh ingredients kind of place. It's been a lot worse since I got sick last year I can't eat at those junk places it could literally kill me the flu or food poisoning those kinds of illnesses are really dangerous now:( had my first fly shot this year lol felt like a wimp.
>>23710641
i appreciate you just talking me down. that's enough to start cheering me up, so thank you. that's how my gf and i are. i always pick flowers out for her, and we go out on nice dates when we can.
i don't remember what i was on as a teenager because a lot of it was forced on me, but i know that it only exacerbated the problem and made me feel a million times worse. ever since then, i've been cautious, maybe even overly so. but still, i don't trust anything.
god all we really have near us is a sonic, which is alright, but like the other fast food places are a bit of a drive to get to and it sucks. it's all i want to eat when i feel this low, which is, unfortunately, a good majority of my life. i'm glad to hear you're being careful about your health though.
>>23710663
I thought u said u where a girl lol WA WA wa
>>23710663
Yeah the big c is a bitch lol usually when you get depressed you got your health when you don't got your health and tour down its list like well shit lol
>>23710723
i AM a girl?....i am an enormously gay girl, but a girl nonetheless. god, cancer? i'm sorry :( that's shitty dude. i really hope you're doing okay despite that.
also, unrelated by i've been listening to Neon Bible by Arcade Fire for like a week nonstop and holy shit it's one of the best albums ever.
>>23710723
maybe she's a lesbian
or it's just a dude, it's 4chan after all
>>23710599
>all the medication didn't work
that sucks though, apparently I was very lucky that the first SSRI I tried worked and I responded very well to it
good luck with this shit
>>23710749
i wish i could just take that gas they give you at the dentists all the time cause that shit's...well, the shit. i feel like i'm dreaming and it's wonderful. THAT would make coping with life so much easier omg
come on guys, i really need to talk :( someone chat with me.
OP, I feel in the same boat as you a lot of the time.
Does it ever feel like you're stagnating? Almost like you're turning to stone? Like you feel your emotions and qualities slowly wither away?
And whenever someone offers for help, you push them away, because you know the help they could offer would be too minimal to surpass the mountain of despair you've built up your whole life?
>>23710879
Not sure what you exactly want from people here op.
There seems to only really be two types of people here.
The ones that are just as if not more dysfunctional than you.
and the one that are simply here for attention/get laid.
>>23710879
are you still there?
>>23710599
>i feel like i just make everyones lives harder and they eventually see it after a few months and they leave. nothing i do is ever good enough, and god knows i try my hardest.
This is how I feel every time I attempt to make a friend. My girlfriends have all left me due to being too weird and awful at communicating or caring. I try my hardest and yet all I receive is betrayal. It makes me want to hurt people honestly. Nobody can tell the truth.
Could you post a photo from before the shit phase, and maybe even one within the shit phase period ?
>>23710747
careful, anon, I listened to that album when I was going through a bad time too and was never able to enjoy it again because of the bad time it reminded me of, haha.
>>23710879
what are you wanting to discuss/talk about?
I see that you mentioned that you feel worthless, but is there anything you feel contributed to how you feel about yourself? Do you want to overcome it or are you looking for someone to commiserate with?
>>23710488
I'm a big fan of the artist you've been posting. I like that they put so much of themselves in their drawings and the general theme resonates with me a lot too. And I just plain like the style a lot. Are you a tumblerina?
>>23710778
Nitrous oxide. You can. You can get a 50 pack at almost any smoke shop. I'd suggest booze and amphetamines though. Those are my favorite for being sad.
>>23710488
How about this op I'll tell you about my day yesterday.
Got up and had a lazy morning doing a little bit of paperwork and browsing 4chan.
Went out and did some work and got back in the early afternoon, and I picked up a Weaver mount that is too short.
After getting back I spent several hours working on a small and awkward part to fix my Car's AC.
Then I left to do some more work driving for 4 hours, one of them threw a beautiful National Forest.
I stopped at a classy bar and had a $42 glass of whiskey and two mediocre Kentucky mules (it wasn't the bartenders fault)
On the drive back I spent the entire time wanting to and planning on eventually going out somewhere in the nice secluded wilderness and eating my 9.
>>23711084
Yes it feels like all of those things. I push everyone away, mostly because they've all taught me throughout my life that they'll never really help, they don't really CARE about helping as much as they care about looking like they care about helping, and they always leave anyway.
>>23711143
god forget friends. i haven't had a friend in years. i feel this so hard, except i don't wanna hurt anyone.
>>23711235
lol thankfully i can make sure nothing becomes associated with my feelings (music, w/e) so it's all good. i'm just looking for people to talk to. i took a nap and feel a LITTLE better but yeah...
>>23711358
idk i found their stuff mostly in threads here lol no i don't have a tumblr.
>>23711384
i know but i don't trust myself with that.
>>23711503
jeez. i feel like you might get it.
>>23711384
also i don't drink or do any kinda of drug. not straight edge by any means. my gf smokes and drinks constantly. she's tried it all. i just have literally zero interest, plus my father was an alcoholic and drug addict for years, so the whole 'booze/amphetamine' thing is outta the question.
taking a nap really didn't help much at all. still feel like garbage.
>>23711973
You see I don't feel like people don't change when they drink, I feel like it's just their true nature coming out. That's why every time I have more than one or two drinks and I'm alone I can think of nothing but eating a bullet.
>>23712094
It almost never does.
>>23712136
if i were to ever off myself, i think i'd go with hanging. it looks so...idk...peaceful? it's pretty. but i don't have the guts to do it. nonexistence terrifies me more than life hurts me.
i just want to sleep for the rest of my life though.
>>23712146
Seriously don't try hanging yourself unless you're going to drop from a distance breaking your neck. Use a gun not through your mouth or an exit bag.
I'm not trying to be insulting but even in suicide many women are vain, when killing themselves with a gun most do not shoot themselves in the head and instead try to shoot themselves in the heart.
I personally am exhausted of being alone.
>>23712177
god i'm not an idiot lol i would obviously do it in the head, but like i said, i'm too much of a chicken, sadly. i just feel so sad all the time and have ever since i was a little girl. everyone i cared about or knew is gone now, and i don't know how to cope.
i'm ready to make a life, but it's like everything is going against my entire being. fucking universe. i've even started practicing my religion again because i've felt so alone.
>>23712146
Hanging is a terrible way to go. You're strangling yourself, that's really painful. Asphyxiation by helium or carbon monoxide is better, for painless. You just get dizzy and then go black.
However, OP!-- don't do that. I'm the same way, getting tired of everything and just not wanting to even exist, but then I go out and look for things that are wonderful and neat.
For example, did you know that rabbits make nests for their baby bunnies?
>>23712217
ok.
that's fucking adorable, and you're a really cool person for going this route of cheering me up. i never would've thought of rabbits as having a nest, considering you always hear about burrows and stuff. i mean, i read watership down for god sakes. i don't remember fucking nests lol
as for hanging, it just looks peaceful, and yeah it may be painful but ya know what, it's over eventually, so there's that to remember.
>>23712207
Lately I thought about turning back to religion. the most superficial and empty people I've ever met where from churches, there were a few Diamonds in the Rough there.
I felt the way I have since before puberty and the same to this day. There's only so much loneliness and failure at basic human interactions that one can take.
One thing that "friends" often misinterpret when they try to "help" me is that I hate myself and that is the cause of my loneliness and depression.
I don't particularly hate myself I'm just alone and none of them have experienced anything like this so they can't comprehend it.
>>23712281
everything you said was spot on. every. fucking. word. you really get it. god it feels great to find someone who truly understands this feeling. i practice wicca so to call it a "religion" is probably far fetched but hey, it does help ease the pain a little, but i certainly don't take any of it all that seriously one bit.
>>23712235
Yeah! They love their baby bunnies so much, they use their own fur to line the nests so it's literally like the softest thing in the universe. And the nests are in the burrows for some kinds of bunnies. Others build them hidden in grass.
Sauce: Work at bunny rescue facility and have two buns.
Basically, life is bad and then you die.
Here's the penultimate stanza of probably my favourite poem, just for you OP
[i]From too much love of living,
From hope and fear set free,
We thank with brief thanksgiving
Whatever gods may be
That no life lives forever,
That dead men rise up never,
That even the weariest river
Winds somewhere safe to sea[/i]
>>23712300
I find it humorous the only other person besides you that supposedly comprehend anything I said also happen to be a a girl who likes girl.
All the others didn't comprehend any of it.
A common comment was "Have you tried maybe... Idk trying not to be lonely?" or my favorite was "you're just not trying/ trying hard enough"
>>23712372
this is all super cute and omg you're like the best person ever <3 i wish i worked with bunnies or was even around bunnies! how did you end up in that line of work?
>>23712377
i feel it, dude. what poem is this?
it's really beautiful.
>>23712393
Garden of Proserpine by Swinburne, love the sound and imagery of it
>>23712389
ugh "just stop being sad!"
ok. stop being in a wheelchair.
no, you know what you're talking about. funny about the girls liking girls aspect lol
>>23712393
It's volunteering. I want to help save bunnies, so I do. Really gives you warm feels when things go well. Sad to see people who abuse their bunnies, but it's something to fight against instead of just accept and be sad about, know what I mean?
>>23712451
i've been debating going to college to become a kindergarten teacher but i can't be around people...and the money...god. it's all so impossible simply to live mediocre in this world.
>>23712497
I know. I've been lucky enough to get scholarships, so I don't have to worry about the money, but without them... Ugh. I hope you manage somehow. There's always the Army, I guess? Haha.
>>23712505
i would never join the army. also i'm weak as shit cause i'm like the most feminine fucking girl in the world. i just wanna be ok. not even happy, just ok. i'd settle for 'alright'. that's how bad i am.
Here have my favorite meme op
>>23712530
top quality meme 10/10 would pollinate again.
>>23712438
She at least understood somewhat even if she didn't experience it quite herself. She was able to make friends or have a guy (she's bi) to go out with in the first couple of days of being in a new city.
At the very least she listened and wasn't a condescending asshole.
>>23712519
I'm kind of in the same position, my dreams are to have things that people complain about being too mundane.
I don't want to be rich, famous or even particularly successful, I just want to not be alone.
>>23712519
I would solidly say get a pet you like. Make sure you're not allergic, and say hi to your new loving friend. I would have to recommend adopting, and probably an older animal. You saved them, they'll save you, trust me.
>>23712535
>my dreams are to have things that people complain about being too mundane
yes yes yes! omg thank you. seriously. i know i'm milquetoast for god sakes. i know that everything i want-a family, a monogamous marriage, a home in the suburbs-is super rebelled against by my entire generation (but fuck them anyway they were never nice to me) but it's all i want. it's what i daydream of. that and my wedding. i'm so vanilla when it comes to goals it isn't even funny. glad to see i'm not alone.
>>23712560
i have a dog. i've had her for like 5 years. she's my best fucking friend. she's my only fucking friend. but at least she loves me.
>>23712574
There you go. Your dog adores you. Stay alive because your dog would never understand why you left her. If nothing else, do it for your dog. Some days that's what I have to do with my bunnies. Sorry if it sounds like guilt trip but it's a reason to keep on, at least for me. (Trust me. Shelter dogs are miserable little puppers and anything is better than a kennel there.)
>>23712591
that's actually what i do. i go "maybe after i take out the trash i'll kill myself", or "maybe once this episode is over". i always put it off by one more thing. it really does work. plus yeah i don't wanna abandon my pup. she deserves better.
>>23712564
Ok you need to stop now, it's getting a little creepy how close you are.
That reminds me back when I used to do a little bit of work at weddings there was this cop doing security there. He was talking about his wedding. It was somewhere tropical on the beach and it was only their parents the minister and the photographer whom he saved during a snorkeling accident the day before.
I was thought that seemed interment in the best way.
Weirdly one of the proudest moments I've ever had is when that friend jokingly talked about me being her best man. Sadly we don't talk anymore, there are some friends who you truly can't talk about religion or politics with, plus I was a dick.
>>23712639
lol sorry, didn't mean to give you the spooks. eh, no, i agree, some people just can't discuss things rationally, so it's not YOUR fault, trust me. i wanna get married so badly. i daydream about my wedding all the fucking time. ugh.
>>23712680
I was joking, it's far more funny and amusing than anything like being creeping.
As for the friend I should have been more aware of the kind of person she is and handle the situation much more sensitively.
It's funny she wasn't much older than me but I kind of saw her as the older sister I never had. I really respected her and had a "man crush" on her.
As for weddings it seems that women really do fixate on them. I'm not so much interested in the wedding as I am everything that comes after it.
I find it ironic that I look it something with so much longing and almost everyday I work with failed marriages.
>>23712744
what do you do for a living?
also i love weddings, but i also love everything that comes after. i love everything related to love.
also also, been repeating radioheads "no surprises" all day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IKddfxkDWk
>>23710523
You need to give meaning to your life. Find something to be passionate about. Something adventurous. Something that benefits the world around you as well as yourself.
>>23712806
After working at weddings I've become a little jaded towards them. It's almost completely directed towards large weddings. I find the idea of having such a personal event in your life filled with strangers and people whom you don't really know off-putting.
But I love the idea of a small and personal wedding.
I know you said you weren't interested in other forms of communication, but in case you feel the want to discuss these things with a like-minded person my Skype/kik: RedSnapperPizza
Hope you feel better, you have my good wishes.
>>23712912
thanks!
>>23712876
i only want my gfs family and closest friends. i want it somewhere foresty on a wooden bridge with lanterns and i want a backless floral sleeved wedding dress and i fantasize about this WAY too much clearly.
>>23712806
Look here's the thing. What you are doing is a temporary pick up for your self. In a few hours, you will be right back to depression and be back here shilling for emotional help. I'm going to give you advice. Up to you whether to take it or not.
1. Find what's making you depressed. Whatever it is can be solved. That feeling of no hope or depression is your mind in fight or flight mode. You must decide whether to fight or flight. You are control of your life.
2. Fix the problems now and I mean NOW!!! Not in a hour, a min, a sec. Make a commitment for once.
>>23712935
Ok that's a little qt.
>>23713014
i thought it sounded pretty, and also really gay, so pretty much what i was going for lol
>>23713034
Oh it was massively gay, but I guess that's kind of the point for you.
what's everyone else up to tonight? i've marathoned almost the first 7 seasons of red dwarf....again. for like the 100th time. making a frozen pizza now.
>>23713159
What's making you sad?
>>23710488
Hey you have kik?
>>23713240
eh, everything. i'm doing a bit better now, but still. just wanna cry all night...
>>23713251
nope. don't have a phone anymore. sorry.
>>23713309
I just saw im sorry
>>23710488
AYYYY LMAO LUNA WASSUP BITCH BEANBOY GOT THAT MAGIC MEAT STICK TO CURE YOUR DISISES GURLLL
YOU FOOKIN KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME
>>23710599
FOOKIN PICK URSLEF UP YOU HAVE A FUCKING CHILD TO LOOK AFTER WTF?????
YOU DON'T FUCKING THINK YOUR KID IS GONNA LOOK AT YOU IF HE OR SHE EVEN STILL FUCKING LIVES WITH YOU NOT EVEN A YEAR FUCKING OLD YET
>>23710747
GAY ENOUGH TO SUCK A COCK AND BEG HIM TO CUM IN YOU STOP LYING LESB ARE A FUCKING MYTH.
>>23710778
YOU'RE ACTUALLY.
>>23713309
ASK THE GOVERNMENT IF THEY CAN GIVE YOU ONE. ASK ANDY HOW HE DOES IT THE FAGGOT LEACH USES WI-FI TO RUN HIS LITTLE KIK GROUPS WHERE HE HAS POWER.
>>23713274
Well let's talk about it. What's bothering you the most? Also don't cry, I'm going to try and talk you thru your thoughts.
>>23713409
<3 thanks. idk, i guess more than anything it's that i just feel like i'm not good enough. for myself, for others, for anything or anyone. i feel worthless and despite the fact i spent the last decade trying to change that, nothing has changed, and believe me, i've tried HARD.
>>23713425
Fucking respond to me luna
>>23713425
Do you have a job? What is it that you don't like about yourself? I am in the same position as you a few weeks ago. I know have you feel.
>>23713425
Is there anyone that comes to mind when you think you aren't good enough? They're probably toxic.
>>23713434
i don't. i've thought about going to college to become a kindergarten teacher, but it'd be hard to work with kids because i can't have any myself. still, i'd like to. idk i just hate myself. i always have. probably stems from feeling like i was always letting my parents down and then let them down again by being gay and just yeah.
>>23713436
not necessarily, other than my family, but we don't speak anymore.
>>23713425
Hey I'm a les/bi too want to chat on kik or something. ?
>>23713444
Why can't you go to college? What's stopping you?
>>23713444
Fuck you
>>23713445
see above lol don't have a phone or kik
>>23713452
money, mostly. motivation. reason to care. also being around ALL those people. i'm autistic, so crowds, even school crowds, are a huge no-no.
>>23713444
Why would being gay let down your parents? If they can't accept you for who you are, who cares. Opinions can't hurt you. Your the only one who lets them affect you.
>>23713458
You can go to a cc on finical aid then move up. You don't have to talk to people if you don't want too. Becoming the person you want to be is your motivation.
>>23713159
So I'm passing out and forgot to include my email earlier.
Like I said before if you want to talk to someone who generally knows what it's like be in the same boat as you, shoot me a message.
[email protected]
>>23713464
it isn't about talking to people. it's about BEING AROUND them. people are so loud and incoherent and ugh more than one or two voices speaking at a higher volume than indoor voice just starts to sound like shattering glass in my head and i have to hide in a dark corner until they're finished. i could do financial aid though, that is an idea...maybe i will look into that more.
>>23713471
thanks! i'm much more comfortable with e-mail, so this helps <3 you were a big help, thank you dear.
>>23713482
See, already making progress. Ok, so people annoy you. Can you go into a little more. What about them annoying?
>>23713444
I'm sure you've already lowered their expectations. I'm not gay so I see where they're coming from.
>>23713499
i...i mean, i explained that i thought. people are abrasive and loud and obnoxious and mean and i can't stand to listen to them. i wear headphones 99% of my life so i don't have to hear anyone. as i said, more than one or two people speaking at once, especially in voices that aren't in quieter range of speaking, it starts to sound like glass shattering in my head and i just start crying and have to go hide away somewhere dark and quiet. autism's a bitch. there's a lot more too but the sound is the biggest one lately.
>>23713501
because who i fuck is such a big deal. it's true. i gave my parents play by plays every single time i had sex of which positions i used and how long it lasted. my sexuality is totally about them.
i will never understand parents disapproval of their children, especially on such a private, personal matter lol
>>23713528
I was gonna say prove them wrong with hot sex, but you already have that covered. lol.
>>23713556
lmao
*nail girls to spite mom and dad? check.
>>23713511
Not going to lie. I'm life, your going to have to do things your going to hate in moment for longevity happiness. This includes talking to people. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Mostly everyone hates talking to people.
>>23713568
this isn't about something i 'hate'. this is about being literally incapable of being around them. it isn't like it is for neurotypical people. i'm not just being 'picky' or something. it's a WHOLE other bag entirely.
>>23713528
Why would you tell your parents your sex life?
>>23713584
that was a joke lol i was pointing out how unimportant it really is to them, or should be anyway, regarding my sexuality.
>>23713577
No you can, it's just that you don't want to. You choose not to. You are convincing yourself you are unable to do so. You seem like a rad person and I personally hang out with. Instead of hearing what people have to say, why don't you say something? People would love to hear your opinion on a subject.
>>23713610
you...really are unclear of how autism works, aren't you? sorry. i'll stop talking. i'm just making myself feel bad now...
you remind me so much of myself.. only my dog and best/only friend was put down early this year. sorry anon i hope it gets better this is just too painful for me
>>23713622
No, I do. I have it, yet I pulled in a 10/10 girl, go to college with straight a's ands cool job. Don't shut me out, I really do want you to feel better. You can do it. Don't tell yourself you can't.
>>23713610
So you're saying that you don't like talking to people, but you don't have a problem doing it? Do you just fake your way through a conversation?
>>23713577
Do you have a problem skyping?
>>23713643
I hate talking to people but to survive I have to. Some things in life you don't have a choice and do things you absolutely don't want to. I'm not lying, I'm just a survivor in this socail world.
That's why I try to help people who are like me. Possibly I can help them.
>>23713654
lol you have way too much pressure on yourself. I realized I am insignificant compared to some of my friends who have thousands of followers on social media.
>>23713643
i don't have the bandwidth to skype here. sorry. also prefer not to. but i'll talk on here all you want.
>>23713633
hey someone who says i remind them of themselves! :) always cool to find your familiars.
>>23713654
well some of us can and some of us can't. i can't. therefore i don't. 26 years hasn't changed that, despite any and all efforts. glad you're doing so well though.
>>23713677
Life isn't flowers, sunshine, and rainbows. It's shit sometimes. But there's a lot of moments in life that make life living. Let me ask you something, if the girl is an austist, why is she able to function in a dialogue on the internet but not in real life? If she hates people so much, why is she on /soc/?
>>23713700
because i'm not face to face. entirely different situation. i don't have to make eye contact or anything. there's no way to really screw up socially.
>>23713687
You tell yourself you can't, but believe me. You can! I swear it. You have to be strong and brave. Life is a uphill battle. The way you are talking seems like your fine person. You told me you tell yourself your not good enough. Guess what you are? You are and you need to tell yourself you are!
>>23713700
because she probably reads or is atleast literate. This isn't the same as being social.
>>23713719
Almost like it's in your head. Guess what? It is. Your mind and thoughts distorts reality into fitting what you believe. There's a quote "I think therefore I am." This applies to you.
>>23713739
But she able to reply in a socail way?
>>23713726
Finding inspiration in self-motivation is empty.
hey it's you it's me
Not reading 125 posts though
Don't kill yourself I love you
>>23713748
It is if you don't believe it. Let me ask you something, what gets you out of bed everyday?
>>23713748
you know, you and i would probably get along really well lol we seem to share the same philosophy
>>23713751
if this is who i think it is, then hey and i don't blame you lol <3 i won't. i love you too.
>>23713768
hugs and kisses and creepiness
Are you doing alright since you made this
>>23713788
hugs and kisses and creepiness would be much appreciated tonight. i've been up and down all evening honestly. i guess i am doing better a little, yeah, but...idk. i just feel really worthless and shitty and awful. i wanna curl up into a ball and sob for weeks. i have felt really ugly lately too which doesn't help. how've you been? i really missed you.
>>23713726
This. Even if you "can't" you are physically able to. It'll be difficult and you'll just keep saying you can't but there are situations you could be put into where you would find yourself being forced to be around people. It won't literally kill you so it's not impossible. If someone put a gun to your head I'm sure you'd find it in yourself. Extreme example but obviously it's not an impossible task is the point.
>>23710488
jeezus fuck find someone in real life to talk to
>>23713804
>i really missed you.
awwwwww
I haven't seen your threads, or maybe I missed them
Last Thursday I finally started a new job and it's 2nd shift 3pm-11pm. Fertilizer factory so basically playing with mud all day long.
Mentally up and down, something about this time of year I swear, everyone's falling apart, bunch of my irl friends are so fucked and ugggg like the plants are coming back to life and everyone realizes nohting's changed. I hate seasons I want it to be either always hot or always cold
And you're smart and liked and really pretty, everyone says so cmon <3
>>23713855
i haven't really been making any...been too down. also was out of town for a weekend. you've finally achieved the lifelong goal of becoming the poopsmith. congratulations! idk, i know others have seasonal depression, i think i have more of a "crippling since childhood want to constantly end my life" sorta depression lol but yeah. i just...don't feel all that great and shit sucks.
>smart and liked and really pretty
i needed to hear this, and i am glad it came from you. thank you. i've felt so dumb and hated and especially ugly lately that i really appreciate the reassurance. you're the best <3
>>23713878
lol it's not manure, just dirt with chemicals.
I know how you feel. Sometimes I get suicide ideations too, like really frequently lately but it's like... when I die I will be dead FOREVER so no need to get a head start, I only have so many years to live so even though it sucks so fucking bad might as well, I know that's not really reassuring but it's what I tell myself at least
who hates you cmoooooon
Everyone likes you, you've had a cool life so far lots of friends good times at conventions girlfriend internet people lots of people like you
>>23713810
She knows this, she's just fishing for compliments from beta guys to make herself better.
>>23713917
*feel better.
>>23713915
no that's how i've been looking at it too like "well, may as well try everything once, let's try this life thing for a while", even though it's goddamn awful. the entire thought of non existence as an inevitable, inescapable reality literally sends me into hyperventilating panic attacks. my gf had to get me an inhaler a few months ago, for that and just cause i had shit lungs. i'm glad we have the same thought process though lol
idk i guess i hate me more than anyone else really. i just have felt like such a burden and i really hate feeling like i'm ruining peoples lives simply by breathing the same air in the same vicinity. i guess it's true i've had an interesting life though...i'm so glad you're here. you're always who i wanna talk to about this stuff.
>>23713959
Hey I just like being able to help even if it's not really much. Do you have asthma or anything I didn't know they made inhalers for panic attacks hmmm.
I hope you calm down
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQhcIUVAPwQ chill music
You aren't ruining anyone's anything, you're just worried about moving soon and that's natural. You have plans to go into teaching, wheels are turning in the right direction you know? And even if you don't do that you're at least in the city you want to be in and can work from a clean slate.
>>23714001
i do also have asthma yeah. sorry, i'm zonking out. i took some sleep meds and ate a salad. it's super late. but thanks so much for everything and i'll totally start e-mailing you soon <3
