I should have let her kill herself

>>23673898
why?

I want someone to know that my manager and I have been fooling around in the office and it is such a turn on. We havent slept together and I dont think itll ever happen but its enough fuel for me to instantly cum when I get home and finger myself. Ive been single for a while so this is awesome attention im getting.

I cheated on my boyfriend with his brother... while he was sleeping next to me. I don't regret it, won't do it again or anything just... feel like I should tell someone.

i'm starting to really like my friend/coworker but i'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the same way. also i know deep down inside it would never work but the thought of having someone who would be cool with who i really am (not implying that im crazy or fucked up just in the way that she wouldn't care what kind of shit im into and being that im here on 4chan i have kinda weird interests) really gets me. i think it also has to do with the fact that i havent dated a girl in 6 years.

When I was 16 (19 now) i slept with my friends dad a bunch over the summer when she was out of state visiting her mom. She never found out thankfully and besides one friend here at college this is the only time I've ever told anyone.

I've been in a relationship for about three years now with someone whose family is very well above mine in terms of income. I've been feeling very depressed about the issue with going as far as to thinking about how I will break up with her, keep in mind that this is just because I want her to be happy and I know I'll never be able to provide her what she has been use to all her life. The trips around the world, fancy dinners, expensive cloths... the list goes on. Recently I've been talking to one of my best friends and she has a crush on me deep down I want to be with my current gf but if these feeling about being a puss poor piece of shit continue I think I'll ask my friend out almost immediately and end my relationship, I just want her to be happy and if it's not with me then so be it.

Deep down I want to drag her out of her life and start a new one with her. She deserves better, but doesn't know it. She might never know I feel this way and probably wouldn't understand.

I've created several fake accounts on non-mainstream social media websites. Claiming to be a female, I am not.
I posted realistic, non sexual photos of girls I've collected on, family pics, etc.
I posted several real, non sexual stories, blogs, maintained current posts, etc.
Built a fictional interactive person.

I've use this person (several of them) to talk with other females under the guise of being bi curious. Most of whom I spoke with were not.

I built up their trust and confidence over months and months of chatting, rapport building, life/relationship advice, been a friend through tough times, helped them through emotional obstacles.

Originally, my intent was for eliciting pics from them. However this backfired, time and time again. It became personal, emotional. In time, several of the girls professed their love for me. One made plans for me to move in with her. Another pushed me hard to join her on a cruise she was going on. It got out of hand quickly.

Usually, once they became emotionally attached, I would sever the relationship. However, the most recent was a little more to cope with. She was married, had a kid. Was having a tough time in her marriage. I was originally trying to push her though it. But she used me as an outlet for her pent up aggression. There were scores of nude photographs sent back and forth (mine would be delicately photoshopped to have accurate timestamps), she would do cunning dares, of the most risqué nature.

I tried to sever this tie several times. But she kept coming back. And I couldn't break her heart not to reply.

I did my best to change my personality. To become a stranger to her. But at the same time, helping her through her now divorce. I hoped I wasn't the cause of this. The many months, she had an affair with a "woman" for the first time.

What have I become?

>>23675081
Have you tried talking to her about that? Maybe she honestly doesn't care about that

>>23675131
Seconded, almost no matter what relationship issue it is, talking through it is my answer 99% of the time.

I'm so extremely lonely, but I can't make friends, even online.

>>23675129
You've become a well for people to throw their 5 cents into, but eventually they realised they wanted the water and fell into it. You've become an integral part of many people's lives and helped them through hardships in a way that you could never have done if you didn't lie, but some day, they're going to have to find out that the water was actually something else. Whether or not they're okay with that is up to them, some might surprise you. But, despite how good it makes you feel to be wanted or to be a different person, you know very well that it's time to stop before you do something you will regret forever.

>>23675171
I could be your friend.

>>23675193
That's a rudimentary analysis, but correct on most parts. But what you are wrong on is that it made me feel good to go through this. It was a torturing pain that took me a good time to realize. I thought I was just in it for some cheap nudes, through some extravagant social engineering. But I came to realize that I wasn't very good at being heartless. And it hurt every time I spoke to them. I cringed at every new email. Several of these girls were suffering from suicidal temptations, which I believe I helped them through, at least for the time being. I wanted to quit this time and time again. But by that time I was in too deep.

>>23675227
Yeah, went with some assumptions. Looks like you've gotta just put it down. Just flip the table and go, not much else to do. I've done that with people whom I considered important to me who were toxic, hurts but you gotta do it.

I'm gay. And I ended up sleeping with 2 guys who were together and I didn't know it. They both cheated on each other with me.

m straight here, but sometimes i like go on gayroulette and let other man watch me jerking

I have a massive cuckolding and dominatrix fetish that I very subversely rap my male friends into by making them think I'm the perfect girl, than letting them in on my sexual experiences. I often daydream about cuckolding some of my closest male friends.

I think I'm like this because of some inferiority complex I have towards the male gender, a kind of penis envy. I'm not sure if any of them even notice the weird subtle games I play to get my kicks. It's really pretty fucked up because a few of them have confessed feelings for me, and I shut them down, because of my little sadist streak and I wouldn't want to cause them actual emotional harm. No one knows that I'm like this; I try my hardest to posteur myself as a chill, relaxed chick with a rational perspective on male/female dynamics but really I'm kind of the worst.

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I'm sorry if this is too long, but I really need to vent.
I'm horribly ugly and I hate going outside. I always get these awful looks from people and it hurts so much. I've tried to tell myself that it's all in my head, but the looks I get from people look like actual irritation and repulsion. I can't even enjoy video games and anime anymore without being reminded of how disgusting I look. I've also never had a single friend in my entire life.
My bitterness and self hatred has also made me feel irrationally angry whenever I see certain types people which I know is crazy. I also resent one of my cousins for being prettier and more talented than me.
I want to go to South Korea to get plastic surgery which will also fix my other problems, but my father refuses to pay for anything (which is understandable), but by the time I graduate from college and earn the money myself, I'll be too old to enjoy my youth. I want to dropout of college and just live as a worthless shut-in, but I know I can't do that either.
I want to die so badly but I don't want to hurt my father and my brothers. But at the same time, I can't imagine having a bright and happy future at all. I feel so trapped. I'm not sure what to do anymore.
Sorry if this is tl;dr. I probably sound like a whiney tween or something.

I'm a bi male, and really enjoy getting fucked by men in their 50s

i self-destruct with sex to get back at my ex for being a heroin addict.

I'm 19 and moved down to live at uni this year thinking it would all be great with new friends and everything. Problem is, it wasn't. I went to an all boys' grammar school and it's only now that I notice everyone there was a bit weird, which is perfect for me, my best friends are the ones from back home.
However, at uni, my social life has been disappointing. I know the guys who I share a kitchen with and they're nice and all, but they're not much more than that. Same with the people I know on my course - they're nice but they're not much more than course friends. I tried joining societies and I went to one for a while (it was a martial art) and while I didn't make friends really, I did enjoy it and only stopped because the instructor fell quite ill and training had to stop.

Is there any way to fix this? I think it's because I'm boring. I mean, I'm quite interested in my field of study and a few other fields of science, and I've recently taken up lockpicking with a re-pinnable lock just for something to do other than gaming. I wouldn't say I'm ugly, but I'm just oh so fucking average. Literally the only interesting or noteworthy part of my face is my eyes, and people rarely notice that. I'm quite slim, but not particularly muscular. And to top it all off, I'm still a virgin at 19

tl;dr no good friends, starting to feel shit, wat do

im straight but i like jerking off with guys on kik

I've been sucking my best friend's dick for a couple month now. It started as curiosity and large cock fascination. He's gotten more and more demanding though, making me wear panties, acting authoritarian, making me do it whenever he wants, and I have no idea how to get out of it. I feel fucking ashamed and degraded afterward. On the other side, I'm too afraid to say anything, because a part of me is scared of never getting to do it again. fml

>>23676074
kik?

My relationship with my girlfriend is at the roughest patch ever lately. We've been splitting up on and off and we always get back together. Neither of us have cheated but its been fucking me up lately because we'll get back together, she'll get mad and break it off again. Or when she is jist annoyed shell stop talking to me and get on facebook or some shit and talk to her friends. She thinks I'm distant from her which in a way is right, because I'm scared she's just going to break it off again, and I told her about it last night and she just said I make her frustrated. What do I do?

Open to getting advice over kik or something. Idfc anymore.

>>23673824

My loneliness is starting to make dysfunctional and I'm beginning to lose hope of ever finding another gal who will get my lovely personality.

Subsequently, I've been getting spontaneous boners remembering the times my ex would fellate me.

My girlfriend lied about her sexual past, she used to camwhore quite a bit, and actually fucked her ex while we were first in the "talking" stage. I'm not judging her on her past, but she lied to me really bad and totally misrepresented herself.

If she had told me I honestly would not have given a fuck, but she judged me and tried to put me down for my own, similar, past. We moved in together a bout a month ago, and I found this out shortly after. I really don't want to be with her but I don't want to cheat, and I don't want to find a new place to live. I've found myself very attracted to other girls after I found this out, and much less attracted to her.

Ultimately I just want to feel sexually validated by other people, which sounds very shallow but it would do wonders for my self confidence.

>>23676325
So stop being a little bitch and kick her out of the place you live. It's not fucking hard.

>>I really don't want to be with her but I don't want to chat

So uh, leave the relationship.

>>23676330
I want to, I'm going to, I'm figuring out the best way to do it. This is my second "real" adult relationship, and the first time I've lived with a girlfriend.

>>23673824
I'm not gay or anything but I think just a bit of experimenting. A friend and I were into each other, we were young but one day we were getting down and dirty (We're both guys) his mother walks in and freaks out. We were best friends since we were young. Sadly I was to scared to show my face around him and his family so I just cut all ties. I still miss that booty though, I guess I'm more of a pitcher.

>>23676338
The best way? Just be forward. It's going to suck but it's better than sneaking around or being unhappy. Let her go, she seems really insecure and stupid for getting upset about something she's also done.

>>23676346
Is cheating totally out of the question here? Do I become the scumbag if I cheat? I was thinking that a 3some might make me feel better but even asking that might form into a breakup.

I believe that I am not capable of pure real love. don't get me wrong I am not sociopath, I can empathize with people, I can be compassionate and generally care about people around me.
problem is that every time I decide it might be time to open up to someone (like once every 5 years) I grow attached to given person in matter of few days if not hours.
I start ignoring red flags, I start act like idiot, I try too hard etc. etc. I feel really good while with given person, I feel like shit when ignored and this was the case of every single relationship I had.
up until now I did not really seen this. it was just my last "relationship" that kinda opened my eyes. but even though now I know what's wrong with me I don't have idea how to fix it.

>>23676384
Did you seriously just ask if cheating makes you a scumbag? Really think about that. Do you want to be the kind of person who cheats. If so, by all means.

I'd rather just drop someone who is a waste of my time and affections. You said you don't want to be with her so why are you even thinking about staying together? Ask for a 3some, if she says no then leave, if she says yes have on then leave.

Cheating on someone because they lied about the past isn't an excuse. Hold yourself to a better standard my friend.

>>23675699
why?

Anyone have stories of experimention with the same sex? Can be in any context, but I'm particularly interested in inter-family and best friend experimenting.

Will drop my KIK if it's needed.

I'm a pretty buff male, 110 kg / 1.95m. Once at a birthday party I hooked up with a girl some coworkers said was easy (she had a fetish for guys in our line of work). We started fooling around and had sex, but it was quite horrible and she didn't stop saying weird and stupid thing, stuff I attributed to alcohol.
After that night we called ourselves for two / three days then nothing. Two weeks later she sent me an angry text saying that since it was the worst sex she ever had, it didn't even happened. It thought it was weird but didn't think about it anymore.
Fast forward a couple years and I stumbled upon some article about rape and how some men commit it without even knowing it. And then it struck me about why she was acting weird. She told me two or three times if I was sure I wanted to do it, then she said a shitload of unrelated stuff during sex.

I tried to talk about it to my then girlfriend but since she was a rape survivor, she told me didn't even hear about it.

Fast forward some more to today. I dumped my abusive girlfriend for 5 months now, morale and self esteem pretty low because of that. Trying pretty hard to function normally at my boring work then this girl shows up, and since my coworkers are all married / w. kids, they try to hook me up with that new girl which.. is _that_ girl from the party. Of course I didn't tell anyone about what happened, just that we met at a friend's party.
Oh and if it wasn't enough bad, I also learned that she's mentally challenged, so another trophy to my assholiness.

tl;dr
Drunkenly raped a girl because she was too afraid to say no. Also turns out she's mentally handicapped.

>>23673824
I don't seed torrents.

>>23675066
I remember you, your story is hot and you've got a really nice body too.

A couple years ago, i was a shy bookish guy who turned to left-wing activism out of youthful idealism and loneliness. It started off innocent enough, but gradually the scene came to be dominated by sjw identity politics stuff, and i ended up trying to go gay because i wasn't having luck with women and to feel more accepted. Now, i don't care if anyone is into it, but to me it felt dirty and wrong, but not in a hot way. I mean gross and i found it difficult to be aroused.
Eventually i grew up a bit and found a healthier crowd of people to associate with, and finally lost my hetero virginity to a woman, but i still
feel some lingering shame.

I'm a newfag that just discovered 4chan before going to uni (which i'm in now). Ever since then i'm having a semi-growing urge to fuck/get fuck by a trans or a fem boy. Before i found this place i considered myself open minded n didn't completely shy away from fucking a guy since it be something new but i never really entertained the idea. My friends had even went so far as to call me overly straight. The only person i mentioned me not caring if i fucked a guy was my gf at the time but it wasn't nearly as bad now.

Now i'll often jack off to Shemale threads of /gif and post my kik in hookup threads knowing guys will message me, before chickening out entirely. I've had sex a handful of times but i'm often wanting to have the feeling of being the one getting fucked, and wanting to suck a cock just to get it out of my system. I dont think i'm gay and at the most i'm bi. I'm sure a majority of my friends would be okay with it if i told them other than a few exceptions. It's just really annoying.

I'm debating if i should do something with my friend who's gay. He's made it painfully obvious he wants to fuck me because he doesn't fuck with anybody that he goes to university with. I'm really not interested in him but if it helps me figure out if i like it or not i may give it a try. The only issue is that I already fucked one of our friends, and may have sex with another if she comes back to visit (she moved). So if all that got out, as well as me fucking him i feel like that would be the straw that broke the camels back.

>i'm often wanting to have the feeling of being the one getting fucked, and wanting to suck a cock
>I dont think i'm gay and at the most i'm bi
I have those feelings as well yet I don't find men attractive at all. it's not just the way we look but the way we think that repulses me from having sex with another man.
I probably wouldn't have this issues with tranny or trap/cd but they are rare sight where I come from.
another thing that came into my mind is glory hole. it sounds interesting to me since there is no need for personal contact. maybe some fetish party where everyone wears latex costumes as well, it would feel somewhat impersonal to get fucked by some "faceless" person.

>>23676902
sorry I forgot about your (You) ^^

>>23676902
Do you have a KIK? I'm kind of similar and id like to chat to you about this a little more.

>>23676779
Hey! Haven't been on in awhile and saw this thread again so thought I'd share. And well thanks! ^__^

Id let anyone with a huge monster dick put it balls deep and hard in my Ass.

>>23677039
Thought about posting any new pics?

>>23676902
do it, and don't look back

>>23676396
we're in the same boat

I really, really like fat girls, I'm a tall dude, weigh 195, and I like my women to be at least 250 pounds or heavier than me. It's such a fucking turn on.

My secret it I'm horny as fuck so someone get on the damn phone with me

ASL
32/ BI Male / Illinois
>Orientation
50% straight
>Relationship status
No boyfriend currently
>music
emo, metal, hip hop
>shows/movies
pulp fiction, finding nemo
>vidya
None
>interests
I own my own company so I'm always busy
>languages
english and spanish
>what are you looking for?
Someone to talk dirty with especially Trans and sissies
>what are you NOT looking for?
Boring chats
>contact: so horny right now I prefer texts or phone calls.
3 zero 9 525 zero971

>>23675042
was he bigger?

Im gay

I'm fairly certain I'm anorexic. I have all the eating habits, just not the low weight. Yet.
I won't tell anyone about it though because I wouldn't be able to get my dream job after graduation if I have any mental health issues.
I keep telling myself I'll stop before I go skeletor anyways, but I keep lowering and lowering my weight goals.

32 year old virgin, 100% convinced I'll never have sex because of that (women will reject me for it). Gave up dating, socializing, everything. It has ruined my life.

>>23675439
I'd like to ask you to prove it.

I'm dying to be a camwhore. I have some kinks and interests that drive me to want to be public at times, but I have a family to think about and a boyfriend who isn't on board. It would be such an awesome income, often times I feel like I'm sitting on a bed of money just waiting to be made. Kinda sucks.

>>23678640
if he's not willing to back you up on things you want, do you really want to stay with him?

>>23676233
husky706

>>23673824
I think this board is the most degenerate and cancerous place on this website with the exception of /mlp/, tbqh.

I have lost any motivation and hope in my life. I spend each day waiting till i die.

Never told anyone, but for a period of about 3 years me and my first cousin (really hot cousin) fucked everyday at her dads house.

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>>23673824
father molested me and my sister our whole childhood. fucked me up Pretty bad. worst part is I look just like him

>>23678640
what type of kinks?

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I was adopted at birth. I am now pregnant and my parents (adoptive, obviously) are being EXTREMELY overbearing.
They just visited me from a far distance for only 3 days and I am exhausted by them. My mother nearly had a tantrum when I told her that I only wanted my partner and medical staff in the delivery room with me, and almost shit herself when I told her that I don't trust her or my father to keep a secret. My mom wanted to know the sex of the baby and my father didn't, so I told them that they had to come up with the same answer so one doesn't ruin it for the other.
They are TOTALLY set on driving here for my due date (a 2-3 day drive) and when I expressed my concerns, they completely brushed me off. My mom wants to stay here for a fucking month, when I can barely stand her for 3 days.
Just before they came to visit, my mom threw the worst fucking shitshow of a tantrum because I am giving my biological mother information about the pregnancy and asking her questions about the process. She (adoptive mom) sent me a slew of texts about how she wasn't really a grandmother or even my mother because my biomom is involved.
I feel suffocated and I'm already halfway through my pregnancy. I honestly feel that they're overcompensating due to the fact that I'm not biologically theirs, and now that I'm having a biological offspring, they have to assert themselves as my "real" parents.

I don't know how to deal with their pettiness and immaturity. Their smothering behavior just feels alienating to me. I have no fucking clue what to do.

>>23676063
Have you tried joining any clubs or extracurricular activities within your field of study?

There's always campus events you can go to at cafes or bars. Even if you go alone, you still have the opportunity to make friends.

>>23676301
I had a friend who kept being in an on-off relationship, and they're just not worth it. It's too much stress and unnecessary drama in your life. You two need to have a good sit-down and decide whether you're going to make it work, or going to break up permanently.

>>23676988
I've heard this so many times from friends and people on 4chan. It seems like a pretty normal interest/fetish to me. Don't feel alone or disgusted in yourself, you're in the same boat as a lot of people.

>>23677935
Don't let your sexual experience ruin your life dude. If anything, go to a bar, get hammered and pick up the easiest girl there. If not that, go for a pro. Always remember to wrap your dick though. One or 2 instances of sex can/will do wonders for your confidence.

>>23673824
I'm ugly and not white, from a shitty part of south america with a lot of indian blood. I can manage to fit in but no one ever looks at me with want. Since I've been a shut in most of my life I barely developed any muscle, my hands are tiny but worst of all my dick is tiny as hell. Hard I'm 5 inches long and only 3.5 inches thick, literally a tiny penis. It sucks knowing that practically everyone and anyone has a bigger dick than me on average and in the long run thats what counts. Hell even if I was ugly an average or slightly bigger than average would've gotten me laid. Looking in the mirror and masturbating using only my fingers to wrap around is depressing me even further. Before I used to not care, but now I'm really depressed, going with this weight loss and coming back to see I'm only polishing a pile of shit is the worst. Knowing that no matter what nothing can change the length of my tiny nose and nothing can add natural length and girth to my penis to match others is making this a nightmare.
tl;dr - ugly spic virgin w/ugly face and tiny dick hates self.

>>23678956
I went through this same thing when my daughter was born. I guess they just want to be a part of the whole thing. My Exs mother did the same thing about just us being in the delivery room, and when "D" day came she was actually real cool about the boundaries that were set. Also whenever she starts to stress you let her know how harmful it is for you and the baby

I've been in a steady and mostly satisfying relationship for twelve years. We like each other and she is probably my best friend.

She has no sex drive and has been telling me for almost six years that she wants me to find a partner to help with our general lack of a sex life since my libido is pretty high. She's been asking me to do it fairly frequently lately.

So I've started looking but since people who cheat on their wives use a similar story, I get labeled a cheater quickly.

It's kind of hard to find a real friend that would be open minded enough to talk or meet and stay friends for an extended period.

Just venting, but advice wouldn't be bad.

The older I get the more I realize I'm exactly like my dad, and I absolutely do not want to be. I have very similar negative habits and personality traits and even our general life stories pretty much match up.

We were both both fat shy kids who got bullied a lot and never dated in school only to suddenly get in good shape in our early 20s and have a lot of short term shallow relationships that didn't make us happy. Then we spent a few years black out drunk every single day before losing what connections we had and stopping that. Then we withdrew away from everything, and that's where I am now.

My dad was forced into marrying my mom because he got her pregnant, and then just gave up on socializing. From his mid-20s to his 50s he never had any friends and spent all of his free time on solo hobbies to the point of neglecting his family, he'd skip out on sports practice or seeing a movie as a family to go swim laps or something. He never spent time with us around the house he was always reading or playing NES pretending his wife and kids didn't exist.

And I'm the same way, I'm single but I just don't even want to be around people and shut myself in to spend time on the computer. Months go by without me socializing, I'd say in 2015 I met people outside of work on 4 occasions. Yet I hate that paradoxically, in the short time I think "I want to do (alone activity)" and not pick up when my brother calls but then I'll get in a mopey mood and bitch to myself about being alone and not having anyone love me. It doesn't make sense but it's how I feel.

I really hate my father, he was awful person who treated everyone like shit, beat his wife and one morning he just wasn't there and we haven't been able to find him. He was a shit father, shit husband, shit person who no one liked.

And I'm just kind of rambling I guess, it's not like I see myself getting mad about something stupid and hitting my wife but I do have the toxic traits of constantly shitting on everyone and putting everyone down, so no one really likes me anyway, just the way he was. Without meaning to just in the moment I'm always acting better than people and so did he.

I suppose part of it might be genetic, I don't know, but I really hate all this. I'm aware of my own terribleness but not really sure what to do about it, faking only gets so far no one has the focus to "act" 24/7 and your shit-side will come out eventually. And it's 10 times worse because I see myself becoming the same monster I hate so much. I fucking hate myself.

>>23679624
hold on anon, let me call the wambulance

I secretly hate most of the people I spend my day choosing to socialize with. Every day I'm reassured that the only reason I try is because I'd go insane if I weren't near other humans, even overly opinionated smartass memelords

I'm addicted to shemale porn and it's disgusting.

I constantly need to be told 'I love you ' otherwise I feel worthless

>>23679721
You must've been bummed when Chyna died earlier this week

All my friends have slowly drifted or moved away from me. I don't contact people, don't get their info cause for the longest time I didn't see the reason to. Didn't have a phone, couldn’t afford one. I can feel myself withdrawing from my current friends and I hate it. I hate feeling sorry for myself because of things I can't control. I miss my friends. I want to be able to talk to people for no reason. Just be with someone just to be with them. Have someone I can confide in and collapse into when it's all too much, but I don't know how. I've told one friend what's been killing me the most, and now I feel her drifting away from me, or me from her? Every person I've ever been close to has left me. I want to reach out to people but I'm afraid to be rude or offensive or say something I'll regret and they'll hate me forever, but I hate always being the "nice" guy of every group I'm in. I don't do things with people. Just school, just clubs, never doing anything without purpose. Writing this is killing me because I could be doing the homework I need to get done or else I'll fail the class and get disowned and my life will be over. After a certain point I forgot if I had a point to this.
help

I can do nothing right by my girlfriend. I swear I've jumped through hoops, lost friends, changed my whole personality for her but it's just never enough.

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I'm becoming more and more genderfluid as days pass. I prefer wearing panties and high knee/thigh socks. I can never pull off a decent trap but I guess that doesn't stop me. The only problem is that I live with 4 more other roomies and one of them already knows.

> "are you a women trapped in a man's body?"

Y-yes..

Weird I tried to post and it said I was banned..

I don't have a sexual drive but I force myself to have sex, either guys or girls because they're either really really hot and or out of my league

>>23679764
iktf dude
it hurts

I'm right now listening to my housemate and her bf having sex, and using it as J/O material. I stayed up late so I could hear this. She's a good friend too so no idea if this is sick or not :S

I encourage you to find help for this before it gets any worse. You aren't going to be able to "just stop" whenever you want to. No dream job is worth the consequences of continuing anorexia. Go to the national eating disorders association website to explore treatment options that could be right for you.

>>23680920
Meant for
>>23677906

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My common law gf left me I can't eat food anymore I hate cooking I used to eat 10k calories a day and love cooking and eating I'm happy with 2k now my life has fallen apart and I fucking hate it all I want to just give up and end it.

>>23680091
Your asexual somewhere in the spectrum there's 100 kinds. stop being self destructive you will end up needing years of therapy.

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well you see, this is kind of hard to talk about with other people, but....
I have this thing... about tying girls to train tracks

>>23677906
I have an eating disorder now too I just developed it in the last few months

A few weeks ago I found out that a person that I really liked was a catfish thanks to 4chan

>>23678640
How would anyone find out? Just make sure not to say anything while caming that could be used to track you down.

I'm not sure it's as much money as you think though. There are some insanely hot girls on sites like that and unless you are a 10/10 you're likely not making much more than a normal job.

>>23681357
10k calories...per day?

>>23676396
I wonder sometimes if my ex is capable of it. She seemed like she did most of the time but other times it was like I didn't exist.

Maybe you just need to be a little more cautious, cautious and take things slower? Never ignore your gut it's right a lot of the time.

>>23681396
>Never ignore your gut it's right a lot of the time.
this I suppose. I really felt for one girl, we had things to talk about. a lot of time she was asking me about my family, she was kinda fascinated that I unlike she actually have functional family. and I really like that about her, once I would like to have nice cozy family so I was really crazy about her.
but on the inside I somewhat felt that this can work. I was not able to imagine myself being with her and well it ended up that way. not really sure how it happen but we split and that was it. thing is that I don't know if I ever loved her, feels more like I was into her just because of this rational idea of her being "perfect" match for me.

I am a dude trapped in a woman's body, but apart from this board i will never ever admit it anywhere

I dress feminine to compensate for the fact that i am into women

Eversince puberty i have been keeping journals in which i draw myself as a dude wearing the outfits i would wear if i had been born as one

I dont feel that sad about the way i am as I used to. Publicly recognizing the fact that I want a woman for a partner and not a man is already such a relief.

>>23679806
I've done that. It's not worth being miserable to make your woman happy. Mine also 'helped' changing me by telling my friends and everyone I knew how shitty of a person I was and that I wanted to rape her, etc. she did this so they would stop talking to me, so I would only have my attention fixed on her. It's best to end it. At least when I had realized this and told her, the tables turned and she wanted to do anything to be with me. It's just for the best to let it go. There's so much more to life and it's too short to waste it as someone's dog

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heyy 19 yr old female need friends 6315994074

Wheres my post

>>23681380
how?

>>23681726
Cute cat. Does he need any friends cause I would totally chill with him.

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> tfw your girlfriend of two years cheated on you with your best friend

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Sometime I let friends beat me in video games so they keep thinking they can beat me when they're focused. They I can coach them to be in the same mindstte when they need it.
I love this.

Why the fuck am I even here?
It's fucking 2am, and I keep telling myself it's fine to have another cigarette before bed.

When I think about where I was last year, I wonder how I didn't end up killing myself.
Now that I have the life in which I thought I'd be content,
it seems like only now I'm starting to realize how futile it all seems.

I'm trying to see the point in life.
For the first time, I've admitted that I have a problem, and started seeing a psychologist.
But talking to her only digs up new reasons to be demoralized.

As for the vent:

N;
I still think about you.
I can't believe it's been three years.
I thought I was over you, and though I can't stand the thought of being around you again, it's heartrending to know you've moved on to other people.
As if I still have a say in your life, and need to keep you from the harm of others.
As if everyone is out for blood, and you're too blind to see it.

Call it a messiah complex.
When I see a girl, all I can think of is how depraved she must be under all those layers of insecurity and surrogate intimacy.
But how would I know?
I keep thinking I have people figured out, and that they can't trick me into sympathy.

All the rage I cherish towards them is just a shield for my own solitude.

Somehow, I've convinced myself that all people are inherently evil, and that any attempt to change this mindset is just my mind tricking me into getting my dick wet and my back covered.

All the fantasies I used to have;

That one day, there'd be someone that would make me disappear entirely.
Make me forget I had ever hated so fiercely.

I'm trying to give up.
But this duality is killing me.

I'm trying to grow out of this childish ideology; that company is something worth having.

Yet here I sit, two cigarettes later, spilling my guts to people I've never known, feeling even more wilted than when I repressed this fucking dread.

Should have kept my fucking mouth shut.

>>23675439
Proof is what we need

I think I love you Thomas

>>23683514
I like your writing style anon, the poetry of it, tho you do dramatize shit more that you should

Anyways,
I'm so very sad. I'm ill, and I'm depressed, and I'm 21 and never been on a date. Boys scare me, and I'm invisible to them in any other way than friendship.
I cry a lot and no one knows it.
And whenever I even hint anything about not feeling well to friends or family, they rush me to sweep it under the rug and snap out of it
I'll never be anyone's special girl
And I can't even dream anymore, and I used to do that a lot. No one is coming to save me

I'm friendly, but I don't make friends often. Lots of acquaintances, but only 5 really close friends that I hang out with and talk with regularly. I've known them 10 or so years, so really good friends.

But today, I discovered they all got together and did some drinking at a bar with other mutual friends, but never contacted me.

For some reason, that really hurts, and I can't stop letting it bother me.

After coming out of the only romantic relationship I've ever been in (that lasted 7 years) I've become increasingly content with the prospect of being alone.

Not in a bitter way, or one that would isolate myself from friends or family; I'm still attracted to people, but I'm realizing that they were an exception that proved the rule, and that I have no desire for a relationship unless that unicorn shows itself, and I don't think I'll find another one.

I have no idea how to tell anyone I know in person about it.

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>>23684404

>>23680920
The job is the only thing I have to look forward to to be honest. I'd probably have an herod by now out of boredom if I didn't have it. Nothing interests me, I'm not living for any other goal or purpose. I'm just getting through the day for the sake of getting through the day.
I'm just obsessed with losing this little pouch of stomach fat. I want a flat stomach so bad, I work hard for it and do everything I can but it just won't go away. But with it, it doesn't matter if my weight is fine, or even if I'm underweight, I'm always seen as fat/chubby. I'm 5'3 and down to 120. As soon as the pouch is gone I won't have an issue anymore, I just haven't the slightest clue how much lower I have to get in order to attain this. Without gaining muscle. I don't want to be muscular in any way. Just the flat stomach. I'm scared it's not fat at all and just loose skin from my obese high school years that I'll never lose without surgery that I'll never be able to afford.
>>23681375
It's... an experience I guess. At the moment I have no strong feelings about the ED itself either way. Only the stuff fueling the ED. as long as it's working and getting me where I want to go, I don't really care.
idk what your story is though.

>>23684385
why do boys scare you?

My favorite secret to share is one I've shared already. I have no regrets about it.

I slipped a roofy in my wifes drink while we were at a club. I leaned her back on a couch in an upstairs area, took off her panties, pulled her skirt up and spread her knees apart. I also unbuttoned her blouse, and unsnapped her bra and pushed it to the side. I watched from another table as several guys had their way with her unconscious body.

Now I fantasize about her being raped in front of me by multiple men, and begging for more. Being the submissive slut like she was that night at the club. My only regret is I didn't take any pictures.

I'm in a pretty great relationship of almost 5 years now but every now and then I want to go out and sleep with other women. I never have of course, but the thought still creeps into my head every few weeks. It'd be entirely a sexual thing since I've only had 3 partners and I feel like I'm missing out since I'm close to 25 and I haven't really dated much.

I love my gf and the thought of leaving her and upsetting her seriously breaks my heart but at the same time I'm wanting to just go off and bed some random women to get it out of my system. I'd hated myself for it if I did since I'd of thrown away a truly great relationship.

I really don't know what to do.

I think my gf's younger sister is insanely hot, i have nude pics of her and masturbate to them often

I'm a 22yrold kv. I have no friends, I don't do drugs, and I don't feel like I have anything to look forward to in the future. I feel like I switch between being depressed and scared of death itself, failure to have interpersonal/romantic relationships, and succeed in any meaningful way. Any goals I do have are unrealistic and I'm pretty sure in reality I will end up killing myself before I'm 30 or just living my entire life depressed and alone. I don't feel like I can mention any of it because it just further hurts my infinitely small chance of succeeding at anything and makes me come off as a bitch. The best case scenario for me is to get /fit/, marry a girl who doesn't share my values and may or may not actually be into me, and live in the suburbs working a mediocre office job until I die. /rantbitchfest

>>23684970
Getting /fit/ is a good start though, I go for daily runs and lift weights when I get home. Doing healthy shit really improves mood.

I violate my friends' privacy all the time. It's like a fetish i guess... Gay btw.
When first started dating my ex, went through his phone and found a skype name that he used for sex. Searched it on google and found his chaturbate. Watched his shows and recorded them before telling him eventually, so he deleted the account. On another occasion he was sleeping over and while sleeping, used his finger to unlock his phone. Went through his emails, searching for passwords. Found one that unlocked his laptop. Found nudes and a jack off video in the trash, and emailed them to myself. He doesn't know about that...
Then one of my roommates, I saw him type his password and when he leaves I go through his ipad and I've gotten all the nudes he's sent to people. Also used his fleshjack I found.
Another roommate I've gone through his trash and found used condoms. Used them in dirty ways.
So yeah I'm pretty fucked up

>>23684980
It has sure. I'm decent when it comes to lifting, it's just weight and cardio that I need to work on. The problem is that I only feel good until I have to interact with others or think about my future. I'm not gonna stop trying to get fit, it's just everything else. I'm still pursuing my professional goals (though not realistically) and I'm close to giving up on friends and relationships all together.

>>23684980

Oh and to comment on your own post; there's nothing wrong with fantasizing about other women. The important thing is that you know not to do it and that you care about your gf enough not to risk it.

>>23684953
i've had three partners and i'm 30. one was a one-nighter. i also have the same thoughts and am also in a LTR.

>>23685023
Cardio is a tough one to keep going since you need time to do it. I also end up reflecting on the future when I go running which sucks. Don't give up on friends and relationships yet man, I almost have before but something usually comes along and changes things for the better. Try doing some social things like /soc/ meetups or going to bars (nice bars, not seedy ones obviously) and do some light social drinking.

>>23685026
Thanks. I still wonder about it though and I still hate myself for wondering.

>>23685055
I really don't know what to do sometimes...

>>23685072
Well the thing is I don't like drinking with people. I actually don't like most people I meet (which is more my problem than their's I admit). A big part of it is values and interests as I'm into metal, comics, and some vidya but I hate drugs, casual sex, and have some /pol/ views. Hanging out with people is just a constant reminder that I will never meet someone who shares my values. I can talk to people who disagree with me of course, but after a while I know that I can't keep interacting with them without being the weird one or being to harsh on them.

>>23685113
I get that man. I've been trying to branch out lately and make friends but it hasn't been going well, difference in music was my biggest issue (I still looked past it because everyone has their own taste) but other things just became more difficult. As much as it's mostly my fault that I failed, some of it was theirs. Somehow I end up meeting and almost befriending really stuck up and extremely self involved people.

Honestly I think people on /soc/ are more normal and friendly than the people I deal with in real life.

>>23684441
The exact same thing happened to me.
I've started to feel the exact same way.
And quite frankly.
I'm fucking terrified.

I know I'm not ugly, or stupid. I'm fairly pretty I think, and I am very smart and nice.
Though my words may seem naught to some...
Because all of those things would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy.


I don't make friends often, and when I do.. they are terrible people. I just can't connect with people it seems. Even though I can maneuver myself nimbly in social situations.

I'm not directly attracted to men or women anymore...
Honestly, I see people on this board and for a split second I may pretend to know what they're like and make it all up in my head.. and I fall in love with them for a split second. Right before the reality snaps to.

It scares the absolute hell out of me.
It's like I have all this love that I'm just unbelievably dying to give. Yet nobody to take it, or would they even take it if I offered? It makes me feel like I am going to overflow or explode.
Can't seem to fall in love.
I can't just give it away. It just doesn't come out at will.

At the same time, why bother forcing yourself to fit in for the sake of a relationship if it only makes you uncomfortable?
It'll just come back to hurt me anyways.

I just feel so.. comfortable.. begin alone.
But the thought of being alone forever scares me.
But it's making me feel better right now.
-
I feel like shit after another failed attempt to socialize today at a party and failing to achieve any effect. So I've had plenty of time to brood over it all. So sorry for the mellow-drama. I'm never like this often, But I am kinda falling into a pretty bad depression, I feel.

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Hai, I am Denny R. I am an educated 28 year old Asian male living in London however I am originally from Scotland. I am a math and physics geek with a wild side I desperately want to release. I like to fantasize about having a cute girl fuck me up the asshole. Just the thought of a woman pegging me drive my mind crazy with excitement. By the way, I am still a virgin. Yup, I am almost wizard status here. I don't really know why but I haven't had any luck so far in the love department. I am not attracted to or the least bit interested in Asian women in anyway. I have mommy issues so my dislike of Asian women might have something to do with that. Sadly, I am near the point in accepting the reality I will be a virgin forever. Here I am thinking about how enjoyable it would be getting pegged and yet I have never even kissed a woman. The peg thing is so far away for me. :-(

Pic related: It's me!

>>23685130
I think a part of that is because you don't actually interact with them. Like us right now. We're talking fine and being supportive but if we actually knew each other in real life we may hate each other. The way people act in front of each other is just as important as what words they use.

>>23685161
I suppose you're right. But I still get far more out of talking to people on here than in real life.

Still, don't give up on the real life interactions. There are decent people out there.

I've had sex with my friend younger brother in our dorm room. He came twice in me and I gave him head. Afterward he told me, he always wanted to do it with his sister, so next time I wore her clothes and played incest.

>>23685159
If you wallow in self pity you will be virgin forever.

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Hate life right now, wish it would get better but I just don't see it happening. All my friends from childhood (who are mostly just my brother's friends that I kind of adopted) are not really interested in doing anything that I like to do now, nor is my brother.

My new friends, one of whom I want to bang extremely much, are not really interested in my video game hobbies, which is basically my sole source of stress relief recently. Additionally, they're all in separate classes/schedules/schools now so I don't even get to see them, and they're pretty bad about texting and stuff. And to add insult to injury, the friend I really want to bang IS actually into games... just not on the same system. Honestly at this point I would rather just be able to play games with her.

And I live with a fucking tool, tokes up constantly, like, literally every minute of the day he is squinting at me like he's at an optician's office. He is a fucking slob and makes me want to smash my face into the wall. Also my classes this semester drive me up the motherfucking wall. One is too easy except when the teacher decides to not actually teach the content he tests us on, the other is ridiculously hard for me to keep up with, but everyone else is just fine so I get left in the dust trying to keep up.

Also I keep coming here and being disappointed to find that I still can't find anyone that is really interesting and cute, and any I do find either ignore me hardcore or ignore EVERYONE hardcore.

tl;dr Nobody gives a fuck.

I want to fuck this girl I stalk online who has no idea I exist

>>23685295
That lucky fuck

>>23685295
Gonna need details on this

>>23676082
You are a guy or girl? If you're a girl, trust me, You'll get to do it again. If you're a guy, Trust me, you will be able to do it again.

>>23685295
Ew what the fuck, lmao I'd rather gtfo of that relationship than play incest that's some real weird shit

>>23684385
I'd really like to speak with you. If you have time add my skype: Mickcha212

I have some advice that will help you.

>>23684953
I've had over 30 partners, I'm in a great relationship, and I still feel like there's something to get out of my system. This has been a reoccurring theme through several long term relationships; I still want to go and flirt, turn someone new on, the thrill of the chase...

Ultimately I've realised there's nothing to get out of the system. This _is_ the system, this is what the system feels like. The choice is to either keep the craving under control, or cheat and fuck up a great relationship.

tl;dr: you're not missing anything, even though it feels like you are.

I do drug screens at work, usually preemployment, i sip the piss of hot girls when done.

>>23673898
story?

Ive destroyed two peoples lives by firstly breaking them entirely then building them around me making myself the only support pillar the have, then i left them as to me they were nothing but a project. Cant say i feel bad about it, but im not proud of it either.

Both try to recontact, but i only tease them with security, then turn them away, their suffering is not even on my mind.

Despite having moved on from my ex (har har), I feel like I will never love someone like I loved her ever again.

>>23686240
How can you be so sure?

I 'm in a relationship about 4 years with my girlfriend but i love too much sex. I fuck everything i can, including prostitute. I'm the typical asshole.

>>23686214
I am not judging you just wondering why would you do that? does it amuse you or something?
I have been on the receiving end of this kind of behavior more or less since elementary school. as for now I am slightly able to recognize it but still it feels like I have no powers to resist it. it wasn't just women but "friends" as well.
after all it's nice to have someone who seemingly cares for you and likes you. but if you have little to no self esteem this person becomes everything to you and once he/she leaves your whole world breaks into pieces since the given person was for the time being your whole world.

>>23686275
I know I probably will, but right now, it feels strange and distant.

>>23678668
I feel you

So I dunno how many of you will read this saga, but it's mostly just a vent anyways.

So I go back to school last September
One-year program.
See the prettiest girl ever.
Go “Oh jeeze, I hope she’s in my class”
She’s in my class.
-
I ask her for coffee.
We get coffee.
She seems less than interested in another coffee.
Little sad, but I’ve only known her for a week. NBD.
-
The class goes to a pub the next week.
I arrive late.
She’s already there.
Bee lines over to me.
We hang out for about 3 hours straight just talking/flirting etc.
She literally winds up on my lap sprawling up me.
She’s telling me how great I am, how I’m the funniest guy in the class.
I tell her she’s the prettiest girl in the class.
She recoils and says “I am extremely uncomfortable right now”
I am confused.
She doesn’t get off my lap for another 5 minutes.
Awkward small talk ensues.
Weird night.
-
A little while later, we’re in class.
Teacher decides we’re doing a group project.
Teacher has decided to put us in groups based on who he thinks has “complimentary personalities” and who he thinks would “work well together”.
Of course he puts me with the pretty girl.
Project is to do a report on a company of our choice.
Decide to do some meat substitute thing she likes.
I’ve never had it.
She offers to make me some.
We go shopping together and get the stuff.
The next day she brings me a full lunch with chilli, bread, etc.
It’s awesome, and according to a classmate, pretty girl was “very excited” that I liked it.

>>23686498
Turns out she had a boyfriend.
Don’t know how long they had dated previous.
Not that she ever told me.
I found out by over hearing her tell other people about him, but she would never mention him to me.
She’d actually just refuse to use his name in front of me.
She’d tell me stories about her weekend, like “It was fun, I went out drinking with some people but I wound up having to babysit one of my friends for most of the night since he was puking in the alley.”
Then she’d tell the same story to someone else but replace “friend” with “John”.
-
We started working on projects together a lot.
Not just group projects, but everything.
Heck, we had a group project where we weren’t partners, but decided we’d rather work with each other than the people we were supposed to so we’d just do our parts together and bounce ideas off each other.
One time I got paired with a guy I worked with before, but hated. So as soon as our names were called she suggested we ask the teacher to swap it so she and I were working together instead, which we did.
-
She randomly decided on a Friday to have a board game night at her place on the saturday.
Invited the whole class.
Super late notice.
I show up on the Saturday.
We hang out alone for about 45 minutes.
Then the rest of the people show up.
Her best friend (not in the program) + her best friends boyfriend.
Our two friends from the program (who are dating).
Pretty girl’s boyfriend isn’t coming.
Dunno if he was invited or not?
Suddenly it’s a triple date, only I’m not dating pretty girl.
That doesn’t stop her best friend from referring to it as a triple date like four times.
Good night though.

>>23686502
We also take the subway home together a lot, most often on our own (sometimes other classmates).
Sometimes this leads to us going to AYCE sushi or another restaurant for food, but only when it’s just us.
We talk a lot about our families, or our jobs, our personality types, and occasionally past romances.
This often gets us deep in conversation and we just flat out miss our stop. Happens like 2-3 times per month.
At one point, thinking that since she had a bf I had no shot, I mention I have a tinder date lined up.
She immediately straightens up and asks where. I give the rough intersection but say I’ll have to check the messages to see what the name was.
She says not to check and spends 10 minutes trying to prove that she knows that area really well by guessing the name.
I suggest we get food first because class ended earlier than I was expecting (2pm) and my date wasn’t until much later (8pm).
She says “well I wasn’t the one who scheduled a tinder date for 8 o’clock”.
A little snippy, but maybe that was just me.
Was a no either way.
This then leads her to mention John to me for what is maybe the third time ever? (Ive met him twice)
She tells me about a random argument they had and caps it with “Which is a lot of stress for a guy I’m not officially dating”.
This has me a little puzzled.
Apparently he broke up with her for a stupid reason a month prior and while they’ve since started seeing each other again, she’s not calling him her boyfriend anymore.
Part because she wants to see where it goes, and part because it bugs him.
My tinder date did not go well.
-
She has since broken up with her boyfriend, though they seem to be on talking terms?
Turns out he was pretty manipulative, somewhat emotionally abusive, and pretty clingy.
He also thought he could smoke without her finding out, which was the tipping point.

>>23686507
Since then we’ve been hanging out more.
We’ve been eating lunch together alone a fair amount.
When it was nice we took a walk to the lake and ate lunch on a rock.
I told her she had pretty eyes, she seemed to like that.
-
Basically the point of all this is that the school year is almost over. A bunch of us, her and I included, are going camping next weekend as an end of year thing. But then I won’t be seeing her anywhere near as regularly. I think I need to make a move, but it’s a little daunting.

I know there are a lot of signs pointing to yes, but there's also a lot of signs pointing to no.
I tend to message her first, she talks to other people more in group settings (she does seem to hang out with me more 1v1 though), and the initial night out drinking kinda colored the whole relationship for me.

I dunno. I'm probably going to ask her out after the camping trip unless a golden opportunity presents itself. I just wanted to rant a bit.

>>23686521
from what I have been told by my friends I guess you are going to have really hard times because of her "boyfriend". I have been told multiple times to forget about woman who cannot cut the ties with her ex.
but I really hope you can get over it. you sound like someone who really deserve her or at least one shot without her being manipulated by that clingy fagot she has.

Not gay but I've sucked dick

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>>23679844
>I'm a woman trapped in a man's body because I like wearing commonly fetishised women's clothes like panties and thigh socks teehee

It means you're a crossdresser Harry
Stop fucking making shit up and just wear clothes FUCK people like you make me so angry

>teehee I want this cool label because I'm such a special snowflake I'm too insecure to just be a "crossdresser" and I don't get off wearing "male clothes" so call me a "genderfluid!"

You're not a woman trapped in a man's body, you're a man with a faggot trapped inside you, so either quit acting like one or start acting like one and just wear what you fucking what you moron

I'm a transman into other trans people but I'm scared sometimes they won't want me as I am. Straight transwomen go for total straight masc tops, I'm faggy as shit. Same goes for gay ftms. Transbians would just treat me like a cutesy little tomboy girl and fuck no. Straight ftms wouldn't be interested or wouldn't know what to do with me. Bi trans people seem to be the only option but it sucks. Add in my weirder fetishes and I feel at a loss desu

>>23679844
>>23686557
Agreed. It's okay to wear women's clothes and even to find it sexy but it doesn't make you trans or a woman. What makes you trans is the dysphoric want/need to live as the other sex, living as your birth sex being uncomfortable and painful and at odds with the gender you need to live as, not a fetish for being a "sissy" forced feminization panty wearer.
Some mtfs have similar fetishes when they're younger but the point still remains. If you are just turned on by women's clothes, but lack the other elements like dysphoria then why not just embrace being a feminine man. It's less of a fucking hassle on you, honestly, to just crossdress rather than full on transitioning, anyway.

>>23686342
no clue if your still gonna see this but here goes nothing.
I usually see it as a test of skill, the test of seeing how well i can read a persons desires, how well i can adapt to that desire and use it against them. The breaking is usually not very fun (finding out how though can be) but i look at people as if im seeing clay.

Before i get my hands on someone they are fresh clay, wet and malleable, imperfect in my eyes. So i smash them, i break them down till they are nothing but a mess of a person, then i rebuild them and dry them out. Then when im satisfied with my work i leave.

I look at is as a project, like an artist would look at a sculpture, i feel no connection to the piece after i made it. But mostly its a challenge, a test of skill. Ive moved on to video games or other things since im aware of the resulting trauma, even if i dont feel it emotionaly i can see the legal issues that may arise. but even then sometimes its hard to resist.

Haha some call me a psychopath. I guess i am in some ways. Oh and btw im a guy, And in all honesty its the people with good self esteem that are the most "fun" the effort of finding that crack and the joy of finding it is just so rewarding to my mind, its often better than the feeling of fucking them later on.

>>23686699
>Haha some call me a psychopath.
I guess they aren't that far from truth. I used to have a friend if I can call him like that and he acted exactly the same. and he was diagnosed sociopath.
he was older than me, we have been attending art class together and we used to talk about music and computer games most of the time.
on several occasion he even told me that he don't give a single shit about people around him thus including me but I did not really cared anyway.
only problem with him was that unless I agreed with him he got mad as fuck but that comes with the diagnosis. but he was usually right anyway so I was happy to have someone like that around.
he pretty much introduced me to the music I listen right now so I guess it was not complete waste of time after all even though I haven't seen him for like 5 years by now.

>>23673824
I molested my dog

me and a younger female cousin used to mutually masturbate and grind my cock against her pussy. Never penetrated though.

I'm bisexual but everyone I know thinks I'm straight, closeting hard right now.

I hate my body, and it only gets worse as time passes. There are some times when I feel normal, but these are definitely the exception. I wish I had curves; I wish I didn't have this hair on my face or my body; I wish my face had a different shape; I wish my hairline was better, so my long hair would look good without having to wear a hat; I wish I wasn't so tall; I wish my skin was better. I can't bear to look at myself in pictures or in mirrors. I don't even look bad for a man, and if I liked being one, I think I'd be perfectly ok with the way I looked. But I hate being a man.

I'm taking hormones and changing things about myself on the off chance I wind up being able to like my body some time in the distant future, but sometimes it feels so hopeless. Hormones may or may not do anything to help with changing my body, so it's entirely a crap shoot, and it's unlikely I'll get the ~$30,000 I would need for various surgeries. I have no career related ambitions and I feel like I'm wasting my life. I have some fantasy of owning my own little flower shop, but I don't know how realistic that is.

I've wanted, so badly, to fall in love and get married, but at this point I'd just be a burden on someone else, not to mention the fact that I can't even be comfortable with myself at home, much less with someone else. And even if I did get to the point where I was comfortable, most women aren't interested in trannies. Everything just feels so helpless sometimes, but I keep taking all these pills and doing things to change my body on the off chance some of it actually works.

I've thought about suicide, but not in a very serious way. I wouldn't do it while my parents were still alive, but after that, if I'm still like I am now, I might. Not trying to get attention with this or anything, but it's something I needed to get off my chest since even though one or two of my friends have some idea of what's going on with me, I don't wanna get them involved in this mess.

>>23686806
>I wish my hairline was better, so my long hair would look good without having to wear a hat
Get on finasteride, stat. It's way good that you're on E already for sure but yeah, the hairline can be helped.

I feel you on the rest. Good luck, fellow trananon.

>>23686828
I started Finasteride when I started Spiro. It's only been about a month and a half on Fin and Spiro and half a month on E though, so nothing's really changed yet. Thanks though. Hope things go well for you too.

I'm a therapist and i'm lonely.

Went to a friend's house for a party with my girlfriend. She's now in my friends bed/no pants/no shirt. I think I'm just going home.

>>23686848
Thanks. :)

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>be me
>date girl for 6+ years
>nasty break up
>3 years later see a girl on here wanting to kill herself
>girl looks just like ex's sister
>want to help, no clue how
>not sure if it's really her
>feels weird, slightly turned on by the thought
Pic related

>>23687020
Turned on by your ex's sister (maybe) wanting to kill herself? Why? What is the boner appeal here

>>23686780
How did you and your cousin start? How old were you both? Did she shave?

>>23687046
Not exactly turned on by the suicide thought, more turned on by the fact she's on this website, which happened to be one of the reasons her sister and I broke up

>>23687062
So she dumped you because you were a 4chan beta weeb and you see her sister who you used to think was hot on here, and are fantasizing about hitting it all over again I guess

>>23687070
Not really, I just want to confirm it's her in case she actually kills herself. Curiosity more than anything. The fact that she turns me on is just icing on the cake

>>23686551
Yeah, I'm kinda hoping for the best but not expecting much. I'm the sort of guy who's pretty upfront about liking a gal and such, but this all unfolded in such a weird way. I'd have dealt with it ages ago if not for the fact that we have to see each other daily, and her on-again-off-again thing kinda throws off my "is she actually into me?" sense. As a result its all built up in my head and i hate that feeling.
Just about everyone in the class thinks we're dating though.
Heck, someone from a different program was talking to us one day and actually went "youre such a cute couple" without the gal arguing the point at all, she just laughed along.
I just wish i knew where I stood haha

>>23683878
Cheers m8

The night my mom died, I called 911 and they tried to instruct me to perform CPR on her. I had had classes before and knew how to do it, but I couldn't.

Her nose was bleeding and it was running down to her mouth and I just fucking froze.

And I think she was already gone, at that point. I don't think I could have helped her, but I was paralyzed. They were trying to tell me to do something that might have helped my mom and I just stood there shaking. I hate knowing that in a moment of crisis, that's who I am.

>>23682587
I saw a thread of B / nude photos of her to send me

research on google and I realized it was a catfish

It is sad because she wanted us to leave to live together and because her from one day to another disappeared

>>23687295
Yeup. That's who you are. You're the one person no one can rely when it matters most.

I know I've done some fucked up shit, but if it came down to it, I have, can, and will do what is necessary to save someone dying.
Of all the beta's on this site, you are the worst of them. I don't say that to be mean, I say that out of pity.

>>23687398
Haha... It was still pretty mean, though.

>>23687407
I know, and I'm almost sorry for that. What are you if the one time, the ONE TIME it matters the absolute most, you can't act. Man, it must be rough to look at yourself at times knowing that's who you are.
I guess at least you know who you are at your very core, which is more than some people can say.
You're Upham, from Saving Private Ryan, only the person you failed, was even more important to you. I'm sorry man, but at least you know you're not meant for being in or around others, who get put in harms way.

>>23676770
You monster.

I was abused by a family member when I was a child, and because of it I have an extreme aversion to sexual intimacy. I don't know how I can form bonds of trust and love with a woman, and it's only getting worse as I grow older.

>>23685155

I think I understand what you're saying--to a degree.

I was always a classic, Type-A introvert; people, and socializing with them, drained me and that was true for even for friends. I liked socializing but I couldn't do it as long or as frequently as others, and I spent a lot of time alone, perfectly happy with that.

Friends and family were all easier to deal with, sure, but they were really an exception to that. I felt very comfortable with them, all the time; felt I could be myself and do as I do and not worry about anything. They did not hinder my inner spaces.

It just happened to a beautiful storm of coincidences I don't think I'll find again--physically attractive, mentally and emotionally attractive, funny, enjoyable and engaging to talk to, as well as plenty of similar hobbies, interests and desires in life.

I wish you the best. Things may change for you.

>>23673824
I regret ever having a fwb situation with this guy over a year ago. Specially now we live together as housemates. He's really clingy and has no friends.

>>23687940
sounds like the 4th circle of hell

Close friend committed suicide this past winter. Everyone thinks she died alone in her wretched little hovel of an apartment. Truth is I was there and watched her go. Could've called for assistance but just stayed with her instead.

Nobody knows except myself and now the indifferent masses of anons.

>>23688074
She's saving a place for you in Hell now

>>23687439
Fuck you, you're a piece of shit.
>>23688074
Why?

Um, hi.

I think you're talking about me.

>>23687940
start seeing someone else and become just friends

>>23687103

> Yeah, I'm kinda hoping for the best but not expecting much

It just happened to me, first I had no expectations, then she 'dumped' the bad boyfriend, got cuddly, had nice time and after a few months she got back to him. First giving some shitty tears, then acting as a jerk.

I only want her but I can't stand no trying my luck with other girls

I'm really into this amazing girl who I can't tell if she's interested in me or not. I keep messing around with other girls but I don't know if I'm wasting my time with her or ruining my opportunity

I feel so shitty about my dating situation. My ex was really, really attractive, way above the level I'd normally pull (her personality made up for it though), and I can't help but judge every girl that I have a chance with against her. I know it's such an asshole attitude, but I've been passing up opportunities with perfectly nice and attractive girls because some part inside of me feels like I'll have "lost" if I hook up with a girl who's less attractive than my ex.

The thing that really complicates it is that my ex was a very high profile cosplayer, and because of that this all isn't happening in a vacuum, there really ARE people out there watching and judging.

At the same time, I think it works the other way too. I've had a lot of girls lose interest when they found out who my ex was, and I think they're probably comparing their selves to her.

I've been talking to this girl, she's on a similar level of weeb to me, is pretty cute but a little chubby, and does cosplay, and I'm absolutely terrified of what will happen when she finds out who my ex was.

>>23689414
Attraction isn't 100% based on looks alone.
But I guess I can somewhat understand what's going through your head.
Turn it around into something good though.

If she finds out who your ex is, and then you prove that you love HER and not your ex. Maybe it will make her feel like she's a much better person than your ex. Or you may have to prove this to her. That will make her feel fucking great... i hope.

Might even get some kinky cosplay sex or something, idk.
It's all speculation. Good luck with her though.

>>23688221
Cry some more. For all my sexual deviancy, at least I'm don't freeze when lives are on the line. I can't imagine someone so beta that they don't have the basic human response to try and help someone who means something to them.

>>23679473
Thanks for sharing.

My partner and I have drawn up some guidelines for when my family gets here for the delivery. I'm planning on adhering to my cultural beliefs as opposed to my parents, so I'm a little nervous about that but hopefully they won't be negative.

>>23679579
I'd say look for people who are interested in an "open relationship" or "polyamory". I can only imagine that as a male, it's difficult not to come off as a creep or a cheater. Online things may be best, and if they're uncertain about your motivations, maybe your partner would be willing to reassure them.

>>23684953
If she's down for you to have a fling, go for it. But cheating is one of the lowest things you can do in a relationship.

Would you be ok if she slept with someone else? If not, then having sex with someone other than her isn't worth it. If you are ok with it, sit her down and ask her sincerely if she wants to sleep with other people just once or twice. Just don't ruin a solid relationship just because of curiosity.

>>23687295
If it makes you feel any better, CPR doesn't work as often as people say it does. Sorry for your loss anon, but a lot of people would've frozen up in the same situation.

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I'm on the verge of giving up I can't hold a conversation with women properly over the Web or Irl. The only women I talk to is my mother and my 4 sisters.

I hate seeing people hold small talk conversations because I can't do that..
>tfw keep getting messsages but whenever I try to hold a conversation they all get disinterested
>Tfw always tense up and spout stupid crap Irl
>Tfw always manage to say inappropriate things

It's not worth it anymore

I have a bunch of essays I need to write. Due date of one was yesterday, two more due today. I've structured them all out, know roughly what I need to do, but I can't focus on doing them for more than a few moments at a time.

Been studying for almost three years. This happened last semester too, and I ditched all my subjects. Feel like I'm about to drop out. Good times!

I wish I was good enough for someone. That's it desu. Hopefully someday, someone will find me and say hey you're worth it.

>>23690195
Oh man, I'm in the same boat. I had to do interviews for an article for class, and just couldn't get them lined up in time.

I fucking hate school and wish I could just go back to working, but I'll never make enough in my field to live decently unless I get my degree.

>>23689693
thanks for the words. I'm your second reply in the post.

it really is difficult. I've talked to a couple of people who are in an open relationship or claim polyamory, but nothing much has come of it. they've been too far away or otherwise disinterested after a day or two.

perhaps I just live in the wrong area.

>>23684962
post the pics bro

I come here sometimes to realize that I could've had it worse.

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I went out with my cousins and a friend of the family after work on Friday. I never go out, ever and if I do I don't drink but since it's family and I wasn't going to drive I decided to get fucked up. At around 5am I got way too faded and ended up with my face in the toilet, was ready to pass out. But my friend wanted to take me home cause he knows how my parents are and this is where it gets kind of awkward cause I can barely remember anything past this point but

>was too drunk to walk
>friend literally picked me up and carried me to the car very protective like
>drives me home
>don't know what I/we said but at one point he just stops, grabs my chin very tenderly and stared at me intensely for a good 5-10 seconds
>he didn't say or do anything, I didn't say or do anything cause I was so taken aback that someone would touch me like that, especially him
>just kind of tensed up and stared back
>takes me to the door, don't remember how
>can't remember anything else that happened
>can't stop thinking about it

I have a bf of 6 years now, we are all in the same mutual circle since high school were all 24-27- this kind of fucked me up how I got butterflies and blushed like a schoolgirl at that moment cause it took me back to being a teen or something. Still am kind of flustered just thinking about it... He's left for the air force today so I can't even thank him for being a gentleman and taking care of me when I was so sloppy/vulnerable, just feel weird and distracted. Our relationship has always been like opposing forces so now I got all this pent up tension that I just realized even existed. My bf would go apeshit if he ever found out about any of this even though nothing happened but the sexual tension was palpable in that moment like holy shit. Feel guilty but also not really, more confused and kind of sad. I'll see him again eventually but still what the fuck, Patrick.

Just wanted to let that out cause it's been really fucking with me all weekend

>>23689574
Sure you don't. Because I bet you're in that situation all the time. Fuckin fag. And that is a basic human response, you immense retard, fight, flight or freeze.

>>23689529
Thanks.

Yeah, I mean I'm not worried about a serious thing with this girl right now either, in a way I'm worried about her getting insecure about it before we're far enough along though.

Kinky cosplay sex would definitely be a nice thing, and I kind of have a feeling that it's a pretty serious possibility, we've only been texting for two days and she's already sending suggestive selfies. I'll take some fun in costume with a girl who's got a little extra on her over the once every two months "get it over with" missionary I had with my 9/10 ex, that's for sure.

Im a guy who just wants to flirt and sext anonymously with girls, but the culture of assholes spreading the pictures has ruined it for me. Now people are much more reserved and less open.

Is it really so bad to want to get intimate with a girl over the phone?

>>23683514
pretty

>30
>married
I secretly feel like my value as a person is based on my appearance. I'm not as chibi cute as I was in my early 20s and now I feel like my boyish babyface combined with a receding hairline just makes me look too weird. I feel worthless because of it but I can't shake it.

>>23690353
damn thats just some intense shit. dont feel bad about it though since nothing happened, you had a pretty natural reaction to the situation.

>>23687646
It's going to take time and proper support, OP. You can't do this alone. Your trust was violated by someone who was supposed to love and protect you. I really hope you can get support from others. It may be the only way you can allow yourself to trust and love again. You understandably are protecting yourself from that kind of heinous act from ever happening again... But you need to know that you couldn't have prevented it. It's not your fault. You were a child. It's not your fault. Say that 10x. You have so many lives still ahead of you. I really hope you can meet with people who can help.

>>23687295
Your mother did not die because of you, OP. I'm sorry that in a time of crisis that your body was so terrified and shocked that you couldn't do as instructed, but it's not your fault that your mother died. She might've already been gone. CPR might not have saved her. You could've injured her or accelerated her death by administering it incorrectly.

Your guilt and shame must be unbearable at times. But you won't always freeze when you need to be brave. And I bet you've been brave before in your past. This horrible moment doesn't set in stone and define who you are as a person forever. Please try to keep your mind open to that possibility. Please try to keep your mind open to the idea of forgiving yourself for not being able to do something that you thought you should have.

>>23686880
It's OK. I read a stat about how therapists commonly choose that profession because they have overcome their own OCD/addiction/depression/whatever but they still have to manage their own demons even after being in "recovery"

>>23676840
Hmmm, Deryk?

I'm a 27 year old virgin and it feels terrible. I crave sex so much these days, yet I know I don't deserve it.

It's a hurtful thought, but whatever. Life goes on, I guess.

I lost my virginity to my dog. feelsbadman

I miss my ex very much
I've been with other people, but he still rattles in my head at the end of the day
I miss how artistically talented he was, and I wish things could go back to the way they were

I catfished my friend.

>>23691518
Time to greentext!

i feel weak.

>>23691526
Said friend lurks here.

>>23673824
I'm in a relationship that is temporarily long-distance (1 month down, 2 to go). I was lonely and bored so I posted pictures of myself naked on another site. I also talked to a few guys quasi-sexually on kik.

I guess I didn't technically cheat, but I still feel bad about it. It's shitty of me, but I feel like I need some sort of sexual outlet while I'm away. Or at the very least to know I'm still desirable.

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>>23690943
I guess it's the fact that I have a flickering of a crush now, feels like I'm emotionally cheating or something. Good to know that's it's natural to react this way though, really glad I expressed my confusion and will just keep an eye on myself whenever he's around again

>>23675441
How old are you anon?

>>23691843
POST IT

I want to beat the shit out of a girl who my boyfriend of about 3 years cheated on me with. It's been about 2 months since we broke up, and I'm only getting angrier and more spiteful as time goes on.

I would rather be in long distance relationships. I dunno why. I often will meet people near me, the same city, I've completely put them off for someone across the country. It's not like I'm ugly or even that shy. When I am with someone who's in another state I want that affection in person. It's so conflicting for me. I was in an on and off 5 year relationship with someone, and during that time I would often seek out some one else in a father state who would be more supportive I guess. I don't get myself sometimes and I can't stand feeling like I can't really be truly satisfied in a reltationship

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I feel torn at all times.

I look at my girlfriend, and I'm happy. But she loves me a lot more than I love her. Despite this, I am emotionally dependant like a dog to her, and I get frustrated with it. She'll leave to another room and I'll get fidgety. But when I say this, I also find myself questioning whether or not I do love her or is it me just being obsessive. I still have thoughts about cheating on her, and almost did last night making out with this girl who wanted to have a threesome (her kid had school, so she only chose one of us to fuck). If I would've been chosen, I would've gladly went through with it and then some, despite my gf willing to fuck at anytime.

I don't care about my well-being at all, and have failed killing myself twice now. I've convinced myself to turn to substances-- The bottle, cigs, coke. Whether it's just dumb luck, or I just suck at trying to kill myself, I figure doing the old substance abuse will accelerate my goal.

I'm graduating from my university this week, and like the rest of my achievements as well as others, I no longer see a big deal about them.

There's another girl in my life that helps me vent through music (lol let's start a band!) and I love her from an admiration perspective, but I feel like it'll be something else in a few months, and she's dead set on somebody else in her life. So in order to keep that from happening, I've been pushing her, as well as others. I no longer talk at work, and rarely in public now.

I just want to be happy, and nothing seems to do it anymore. I only hope my next suicide attempt actually works. Thinking about that gives me a twisted sense of contentment.

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Alright i try to keep it as short as possible

>Rather Handsome, charming and easy to
>hurted and lied to many people
>Never talked to my dad since 4 Years.
>Fucked over several relationships, just because i felt like it, and because i can.
>Had intercourse with many girls who were in a serious relationship
>and i lie to my friends about being hurt, just to feel "human/Normal"
>I sometimes hate myself for what i've become, but i enjoy it most of the time.

>>23692362
Not healthy, anon. He bears the brunt of the blame, and you need to let your anger go.

I fell for a girl off of here who only hung out with me because she was bored and pitied me.
She Was absurdly Out of my league and a complete train wreck.
She was also the first woman to spend any kind of time with me in a decade.
I hate the fact that I ever felt anything for her.

>>23684385
I'm 26 and have also never been on a date.
I'm also very familiar with being invisible to the opposite sex.
my friends and family have never let me talk to them about depression or anything like that.
I know that I will never be anybody's special someone.
I'm reserved to the fact that I'm going to die alone, but I still try out of sheer stubbornness.

>>23692415
Cool story bro.

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Okay, let's see...

I feel, like, bored. Of life. And the world.

Not that I've exhausted every possibility. No, I know I haven't even scratched the surface. It's more like an...urge. A desire. For companionship.

I wish I had someone who could reinvigorate me and restore my faith. I honestly go about days feeling completely stagnant and kind of in a gray state because of having nobody to talk to.

...shit. I dunno.

>>23692412
wow dude i feel you.
i dont really love my gf anymore we've been together for several years now and ive (kinda) cheated on her once, she found out and i think she still subconsciously hates me for it. I think she has a perfect character only problem is im an (at the moment drunk) narcisstic asshole who cant appreciate her inner beauty because i always find myself criticizing her appearence in my thoughts (she isnt exactly my dream girl when it comes to looks). also i dropped out of uni and have been haunted by depression and suicidal thoughts for several months now. i'm talking to a therapist about it, but i dont know if it will actually help. lol.

>>23692412
>>23692587
btw i also make music but i believe its shitty and nobody would want to listen to it.

>>23692606
The girl who wants to start a band bought me an acoustic guitar so I can start learning before the electric guitar. But it's been in its case for so long I just look at it and walk away.

My only true release is when I'm doped up on drugs and partying, really. It's sad, but it is what it is. What kind of music?

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>>23692555
>And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had...

>>23692620
some weird experimental electronic music i make with my keyboard and cubase. if you want to talk maybe we can go to some chatting website where we just can have a conversation without making an account or whatever? i dont know of any though...i mean its ok if you dont want to its just that im a little bit drunk right now and want to talk to someone right now...

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>>23692630
Done and done.

>>23690299
Yeah man, if you're not in a major city, it can be SUPER difficult.

Even then, there are a ton of problems in OR/Poly lifestyles that can lead to. But constant communication with your partner usually keeps trouble away.

>>23692652
ok just added you, im loner6666

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>>23673824
story

i had sex with a guy to keep him from shooting up my high school, he was freaking out behind a dumpster. he had a pistol in one hand and a shotgun on his back. i told him if he thew the guns away and promised to get therapy i would have sex with him. he agreed and railed me over the dumpster.

>>23692876
>things that didn't happen

>>23675439
add me on kik: loner6666

we can talk

I am in a happy relationship but I often miss being a camwhore.

>>23692999
also add me on kik: loner6666

and send me pics lol

>>23692999
And you are whom?

>>23692334
I'll greentext it soon. I'd love to see the stupid cunt squirming.

I've been so lonely for so long. I have bipolar depression and anxiety so I'm currently feeling like shit. I've hated myself for a long time and have been thinking suicidal thoughts recently and looking down the road it might be a good option. Without a partner I'm just left feeling pointless and without any meaning. I'm too scared to try out one of those suicide hotlines or to see a psychiatrist. I think all I need is just someone who would take the time to listen because I hate this incessant self-pity, it makes me sound like an attention whore. I just don't know how to get rid of these complex emotions I've harbored all these years.

i'm 26,and i fuck girls 15 years or older, or any young girl with decent sized breasts. does that make me a pedo?

>>23693908
By many countries arbitrary standards, it makes you a predator and classified as a pedo. However there are plenty of other countries in the world where it's legally and morally acceptable. So like I said, it's depends on whose arbitrary standards you're comparing to.

>>23678640
add me on kik, i ve got a propose for you rockkxx