What kind of opening messages do you have the most success with?
Its easier to hand craft something for someone who has an in depth profile, but even then you don't wanna end up saying the same thing everyone else has.
How do you approach people with shorter bios?
How about people who clearly have a bit of an attitude?
How about people who are being totally genuine?
Most guy's tend to have a scatter gun approach. What about the girls? Share your openers here.
>This is of course relevant to any dating site/app
I signed up for okcupid a few days ago. So far I've received 114 likes and these opening messages (newest to oldest):
What's up
What are you studying at [university initials]? I'm getting my Masters in engineering.
What are you studying in school? What are some of your interests?
How are you doing today beautiful lady? I trust all is going well for you. I hope we will be able to talk and get to know each other better.
Hello, there aren't a lot of people who match me 90% or more. :) What do you study at [university initials]?
Hey you:) how are you doing?
Wuts your num Want to hookup
I'm greg nice to meet you.
Hi! :D My name is Matt. What's your name? Enjoyed reading your profile. Would like to know more about you. Hope to hear from ya soon :)
Hey rockstar
Hey! What are you studying at [university initials]?
A few of the questions you answered talked about art. What about art draws your interest?
hey wanna go on a bikini shopping date? :)
Hi there hows it going
Hey! How're you? Do you happen to know any Japanese?
Hi there how are you I go by Brian
Hi my name is Erik
Hi there! How's life and stuff? :)
Hey :)
Hi :)
hi there! is it ok if i ask you some questions to get to know you more? feel free to ask me some too. what is your favorite disney movie?
So... do what you will with that information. The interface limits the messages preview to like 7 words. So I would recommend a unique opening that can fit in that small space, but isn't just "hey" or "my name is" or "what do you study at school?" or :)
Those all seemed kinda bland. Did you reply to any of them?
>>23517210
No because I'm not into causual sex (I'm marked "waiting until marriage" under the questions for sex). Even if I was, they came across bad.
>Wuts your num Want to hookup
>hey wanna go on a bikini shopping date? :)
No because they just said Hi
>What's up
>Hey you:) how are you doing?
>I'm greg nice to meet you.
>Hi there hows it going
>Hey! How're you? Do you happen to know any Japanese?
>Hi there how are you I go by Brian
>Hi my name is Erik
>Hey rockstar
>Hi there! How's life and stuff? :)
>Hey :)
>Hi :)
These were bad mass messages that appeared to be tailored to my profile, but weren't
>A few of the questions you answered talked about art. What about art draws your interest?
None of my answers talked about art
>Hi! :D My name is Matt. What's your name? Enjoyed reading your profile. Would like to know more about you. Hope to hear from ya soon :)
When Matt sent this, I wasn't finished with my profile, so it had like 2 sentences.
I got weird vibes from these guys.
>How are you doing today beautiful lady? I trust all is going well for you. I hope we will be able to talk and get to know each other better.
>hi there! is it ok if i ask you some questions to get to know you more? feel free to ask me some too. what is your favorite disney movie?
I did to a few of these, but school wasn't really an interesting topic and the conversation went nowhere and died. I probably won't reply to new questions about school, maybe copy paste answers.
>What are you studying at [university initials]? I'm getting my Masters in engineering.
>What are you studying in school? What are some of your interests?
>Hey! What are you studying at [university initials]?
>Hello, there aren't a lot of people who match me 90% or more. :) What do you study at [university initials]?
>>23517654
>how many of them were minorities
>>23517123
On the one hand, I have 19 likes after months on the site. On the other, that sounds horrible. My condolences.
Do you browse through profiles and message people yourself, or do you take a passive approach to the site because your inbox already fills up quickly?
>>23518107
White 18
Indian 2
Black 1
Hispanic 1
Multi-ethnic 2
>>23518161
Honestly I created the profile and haven't done anything with it yet. Not sure if I'll actually.
>>23517123
I ask questions like "what's your major" or anything else that pertains to or wasn't explained on the profile because it seems like something they would have to respond to if they're remotely attracted to me.
Still nobody responds to. I don't know what they want to see but I'm inclined to think that nothing I write will be good enough because I'm not a male model.
>>23516968
What if I sent...
Can I treat you like my big toe and bang you against all my furniture?
>>23517123
Cripes all this indicates to me is how horribly unattractive and/or just unappealing my profile is.
I honest to goodness spend 5-10 minutes reading every word of profiles and going through a few questions to get a feel. I send a message a few sentences long trying to be personal but not intrusive or creepy aaaand...10% response rate. Lower if you don't count courtesy single replies.
I've redone my profile and pics twice. Same result. I guess I need a six pack and a 6-figure job or get some more time consuming hobbies.
>>23519395
No, it mainly indicates how unbalanced the experience is for males and females. Even the most appealing male profile will only get a fraction of the attention a reasonably attractive female gets. You will always have a lot of noise to compete with.
>>23519989
I'm certainly aware of the imbalance, but even according to OkTrends, as a white male who isn't an edgelord and bathes I should be getting around 30% response rate and it's about 1/4 of that. I just have to re-evaluate my own shit.
>>23516968
I usually ask an open ended question to either their hobby or something they seem passionate about.
>>23520110
It's because girls like the one in this thread are too stuck up to take 10 minutes out of their super busy days to send a simple response to all of the guys they get messages from.
It must be so difficult for all these girls, knowing that literally everybody wants them. Such a rough life, you might even call them brave for having to deal with such a burden like that.
The communication exists because girls are inherently bitches.
>>23520283
Sure, champ. It's all them, nothing to do with you.
>>23520289
Not one bit, but go ahead and think that all you want.
You're the one defending the idea of ignoring someone based solely on their introduction...it's adorable.
>>23520293
No, what I'm defending is not bothering to reply to literally dozens if not hundreds of effectively identical messages. Who the fuck has time for that?
And no stranger on the internet owes you any attention, no matter how entitled you feel about it.
>>23520314
The fact that there are literally only a handful of things you could possibly say as an introduction without sounding 1) desperate, 2) crazy, or 3) both, shows that you actually have no idea what you're talking about.
Let's think about this real quick, since you clearly don't get it.
>Single girl trying to find a bf/go on a date/hook up
>Gets hundreds of messages every day
>Doesn't sit down for 10-20 minutes at the end of the day and briefly skim through them, responding very quickly to each one
>Passes by hundreds of potential perfect matches by doing so (oh but she'll never know, she didn't get to talking to any of them...they're probably all perverts anyways, right?)
>Wonders why she can't find any good guys
>Still single
Sound accurate? Because it is.
>>23520324
>infinite possible permutations of the English language
>only a handful
Right. And the fact that you come off as an angry misogynist fed up with women not giving your enduring charm the recognition it's due is irrelevant, I'm sure.
Say that a girl receives 500 messages in a week. 400 of those are "hi." 50 more are "want sum fuk?" Of the remaining 50, some of them are genuinely interesting and have high match percentages. Is there any reason for this hypothetical girl to reply to all 500 messages just because otherwise she might "miss" someone who would be "perfect" for her? Really? And of course, I'm sure you would be that someone, if only she'd just give you a chance to get your foot in the door.
>>23520372
I feel like out of those 50 interesting ones with high match percentages, she'll reply to at most 7
>>23520383
The reply rate is so high, she wouldn't have time for more then messaging 7 to 14 people. Could you imagine trying to juggle 50 conversations and schedule dates for that many people?
>>23520383
I didn't say "50 interesting ones with high match percentages", I said OF the remaining 50, SOME are interesting and have high match percentages. Some of them will be crazy or downright creepy, just not super generic like the other 450.
Do you think Asian girls have a disadvantage on OKCupid, if they're mainly interested in Asian guys? In my huge city, there are probably ~100 Asians total who are on OKCupid
I have been with my girl since before online dating became mainstream and every now and then I feel the wind in my hear and I start wondering what it would be like being single with all of these online dating sites and shit.
Then I click on one of these threads and realize what a shit fest it must be. Thanks guys.
>>23520283
No, that's bullshit. Of the few OkC dates I've been on each has had at least one if not several stories of guys who got obsessed and possessive, weirdly sexual or dumb ass trolls.
You sarcastically talk about it being such a burden to get 30 messages a day for an especially attractive girl who has a filled out profile. Well, it WOULD be. If she spent even 20 second on average reading every message, 5 minutes perusing profiles of guys who actually wrote a meaningful message then another couple minutes writing back to the few she liked, that's still at least an hour on the site parsing through shit like an insurance claims adjuster every day with no guarantee any of them will be any good.
Most people, girls in this case, will just give quick responses to the few who write meaningful messages and hopefully one will turn out to not be a creep, be interesting and attractive and keep in touch to be able to put together a date.
Yeah, a good looking girl could get 9 dates a week easy, but how long before the parade of fedora's, meatheads, creeps and just uninteresting goons is just too demoralizing when she can just go to a bar or any social event and speed date the room? Why spend hours setting up and going on 95% failed dates when she can spend 60 second per guy in a crowded room?
There's an element here of social training here; guys put the pussy on the pedestal and say or do anything for it and girls (attractive ones especially) get what they want when they want and learn that at an early age, but ultimately this just means that online dating is 10 times more effort than in person interaction and no less risky.
>>23520478
I do honestly feel sorry for them, this may sound self-aggrandizing, but what if a girl after 500 messages, 400 are copy pastes or 'hey baby', 50 are creeps or stalkers, 30 end up going on rants about how much of a bitch she is and of the 20 worth going on dates 10 are bores and 10 are just looking for hook ups, she just gives up and the next message was going to be that right guy but he's just buried in the shit and maybe because he doesn't make a great profile and it looks like any other bore on first impression. It's the curse of the large sample, if the pool becomes too big you can't find the fish anymore, so to speak.
I wouldn't know. As I signed up to OKcupid for a bit of a joke/entertainment rather than looking to get laid, I don't really send out any initial messages. Get a reasonable amount of incoming messages though.
>>23520372
>400 of those are "hi."
Women do that shit as well, at least in my case.
>>23520417
Not any more so than any other group who are looking for people who fit an exact racial profile.
>>23520283
Are you serious? That femanon raised my respect for women. To me all those messages looked like they either came from thirsty betas, or copy pasters. It must be like looking for a needle in a haystack.
For what it's worth, I do my best to read each profile that catches my interest and write as 'personalized' a message as I can. Unfortunately, I have trouble finding the balance between 'I'm boring' and 'date plz', and feel like I gravitate more toward the former to avoid seeming creepy. The responses I get, about one for every ten or fifteen messages I send, are usually dry, few word answers, and any actual conversations I've had dried up within ten messages back and forth.
Should I grow a personality, or keep trying?
>>23520728
Have a lower threshold for asking them on a date. Like maybe only 5 or 6 messages. You'll both have a decent idea at that point, so a lunch/coffee meetup really is the next natural step.
>>23517123
>So I would recommend a unique opening that can fit in that small space, but isn't just "hey" or "my name is" or "what do you study at school?" or :)
Do you have any more specific ideas? I usually try to look for books/movies we both like and ask about that; would that be any better than, "What's your major?"
What does an opening message that you reply to look like, instead of one that you ignore?
im a fat (with full body pics) female, below average face and semi-serious profile on the medium side, closer to short length.
i almost only get messages like >23517123 and ignore them all, even the super hot guys.
ive met up with two people from this site. one because he sent me a long (and admittedly non-flirty which was weird) message telling me he was in one of my classes. we talked for a while, he came over to my house and i blew him. he came twice. we texted basically only in class and don't talk anymore because that semester just ended.
the other guy i met up with was definitely not my type based on his pics but his message was pretty long and interesting, clearly showed he read my profile. we texted a LOT, like all day every day for a week or two, we met up. i went to his house and i was on my period so we basically cuddled/made out/dry humped for a few hours with music in the background. a week later i came over again and we had sex, cuddled. in the time between those two "dates" the texting definitely died down and I'm pretty sure he's lost interest now that we've fucked..at least, he's not telling me he wants to date me and isn't complimenting me 24/7 now. probably wants fwb situation.
tl;dr
fuckboys
>>23516968
Honestly 99% of it is going to be your photo, and then your other photos. Make sure none of your photos are shitty.
Beyond that, for your message don't include any formalities (no "hey", "hi", or "what's up") just go into it. Say something fun and conversational about one of their photos in the first sentence, and then ask them a question in the second sentence. Try to make it something that everyone isn't asking them, and if it is about one of their interests, don't go super nerdy about it.
>>23526318
>if it is about one of their interests, don't go super nerdy about it.
Wouldn't showing that you care about the topic be better, especially if it's something they're into as well?
Ideally, I would think that online dating is for super nerdy people to find other people who are super nerdy about the same things.
