>>23150406

I've been interested for several years, but I'm not really sure where to start? I've definitely tried out some minor stuff (Blindfolds, handcuffs, bed ties, toys, spanking, etc), but I want to go deeper. Like really explore this.

How do I start?

this is stupid.

>>23150556
Basically this.

Specifically:
>how do i come up with fitting orders for a sub (i'm not a very creative person)?
>how do i into ropeplay?
>What are some fun ways to inflict pain on a sub?

>>23150556
>>23150998
My gf and I are currently in a DDLG relationship so I'll try to offer my best reply.

>How do I come up with fitting orders for a sub (I'm not a very creative person)?

Motherless is a good place to start, and some forums on there are good reference guides where people will share their personal experience. It also depends on the sub and their personality (little, petplay, or just a masochist).

>How do I into ropeplay?

Finding someone may be the most difficult part about this. If they're willing to try it, Amazon has some nice soft ones that run about $0.50 per ft in increments of 25' (and of course in varying colors if you choose). There are several references online, books (Douglas Kent is okay, if you can deal with the 4/10 models they use), and forums. Once you learn the basic knots, you can start making variations to your liking.

>What are some fun ways to inflict pain on a sub?

Once again this depends on the personality of the sub. Mine being a little, I like to bind her legs and hands behind her back and pull on it while I caress and spank her. Some like to be slapped in the face or choked while being pleasured, but not all.

I'm still a beginner at shibari, but I'll try to answer any questions you have about BDSM in general.

>>23150998

>>how do i come up with fitting orders for a sub (i'm not a very creative person)?

Head space is difficult ting to get into. who do you idolize as a Dom? whether a real of fictional person, and how would you speak and act if you were that person. also If being strict it too hard try for more of a casual role play, just because its sexual dose not mean you cant be funny sometimes.

>>how do i into ropeplay?
I would not recomend spending too much money at first and i would be shure you first have a gurnteed person to play and pratice with. go to your local BDSM community center that you can find on fet life, and see if they offer any talks or classes or general rope practice. after you get that covered id recommend using Esenam's online lessons because there so comprehensive.

>>What are some fun ways to inflict pain on a sub?

Keep in mind that pane in a kink setting is not the same as banging your toe on the Coffey table. trust me, if it was both my girlfriend and at least 4 other people would be in a hurry to Kick it when ever they had the time.

nothing should ever feel so bad that you would never do it to yourself, basic ways are the usual forms of impact play, flogging, caning or paddling, but also consider less obvious ways, making some one sit in high heel as there spanked. put lego bricks or bottle caps underneath the ropes your are binding them in,
hang weights off of any piercings they have.

>>23150998
>>23152815
>Head space is difficult ting to get into. who do you idolize as a Dom? whether a real of fictional person, and how would you speak and act if you were that person. also If being strict it too hard try for more of a casual role play, just because its sexual dose not mean you cant be funny sometimes.

I will say this is also very dependent on what your style of dominance is. I'm a really, really, really primal sadist, so the idea of "act like someone you idolize" is somewhat bemusing to me. I would counter argue "do whatever the hell you want, in context of consent."

But if you want a more structured experience, it is solid enough advice. I would say in general though, find out what your sub is interested in - experiment with that and build it up in layers. Smaller/lighter stuff leads to progressively heavier stuff, and then at the end wind back down again. Then apply your after care, because after care is important.

The "how to I give fitting orders" thing becomes tricky because depending on the person it can pretty well be damned well anything. You need to find a dynamic that works for you and your sub.

>>What are some fun ways to inflict pain on a sub?

Pressure points (depends on how much pain you want to cause; there's some fun ones along the line of the hips), teeth (scraping across skin, bites of various pressure), nails (digging in/raking), heavy pressure with hands, impact play (hands, floggers, belts, whips, whatever), slapping them across the face, throat fucking, hair pulling, toys use (forced orgasms, anal toys, anal hooks), fisting, breathplay, yadda yadda.

Pain can be presented in a whole lot of ways: But it's really, really, really fucking important you're working within prior bounds of consent. I generally recommend using the stop light system as well (green = good/continue, yellow = slow down/wait a second, red = HARD STOP) and make sure they are entirely comfortable using it.

>>23152920
>>23150998

(And in regards to light system, checking in periodically isn't a bad idea either - especially when you're not really used to creating and operating within 'scenes'. Don't be a stereotypical new dom dude and ignore/push consent too far.)

>>23150556
I kind of .. Came in from an angle I cannot easily really suggest people follow, because its super round about and based on a life long interest / inclination.

However fetlife tends to be a fairly common community thing. I am largely of the opinion that it's shit because the nature of the beast is that the open / easily accessible fetish groups tend to be pretty ... Unattractive/awkward/not my cup of tea, but it gets you among people who are interested in similar things, can give you some direction/tips, and gets you in contact with people. Most of the fun stuff tends to be more exclusive. Depending on your area though, you might have some really good open communities.

In my area there is a huge cross over with the industrial/kink/fetish scene; and a lot of the industrial places have blended events. See if there's any kink/fetish events in your area - don't be going in expecting that you're going to be picking up a ton of chicks or that you're ever going to be playing there, though. Go and interact with the community.

>>23152920

>>
Pain can be presented in a whole lot of ways: But it's really, really, really fucking important you're working within prior bounds of consent. I generally recommend using the stop light system as well (green = good/continue, yellow = slow down/wait a second, red = HARD STOP) and make sure they are entirely comfortable using i

Safe words are a good safety belt but always keep in mind that you should be good enough at reading your bottom that they shouldn't NEED to use safe words.

>>23152946

>>In my area there is a huge cross over with the industrial/kink/fetish scene; and a lot of the industrial places have blended events. See if there's any kink/fetish events in your area - don't be going in expecting that you're going to be picking up a ton of chicks or that you're ever going to be playing there, though. Go and interact with the community.

be careful with this though because a lot of people who have no clue with safety or BDSM will act like they do and it can become a recipe for disaster as far as abuse and consent violations go...

>>23152979
>>Safe words are a good safety belt but always keep in mind that you should be good enough at reading your bottom that they shouldn't NEED to use safe words.

Oh, entirely agreed. It's good practice to be aware of safe words, and the three light system is a super common one - it's easy, and its widespread, so its convenient in that regard. The 'repeatedly check in' is mostly in regards to when you've got a new partner, or the two of you are exploring new territory. It's not bad practice to be checking in and making sure you're not misreading the situation.

But yes, once the two of you have a comfortable dynamic? Go for it.

>>be careful with this though because a lot of people who have no clue with safety or BDSM will act like they do and it can become a recipe for disaster as far as abuse and consent violations go...

Oh, they are fucking horrendous for that. Especially any place that combines alcohol. It's why I recommend people don't go looking to play - go and get to know people. It's one thing when you're bringing your own partner, or if you're working with established partners, but entirely new people? Potential powderkeg.