Hey.
So I skimmed a bit and I didn't see a thread like this. And there's really no board for shit like this, so since this is the board for socializing, fuck it, you know?
I lost a friend to suicide a few weeks ago. I wish I could say I was there, or that I knew the very next day, but I felt something telling me to avoid Skype. Maybe it was anxiety, or a sixth sense, but it's too late.
But I want to change that, and make an impact, for her.
If cool with it, I want to let this thread be a place to vent. To tell anons your problems. To talk and pair up with those who share your shit.
We lost one life, but if we can spare fifty....then we're doing something right.
I'm not asking for much else. But do it for her, for me doing it for her.
How did she kill herself, and why did she kill herself?
>>24014480
I don't know how. I assume overdose, though, since it seems she passed in her sleep. Her mom just recently found her writing and artwork that showed how dark of a hell she was in.
She's been through a lot. And goddamn it I mean a lot. I can't even begin to narrow it, so I'll just say what I know.
Sexual abuse by classmate when she was 9. Proceeded to manipulate and harass her into being his whore until she finally evaded him one day after school.
Being bullied at a religious school since she entered at 7. It's what led to her being Pagan and then atheist.
Being treated like shit for being poor. She's from BC so I don't really know how fucking hard things are, but we bonded on this level(my brother has shit problems with his health so I didn't get the best, still don't)
Being called fat and ugly by the girls. The teachers not giving a fuck. It's what led to her anorexia and pro-ana lifestyle.
Another abusive ex. Raped countless times by him. And yes, it doesn't make sense, but it was rape. She said no, she fought back, he threatened her with emotional and psychological abuse if she told. I have a pretty fucking good idea what his name was still.
Drug abuse. Started off as Tylenol addiction. Led to cigarettes. Led to acid. Led to shrooms. Led to pot. Finally led to prescription painkillers.
A mother who was overbearing, and didn't know what extent she had it in her life.
And autism. Not crippling hurrdeedurr autism, but she was Aspie level. Socially awkward. Pretty, beautiful, smart, athletic....but awkward. And we bonded there too. Mainly with Neopets and Viking lore, and metal.
Name it, she had it. Name it, she went through it. And now her mother knows.
>>24014487
All that plus child abuse both sexual and physical from parents was the story of my present wife.
Not to say that this girl didnt have troubles, but i hope you arent kicking yourself over it anon,sounds like she had more opportunities to right herself than a lot of people i know who are still in it today.
>>24014487
You ever have that one person you have feelings for, but you don't realize them until its too late?
I'm officially that Nicholas Sparks story of the guy who falls in love with a girl, but doesn't know how to tell her, and realizes it when she's dead.
I don't want this to happen to anyone else. But I don't want to be alone without her. But I don't want the same cycle to repeat for someone else. It's literally a fucking shitstorm when you think about it, eh?
Kinda makes me wish they actually had an AI where I could reconstruct her, for myself and her family. I've been through the grieving process full cycle so many times tonight I don't know how I'm still functioning, man.
But my shit's irrelevant. Tell me about you. I want to help you guys.
>>24014495
She had the child abuse bit, hence "overbearing", and really had just gotten her first actual job in society, at a Panera a few days prior.
I know it sounds ridiculous, kicking myself over it. Really does. But I think almost every opportunity was in my hands, and I failed. Hence thread. Don't want to make that mistake again.
>>24014487
Well, if "you name it, she had it" is true, than nothing of value was lost.
She was the type of person that most likely fed on the "oh I'm in an abusive relationship, woe is me, oh we broke up and I can't live without him, gurble gurble yummy drugs" lifestyle for her damaged mental health.
You can pity her all you want anon, but 100% chance, you would not have been able to emotionally be on her level to support her as she would have wanted to be treated. Kind of like the bitch from Forrest Gump.
