what is the story of your sexual assault/harassment.
>how did you feel during it?
>how did you feel after?
>how do you feel about it now?
dont have one
>>23856906
>Trapped in a house for a week until the greyhound which I had a ticket for would come again, while pretending to have a friendly face for that family while my feelings of having a relationship with a particular person crumbled into dust... and yet, at the mere mention of sex, I just rolled over and accepted it after a few days, committed to that fate until I could get away. I slept three hours a night curled up with a laptop in the kitchen, trying my best to ignore it all.
>After: Depressed for a while, lost all interest in sex, love. Developed a deep hatred for homosexuals of all forms and lost all pleasure from sexual submission.
>Now: No further interest in men whatsoever. Think that the only proper relationships are BDSM related where the female is the recipient of all torture and submits to the man. Do not speak to homosexuals if they are "out" and do not associate with trans people or lesbians. Have had sex with several college virgins, they fell for me and I did not care for them at all. Hardly think about the rape in my past, it no longer bothers me much as a concept or a thing that has happened.
I didn't know what i was feeling during it, was under the influence of drugs but i've never had that much loss of control of my body ever, i don't know what he gave me but was horrifying
Afterwards i felt completely numb. Had to deal with looking in the mirror with a fat lip and wanting to cry but had to maintain my posture as i was in the middle of nowhere with him.
Took me a long time to process what had happened if im honest. Ive had a few sexual encounters i regret but it's just that, more shame than anything, and for the longest time i told myself that somehow i must've given signs but as time passed and i realised how he organised it so, how everytime lucidity was coming back to me and tried to talk he'd put more drugs into me, how everytime i tried to get out of the locked door hed push me or put himself in front of it, and most of all how it has haunted me for years.
He was one of my bestfriends, i trusted him.
How do i feel now though? Can't say im over it, i've coped and i've had to see his face after it happened on a few occasions, and even hearing a few "jokes" about it. But has made me more aware and less trusting which can either be a good thing or bad depending on the perspective
>>23856924
okay,just read other anon stories
the first couple of times it happened I don't remember how I felt cause I didn't know how to? I was probably confused idk. Those first couple of times were family members and when I actually came to with it, it fucked me up a quite lot.
I think I've kind of overcome it now that I'm away from them (different country.) Still doesn't change the fact that I'm fucked in the head and only wants to sleep with older men and manipulate people.
>>23856906
I was dragged into bushes on in island that sits on the main road near my school when I was 6. Older boys sexually assaulted me before a woman stopped in traffic and scared them off before taking me away. I thought she was going to drive me home, but instead drove me to an empty carpark and tried to rape me. When she realised she couldn't get me to comply, she sat and cried deeply before taking me home. My parents grounded me for being late home and I started self-harming.
It was too long ago, but I think I just felt victimised. Why me? Why would all of them choose to hurt me, out of all the people in the world?
After I just felt useless and completely worthless. I was too frightened to stop them, too ashamed to say anything to anyone. I just felt weak, pathetic and undeserving of life, so I started slamming my head into walls and choking myself.
Now? I'm fucking angry. I found one of the kids that hurt me. He's as much of a cunt now as he was back then. The others are dead or in prison. I could never find that woman. I refuse to be weak or powerless again, so I train. I learned how to fight, contort out of rope and cuffs, pick locks ect. and exposed myself to methods of torture and victimisation, I won't allow someone to do that to me ever again.
>>23856948
you're a sociopath, thanks for playing
>>23857610
why do say that anon?
I was maybe 5 or 6. My cousins wanted to play a "game" in the closet. He pulled me dick out and started rubbing it.
1.it felt weird but I kinda liked it idk.
2.didnt think about it till later
3.i wish it never happened because I have had a strange attraction to dick ever since. I would draw then and stuff when and now I get really turned on think about frotting with other guys.
>>23858477
pumb
some of you will probably know me from me sharing this but whatever
>girl who i knew from school was super fucking lesbian for me, she constantly was up on me and hugging me and trying to touch me. i and my friends told her to stop constantly but she never did. one day she dragged me outside the school with no one around besides one boy who sat and watched all of this go down and didn't bother to help me and just laughed. she started dry humping me and rubbing against me and touching my boobs under my bra. i tried to escape but couldnt, she held my wrists so tight i had bruises on them. i was screaming the whole time and she told me to be quiet or someone would come out adn think she was raping me. she then stole my glasses which i require to see clearly and ran away, leaving me blinded and in just complete fucking shock
>how did you feel during it?
i was just like completely in shock, i knew i couldnt do anything so i just felt helpless and that it was my fault.
>how did you feel after?
still fucking awful, i wanted to die.
>how do you feel about it now?
i still regret that day so much and im terrified of trusting people and making friends now. too afraid theyll do that to me. i still feel that its my fault and im still made fun of it to this day. i feel like im not even a person anymore.
>>23860763
what to regret,you did nothing wrong?
>>23856948
Wait, more details? You were in homosexual relationship and you were forced to submit to sex acts until you could leave? What did he make you do?
I was about 6 years old staying at my uncle's house for the summer for a few days. My older cousin was at the house while his parents were gone. Over at his house where 2 younger white friends of his. These guys were all about maybe 15 or so, anyways we were all watching Dennis the Menace. I see one of the guys leave to the other room and he asks me to follow him, I followed him as a child would. He asked me to sit on his lap and he starts to tickle me, then as he tickles me he starts reaching into my pants touching my genitals fingering me asking if I like it. I didn't know how to feel or react to this so I just stayed there on his lap. My older cousin came in that room and saw the guy tickling me and asked what he was doing but he said we were just playing and he still didn't know what happened. That day I stayed upstairs in the guest room for a while and I still didn't understand why it happened. I never told my family and I tried telling my cousin years ago when I was like 18 but he and my other cousin were drunk and weren't really listening to me. I'm 23 years old now with a boyfriend and years ago when I started dating him in our early years I told him about this. He was upset about it for a moment and kinda judged me for it. He doesn't anymore but I wish it never happened. That guy is like probably 29 or something right now and I bet he has touched plenty of other girls or maybe if he has kids even his own.I try not to think of it so I don't. I just let it grow with me I guess. If People talk about molestation and sexual abuse it comes to mind.
>>23862504
damn pedo
Spent some time heavily medicated in a psych ward after a suicide attempt a couple years back, a female patient snuck into my room at night while I had sleep paralysis and her way with me
1) I was fairly numb at the time due to medications but I mostly remember confusion and a bit of fear
2) I repressed it for a few years
3) I thought I was okay with it but the other day at work a drunk customer tried to force herself on me and I had a panic attack and ended up throwing up a few times among some other problems
I've also never enjoyed sex, not sure if it's related
>>23856906
I am not sure if this is classed as sexual harassment or not.
>I was urinating in an underpass (nasty I know but it is sort of the accepted where I live).
> felt a presence, turned round and a girl was trying to take a picture of me over my shoulder.
>She was with a lad who seemed embarrassed.
> I got angry and she said she couldn't see anything anyway, showed me the picture and it was too dark in the underpass to make out anything.
>in the months that followed I wished she had a got a good picture of it.
Dunno why I felt that way, at first I was embarrassed and annoyed and relieved that the picture had turned out bad (which i think is the normal reaction) but later I wished she had got to see what see wanted to see (which I think is a weirder way to feel).
Looking back now I am not even sure what her motives were and think maybe she did it so she could report me. You get fined for urinating in a public place where I live.
The point is I wonder how many of these incidents initially provoke shame but later on become part of a warped fantasy.
>>23856906
Well there are several instances but at the time I was devastated or I didn't know what was happening because I: was so young. Normally it turns me on now to think of myself being abused and taken advantage of but if I stop sexualizing it and see it as what it was ( abuse ) then I get emotional.
I can give stories
>>23863421
you can vent all you want anon
>>23863511
I was raped when I was 6 by my mother's boyfriend at the time. By rape i mean he tried to get it in but he couldn't. He tried so hard and there was so much blood and it was so painful and in some strange way I wish I was still that dumb 6 year old not knowing what was happening as a 40 something year old man forces it in me and makes me bleed.
>>23863511
more?
>>23863587
if you want to anon
>>23863800
What's your information?
Skype preferably
>was 14, live at school dorm
>a senior prefect, 18/19 ish. Effeminate. A religious Roman Catholic.
>me and friends like to hang out at his place because lots of food and smells nice.
>he likes to tell stories thatbmind blown us
>no suspicions, playfully wrestle him
>one night, fell asleep on his bed after played wrestling, too tired to go back to my room.
>he was not there, usually at this time he went studying with his friends in the study
>I felt something trampling over me, heavy and something wet trying to reach for my mouth.
> But then realize it wasnt a dream. Woke up and ran away to bathroom to clean myself.
> Next morning told friends but they just laugh. I felt sad.
> Cant really tell teachers because I to ashamed. Felt myself dirty.
> Just want to kill him for robbing my first kiss. But gut says no. Never talk to him ever since. Till he graduates.
> After 11 years, found out he become a candidate for state election.
>wished that didnt happen as now 40% of me desire other men. Just afraid I cant be loyal to my wife to be and might hurt her heart. Tried to repressed that feeling but I cant. Wish time can be rewind.
