Vent/feels thread, get it off your chest
I might be visiting a grill in Mexico in the middle of January or February.
>dad is a violent schizophrenic paedophile from a rough city
>my mum was also violent
>parents moved from Manchester to Taunton in 1981 because racist
>had my sister in '89 and me in '92
>used to beat me, lock me in cupboards and wash mouth out with soap when I was as young as 3
>had to watch and sometimes get caught inbetween parents physical fighting
>mum and dad divorced in '95
>mum took me and sister to Manchester women and childrens home
>met a guy called Frank
>he used to beat me and my sister, swung us by our ears until they bled
>dad found us and took us to Exeter
>sexually abused me, physically abused me, mentally abused me and verbally abused me
>used to go crazy a lot, heavy drinker. extremely violent
>dropped sister off at cop station in June of '97
>I'm with this crazy bastard until late '98
>go into care
>am withdrawn
>I molested kids when I was a kid (even living with my dad)
>my foster dad cheated on my foster mum so there were a lot of fights there
>foster dad has punched me on occasion
>I tried to fuck foster sister
>killed her hamsters and a dog
>pyromaniac
>thought about mass murder a lot
>thief
>vandal
>I attempted burglary once
>zoophillia
Stopped all the bad shit now though. I just go to work and come home... Boring, day in day out. I see a social worker now who thinks I'm too unstable for PTSD therapy
I want a girl who has been through similar (WITHOUT A BF THIS TIME)... Though that's too much to ask
Kill me
I hate everything and the only times i am distracted are when i find someone to talk to on the internet who doesnt know about my problems.
>>23083939
really sorry to hear that man. i would buy you pint or something.
>grow up mostly in isolation
>homeschooled, just read and played vidya all day
>start getting anxiety in early teens, ignore it, social online, still isolated irl
>graduate at 16, start college
>Anxiety kicks up a notch, schizotypal tendencies, slight psychosis
>Drop out, move to California
>Live in and out of random internet girl's dorm room/around her campus
>Try to get jobs, spaz out too much to keep them
>Start doing design jobs in the music scene, make enough to pay rent and get a place
>Start seeing doctor, go back to school, doing ok on meds
>Have breakdown, get put on involuntary psychiatric hold
>Miss deadline on job, can't pay rent, get kicked out, homeless, can't keep paying for school
>Skip forward a few years, not homeless anymore, mostly do odd jobs to pay small rent
>Have qt girlfriend for 2 years
>tfw she's the only one that understands me
>gets dumped for being cold and detached
>tfw she was the only person I've ever felt close to
>tfw psychosis gets worse every year, even on meds
>tfw scared to inevitably go completely insane so I put all of my energy into holding myself together, neglecting most other aspects of my life
>be me 3 months ago
>madly inlove with my gf
>she a solid 9/10 me im a mild 7/10
>gf madly inlove with me
fast forward a month and a half.
>i stay the night at gfs alot, her family starts to like me alot
>invited to multiple family events, get told by her stepdad that they want me to move to florida with them
>get really excited because i finally let like i belonged somewhere
>a week later me and gf do the fucc
>i tell her "if you arent ready for this please tell me and we wont do this" she says "its okay anon, im ready for this :)" so we do the fucc
>she thens starts becoming distant towards me, doesnt want me over anymore, hardly talks to me.
>when we do talk its brief and she only replies with one word.
a few days later
>"anon.. i cant do a relationship anymore i just dont feel anything between us anymore"
>justfuckmyshitup.jpg
>i ask "is there anything i can do to fix this for us, i really love you and i dont want to lose you".
>she replies with "i love you too but thats why i have to breakup with you..."
i feel defeated and my heart is crushed, i dont talk to her anymore which is probably good even though she wanted to stay friends, this happened right after thanks giving and i still cant get over her, ive tried drinking, other girls, vidya. nothing works, shit feels bad
>>23084019
Cool. Thanks man
>being a queer NEET who burns all of their bridges and constantly wonders why they have nobody to talk to or share their feelings with
>>23084105
Sometimes i think cutting off contact with people ends up as much as a fear as it is an addiction. That is why i find myself where i am i think
Not as bad as other people in this thread...
>just turned 20
>have a good social life, if based entirely on doing nerdy shit with friends
>going to study abroad next year
>still super fucking lonely. Never had a girlfriend. First kiss was awkward as fuck New Years thing last year
Why can't I be happy with what I have /soc/?
>>23084061
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXNfxK5Q2Qg
keep a fire going brother, in all that dark and all that cold.
>no gf
Why even live? Even the shizos itt had gfs
>>23084118
I dunno, I mostly meant that those bridges had been established within the "community" I once considered myself to be a part of. Being judgmental of others is what caused most of the bridge-burning. I mean, it is wrong to assume that if one person who's a part of a group is a major league autist, that the rest of them are, but a person can really only take so much. idk
I match with a lot of attractive women on tinder and want sex, but I'm so asocial that I feel 0 motivation to go out and do all the stupid social ritual bullshit
>>23084140
I just cant trust people so its hard to be social. I Get tired of people and interaction quite quickly
>>23084121
There's nothing terrible about admitting that you feel unhappy. The girlfriend thing will sort itself out in time, I think. Do you feel that there's something specific preventing you from meeting girls or new people in general?
>>23083923
probably dead, but I still gotta vent.. Play this guys:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXxp2xDjdFA
I've come to the conclusion that life is much more easier when you actually admit that it sucks dick. 2015 was straight up awful- I got dumped and basically shat on, currently I'm on the edge of dropping out of the college because I'm prolly just too fucking dumb. Cramming is mind- numbing and totally worthless. Im working like a fucking mule to get a degree that I could only use to wipe my asshole with. I've realized that the dreams I had as a kid are gone.
Right now I just wanna chill without that crippling fear of the future. I also started getting drunk by myself and it doesnt help the cause at all. I feel like I may not be able to fall in love again, to be held by someone and feel that thing... you know, that sparkle. Ive always been a something youd call a cynical romantic... Now im just cynical and sad...
i have nothing going for me
>grew up in a shit situation, mother was single, no job, no source of income, we had absolutely nothing
>i have autism, i was unbearable as a child, i dont know how my mom put up with it
>mom had a different guy in the house each day
>didnt see my dad ever, to this day i miss the shit out of him
>no relationship with my parents now
>got beaten every day
>had to leave the school i had friends in because i was too mentally unstable to be there and was expelled
>went to one of those containment schools, beat the shit out of everyone and didnt have any friends
>went to jail 6 times
>would drink and do drugs during class when i was like 13
>got raped by a guy at that school, it traumatized me
>studied about anatomy just so i could know how to properly kill someone
>got shot multiple times when i was very young causing me to have a severe irrational fear of guns and ptsd
>lead older guys on (20+) when i was 14 and lie about my age, never fucked them but did other shit. none of them knew i was under 18
>since i was young id steal things that i found laying around (i stole a box cutter when i was still in the good school, stole toy pigs in kindergarten, stole a bunch of money from an attorneys office when i was like 6, etc)
>violent tendencies, i dream about the feeling of murdering someone
>murder is pretty much a turn on, just not a sexual turn on for me
>tfw you're a mentally ill fucked up female who will never find anyone to love
maybe its good that nobody will ever love me. id probably torture and murder them in the middle of the night. i have no friends. i have no one. i haven't seen a living person in weeks.
i am disgusting
the people in this thread complaining about having no girlfriend are retards get the fuck out. you think you have it bad? you dont
>>23084340
not if they torture and murder you in the middle of the night first <3
>>23084345
i dont let that happen
>>23084487
Well you do sound you had it badly.
how are you now though?
>>23083923
>Needed to fart real bad
>Go to corner of room so people don't smell fart bomb
>About to drop more gas than hitler
>feel the power
>mfw it's a poop
>Mfw I feel it slide out my shorts
>Slug shit slides down leg
>MFW I walked to a corner to take a shit.
>>23084501
i'm awful, thanks for asking
todays been bad because ive been craving to kill someone more than usual
>>23084518
There was a girl on the news last month that killed a guy during sex and said "i watched his eyes shut down as he died".
I found her hot. lol
but the edge is strong with you.
why is it awful now? nothing improved?
>>23084518
You sound like you at least know your thoughts are fucked up. Get help for your own sake before you're out of time
>>23084530
help is useless, ive been in hospitals and facilities countless times. ive seen numerous therapists and tried a ton of different medication, nothing helps
>>23084528
ew. she's retarded because she got caught.
anyways, yeah it is strong. and no did you not read what i put
>>23084203
Used to be socially awkward as fuck. I'm better ever since finishing college but then when I got to Uni there were like 0 girls I had an interest in.
I kinda think it's got to the point where I'm Pygmalioning and won't settle for anything less than perfect.
>>23084538
About not seeing anyone or being unable to be loved and shit? I was asking more if you dont feel like improving, sounds like you are conformed with how things are going.
>>23084345
Was bored checking out this thread the hatred feeling is all too familiar and I burn my bridges all the time, a lot of the time I actually enjoy it. For some reason I just like letting people know that they meant nothing to me if you want to talk to someone who strongly relates to that shit throw out some form of communication
>>23084555
.. did you completely miss the second line of >>23084518
context clues buddy
>>23084569
lol, no hopes at all then? right.
>>23084569
Smoke some weed and find a tall, burly abusive/unkillable boyfriend I guess.
>>23084583
do you think him being "unkillable" will stop me? i assume you dont know how easy it is to kill someone when they're unaware.
also, weed does nothing for me besides make my violent tendencies worse.
>>23084580
no hopes at all for me.
>>23084583
no one is unkillable, and weed can make you feel worse if you already feel like shit.
>>23084593
there's always hope for raging sex.
thats how that girl killed the guy
>>23084593
Yep, absolutely no hope. An hero recommended
>>23084597
that'd be too obvious. i couldn't get caught. if i murdered once, i'd want to do it again.
you people know nothing about murder
>>23084608
i've been planning on it
>>23084628
i can't handle this edge, sorry
>>23084643
im pretty edgy
eh, to be honest, im probably never going to kill someone. i just want to
>>>>23084593
Find someone who encourages your habits? Good luck with that though, because they might just end up using you.
Also yeah being able to kill is easy especially if the person is weaker than you I miss the feeling of a throat in my hand not that I've actually killed but it's so easy if you lose control
Man driving for 2 hours and constantly losing internet sucks
>>23084780
>bringing your shitty bdsm fetish into this
Gross.
also,
they'd never know. i'm a pretty good manipulator
All right...
>Be me, 21 at the time, move to another country, in a big city, to be with a guy I love.
>He must have imagined me to be different while we were dating online, he grows distant as the months go by.
>Eventually we stop having sex. I get insecure.
>I get depressed because no intimacy in my relationship, no family nearby, no friends save for his friends.
>He lets me know that they are his friends and not my friends.
>I can't find a job in this country. I am broke and relying on boyfriend to support me. He grows to resent me.
>His mother hates me. She is the only mother-figure I have there. She emails me and tells me I am not good for her son.
>I move back to home country. Live with parents. Still can't find a job. I am 23 now.
>Go to school, trades/business school. Work in an office. Only one friend.
>The one friend I have is now my best friend. She helps me better myself, going to workouts with me, letting me vent.
>I get laid off after two years working in the office. It's been a year since that lay off and still can't find a new job.
>Considering going back to school now at 28.
>Still living with parents.
>I can't find a job because my interviews suck. I look good on paper, but then they see me and I choke.
People always told me growing up that I was smart, talented, going places. This is me now, doing nothing with life. I have no income, I'm living at home, I have no boyfriend because I don't feel like I deserve to find one, too depressed to get out of bed some days. I think of suicide all the time because my life just isn't getting better. I don't know how to do it though. I don't have money to buy a gun or pills. The only thing keeping me from doing anything is my inability to know how, my one friend, and the fact that I can't find the right time to do it. Also, I'm a scared pussy.
>>23084821
assuming you're not just some random troll... why the fuck would you engage in an online relationship? that's like the point from where it all went downhill...
what does drive people like you into thinking that an online relationship can be maintainable in the real life? why did you go to a different city for a person you barely knew? WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?
>>23083939
Jesus, man. I'm sincerely sorry that happened to you.
>hate myself ever since i remember
>start posting here
>everyone hates me because i'm ugly af and honest about it
>qt messages me
>says she likes me
>doesn't send messages anymore
>says she loves other people in other threads now
i feel so much fucking worse than before. i wonder if anyone will even miss when i kill myself
>>23084857
I grew up in a tiny town. I've always been online, I saw no harm in starting a romance on it. I've done several online romances before. But I thought I could make this particular one work. He was so adamant about making it real. He drove to my place, met my father, shook his hand, and took me away. He was rescuing me from my small town.
My insecurities really played a roll in destroying our relationship. My depression didn't help either. He told me I was suicidal and threatened to call an ambulance if I didn't accept our breakup. I tried everything to make the relationship work, except change how I felt.
I still do the online relationship thing, to an extent. I will go on cam for guys, let them appreciate me, etc. But I won't let them come to meet me unless they are local - which they rarely are.
>Diagnosed with anxiety and depression (I suspect there's more wrong with me than just that, but then again don't we all?)
>Drinks alcohol to intoxication daily
>Smokes weed almost daily and enjoys other drugs here and there
>Unhappy_marriage.jpg
>tfw you're almost 30 and work a minimum wage job
>Broke af
>Multiple cavities
>Estranged from family because I cannot stand them
>Borderline animal hoarder
>>23084878
bwahah
>>23084930
I feel like you want me to feel sorry for you, but you brought that upon yourself and it's kind of off putting to be frank... you're just making exuses. Like im no role mydel myself, but gee, get a grip
I guess what I'm saying is that if you put a little bit of thought into your actions and if you really were that bright that people had assumed you to be, you wouldnt be whining in this thread now...
>>23084957
I moved in with this guy because I thought I loved him. I was young at the time and thought that life was about taking chances. I fucked up the relationship - yeah. But at least I took the chance to make it work. It screwed me up in the long run, my insecurities show it. But I still don't mind that I took that chance. Was it dumb? Sure. But I felt like I was living.
Now I'm in a rut. I don't feel like I'm moving at all. That's what I'm sad about.
As I mentioned, I'm considering going back to school or doing something... I'm not excited about life anymore though.
>>23084995
>I moved in with this guy because I thought I loved him.
that actually defies the "nature" , since there would need to be like some serious chemical reactions in your body that could only be created by the very presence of the person, in order to ACTUALLY feel the love...
what you felt was just a need for validation and escape.
Not kidding around here- stop beating around the bush and admit that at the back of your mind, you, even then, knew that it wasnt a good idea to start living with a stranger, you took a risk, but even then you actually knew it wasnt gonna repay. You admit that you're a mess, but I feel like what you do is seek the mess... but that's just me.
Anyway, good luck with the school I guess
>>23085061
All right. I kind of think you're wrong about how I felt, but to each their own.
Thanks for the luck, I guess.
>>23084857
The infatuation period lasts a lot longer if it ever gets there. You don't see as many flaws in the person right away.
>>23085095
I was in a very long-term online relationship too that eventually didn't work out and I feel you, anon. Idk what that guy's problem was, those comments were actually depressing and slightly rustling me from how unsympathetic and wannabe-alpha (not to mention utterly not constructive and BANKING on hindsight -- my aunt and uncle in law met online and have been happily married for several years now, with a kid) another anon could be to this, especially when you basically admitted not really knowing what you were doing and took a risk for something we're all seeking here >>23084995
for this guy to just stroke his own dick of bullshit hindsight wisdom to aggressively tell you what you already learned here >>23084957
To that guy, as a lurker of this thread I appreciate your input and I love the part about the natural spark of love from the physicality of relationships, as I believe in that strongly too, but I feel you've been a privileged fella who's never had to resort to living life online. Plus, sometimes insecurities are insecurities, and wtf is love anyway? Example, my best friend is attractive, has great personality IRL, and his insecurity (and him being a dumb asshole) leads him to constantly fall in "love" and cheat on his partner, he's gone through a girlfriend a year since I've known him and feels terrible about it every time. In this context an online relationship may trump that "x factor" from meeting IRL (which is usually lust anyway) by letting him know the person on a vastly different realm.
Anyway, back to >>23084821
I for one admire your balls for what you did. I have no good advice as I'm 21 and this can happen to me easily (I've already sunk my undergraduate training into the arts -- fuck me) but, as I tell my best friend above when he's feeling da dumps, I find your suffering and awareness beautiful, and you deserve to be happy. Don't an hero but you need to cut the insecurity no matter how many times you fall and try to own your life
>>23085666
Actually replace "suffering" with "life" or "how your life transpired for what you believed in", that's a lot less creepy lol
I seem to be inadvertently killing threads.
Might be a sign.
I have this anon i like to talk to on skype everyday.
I just feel shit by messaging first and because i dont want to be annoying
I've been so stressed lately. My bf is out of the country visiting family, and I have had a lot of time to think.
I'm thinking about leaving him soon.
Here's why...
He cheated on me. We are back together because idk love or whatever. After we were back together for a month, turns out the girl he cheated on me with is pregnant with his baby. I told him that I want him in the baby's life because every child deserves both parents; I will, however, not feel comfortable being in the baby's life. I don't see myself taking care of a kid that was born due to cheating.. If that makes sense. I have nothing against this unborn baby.. Just resentment towards my bf.
He already has a kid from a previous relationship, but that's different, you know? This was before I even met him.
I just can't see myself taking care of this baby, bringing the baby around my family, etc. It would make me feel weird.
And advice? Anybody been in a similar situation?
>>23086122
kek, why are you dating that? lol
>>23086140
Idk good question I guess.. Maybe I feel that I can't do better?
As for your post... If you don't message them first, do they not message you at all? Why do you feel like shit? If you are having a good conversation and it makes you happy, you're golden
>>23086287
Yeah i just have anxiety so i dont know if im being annoying or not lol. And yeah i get messaged first as well but idk....
Maybe you could do better, well, i hope you can. I certainly cant.
she went off with an ISTP Trump supporter who's majoring in accounting/education at Grove City College
suicide?
>>23086300
Could she really have been that great if she did that? Or maybe Trump really is... nah
>>23086122
Leave him
>>23086122
Just leave, don't force yourself to be in a relationship you know you won't be happy with. Also, once a cheater always a cheater.
>>23085666
Thank you for responding to me like a human, anon. It's hard to open up about what you've been through, even as an anon. It helps to know there are people who can look at that and understand more than just how stupid it was.
>>23086295
I get that way a lot too, when messaging people. Sometimes the conversation feels..forced so I just stop talking to them lol I'm sure you're not annoying them(: especially since you get messaged first too
>>23086515
I just dont like people assuming a lot about me. I just feel like shit generally. The only reason i come in here is so that i can eventually talk to strangers. But whatever.
>>23086295
>>23086323
>>23086355
Thanks guys(: makes me feel more sure of my self
Someone posted ~3-4 year old pics of me earlier today.
Idgi why even save them they were gross.
>>23086521
You feel like shit in general? Depression? Anxiety? Been to a doctor?
>>23086529
Yeah i try some stuff. I just get worn out pretty quickly and i try to do anything to distract myself from whatever bothers me. Anxiety is really shit, dude.
>turning 20 this year
>still haven't got my high school qualifications
>>23086544
I know): I feel for you. I have depression, anxiety, and a panic disorder. Zoloft takes the edge off slightly.
Just remember, everything will be OK(:
>>23086593
Can I ask why not?
>lonely
>want a relationship
>currently working part time, don't have a car, live at home
>probably can't contribute much to a relationship rn
>wouldn't be so bad if all my friends weren't in relationships
>forever the 3rd wheel
>>23086625
I dont think things will be ok lol
I'm just stuck. /soc/ gives me high ratings and several qts have called me qt, but my IRL experience (more lack thereof) doesn't support that at all.
Even if I am pretty decent looking. I wouldn't know what to say. And if I were to get to the bedroom, the last boss, I'd fail completely in all likelihood.
I'm supposed to do a triathlon when I can only possibly get to the first part and I'd certainly fail to reach the end
>>23086689
Build your way up to a marathon. Talk to girls without even the hope of a date, let alone sex. When you're decent at that, move on to the next step, etc. When you get to the sex part, if you're soo worried about it, just tell her you're a virgin before you do it but after she's hooked enough to not phase her.
As for how to talk to girls, well, any way. Just do it. Comedians bomb all the time but they get back up there and get better if they want to eat. Are you hungry for that fish or not??
>manage to get a gf online after years of having nobody to really connect with on a personal level
>turns out they're trans
>not really bothered by it, they're cute
>wind up spending years interacting with her
>keep her company constantly, help her out with rough spots, give her advice, she does the same for me
>eventually start losing friends one by one because I'm focusing heavily on her and less on others
>after 3 years since we met, she cheats on me with someone else
>spend 7 hours talking to her trying to convince her what she's doing is wrong, which she somehow suddenly doesn't realize after years of reason and common sense
>we break up shortly afterwards
>she says "Thanks for ruining my life"
>lose the only person I thought I could reliably trust and can't even approach anyone else for casual contact
>she winds up moving in with this huge fucking faggot I knew that can't go one day without bitching about how lonely he is
>she starts resorting to heavy drinking and weed to cope with what she did and fucked him
>despite all this, she still sends me messages about how she misses me
>all on the same year we were supposed to meet up
It's been an entire year since this whole train ride started and I'm still fucking bummed out that the one person I thought I could trust with anything betrayed me, went back on over 3 years of promises, and fucked the single biggest faggot I've ever met in my entire life all in the same year. Meanwhile, I threw years of my life away just so she would be happy and I have nothing to show at the end of it all
Don't go full retard and invest yourself 100% in someone. Don't even invest 25% of yourself in somebody if you only know them online. Better yet, don't even interact with trans people.
I'm fucking miserable. I got a fairly severe indictment. The deal was I would start getting vivitrol shots. I want to get high so fucking bad it's driving me insane.
>>23086747
Sorry you had to go through that friend. I know how much it blows to be in that situation. I had a similar experience with a girl I met online. It will take a whike, but you will get over it man. Feel free to contact me if ya need someone to talk to.
>>23086635
I switched to homeschooling for my final year (2014) because of a combo of anxiety and depression. It sounds ridiculous but I get extremely anxious and a bit delirious when I do schoolwork. (Specifically, nothing else causes it.)
Another problem that's been gradually getting worse, is that most of the time my mind feels "foggy". I struggle to remember things, form sentences or see properly. It's rare for my mind to be clear, but noticeable enough that I remember it when it happens. (Like now.)
I suspect both problems are related to the fact that I was on Ritalin from age 7 to 13 because they seem to have started when I stopped taking it, and apparently it can have some nasty effects on brain development.
Thanks for asking anon. I'm going to be writing my exams again in May, and I'm trying to start a consistent study routine, so hopefully this will be my last year.
>>23083923
U-um, this is actually something positive but nonetheless I'm having serious feels
>start talking to qt guy
>he seems interested
>we go out for coffee
>i leave for college
>i come back on break, we go out again
>we have "the talk", both have feelings for each other but decide to move slowly before establishing a relationship
>go back to college
>come back on break
>we go out again and have a great time
>i ask him if he wants to meet me again
>he says yes
what the fuck did I ever do to deserve this guy?
>>23083923
Fuck it, guess I'll give it a go
>never been in a relationship
>finally meet someone on here who's way out of my league that made me happy
>talk basically every day for two months
ngl caught feelings pretty quickly
>start to flirt after a while
>never had the money to visit
>becomes more distant as time passes
>got to know recently that I never really had a chance
>went with the person I was told not to worry about
I'm just a fucking wreck right now, I have been lying in bed feeling miserable for two days
I've been in and out of this relationship with a girl since we were in 2nd grade, we are now in our 20's, we started talking again, she's still in love with her ex, she has told me she loves me and him, she knows things won't last with him, and hates herself for not getting rid of him. She's so fucked up, but I still love her.
>>23084105
me2 bb
My gf didn't let me in a couple days ago and I'm still upset
>tfw 25 year old virgin
>tfw crushing hard with oneitis
It should be the simplest fucking thing. Just to walk up to her and ask her out on a date. A nice little conversation and a little time spent to get to know each other.
GO FUCKING DO IT
GO DO IT
STOP TYYPING STUPID SHIT ON 4CHAN JUST GO DO IT WHAT THE FUCK
I wont ask her out though.
What does it truly mean to feel lost? I've been kinda feeling like this these days. Lost, confused, and mostly invisible as if I were a ghost. Guess its cause I don't know how to talk to people.
Even more so I'm afraid of people. I start school on the 21st but i'm sorta terrified to go simply because I can never have a normal school day cause someone tries to push my buttons just for fun. Can't begin to imagine what will happen if I see someone I hated where I am going.
I also got so much of unused anger bottled up simply because no ones bothered me since 2012. I want to get help but my family thinks I don't need it and that I am fine, my convincing don't work due to them never being good listeners and that I don't trust talking to them about whatever problems I have.
I fucking hate myself. Just got whatever little confidence I had left shit on and I kill threads. Noone is talking either and I had a stressful day today. Just fuck this shit.
>>23089328
Hang in there brah
>>23089375
Thanks man. Didn't expect a reply. :)
So I was just sitting here thinking about how I had unprotected sex on new years and that it was probably not the best idea I've ever had but I probably wasn't ovulating so probably not preggers... while trying to decide the likelihood of this it occurs to me that I haven't actually had a period since fucking October and that if I am knocked up I won't know right away who the father is unless they can tell from like an ultrasound this soon and idk because I've never been knocked up and now I can't sleep at all so I'm posting on 4chan because I don't have anyone to talk to because its too damn early.
>>23089409
You can take those pregnancy tests cant you?
>>23089443
Yes. But it won't tell me how far along I am, and with out knowing that I don't know who the father is.
I feel like half of the problems around here spring from having a gf who leaves for some reason or another be it warranted or completely unwarranted... It's always that kinda shit that fucks you right up in ways that are really hard to come back from.
Sometimes I think women don't understand the ridiculous amounts of suffering we go through silently for them, Dont get me wrong, I love my gf but she makes me miserable at times over stupid things that shouldn't be an issue but since we function differently its a big deal.
It's time like these i wish i was a mgtow or just asexual in general so I dont have to worry about getting my feels fucked up.
>>23089452
lmao how many did you fuck
>>23089456
Since mid October:3. One was my boyfriend and we used a condom every time, last time would have been around halloween. The second was a drunken hookup a week after me and the ex split, I was so intoxicated i couldn't even tell you if we had a condom or not. The last was just in the wee hours of the first of January. New guy, no protection.
>>23083939
How do normies go through all this shit and STILL all they want is to get a gf. Jesus christ senpai
>>23089473
I hope you didnt get anything from it, pregnancy or STD.
World
Sorry world, for existing. i never did anything good for anyone, but hey you cant say i didnt at least try killing myself couple o times ¯\_(ツ)_/¯...
if i do it, which i dont hope i will because i dont want to hurt Elizabeth or Ella, i still feel like i have to, if i ever end up actually being happy then thanks for giving me... friends, even though the concept is so distant to me. and even if i manage to make them not mind me killing myself so i get away with it. thanks for them, my friends, they gave me a glimpse at what happiness is. i had forgotten what that is like. so, give them long and happy lives and please finally let me die. Sorry about being alive still :v
>>23089484
Thanks
>>23089496
Don't do it dude. Things will turn around, you can turn around. Nothing is permanent but change.
>>23089539
So what it turns around. I love elizabeth but she only wants to be friends... There is no point for me to live.
Good luck with the possible pregnancy i hope it turns out likr you hoped.
>>23089571
Life goes on i guess. But i share the wish to die.
Sometimes i want to do it myself, sometimes i pray i get run by a car on accident.
Everyone is a cunt to me, the few people i care about, disregard my existance.
My friends are too busy and too different from me. I keep coming back here to distract myself but every passing second i feel worse with what i see. I just hope that when i have such mood swings i manage to sleep. Which is why sometimes i drink to do so.
The woman from the second skydive, the accellerated freefall.
I trained for 6 hours going through all the steps to land safely on the ground with the instructor, he said he didn't understand the physics involved, but that he had jumped hundreds of times.
After going through the motions of safely exiting the aircraft, we were up in the air.
Along with the instructor, 3 spanish thrill seekers and a pilot joined us on the flight.
When it was my time to jump after the 2 excited spaniards had already left the cabin, It was my turn.
So i approached the air and jumped out a bit earlier than the instructor expected.
I began tumbling uncontrollably falling downwards towards the abyss of california's desert's barren ground.
I had been trained to push my midsection forward away from me to create a parabolic formation that airodynamically slows the chaotic forces of wind and gravity.
before completely stabalizing I was intercepted by the spaniard women, who unlike my instructor wasn't on the skydive business' payroll.
She grabbed my left harness afixed to my parachute, and we prepared to complete the training exercises.
First of which was to glide forwards, which I completed for around 5 seconds.
After the glide was complete, she notified me with hand gestures that I should begin to pull my chute.
>>23089599
The method for pulling a parachute cord begins with reaching behind your back with your right hand and in doing so, grabbing the cord and making sure you are able to pull on it. The next step is to bring your right hand back around in front of you to stabalize your descent.
This is repeated for 3 repetitions and on the last one, I was trained to pull the cord.
Unfortunately for me, I did not pull the cord, for some reason which escapes me, I never found the cord.
As my altimeter neared 5000 ft, the point at which you're instructed to pull the cord immediately, my anxiety was rising doubly fast contemplating where the cord could have gone, attempting to decontruct where such a device could even go to? After my last thought left me before my unopened eyes, i felt the spaniard woman climb from the harness on the left to the one on my right and just as i felt life leave me, my parachute left it's compartment, and the spaniard woman left my side.
when I touched ground, I apologized for jumping a bit too early, my savior and the instructor, laugh and mutter something to the effect of "He's sorry?! hah" in some broken dialect I no longer possess the ability to interpret.
they asked if I was well, and we carried our chutes back to the hangar.
The woman saved my life.
I never got her name.
>>23089578
I used to be an drug addict to dull the pain. Get some friends that worthy you as much as you do them is one helluva step
>>23089571
Even the truest of loves fade after time, and new loves come a long. You may not even ever love someone as much as her, but enough to get by.
>>23089578
Drinking and sleeping too much; I do these things too. But there is always beauty in living.
>>23089571
Never kill yourself over another person
Don't let them win
>>23089612
What if i dont want to "get by"
>>23089620
But, i just want, i just want peace and quiet
