I guess I'll talk to myself

I had a bad day

>>22954652
me 2

>>22954652
Nigger I'm here. let me tell you bout some shit tho

Tried to take a picture of it today
I don't look at it very often
I'm always staring though

The lighting wasnt right the first time
made my skin look red
look up look down look up
snap snap snap click flash click
why would i want to even see my fucking face
goddamn shiit-eating smile
my hair is starting to thin and never goes where i want it too my head is shaped like a block the ridges over my eyes are fuckign swollen an asymetrical never smile evenly it's always too big or too small you never smile in public you look like a fucking douche your clothes are never clean enough and you always tear them and stain them
youre an animal and youre unfit towalk around with others

my head hurts
my eyes want to cry
my head hurts
im always hungry for more than whats offered
i want more
i dont want to be so alone all the time
i feel so cold sometimes and theres a fucking buzzing in the back of nmy head
I dont want to be alone
I dont want to be alone
I dont want to be alone

I want to take a fast car down a narrow country road tonight
somewhere Ive never seen before
and zip down the road until the forest turns from black to white

>>22954668
that was some stream of consciousness poetry I wrote the other day, maybe a little cheesy to some, but sometimes these are the thoughts that play in my mind even though I know better

>>22954668
FUCK

do you compulsively pick at your face too? Sometimes I spend hours in front of the mirror picking and fixing my face.

>>22954661
the only time I feel okay is when I'm asleep

>>22954680
no but childhood obesity left me with body dysmorphia that comes and goes. It's really hard to establish a strong sense of self when you cant trust yourself to see your own face

>>22954688
oh my god I can't believe someone else knows this feeling. I've tried explaining before that I don't really know what I look like because my image of myself is so warped but nobody understands it

When I have to go out (and can actually make it out the door without panicking or fearing for my well being) I'll cut my face because it somehow eases my anxiety knowing there's a wound on my face.

>>22954712
I used to get like that back when I was a highschool dropout. People will never understand it. People treated me like shit until I lost 120 pounds, and after they began to treat me like a regular guy it just made all the years of being excluded hurt that much worse. I can live with people being shallow and materialistic, but the way people lie about how they see the good in their fellow man hurts me every day.

mods, this is off subject. this isn't your personal blog.

>>22954749
dude has anxiety and wants to have some contact. You can fuck right off.

>>22954749
okay. I'm sure this is taking up critical catalog space for yet another rate thread

I need to sleep anyway, going on 30 hours now. >>22954762 I wish you the best anon

>>22954772
Don't listen to what robots say. You can always get a little better, just take the steps and always do what you know will be right for you not just what compulsion tells you to feel.

One of my cats died the other day, he was only 4 years old. He had a blood clot, he went from perfectly fine, to not being able to move his back legs in minutes, I rushed him to the vet for an emergency visit, she gave him a shot of something and told me to give him a baby aspirin when I got home, I only had time to set him down and get the aspirin and he was already dead.

On top of that, my crush and best friend of 10 years has been barely talking to me and "hanging out" with some guy she just met, all the time.

So really, the only things in my life I care about are going as poorly as possible so my depression has reached its highest point I think it's ever been at.

I've thought about suicide, but obviously if I was actually going to do it I wouldn't be telling people.

Life sucks!

>>22954809
Sometimes it helps to run. If you don't exercise a lot then just do jumping jacks or force yourself to clean your room quickly. Getting your heart rate up can help you focus in on other things you can do to stave off depression.

>>22954829
I've done plenty of things to get my heart rate up, I have a punching bag for cardio.

>no friends
i have friends,just a selected few. and im kinda whoring around.
>no family
i used to live with my mom. but i was depressed and shit,went to a mental ward and on pills. we kept getting in to fights and i ended up punching her bf in the face with a phone,cuz i lashed out. so im with my dad now. and my mom might have cancer.
>social anxiety
i get anxious alot. i get autistic as fuck
>depression
it comes and goes. i have recently got psychosis, existialism scares me and i see trippy shit.
>hate myself
i hate that im in the middle of nowhere,and im stuck in a box.
>obsessive compulsive tendencies, can't leave the house because constantly panicking about being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Constantly thinking "if I do this right now what if I get killed, maybe I should wait a few more minutes"
ive been panicking alot lately. i have this spiritual beliefs that theres a gate of truth. and i will see the meaning of life,and shit. and ive been thinking abt crossing the gate. but im scared

like to find others like me.

>>22954668
does the head pain make u feel like ur gunna hemorage or pass out. and a wave body feeling? ive wrote things like this before.

Hungry ?

the head pain was a literal headache but it sort of represents what it's like to have feelings that you cant control like a bad headache hungry was like how I always fill my void by binge eating or drinking or drugs or masturbating etc. and also how i feel like others always get better things than me