I grew up on a ranch in California near San Luis Obispo. "Our" ranch was outside Cambria CA near the Hearst Castle land. infarct you could see the hearst land from the top of ours. "Our" is in quotes because we diddnt own the land. We managed the land and the cattle on said land.

The land lord himself was a fucking idiot and knew nothing of running cattle or managing a cattle ranch. My father had cowboyed (yes its a god damn verb despite all the k-mart coyboys out there) for years, essentially since he was a youth (now 45ish) so he knew about the subject.

>>4408031
Ooh a story, do tell.

So i grew up in the outdoors. I grew up hunting and fishing. By the time i join cubscouts and then boyscouts (no i wasn't molested ya bastards) i had more wilderness survival and bushcraft than most of the people who tried to teach me. Save my father.

He was a true woodsman. I would jokingly talk about zombies and ghosts and other random shit like monsters and bigfoot. He would mostly call me a tard (he used the word "Window-licker" or "Water-head" heh... he wasnt a Politically Correct man) but there were a few stories he let slide that were... unexplainable. I will mention that he has a GREAT job working as an Operator for the Operating Engineers union. So no he wasn't stressed for money or a crazed fucking murder hobo.

He had a great job (over $45 an hour BEFORE crane certs) and genuinely loved me and my brother.

I only now bring up my brother because he is essentially an non-entity. I hardly keep contact with him now (im 29 and hes 26) and he is polar opposite to me. I love the outdoors and women and he loves being in the city and he favors men. All that aside he was really never involved with any of this. So i have a faggy brother whom i love but is nothing to all of this.

>>4408033
I hope i entertain you... however more boring ass setup to come.

SOOOOOOOOOOO

I grew up outdoors, guns, knives and gear to make any /k/omando a jealous little bitch.

YES i know how to handle everything from a single shot 410 to a fully auto (yes i know its illegal in komifornia but fuck you) AR or AK. So things like spoopy woods or being lost arent things that register with me. Ive hunted by myself at LITERALLY 5 fucking years old with a chipmunk, single shot .22 and simply walked my ass down hill till i saw flattish recognizable land and meandered back home.

I say this to show that i am familiar with compass-less land nav (AKA situational awareness and fucking common sense) and knowledge of the land itself.

yeah but tell me more about Thai food, you like Thai food?

So thats me, outdoorsy type /k/omando with common sense and an upbringing to make that shit normal and not fucking weird like the /k/unts who claim takticook is the way to go.

Anyway i digress... I used to go hunting alone (squirrels / coyotes) all the time with a 223 or smaller rifle. So an M16 caliber gun but bolt action all the time since it was more than enough for what i was going for.

One day i was out laying on my carhart with my bolt action 223 (it had a leopold mildot that was fucking tits, i couldn't MISS with this bad boy at squirrels or coyotes) and being the lazy bastard than i am fell asleep in the beating down sun while waiting between shots (squirrels tend to go ape shit after you chip shoot their fiend into a fine mist, however they calm down like 5-10 minutes later... apply patience).

>>4408042
You ever killed a dragon?

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My interest is piqued. Continue.

>>4408051
I like Pad Thai, its tasty and theres a hole in the wall place is Morro Bay near the Great American Fish Company that makes bitchin Thai food.

... and if you are done...

So when i wake up i realize my lazy worthless ass has slept in too long. So i snap awake and the fog has rolled in (not unusual for the time of year). Its pretty thick but hey, shit happens. So i unchamber the round i had in the gun and lean over to box up the spare rounds i had laying out on my jacket. Its then that a thunderous sound roars out from around me in seemingly every pants shitting direction.

If you have even been in crazy dense fog you know how sound gets all fucked and creepy even though its just the water molecules in the fuck you making things spoopy ya fag.

Well the roaring sound was about 40 cattle going fucking ape shit are running past me at a break neck spooked to all shit pace. They don't move that fast or as sporadic when we gather them off the mountain.

So after catching my breath and composing myself (and calling myself a pussy) i stand up and stretch, as laying prone asleep for a couple hours inst the most comfortable stretch.

cont... since i dont know how far i can type and not get it cut off... long time lurker few time poster so blow me.

This is getting better

>>4408056
no... seek bullshit elsewhere fa/tg/uy

>>4408059
Its a long series of bullshit with a confused undead (not zombie but just a dude at a computer) me at the end wondering what the fuck (if anything) is going on.


SOOOOOOOOOOO.... continuing

So, cattle, Oh shit, Fog, god damn rampant beef fuckers... stretching

Then where i KNOW the road goes further up the mountain i see a figure. When i say a figure i mean a 10 fucking foot tall leviathan of a fuck is standing in the road about 100 yards from me (hunter not military so fuck your meters). It seems like a bullshit thing in dense fog but something about it trips a sense i have and i Jason Bourne to a knee bringing the currently laying on the bi-pod rifle to bare while simultaneously cambering a round. Through the scope (on 3 power ya /k/'s) i can see the figure clearer by little more than a silhouette. That figure has some fucking antlers (no not horns ya weaboo succubi fuck bois but some deer in rut fucking antlers.) that i could see clearly.

It looked to be about 20-23in wide (trophy and meat hunter so i judge this shit) and on a human fucking form (thinking of hunting horror stories) so i quickly pull the rifle down as to not shoot some poor fucker.

Insert "nigger" instead of "fucker" if you are from /b/ for comfort

>>4408064
Its a slow build... but im trying to capture everything.

The fucking ghost or demon what fucking ever part is coming up... not shortly... but coming up.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Its then that the figure that had stampeded or spooped the cattle fades off or walks (seems to float) in the dirrection of a well known canyon.

SIDE NOTE! The canyon that the thing went into or towards is an area of the ranch that my dad straight up fucking Mufassad. "Dont go to that shadowy area niglet!". This side of the ranch will be now called the East side of said random fucking ranch.

So it heads east. I reality check, my obviously delirious from sleep ass, and unload my rifle, shake my head and collect my gear.

I start hiking the mile or so road back to the house in the dense ass fog with no round chambered but the hair on my neck keeping that bolt close to hand with an internal magazine of the rifle very much loaded.

Spooped but no good god damn reason to be.

>>4408069
>if you are from /b/
but ur on esforest. /x/ didn't liek this one? it seems like their thing. i'm reading to see where it goes but my feeling is ur storytiem is just rp

>>4408074
Intrigued....

That wasnt the last time i saw something with obvious antlers (not horns for those who know, but ANTLERS) in the obscuring fog/mist or out of the corner of my eye.

As ive read more this seems fucking dumber and dumber but i need to say it. At one point i nutted the fuck up (became a running theme with me) and hate marched toards this things dirrection. A "--insert last name here--" can only be spooked so many times before they make a bold and stupid decision to yell at or approach whatever it is!

So i mustered my little (at this time) 14 year old balls and through gritted teeth, a chambered 223 rifle and NOW a 1911 .45 caliber pistol trudge my way though the undergrowth towards this things direction.

If i had the knowledge THEN that i do NOW i would have nuked the site from orbit. Research has informed me past the fucking point of comfort on this but im going to tell my tale anyway about when i was young and moderately armed walking into a GOD DAMN SKINWALKER NEST!

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OP I really wished you pre-typed this.

Am on auto- update rn

>>4408075
you up for some light erp?

You should upload this story to youtube or some shit afterwards.

>>4408075
Dude, cant blame you for thinking this is bullshit... i really cant. Honestly you can call me a lying faggot till your dying breath and i wont fault you for it. This is all for me getting it off my chest more than for you believing.

>>4408077
Stay toooooooned

SOO... blah blah


I teenage piss and vinegar walk through the small draw/woods that this thing (i live in the city now but FUCK im getting shivers realizing what i fucking did!) headed towards and come to a clearing. The fog is shitty/fading at the point, maybe 300 yard visibility now so i can see a good ways.

This clearing is a place my dad told me he would want to build a house. Protected from the wind, good rock outcropping around area. Natural spring running through it. Good spot.

Right now there was no room for shit in my pants since my 14 year old ignorant balls were taking up the space.

So i freeze in this clearing when i spot a dead and shredded cow carcas.

BACK STORY QUICKLY

The owner fucking sucked donkey ass at gathering and managing a cattle ranch. So for an unknown or uncounted cow to escape this bo-tards reach was almost expected let alone uncommon.

BACK TO REALITY

Dead cow... gay... stupid owner... another dead cow. Then another... then another as i was following the creek towards what i knew was a large hill/outcropping of rock.

As i got closer they all seemed to be dead and shredded but honestly a coyote will shred the hide of a week old anything to try and find meat. Also they are meek as fuck and run at the slightest hint of a hooman. So my rational mind linked it to an animal.

cont.......

>>4408100
Weak-ass bitch can't read for more than two sentences

>>4408102
YOU ARE TRYING TO GET AIDS GETTING ANAL FROM A HOOKER PLEASE DONT DO THAT OR YOULL SPREAD IT

>>4408082
Sorry, im writing this and soul searching at the same time. So hand in there brother. Rest assured i will conclude this and not leave it open. However know my conclusions are more questions and ratification rather than a big climax and closure. If you want a good story then quit this and seek elsewhere. Im recounting shit i dont understand let alone can explain in a story.

>>4408084
whats light erp... im assuming you are being a fag and making this some sort of /tg/ thing... so fuck you very much.

>>4408095
you can do with it what you will. I plan to pour my legit heart out in this thread and i dont give a fuck where it ends up. I need to get this off my chest, however it had no legit big closure thing so it would make a shit story. More of a 1990's style Unsolved Mysteries.

ANYWAY... im trying to respond to errything.

So dead cattle, fucking k-mart cowboy owner, nutted up.

Finally come across too many dead cattle. All hairs are standing up harder than a preeteen dick at a strip club. I nope the fuck out of there as /k/omando-y as possible and make it home.

Dad is watching TV and i know he will call me a pussy so i keep to myself. For YEARS every time our hunts or my solo trecks take me through that unknown area i get the nopest fucking feeling ever.

SINCE then ive noped the fuck out of areas with friends in random locales (Plasket Ridge, Mt. Pozo, Montanya De Oro) and afterwards things have gone down in that area. ALWAYS i had this feeling in that clearing and the surrounding rocky bowl it was located in. I dont honestly know WHERE that water was coming from. All the water sources on the ranch came from springs in the ground. so a green random ass patch than a small stream flowed from. This one was old and carved but i have no idea where it started... honestly i never even realized that till now.

Was walking to the bar one night and this chick passed me on the way and asked me if I'd be interested. In what I asked. In me she said. My answer was an emphatic yes. We did that nasty. I mean it was filthy sex, really. Then she calls her HUSBAND to come pick her up. The next day my roommate tells me she's a proustitute. I must have got a free one then. Damn.

>>4408100
Give it your best

>>4408102
Life is hard

>>4408105
wut?

OOOOOOOKAY...

Anyway that area of the ranch was very much off limits to ME. Not so much my dad. So during hunting season we would drive through that bitch ALL THE TIME.

I figured by the end of the seasons there would be a small chunk of pleather missing from his seat where my asshole had pinched a piece out every god damn time we drove through.

However my dad ever being the realist (btw he was totally sober always) diddnt give the slightest of fuck.

One night we stayed out late on a good overwatch point and walked back to the pickup in near pitch black. We get to the truck, load up and head down the hill. We keep the lights off (only running lights, not headlights) so we dont spoop deer on the way, windows down because its close to winter in California and fuck it, its not THAT cold.

So down the mountain we go. As we go through that same fucking clearing a HUGE and when i say huge i mean we were in a full size lifted (for bigger tires not a faggy lift job for shits and giggles) Dodge pickup with all the fixings and this huge shadow made us feel small and insignificant.

Out of pants crapping reflex i chambered a round in my .300 SAUM rifle ( big step up from my 223) and my father who is un spoopable pulls a .357 snub nose revolver from his driver door and holds it wordless as he drives with his head on a god damn swivel that would make an NFL linebacker jealous.

We make it home and all he said the whole trip was "yep" after i chambered my rifle... which is a bit of a no-no when driving. Even as a passenger.

>>4408123
umm... kay. Glad you got your tip wet.

Anyway, so this ranch is really where the spoopyness started for me. I was warry of different areas but had no idea why. Once we got a computer and amazingly shitty internet (fuck off) i was able to be more curious of.... things.

So i started getting interested in cryptozoology and the paranormal (now is where you sign off if you dont belong in /x/, or think im RPing like that fuckboi annon)

I joined a couple paranormal groups and went on some "hunts" that were city kids getting spooped by stupid shit and claiming that "phantom smells" were a thing and not the result of bowl canyons and massive housing projects... fucking casuals.

My friend took me on a "get away" with his wife (we were around 18-19, he made some bad choices but they have 4 kids, good jobs and an amazingly stable household now so fuck ya, it all worked out.) and an outdoorsey homeschooled friend of ours. I only say homeschooled out of some weird hope he reads this and that works as a light insult to him because that would make me laugh... anyway

On this excursion we decide to camp out just outside this "shack" on a friends )not with us) property in the mountains to the south East of Los Osos CA. This shack had some fucking weird ass symbols on the walls, some typical "Gaja" and pentagram bullshit on the wall and there was some brownish red almost maroon colored shit on the walls and floors splashed about. It totally sounds like blood and oh horry sheit its a murder hobo but honestly it seemed like too even a coat to be notoriously liquidy blood. Blood is not an evently coated paste... is watery and stupid.

This shack however still brings a twinge and ache to my psyche. Some 10 years later.

That night all 4 of us (buddie, Wife, friend, me) had some extremely fuck up dreams about that specific shack and our very specific orientation to it. The dreams were all too similar and all too real to warrant us discussing them. We were 18 year old men who "doesn't afraid of anything" and we shrugged it off.

A couple days later im driving from Morro Bay to Los Osos on the frontage road bullshit when i glance in my rear view mirror and see a masked figure staring back at my fucking uncomfortably close! I gently shit my pants and pull the fuck over. I whip my pocket knife out and spin around once stopped like im gona skull fuck the god damn predator. Nothing... fuck you edgar allen poe....

So i go on and tell my 18 year old tough dudes.

We joke, we drink, we dont care.

Literally for 2 weeks i see that god damn mask pop up behind me everwhere. I dream of it and a herald HUGE fucking bird slaughtering all i love. I know what blood and hair feels like. I know the sensation of blood and organs from hunting for years. All those sensations are all too real in these dreams.

>>4408179
>think im RPing like that fuckboi annon
o i am laffin
>>4408192

did yuo find bigfeets yet? i am still reading.

>>4408192
pls draw sppoopy mask in paint for extra credit

>>4408198
It's hot when LoLo passive aggressively bullies someone on a nice board.

>>4408204
it's called joking you millennial twat

First time:
>christmas eve, 2008, age 18
>feeling lonely and drunk so i stagger my way up to the local brothel.
>matron opens door "greetings, young master!"
I really liked that she called my young master for some reason.
>sit in waiting room, fit and milfy blonde lady comes out, sits on my lap, instant boner. we talk, i pay for a hour, she takes me to her room.
Can't remember how much it cost me now.
>she starts sucking my unprotected dick.
>"you have the penis of a male prostitute," she says. "it gets hard.. and it stays hard."
I still think about what she said.
>i eat her out, she tastes like strawberry lube.
Can't really remember exactly what we did after that, but she did offer me a ride home. I declined. I still wonder what would have happened if I had said yes. She did seem to genuinely like me. I think it was a mixture of Christmas and mutual loneliness.

Second time:
>about a year later, moved to the big city.
>hear rumor of a particular street lined with hookers.
>get some cash out.
>stalk the street and bump in to obvious tranny.
>i suck his dick.
Yes, I paid a tranny $60 to suck his dick.
>first time sucking dick.
I loved it.
>he cums in my mouth and i swallow it all.
>he gives me handjob in return and i blow my load on some strangers car parked down the alley we're in.

Third time:
>same street.
>sexy looking skinny thing. long legs, long dark hair. she's listening to music, i'm nervous as hell.
>she takes me down a quiet side street, i give her some cash, she takes my already hard dick out.
>she giggles.
>without a word she sucks my unprotected dick.
>silence but for the sound of sucking.
>she moves back a bit as i blow my load on to the ground.
>she giggles again.
>"thanks hun."

Fourth time:
>maybe two years later.
>at party. bored, drunk, horny. decide to return to my favorite street.
>walking down the path until i come across the first whore i see. average looking, middle aged woman. tanned skin, dark hair.
>i get in her car.
As I do, I see two people down the end of the street, one of them shouts out a "HEY!" To this day I'm convinced, and terrified, that it was two friends of mine I ditched at the party. We're not really friends anymore, so I feel safer now.
>she drives around a bit looking for an empty parking lot.
>park up, dick up, condom on.
>condom. damn.
>whore gets to work, but i'm drunk and there's a condom so it takes a while.
>her patience is wearing out.
>makes me finish myself off while she rubs her pussy for me.
>she drops me off somewhere.

Fifth time:
>same night as fourth.
>unsatisfied with previous experience, so i return to the street.
>meet a new girl. she's young, little chubby qt.
>yes.
>somehow she has a key to maintenance room in multi-story parking lot. she takes me into the wardrobe and through to narnia.
>i'm geeking out over how cool i think this is. she laughs at my innocence.
>she sits down on concrete thing. trash and used condoms litter the floor.
>"you think this is sexy?" she asks.
>"very sexy."
>she laughs again as i drop my pants and slips a condom over my dick.
>behind me i hear movement. it's another hooker with her john. fucking hot.
>she's sucking my dick, but she's pro so the condom doesn't matter. i reach down to rub her pussy through her panties. she's wearing a short pink dress.
>through the corridors i hear the other hooker and her john fucking.
To this day it's one of my best memories.
>rubbing pussy, listening to strangers fuck, i blow my load in the condom in her mouth.
>sounds like the other two are done as well.
>gap it before i see the other two.

Towards the end of the two weeks im exhausted, cant sleep, ive torn at my own face in my sleep so i have scratched above my eyes, bags below them and a co-worker (i worked at the Dominos in Morro Bay) asked me what was up. I shrugged it off like any normal 80's//90's kid would but he insisted something was the matter and he wanted to help. He would buy me booze all the time so we had a re pour.

Finally i told him about the night at the shack and he said he would look into it with another co-worked (hot ass blonde) since they were both wiccan or some shit.

They were BOTH out sick for a week. I had to work 12 on 12 off for the fuckers while they were out. However no nightmares so it was all good.

They came back after than and immediately came to me. Asking me what i did and what i saw. They said something had attached to me and that it was fuck strong and NOT happy.

I blew them off... pfft silly wiccan faggots im an ignorant 19-20 year old. Your shit has no influence on me.

Well i dont know what happened one night, i remember being at wife/friends house then waking up (totally sober the whole time) at the shack with no ride around. I woke up in my same clothes with the ground tore up around me but no discernable tracks.

Ive never told anyone about waking up like that. My buddie told me he woke up and i was gone. We were playing Halo 2 on xbox live and he fell asleep... then i was gone. My Bronco II was parked at the school across from his house. So he didn't notice it but that wasn't an odd place for me to park. Anyway i walk back to his place from the shack (maybe 8 mile walk, mostly down hill) and get into my car/truck and drive home.

The nightmares stopped, the wiccans told me it was done, and i had missing memory.

My father moved from that ranch and lived with another chick for a while on a horse breeding ranch.

cont...

>>4408204
I'm not bullying <_<;

>>4408207
>>4408210
whom are u quoting?

>>4408213
i wnt 2 fk u

>>4408213
S-sorry LoLo I just wanted to call you hot

Sixth time:
>later that year.
>learn that i've been living around the corner from an asian brothel for almost a year. it's time to pay a visit.
>nervously climb the stairs to an inconspicuous residential brothel.
>i ring the bell and the door magically opens.
>more stairs.
>at the top i meet the matron. a middle aged asian woman.
>she welcomes me, i sit down and she brings out the ladies one at a time and introduces them. i can't understand her accent all that well, so when she asks me which lady i would like... "uhh, the last one."
>she's a short, skinny, south-east asian looking woman, probably in her 30's. i pay for the hour, she smiles, takes my hand and leads me up more stairs.
>i take a quick shower, as is customary, and return to our room. she's already naked, sitting on the bed. there's a mirror lining the wall.
>the woman is actually quite pretty. a milf, i assume, based on the sag in her belly. but her skin is smooth with a nice brown hue.
>out come the condoms.
>she begins by sucking my dick.
>after some time, i tell her to get on her hands and knees. i fuck her. i fuck that evertight asian pussy and the entire time i'm watching myself fuck her in the mirror. her belly sags, her tits bounce and she moans as i rail that pussy until i cum.
>she rolls over, smiling at me. "massage?' she asks.
>"no. how much time do i have left?"
>20 minutes.
>"can we fuck again?"
>she smiles.
>i start slapping my dick back in to action, but she laughs and stops me.
>"i can help you with that."
>another condom is on, but she's sucking the life back into the my dick. once alive, i fuck her until i cum again. staring at us in the mirror.

>>4408195
laff laff, no. no bigfeets at all

>>4408198
I suppose i could draw it in paint... it wasn't a complicated mast. Quite the opposite actually. However i assume you are joking so go fornicate with yourself.

>>4408204
wat?

>>4408207
>>4408210
Nice timeline... very concise. However if you are making fun of me look up the area. "Local Brothel" is hilarious when looking at that place.

CONTINUING AND IGNORING ANNONS WHO KEY OFF OF THE WHOLE "HORSE BREEDING THING"... jesus...

I would hear strange things when hunting/hiking around the local area. This was out by Lopez Lake. Maybe 5 miles East of there. Things like whispering or sharp "S" sounds when someone talkes but sucks at it, so their S's are all pronounced and shit.

This is also where i tracked some sort of animal. Not honestly sure what (maybe a barefoot hippie or something) back to my tracks... then i headed home. I had an AR-15 at the time so i wasnt too spooped but still.

Oh hey faggy annon... maybe THAT was your bigfeets.

>>4408217
at least buy me a drink first

>>4408211
nice dubs. wiccan is made up new age stuffs for ppl with magic healing crystals and whatnot.
i had this ex who would drag me to a strip mall church with weirdos who were obsessed with crystals and talked about Atlantis and had an alien in a jar they claimed was real. the building had some septic problem and smelled bad also. we only went there as a joke but they were some kinda new agey cult thing. i couldn't get into it and i felt bad leading them on that we believed any of their nonsense. the pastor was a nice lady and the only other regular attendee to the services was an 80+ year old man so it was strange.

>>4408213
Im assuming these be trolls

>>4408217
yup

>>4408218
still gona go with yea, trolls

>>4408225
More of this sagey bullshit

BACK TO MY RANDOM BULLSHIT AND NOT THEIRS!

Shortly after the Lopez Lake place i moved to the big ole city of Bakersfield. This shithole has been my home for about 10 years now and ive had a few tiny spoop moments but nothing major. However im always attracted back to the woods. I NEED to go back to the forests, i dont feel complete unless im in the woods.

Ive had a couple jobs that put me in the woods and i always feel a sense of uneasy acceptance. I cant explain it but i feel like i belong alone in the woods but i feel like im always being watched disapprovingly.

I dont know what any of this random bullshit means. All i know is i feel better for throwing this shit out there. Like i told annon before i don't are if you think its all bullshit, this really wasn't for you nor did it end with anything substantial. Welcome to my life. If i have closure i will either end up an animal turd someplace or rant and rave on here as an RP tard... There is no win for those like me... just a continuation.

So please if you have ANY insight to lend me I would much appreciate it...

Seventh time:
>back the the asian brothel.
>this time there's only one girl available.
>short, skinny, pale skin, dark hair. her name is "amy." i only have enough for 20 minutes, but still, she smiles and leads me upstairs.
>it's the same room as last time.
>quick shower, back in the room, she's naked.
>condom on. you know the drill.
>this time i'm on my back, watching her in the mirror. she's sucking my dick while i rub her pussy. it's hot, the window is open. she notices me looking away from her.
>"are you okay?"
>"yes, very okay," i say. "i'm just watching you in the mirror."
>she smiles, giggles and blushes slightly. "are you ready for my pussy?"
>oh yes.
>she climbs on my dick, i'm still on my back. i play with her tits, but quickly turn back to the mirror. i love watching her ride me like that.
>it doesn't take too long before i cum. she's tight. much tighter than the last one.
>"i felt that," she said.
>ten minutes left on the clock. we just lie in silence together for a bit.
>as i leave, there's a kid on the stairs playing on a ds.
>i bet he was trying to listen in. that's the kind of thing i'd do, and did do, at his age.

Eighth time:
>a year later. new town. local whores actually advertise themselves in the local newspaper. the classifieds are my new favorite page.
>eventually call a lady to pay a visit.
>rather, i pay her $120 for a hour.
>she comes in... i'd say 40's, plump, massive tits, but not unattractive.
>condom on.
>it's a hour of sex. mutual oral. we change positions a few times. but then...
>snap!
>condom broke in my fury.
>i eat her out for the last 10 minutes.
>"that was pretty good," she says.

>>4408244
They diddnt tell me shit past what i posted. So its not like they were trying to recruit me or something.

However i could TOTALLY see them being into some new agey bullshit

It was just the two of them though... as far as i know

>>4408229
not joking i like paint doodles, honest!
anon has two Ns only also, annonymous!

are there more scary stories? I'm not sure if you're done or not.

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>>4408255

>>4408249
Fucked lots of hookers. The prettier they are the more like stuck up high school girls they act. Aim for middle of the road attractiveness and they can usually be talked into bareback. Fucked a nigger who was the best sex I ever had, and a heroin junior was second best. Hookers are awesome.

>>4408255
Can we please see your boobs

Ninth time:
>it's the same woman.
>this time, i'm at her house.
Turns out she was a sex addict depressed that she lost her looks.
>shows off old photos of herself when she was young, slim and sexy.
>tits have always been massive.
>another hour of good sex.
>this time the condom survives and i cum inside the condom inside her pussy.

Tenth time:
>new year, new city. i have a girlfriend now. but still... i think i get off on paying for it now.
>i slip out for a walk one night.
>wondering around, looking for street walkers.
>there's one.
>a chubby brown girl. she asks for a smoke. i ask for a blowjob. $70.
>she leads me to her car and we drive around the corner.
>she gets my dick out, condom on, in her mouth.
>after a couple of minutes she stops and looks at me.
>"are you sure you don't want to fuck?"
>"how much?"
>she shakes her head.
>we get out of her car, i push her up against a wall, she pulls her panties aside and guides me into her pussy.
>i'm fucking a prostitute against a wall.
>this is fucking hot.
>she pushes me back onto the bonnet of her car. now she's riding me.
I don't know how long we were fucking. But it was good and we both seemed to enjoy it.
>i cum
>she thanks me as a police siren goes off in the distance. we decide now is a good time to part ways.

>>4408255
sorry, yea im done. Im a bit rambley because its coming to me as i drink more and more. If this discredits me idgaf.

I can do a paintish drawing of the mask... hold on. It pretty fucking basic and east. It was all but featureless

>>4408274
Draw the hookers.

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>>4408277
The Hookers drew... told you it was plain and awfully gay

>>4408281
this was like 10 years ago, but i remember the features as a sharp jawed angular face with small eyes and a triangle mouth

>>4408274
I'm listening to Female Cunt Hemmorrhage by the Satan's Penis Fantasies.It's a new age dark deep death doom metal group. Your soul is instantly damned to eternal suffering (so awesome right) upon even thinking about the song.

btw you can look up all the areas ive mentioned on good maps or some such shit. That will help corroborate my shiz

>>4408286
good for you. Im listening to Alestorm... i need funny and positive. Rock Pirates FTW

>>4408290
Similar, just not two tone and not NEAR as big of a mouth.

Also not from Mario

>>4408281
cool! hmmm. i think u have an active imagination but i enjoyed the stories. we don't get threads like this too often, thanks for stopping by. apologies if i was too irritating.

The hooker stories in this thread are good, but the other one about being a gay cowboy or whatever are not so good.

>>4408300
Jesus Christ, LoLo!
Can you make it any more obvious that you want his cock inside of you?

>>4408302
no i don't :/

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can someone give me the tl;dr on the gay cowboy story?

>>4408300
I consider myself an skeptical believer since i can articulate in person how most of this can be written off as explainable bullshit. However i keep an open mind.

Honestly i couldn't tell your random posts from the other random posts... however no one was irritating who wasn't trying to be irritating.

>>4408302
I think you are projecting. If you want my sweet thick cock just ask big boy... the answer will be no ya big homo but at least then you will have closure.

>>4408314
LOL "gay cowboy story" i actually did lol

TLDR: Weird shit, encompassing many /x/'s Nothing specific or concrete. Wonders if sane or just another /x/fag

>>4408302
LoLo confirmed in dire need of cocke

the fuck is LoLo?

OP here... so obviously gay... lets move past that

>>4408301
hooker stories had too many unsourced quotations tbh fam

who knows a good free keyboard for Android? I'm used to swype but i don't want to pay $1 for it and it doesn't come with this phone. I'm using swiftkey but it's so annoying and i might try something different idk. might be cuz I'm typing in bed.

>>4408322
incorrect dubs.

>>4408316
i post with a name. it's bad 4chan etiquette but this is the joke board and lots of ppl namefroge here

LoLo's a cute girl. Her boobs are big and she has straight teeth.

oooooooooh, makes sense now. Nah you werent annoying. Im on 4chan a lot. Takes more that this thread to rustle my jimmies.

She's also a bit of a cumslut which is hot as heck.

Tenth time:
>only a few weeks later, i'm horny and i want a whore. i slip out for another midnight walk.
My girlfriend is a heavy sleeper.
>wonder around until i meet a middle aged, dark haired woman. tanned skin, she's nice. she takes me back to her motel

Intermission:

The motel reminded me of a hotel threesome I had with two hookers many years ago. Fucked one of them while I ate out the other. Ate her ass out until she came. We all fell asleep together. I woke up early and stole my money back. It was their hotel room.

End Intermission:

>in motel room with hooker. we share some chocolate, we get naked.
>condom on.
>fuck her in the ass for the hour. we change positions several times. i fuck her on the bed, i fuck her on a chair, i fuck her standing up.
>"you're a machine," she screams. "cum on my tits."
>keep fucking her a while longer, end up blowing my load on her stomach.
>we eat more chocolate, she gives me a ride home.

Looking back over my posts, I've fucked the numbering up. That should have been the Eleventh time, but actually the Twelfth.

Thirteenth time:
>despite having a very loving girlfriend, my lust knows no bounds and i'm still paying for it on the side.
>meet a gorgeous little black thing on the street. she's skinny, young, her black hair is in a bob. i give her cash for a hour.
>we get a taxi back to her place, she's stroking my dick in the back seat.
>get in her apartment, take a quick shower.
>condom on.
>she's sucking my dick with her back to a mirror. i watch the back of her head move along my cock.
>get her on the bed and her pussy on my face.
>get her bent over the side of the bed, time to fuck this slut.
>tightest pussy i've ever had. it didn't take long for me to cum.
But, remember. I have the penis of a male prostitute.
>keep fucking her.
>she turns around and starts sucking my dick again.
>i cum again.
In the end she made me cum three times. The last one was with mutual masturbation.

>>4408335
Tell me more about her teeth

>>4408342
kek

>>4408342
Pearly white. Her mouth in general smells like a Shamrock Shake. She has perfect pink pouty lips and loves to kiss.

>>4408347
the fug is this... what is shamrock shake also?

>>4408347
I heard her mouth smells like mountain dew and doritos.

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* Notify: Figget is online (Mibbit)

Fourteenth time:
I don't remember this one too well. I was very drunk. All I remember is fucking this girl from behind while she's on the phone talking to her next client.

Fifteenth time:
>early 2016
>recently quit my job, feeling very depressed about it. i'm still with my girlfriend. i go out for a walk.
>as luck would have it, i find myself living not far from a brothel. again. it's time to pay a visit.
>it's early morning, there are only 2 girls in. 1 is busy.
>down the stairs clomps a ghastly looking woman approaching her 40's.
>pay for the hour, quick shower, quick smoke.
>"we can put a condom on later," she says in between puffs.
Hallelujah!
>she sucks my unprotected dick in front of the window. looking down i can see people beginning their work day.
>we move tot he bed, she's still sucking my dick, i ask her to get her pussy on my face. we 69 for a while before she decides she wants my dick.
>condom on.
>she's riding me now. reverse cowgirl. and she is very, very enthusiastic about it.
>she's riding me cowgirl now.
>i flip her over. she's on her back, i'm on my knees pounding her.
>doggy, "my favourite," she says.
>rail her from behind until i cum.

Sixteenth time:
>only a couple of weeks ago. new job.
>i'm drinking with my new coworkers. we call it a night and i begin to stagger home.
>but wait! there's a whore.
>middle aged, skinny, white, blonde. i get in her car, she drives us up to a local school parking lot.
>fuck her missionary in the back seat. she doesn't like doggy.
>she looks good. she feels amazing.
>"harder," she moans. i fuck her harder. i'm a drunken beast in this car.
>"i need to go soon," she says. but i'm drunk and i need more time. fuck it.
>fake orgasm, pull out.
>"where's the condom?"
Turns out i snapped it in my fury. good thing i didn't actually cum inside her, not that i tell her that.
>watch her freak out for five minutes.
>"why did i do that?" she says to herself.
>i drink in her panic and love it.

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>>4408362
i don't eet that kinda stuff jeez.

i googled shamrock shake it's a mcdoodles thing for st paddy's day seasonal whatever.

Epilogue.

Number sixteen did give me a ride home, despite her panic. She drove very fast though.

I've had a blowjob on the street since then. A very, very sexy girl from out of town. $70 for 5 minutes, no condom. I was unaware of the time limit beforehand and I did not cum, but that was okay. She did want me to come back with more money and a taxi, but I decided to leave it.

I'm still with my girlfriend. She has no idea. But I've decided to curb my promiscuity for now. I've been with her long enough now to realize that I actually, really do like her.

Thinking on it... I don't know why I like paying prostitutes so much. I think it makes me feel powerful. I'm the one paying you. I have no regard for money anyway. But at the same time, I feel incredibly comfortable fucking a complete stranger. Very relaxed. I've had sex with many different men and women over the years, but I've never felt more at ease than with a prostitute.

Despite all the prostitutes over the years, (2008-2016, btw), I remain clean. Thank God.

Has my best sex been with prostitutes, though? No. The best sex has been with long term sex partners. Sex I haven't paid for. Yet, paid sex remains my favorite.

I'm almost positive I've forgotten one or two ladies of the night. Either way, I hope you enjoyed reading my memories (or not). It's been fun to think on.

>>4408368
PLEASE give me a tugjob

>>4408368
>eet

>>4408386
lolo is cute and quirky

>>4408394
prove it

>>4408396
she proves it herself with every single solid gold lolopost

>>4408403
prove it

>>4408409
????

>>4408075
if this is rp the guy really is in the character

and OP i love ur style of writing, it's like ur unloading straight up your train of thoughts. i believe your story

>>4408464
he sounds like an edgy tryhard attempting to come off as macho on.... does he know where he is posting? xD the naive tough guy style is somewhat endearing and this poster should write more stories. i think it's all in his paranoid head though. or people should write lengthily like this here more in general. i liked the thread. i used to browse /x/ some but i got bored of it. most of the things there are such obvious BS but a lot of the posters do put some effort into describing their improbable tales and s4s for the most part is one or two word throw away "ironic" posts. idk.

>>4408485
>>4408464
it just souds like classic 4chan to me. nice story op i read it
i also read the hooker stories, those were nice

more hooker stories!

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>>4408485

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I have the answer to all of this.

I will not comment about it in great detail, however, because OP will likely not believe me.

lastly, LoLo in my opinion, is actually a very sane and intelligent individual. She has demonstrated that she can take heavy, undeserved criticism in stride, which exemplifies her self confidence and integrity, something that many of her critics secretly admire.

I'll say this: Many of these spoopy creatures that people encounter, both in our dimension and extradimensionally, exist and are more real than we care to imagine. There also exists a spiritual realm that is filled with creatures described in the Bible and in almost every form of literature concerning these aforementioned creatures, dating back to the very first writings.

OP may or may not have encountered these things, but the pattern he details underneath the machismo is all too common, and can be explained simply if you look to biblical text, both scriptural and apocryphal. I tend to believe OP, because this sort of thing is much more common than those who have not encountered it care to believe. Many highly respected and honest individuals including myself have already encountered many of these spoopy creatures and lived to tell about it.

I would suggest that OP get a hold of a book titled "Blood on the Doorposts" by Bill Schnoebelen, read it thoroughly, and take it quite seriously. Doing this will not only educate OP but can also protect him up from current, and future, dangerous encounters of this kind; and more importantly will allow him to prepare for a very certain afterlife by making a choice on where he stands now, spiritually.

can someone define "spoop" pls

>>4408759
when ur scared and pooping

>>4408033
Nice

>>4408768
true tbh

did u know that in plane crabshes when the ppl are survuved they a lot of times find they pooped there pants? its true i read it

so fear = poop in pants = spoopesd

>>4408485
i once made a fart and he grew pu to be just like you why do all the ochises we make in life be so little to have importance over the matters we don't understand while they're neigh or naught and can't get to whre they decide to go even if that deicision hasn't been taking yet.
what im saying is that youre garbage and your also not very good at binge x poplaspooza

xoxi polpaspoozle

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>>4408033
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