/poly/ thread
I want to try something new, I'm interested in discussing alternative ethical relationships, those who engage in them, and others experiences. Polyamorous, pan, LGBT, etc welcomed. Please be respectful, and unfaithful acts, and cheating is not part of this thread.
I am dating two girls at the same time. Both told me they are fine with me fooling around with other girls, as long as I don't tell them anything about it. They both also said they want to stay faithful. Is that weird?
>>23610135
I wouldn't say it's weird, I mean we're talking about something that's not particularly normal at this point in time. I'm a 28yo male who's married bit in an open relationship. I'm dating one person who prefers to be with me only and my wife is monogamous while I'm polyamorous. I think as long as everyone is happy and following rules them things work out well.
>>23610161
The first girl is the sweetest, most caring thing on earth. I'm a bit older than you, but no girl has even been so good to me, ever.
The second girl is a goddess. She's so far out of my league(look wise), I don't understand it. I was used to date two leagues higher, but this one is farther up.
I just feel so weird and guilty at times, I feel like they only tolerate it to keep me happy, which is super selfish of me. Of course I play it cool, because I would lose all the respect, but I'm actually having hard time dealing with it at times, and yet, I'm hitting on another girl as I type this.
>>23610118
being poly isn't really that difficult, beyond like making sure whoever you're romantically involved with is cool with it. Odds are, they're usually poly too.
>>23610214
It's funny you say that, our marriage initiallywas monogamous, after a long struggle with my feelings and desires my wife offered to open it up so I could explore what I was actually feeling. It took a while for me to actually start seeing people and I'm just not starting to reconcile the feelings of guilt. But my partners are totally okay with it and I'm amazed at how well this all works.
>>23610227
Yeah, who's this?
>>23610251
It seems that having good solid rules is what really makes it a smooth operation.
>>23610267
I would say so, yup. Having clear guidelines of the do's and don't's in relationships helps a loooot. Also, avoid people who give you ultimatums and stuff. What matters is that you and your partners are happy and nobody is being treated unfairly.
>>23610267
an old lady friend, hope you're well!
>>23610280
Exactly, the woman I'm seeing is really happy to just spend time with me, and it feels great to be able to express myself with other people. Not had any ultimatums yet so that's good.
>>23610285
What does your ne start with? I'm well, I hope you are too.
>>23610297
Yup. I've also noticed that a lot of trans people are poly, too. Myself included, I guess.
>>23610301
That's interesting, I'm admittedly ignorant to the Trans lifestyle. I guess I don't don't any so I don't have any real first hand understanding of it.
>>23610347
I wouldn't really call being trans a lifestyle, but it just seems to be a common trend among trans people, especially trans women. To have more than one romantic / sexual partner, that is.
>>23610261
Do your partners know who you are sleeping with and when? Or do you have a similar "it's okay, but I don't want to know" arrangement to mine? I'm very curious.
>>23610161
>being with two women at the same time who both want to exclusively be with you. Yeah I'm sure everyone is totally happy with that arrangement and not at all putting up with it because of abandonment issues.
>>23610358
Forgive me, I meant no offense, I legitimately don't know much about it. I guess I get a little confused as to the exact usage of the term.
>>23610393
My partners know I'm sleeping with others, they don't know when though. But if they asked I'd tell them. It's all about honesty and communication.
>>23610411
There is a degree of maturity that goes into it. I'm unconcerned about whether my wife has abandonment issues, we talk constantly about this and she's the one who sets the rules. I'm following her lead, so all she has to do is make a new rule besides she's out of my league, so I should be worried about her leaving me. As for my girlfriend, I've told her on multiple occasions that if she's worried about something she needs to tell me. Besides she's moving soon and this is a temp relationship.
>>23610492
Would you be okay with it if your wife wanted to see other guys? What would you do if she got accidentally pregnant while sleeping with you and someone else at the same time? Have you ever asked yourself those questions?
>>23610587
I would be, I mean I have to. That's how this all works, I have to be able to allow her to do what she allows me to do. But protection is number one. The thing is myself and my wife are working on getting pregnant right now anyways. So I mean she doesn't want to see anyone now. AndI'm not too worried about her breaking any rules, I mean what I have to follow she has to. I have asked these questions, but I simply have to trust her as she trusts me. None of it will work without it.
>>23610616
>I have to
I was more interested in knowing how you'd deal with it emotionally, and whether you'd be okay with that on emotional level? I think I'd be okay with it, if my girls wanted to that. Heck I could even feel better about it, because I wouldn't have to feel guilty any more.
Would you mind listing your rules? Seems you two got the shit figured out, and I could use some inspiration. I'd prefer to do things the right way, if there is one.
>>23610643
Oh, well emotionally... well I suppose I'd do my best to not let it get to me. I know that jealousy is a healthy thing, and communication is also very important. I can only vaguely speculate really. But I was dating someone a little bit ago who was seeing other man and it was pretty easy to separate myself from concern.
So the rules are like this.
1. My wide comes first.
2. Anyone I get involved with knows the rules and that I'm in a relationship.
3. Is safe sex.
4. Is don't come home smelling like someone else.
I wouldn't say we are doing it right, haha. We're just doing what works for us. I think that's what's most important.
>>23610688
1. Is wife* not wide.
>>23610118
hello, 23 m here, thanks for posting this, it just so happens I was roaming around a used book store in San Francisco with the person I'm dating (who is in an open relationship) and came across this. She said she had read it and it was good.
I met her online and she's in a relationship with another man who I think is pretty cool from what I've seen online and what I've heard from her (they live together so I would hope so), but I haven't met him, I plan to ask her if it's ok we meet to see if we get along. I've never dated someone in an open relationship but things seem to be going well. The other day we went on a date and made out in the park behind trees along the coast next to the golden gate bridge on a sunny day - we've been on a few dates and they have all been amazing. We haven't yet had sex and I'm still satisfied with everything, I feel like this is a good sign that we're both actually into each other. I really like her, she's funny and smart, she gave the low-down on her status with the person she's in an open relationship with.
She said that other people they date are people they can have sex with but not at the house they're at. I'm kind of living in my car and at friends' places so I can't offer any place (she said she's down for camping which I feel like is hinting at sex but I don't know). She also said that she doesn't want to label herself as anything (eg. poly), I hope these aren't red flags, I don't think they are, I feel like she's an honest person and I trust her.
I think so far I'm for poly relationships, I think as long as people are a) sexually responsible b) transparrent and c) can deal with issues of jelousy, things I beleive will turn out well. One argument that I've heard against poly is that it may not work since people have a tendency to choose to hang out with one person over another for non-emotional reasons, leading to an emotional connection that's stronger between one person. thoughts?
>>23610726
I wouldn't know of any red flags per se. I mean this is all mostly new ground for myself as well. I think as long as people can be rational and over come irrational feelings and thoughts then that's a good sign.
As for identifying as poly or not, it seems to be an interesting personal choice. It took a while before I felt comfortable really identifying as that. My wife was the one who actually introduced me to the whole thing. She really helped me understand it and grow to accept it. But I totally understand not wanting to identify with that. At this point in my life I feel as though I'm too tired to care about most things. I tend to be a bit pessimistic about society and norms. I more or less live in my own reality.
As for the criticisms of polyamory. Really every lifestyle has its cons, I would say polyamory is definitely not for the greatest majority of people. But I have no doubt that it works for many. I mean it's been going on for over a year for us. But we make things work and always make time for each other. That might help with the feelings of neglect. My wife and I have two designated days that we absolutely keep for each other. It's odd things here and there that really help keep the relationship alive. It's work right, if you're not constantly working on your relationship than it won't work out.
Bumping for the night. I hope this is still around when I wake up.
>>23610118
I really, really want to accept polyamorous. I mean, rationnally I think it's a beautiful and healthy way to live a relationship, but in practice it hurts me so much...
My bf is poly, I'm mono, but we didn't discuss the matter when we started dating/living together (yeah, not smart I know). He eventually started to see another girl and... it was horrible for me. I'm too jealous, emotionally immature, and full of insecurities. I cried every day, lose a lot of weight, was depressed and I even tried to kill myself (well not only because of that).
We tried everything, but he eventually gave up. I feel guilty now. He say it's okay, I'm too perfect for him to risk losing me. And yeah we're on the same wavelenght for everything else.
I really hope one day I can accept it though.
Poly trial, MFF in socal. Living the life, anons.
>>23611116
Triad. Stupid fucking autocorrect. We just celebrated our one year anniversary last Sunday.
What's the difference between being poly and just having many sexual partners?
I assume that if you're poly there's more of a direct understanding that you are involved with others, sexually and especially emotionally.
As opposed to what I do... fuck around behind my wife's back.
bf and I are looking to try this with another girl. it's hard to find a bi girl that we are both into. I like petite girls like me so I feel like we are already limiting our selection a bit. Trying to make friends with one nearby and seeing how that goes. Ideally it'd be all 3 of us together.
Not interested in other guys at the moment, but damn I want another girl to cuddle and love.
>>23611699
Dude saaaaaame, I really want a gf for us to share. I think that would be the best way for us to open our relationship because I wouldnt want him off fucking random girls and I have no desire to go off fucking random guys. Also I'm bi
My bf and I have different tastes in girls though-- he likes fat girls, I like petite
>>23612108
Though I am not fat I might add ;)
>>23611476
Poly can mean all kinds of things. In our case, the three of us are in one relationship. We live together, fuck together, have friends together.
>>23611012
That's what I'm saying, polyamory is not for everyone, there are some aspects that can really tear other people down when there is no intentions to. I'm sorry you had such a rough time. I hope that if any of my partners ever felt that way they'd let me know.
>>23611116
>>23611118
I'm happy to hear man, that's good stuff. I hope it keeps working for you guys!
>>23612108
>>23611699
The quest for the classic unicorn huh? Haha, I hear this a lot to be honest. I've known some couples who have found what they are looking for. It exists, you just have to keep looking, trial and error if you will.
>>23612108
>>23612115
yeah, I don't have a desire to fuck random guys anymore but I wouldn't mind if my BF went out as long as he was safe. Thing is I know he is stay at home kind of guy so he doesn't really meet many people either haha, but we're alike in that sense. I've been talking to and flirting with a bi girl who is local but we haven't really done anything yet, I mean I'm kind of shy irl when it comes to girls but hopefully we'll all hang out together soon and see what happens. I just want to be in a nice big cuddle pile and if sex happens that's just a plus
>>23612322
yeah I know, I feel kind of bad about it cause I don't want to seem like we are finding someone just to be like a fuck toy. Which, I mean, to be fair is kind of hot and if I were single I'd be up for being someone's unicorn, but really I do want something a bit deeper you know? Idk how to even broach a subject like this with a girl without it being weird and creepy?
>>23612330
I can totally relate, I feel awful admitting it but I've want so bad to find a short petite redhead who I cam date. It's dumb that I want to be so specific, and I feel a little shitty for wanting that. But it's just how we feel, it's what we think we want. And that's okay, at least I think it is, haha.
>>23612356
yeah us too. I'm about 5 ft 1, petite and short hair. It's really stupid but we would love to find another girl who is almost pretty much that too. Like, she doesn't have to be same height exactly but short like me, petite like me, and we both like short hair so that would be a best too. Thing is we have found a bi girl that fits that but I don't really know if she would ever really be up for a 3 way relationship and I'm scared to bring it up? haha like.. I want friendship too and I don't want to scare her into blocking me or ignoring my texts? sigh
>>23612381
Well you guys want what you want. That's just life you know? I think it's important you guys embrace it. What exactly have you talked to this girl about? How much have you told her?
>>23612330
>>23612381
I totally feel the same way. I wouldnt want her to feel used in anyway. Ideally she could be my bff and we could hang out and do girly stuff together. And her, my bf, and I could go out together, go to restaurants, shows, etc and then go home to snuggle and stuff. The only thing is idk if this could be a long term thing because I do want to marry my bf and have kids eventually and whatnot. But I think it would be so nice :)
>>23612415
found her on okcupid. she knows I think she is cute, we talk mostly about other random shit though. We still haven't even met but it's been a shitty couple of weeks weather wise and also been busy with other things. Hopefully can set something up next week. First we want to just hang out and see how it goes, like I said, I want to be friends first and foremost and if we can be physically after that too then awesome, that'd be the dream scenario. I know she is sex positive so I feel like I shouldn't worry too much but at the same time I don't want her to think we are just thinking of her as a sex toy. idk. knowing me I'm probably overthinking things
>>23612442
yeah same, exactly! Though we don't want kids so that is one less thing to worry about. That is the danger though, like, I don't want her to think this is a fling and we'll throw her away once it's time for the us to mature up and settle down. I want to settle down with all of us! I know that is a mess legally so maybe we would all just agree to not be married idk. ugh also I probably think WAY too far into the future, got to focus on now and not scare them with this i guess
>>23612273
Thanks anon. We're looking at buying a house this year, things are great as great can be.
>>23612460
Just take your time, and I'm sure thing will work out. If she asks exactly your intentions then I think you should be honest. But don't stress, ships come and go you know?
>>23612501
Of course!
>talkin to best friend
>mention me n wife are looking for partners
>he starts laffin, askin if I'mabout to ask him
like shiiieeet, you fine, but take it easy nigga
>>23613028
Haha, some people's kids...
I think 1v1 relationships are a fucking scam, and yet I'm not social enough to score even that. What do I do anons?
>>23614454
I wouldn't say it's a scam, different strokes for different folks. What exactly is the issue you're experiencing?
Another bump.
