Mental illness thread
Please take a seat and share your story.
Just tourettes and slight OCD..
still not being a lil bitch about it like most people with some issues do, they for some reason love playing the victim card, which is what 99% of these threads are.
Derealisation / depersonalisation.
I'd probably be okay when I have it on but when I have it, I don't recognise my friends or family and it makes me socially awkward with them. Imagine looking at your own mother and feeling like you've never seen her before. Same with your closest friends. I also get no joy from music, movies or anything. My dopamine levels are nonexistant.
>>23526990
Wow. When did it start ?
>>23526956
That picture ist frighteningly on point for me right now...........
>>23527002
It's been for years, I actually realised I had it just last year. Something so scary and fucked up happened I knew something was wrong. I was on the balcony and everything seemed so unreal... I felt like I was in a movie. I could've jumped down and hurt myself severely, without having any suicidal or such thoughts. Everything just felt so unreal. I look at myself in the mirror and I know my name, I know what happened yesterday etc., but I feel like looking at a stranger. Like I've never met the person in the mirror.
Unfortunately with this also comes suicidal thoughts. Nothing more than depersonalisation I hate the most. I feel terribly lonely even though I'm not, I cannot get rid of the feeling of loneliness. Nothing brings me happiness, everything is making me anxious.
Fortunately, I'm getting out of it. Day by day. Starting to "recognise" people and actually enjoy talking with people.
PTSD, agoraphobia, heavy dissociation namely derealization most of the time. I'm hardly 'there' anymore. Always somewhere else.
I feel like I want to die. This is no way to live.
umm I have paranoid schizophrenia.
Sometimes I get the feeling of being watched and being under surveillance and all the stuff- but only at night
:-/
>>23527036
Me too dude, that's why I posted it. She broke with me because she's as fucked up as I am and suddenly, she lost her feels for me.
I have troubles telling my dreams from reality but pretty that's an rem sleep issue I think. I can't touch people without freaking out, have panic attacks, depression, and social/generalized anxiety. I was on xanax but that was more of a sugar pill for me. Currently working up the nerve to see a therapist but after one session I couldn't work myself up to make it a regular thing.
I'm losing the will to live because I just honestly can't picture things getting better. I've come so far in the past few years but every single night laying in bed I think about killing myself. Money and booze and girls and working out hasn't helped. I'm still the same piece of shit
>>23527123
You have to seek help dude. Happiness doesn't want if you don't do anything.
>>23527069
I've never really had her, we only had a few wonderful months of blissful ignorance before she dropped the info on me that she can't commit because she's not over her ex yet and I'm too important to her to wager it by committing to a relationship right now. But in these few months, in her arms, I've felt... truly happy for the first time since I can remember (except when traveling). And now I go crazy over her and I'm deeper down the drain than ever.
Autism,Schizphreniza, plus recently diagnosed PTSD and brain damage
>>23527123
Same except I have none of these things and booze is boring.People kept conving me working out if it didn't help appear visible to women would amek me feel good at at least but all it's done is stress me out.
Tfw when you're a permavirgin bcuz you have ED :(
>>23526990
It's been a good while since I've been hit with that. I know exactly what you're talking about. For me it was like in movies when you exist in that realm but on a different plane of existence. Except you can interact if you so chose. It's as surreal as things get, I don't know why it went away, it's been about a year
Paranoid,phobia of thunder, depressionx and anxiety issues in general. Yep
>>23526956
That picture is my situation exactly. Was alone and suicidal. Met her. She made everything better. She didn't work out.
I'm alone again and in a way things are better and worse. I fixate on her obsessively. I think about how she values other people but not me for some reason. I constantly think of suicide. No one like her will ever love me ever again.
On top of that my life isn't in the best place. I'm working a job that's destroying my back so I can save up enough money to go back to school.
I'm just so lonely and afraid of turning out to be a loser. I'd rather be dead.
Depression, borderline personality disorder, eating disorder not otherwise specified, generalized anxiety disorder, etc. Age 18.
It sucks. I'm just trying to live a normal life and I can't do that. Last month I was hospitalized and kicked out of my college (hopefully to return next semester). I'm working a shitty job and constantly fucking that up, too. All I want is to be an average college kid that can achieve what others achieve. I wouldn't want to die as much as I do if I had that. It gets better, sure, but it always gets worse again.
>>23527941
sure u are bud
Not sure if I'm depressed or what.
I was put on Zoloft when I was young for depression and mood swings.
Due to being bullied in every way imaginable from 1st-12th grade, by adults as well as my peers and raped in Boy Scouts.
Without my medicine I get angry very quickly and generally hate people. I am not a very nice person. I also get sad easily. When I take my medicine, it helps me ignore my anger and sadness but they're still there. Every day I just do my best to ignore those feelings and act happy.
I always act happy and make lots of jokes and don't take anything too seriously because when I act like this, I don't remember my anger and depression. I can bottle my emotion up forever. I just want to be a good person and make people happy so nobody every has to feel the way I feel.
I don't want to be angry and hateful, but I am. I try every day not to embrace my anger. I'm a hateful, angry person inside but I try to not be. I hate who I've become inside.
Also I'm fully aware that I sound like Linkin Park lyrics.
>>23526956
I don't know what I have. Depression for sure. The pic in OP is what I am 100% going through right now
Where's the best place to cut?
I've been wanting to get back into it for a while now but I'm not sure where.
>>23528606
backstrap has some nice marbling
>>23528533
I was raped too but as an adult :/ I also got kicked out college around the same time it happened.
>>23526956
(All are Diagnosed professionally)
Autism (Aspergers)
ADHD
OCD
Anxiety Disorder
Sensory Processing disorder
Depression
ADHD, some social anxiety, very minor Tourettes and maybe depression.
The Tourettes is pretty much nonextistant now and it only manifests as a slight facial twitch when I'm REALLY stressed.
I can function pretty well day-to-day but have a really hard time forming meaningful relationships or dealing with people beyond a very superficial level.
As for the ADHD, anxiety and other shit, I can't afford thearpy and don't want to ruin my future with that on my record.
I think of suicide often, have everything all planned out but can't fully commit.
I don't want to turn into a bartard or be all tweaked out on whatever they call legal meth these days so I won't fuck with meds either.
I don't blame anyone else.
I'm fucked up, defective, missing something.
It's nobody's fault but my own.
>>23528638
What is sensory processing disorder?
Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder and non-specific depression. I honestly think I'm bi-polar too as my mood is all over the fucking place lately. Seems like I'm on top of the world at night and can do anything (sometimes I will literally do everything that I neglected during the day at like 3 or 4 am) and some days I will be so uncomfortable with my existence that I sit in a fetal position staring at nothing for 30 minutes. It's all getting worse as of late as my financial situation is destitute. I take 5 meds.
>>23528647
Certain sensations bother me to a very extreme point and it can manifest in various ways.
If someone plays a loud and sudden sound unexpectedly I visibly tense up and almost "jump" if you know what I mean. I can't eat most fruits and many veggies because the texture makes me want to vomit. And if I bang any body-part on something that causes pain (even if not severe as it would have to be for most people) I feel it for minutes. I also find bright light less tolerable then most people. Occasionally if it gets to be way too much I just sort of shit down and try and block all sensory out by laying down, closing my eyes, and covering my ears.
>>23528672
Huh, that must be pretty irritating to live with.
>>23528687
My entire life is irritating desu :(
>>23528644
I have ADHD too. Why dont you get adderall
>>23528728
Because I don't wanna be all tweaked out all the time.
I've seen what it does to people.
>>23526956
>>23527036
>>23527069
>>23527301
That pic is exactly whats up right now. I'm in a similar-ish boat, and it fuckin sucks. Currently in the process of starting my own business, too much shit going on to get out and have much fun lately, I end up getting out one day and meeting this girl about a month ago. Instantly hit it off, hanging out like every couple days and texting eachother a bunch in between. After like a week and a half we kind of hooked up one night when we were both super drunk (didn't end up fucking, but mouths and hands came into play...), then spent literally the whole next day hungover cuddling. Then she got in a car accident and has had chronic pain since. Her reasoning is that she's having trouble being happy and being herself through the pain that's affecting her life and just wants to be friends for the moment until things are less hectic with work and school. The thing that really sucks about it is that I understand this all too well as I was in a bike/car accident (me being on the bike) like 5 years ago that I still have chronic pain from. Stress and anxiety (which I have been feeding on with this business thing) make it so much worse, and spending time with her was helping lower my stress levels so fucking much. Now I'm stressing about all that other shit AND how I'd like to be with her. Pretty sure this is a big lesson in the whole "let it go and if it doesn't come back it wasn't meant to be" deal, but I'm having trouble letting it go or knowing how to further pursue at the moment.
sorry for the giant block of text.... lol
Derealisation/Severe Social Anxiety/Depression/Innatentive ADHD/Selective Mute/Sensory Processing Disorder
My life is just a colossal fuck up. Ive tried to commit suicide twice.
>>23526956
This picture though... I miss him. But i fucked up so bad guys.
Im so used to being rejected. Everyone I've ever loved has left. So instinctively i pushed him away to avoid getting hurt. After doing so i realized what a big mistake I've mad and apologies and invite him back into my life. Its a cycle. Ive done this to him so many times. Im a terrible person. Its over for good. Im a fucking idiot.
>>23528807
You sound just like my ex, anon.
whats your initials ?
>>23528898
t.b.
PTSD, Persistent and Major depression, Dissociative problems, and hypersexuality
I don't really have a story, I just feel extremely uncomfortable around kids because of stuff that has happened to me. I'm good with kids but I'm scared that I'll fuck up and scar them too
>>23528948
H.F (kiddo)
nah you got the wrong gal. Maybe its for the better though, if she's anything like me you are better off with ought her...
>>23528963
My ex is a guy who became a gal. I'm totally better off without him but I was just curious.
In my opinion love isn't real.
>>23528977
Im glad they are out of your life, you deserve much better than that anon.
i used to think love was real. But now, I'm not so sure.
i don't love anything or anyone anymore. Not even myself.
I can't sleep because I can't get out of my own head.
I hate where I live, can't afford it and desperately want to leave. I came here with nothing and was homeless and worked from a day labor into a boarding house; I know I'll have to do that again when I leave town with nothing.
But then I got sick and now I have all these medical bills and no money because I quit my job. I was thinking "fuck it I'll sit on my ass until it's time to move" but now I can't. All week I've been going to bed early and then just lying there from say 9pm-1am freaking out. Panicking, stuck in my own head, unable to sleep. THen I give up and stay up until dawn and sleep all day. So I'm not back at the temp agency like I should be.
I keep thinking oh fuck I'll just stay up ALL DAY and get to bed early the following evening and sleep like a rock, except i never make it.
Where the hell do I even go to, though? A few months and I have to be out. I gave move-out-notice where I stay. I have to leave this shit city but I just don't know.
There's another city not far from here that would be alright. Decent economy. I want to go to the other side of the country though. Is that worth it? Right now it's an expensive but once-a-year affordable plane ticket to visit home, or, a cheap overnight train ride. Family events are important to me because I have young siblings, though I loathe and detest my parents and have no friends in my hometown or anything. So I want to be far away but not too far, you know?
I'm 25. I'm too old to not have a career and be scraping the bottom of the barrel in shitty boarding houses and motels and whatever. It'll be another year of work once I figure out where I'm going next but that's it, I can't do this again. All my youth has been running around without ever accomplishing anything.
Cocoon mode? Sort of. I'll have more time to start lifting and shit.
I'm just panicking about the future. I've made a lot of bad choices and I"m still paying for them. Every time I think something's worked out something shits on me again.
It got to the point where i was having trouble breathing and wanted to call someone but I had no one to call. Is that anxiety? I don't know. I just wish I could have some peace in my head and some direction in my life.
>>23528770
> Pretty sure this is a big lesson in the whole "let it go and if it doesn't come back it wasn't meant to be" deal, but I'm having trouble letting it go or knowing how to further pursue at the moment.
My sentiment exactly. I'm just not strong enough to let go, which makes me even more angry and just drives me further down the spiral.
Welp, we're all fucked in our minds, aren't we?
PTSD and Schizophrenia
Most of my days consist of hiding behind a smile, while I'm way off inside my own head.
Kinda in a shitty situation right now, I've recently been feeling suicidal and self-destructive, but I've got an obnoxious trait of stubbornness that keeps me going.
If anyone wants a chat, my Kik is iroastymytoasty. I enjoy talking about mental illness
