ITT: greentext stories.
>stroll into my local GameStop
>looking to pick up a copy of Punch Club
>grab the game and take it to the charming maiden at the register
>"Pardon me, milady...but could you ring me up? A shame I don't have your number or I'd ring you up instead..."
>she giggles and takes the game, blushing as her fingers brush mine due to my fingerless gloves
>her eyes widen as she reads the game's title
>"Wow, I've never seen anyone buy this before! You must have special taste!"
>I smile and ready a witty response when suddenly a voice rings out from behind
>"Hahaha look at what this ******** is buying! That's not Call of Duty Advanced Memefare! What a piece of ********!"
>I quickly turn around, my cloak billowing behind me, to discern the source of the rude outburst
>generic dudebro caricature with a sports team cap and "the guy that beat you up that one time behind the school in early October" shirt is standing there guffawing
>"Excuse me sir...you may disparage my person if you wish, but it is untoward to swear in front of a lady."
>"********* you******!"
>I smile quietly and tip my fedora low across my eyes, concealing them
>"As you wish..."
>I quickly swing my cane into his kneecap before he can react
>he bellows and charges forward
>I expertly sidestep him and the cashier screams as he crashes into the counter
>I draw my sword-cane and mutter a quiet oath as I drive it deep into his back
>"...requiescat in pace..."
>As I clean my blade the girl walks out from behind the counter, twirling her hair with her fingers
>"So...maybe you'd like to come over to my place to play that game sometime...?
>"No thanks, milady, it's only single player. Besides..."
>I sheath my sword
>"You're not my type."
>skate away on my Heelys
be me
wake up
realize I wasted my entire life on an a secret chinese forum
panic
go back to sleep again
>>4230112
>Be me
>270000 y/o super being beyond human comprehension
>Still no qt 3.14 gf
>tfw no gf
>>4230763
Same tbh
>>4230767
Feels bad man.
>who are you quoting
>>4230112
>be me
>on s4s
>make a greentext post
>"Who are you quoting?"
>mfw
>be me
>go to mall
>mom buys me katana from chinese imports store
>eating my tendies in the food court
>gunfire breaks out from the first floor
>"it's time"
>stand and get in unsheathing stance
>mom grabs arm and tries to stop me
>before she has time to speak, a stray bullet explodes her head
>ribbons of gore fly past my shocked face in slow motion
>zoom in on enraged face as background races by
>"ANATA WA SONOTAME NI SHIHARAIMASU!!!"
>unsheath katana as dramatic low note plays overhead>rays of sunlight shimmer off my blade as I begin to run
>a single tear falls for my mother as I gain speed towards the railing
>running leap off of second floor railing
>trench coat flutters from my speed
>hit a frontflip mid air
>stab blade down through one of the gunmen as I land
>blade effortlessly passes through his body and hits ground below
>tip my fedora
>wisper, "watashinohaha no tame ni"
>naruto run towards other gunmen
>they hear my heavy footfalls and begin automatic fire
>shattered bullets flash off my blade for a good 5 seconds as I increase speed
>I am upon them now
>horrified expressions as my katana lifts for a final blow
>slice off both heads in a single flash
>all is quiet except for the sound of their heads and bodies hitting the floor
>my geta click solemnly on the floor as I walk toward the exit
>officers bump past my shoulders in the doorway as they arrive on the scene
>leave undetected
>I go west, into the sunset
>I go mourning my mother
>I go with my katana forever unsheathed
>everything fades to black as upbeat Japanese pop plays from all around
>I'm still walking
>my katana seeks the blood of the wretched for all eternity
page 10 save rave
>work at a Gamestop
>hours are shit but at least it's an easy paycheck
>one day some homeless nigger walks in
>asks if we have some game made for little girls, like some fucking Barbie game or something
>reply that we have it and show him where it is
>everyone in the store staring at him, he smells terrible
>yellow pit stains on his white shirt, full of holes and stains
>obviously I just want him to leave as soon as possible
>under half an hour left in my shift and I just want it to be over
>quietly ask him if he is going to make any purchases
>unless he's going to buy something I can kick him out
>over half the store has backed away from him because he smells like piss
>teethlessly he grins at me
>"I AIN'T GONNA BUY SHIT, SON!"
>nigger starts nigging out, running all over the store yelling and chimping out
>golly gee, what a day
Now read the first letter of each line.;^)
>>4231627
> W.H.O A.R.E Y.O.U Q.U.O.T.I.N.G
>>4230112
It all started when our (former porn) star, Pyrocynical, woke up in a magical cornfield. It was the fourth time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly concerned, Pyrocynical poked a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he realized that his beloved Cringe was missing! Immediately he called his favorite rape victim, Leafyishere. Pyrocynical had known Leafyishere for (plus or minus) 153 years, the majority of which were striking ones. Leafyishere was unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... dimwitted. Pyrocynical called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Leafyishere picked up to a very angry Pyrocynical. Leafyishere calmly assured him that most albino cats belch before mating, yet spotted wolf hamsters usually wildly panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Pyrocynical. Why was Leafyishere trying to distract Pyrocynical? Because he had snuck out from Pyrocynical's with the Cringe only nine days prior. It was a eccentric little Cringe... how could he resist?
>>4231648
>don't ask who someone's quoting while quoting
K>>4231686
It didn't take long before Pyrocynical got back to the subject at hand: his Cringe. Leafyishere cringed. Relunctantly, Leafyishere invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Cringe. Pyrocynical grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Leafyishere realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Cringe and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if Pyrocynical took the time machine, he had take at least ten minutes before Pyrocynical would get there. But if he took the Flyind didlo? Then Leafyishere would be very screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Leafyishere was interrupted by eight insensitive Pepes that were lured by his Cringe. Leafyishere yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling frustrated, he thoughtfully reached for his wolverine and skillfully slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Flyind didlo rolling up. It was Pyrocynical.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Pyrocynical was out of the Flyind didlo and went exotically jaunting toward Leafyishere's front door. Meanwhile inside, Leafyishere was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Cringe into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind his refrigerator. Leafyishere was displeased but at least the Cringe was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Leafyishere flamboyantly purred. With a apt push, Pyrocynical opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted zealous...zealot in a spaceship,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Leafyishere assured him. Pyrocynical took a seat ridiculously far from where Leafisher
>>4231688
good dobel
>Be me
>Be not me
>tfw everyone ignores you and you have a crossdressing fetish but no one knows and you really want/need to someone to show your body in a dress/skirt and your hair all dolled like a girl's but you're so ashamed of this bizarre what you think must be so uncommon and rare and therefore even more shameful and disgusting and reputation-ruining (even though you're practically a nobody, and no one really gives you even one take most days, but still the paranoia exists that in fact you aren't a nobody but in fact less than that, because if you really were nothing, you could slide by like a ghost and no one would know you were even there save the paperwork, but so and you fear that everybody actually does know you, and they endlessly day and year in and out mock you, and as you peer out from behind your glasses there they are on the corner, staring at you, mocking your ill-fitting jeans, but what if it was perfect form-fitting dress? would they mock you then? would you actually look good as a girl, and people would finally respect you?) fetish, and you feel like you can't share it w/ anybody, nobody, at all, must know, can know, this, your deepest and most intensely felt secret, but you think that some little gesture or motion of yours gives this clandestine desire away to everyone, as they all stare at you and laugh, and this, this is what they're laughing at, and you could never actually go through w/ the fetish, find someone and engage in it, all the way to orgasm, because you'd probably have a heart attack, out of panic, you fear.
>>4232098
whom are you quoting???
>
>be me
>not you
>be glad i'm me
>so cool to be me
>you jelly?
><><><><><
>wake up
>eat tendies
>see friendies
>do bendies
>sleep
>>4232313
lol you tell 'em
>be me
>wake up one day
>do day stuff
>go to bed
>repeat every day
>>4230112
What the zoobidey flip-flop-bop did you just say about me, you flippidy zoob woobity? I'll have you know I zooped and flooped to the top of my class in the zobbler wobbler, and I've rop-wop-flopped in numerous shoobidy doobidies on floppity pudding, and I have over 300 shibbidy bops. I am trained in flap-floppities and I'm the top doober in the entire shibbidy. You are nothing to zoobidy-me but just another zoobidy. I will zoop you the blop out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this floobidy Earth, mark my flibbidy flop. You think you can flop away with zoobing that doobie-woobie to me over the Interzoobies? Think again, flap-flopper. As we speak I am zipping my blopping bloop of flobbidies across the boopidy and your floopidy is being flopped right now so you better poopidy for the big zoobidy flop party, son. You're jeeber zeebered, son. I can be anywhere, any-flopping-time, and I can zoop and woop you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my boobidy shoobidies. Not only am I extensively zooped in zip-wop, but I have access to the entire zabber of the Zap Wop Muggity Top and I will zoop it to its full extent to flap your flobbity flob off the face of the zoobie, you zabber wabber. If only you could have known what zopping fury your little "zoopity" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have zooped up. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you flapping babbling shooby-wooper. I will zip zop all over you and you will drown in it. You're zooped, son.
>>4230112
this man needs a keksuit.
>Be me
>Like this girl, friends with her brothers
>We all go ice skating with some other people
>I'm skating and see girl messing up a lot
>Brother goes and helps her by holding her hand
>Noincensetho.gif
>Time to make my move
>"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't hold hands! It's against rink policy!"
>Rip brother's hand away from girl, start to hold hers
>Girls looks into my eyes
>I look into hers
>Guess hokey players aren't the only people that score on the ice rink.
Be on my computer looking at memes when suddenlyses!
... Windows 10 update pops up saying Today be playing vidya when suddenly screen goes black Wtfug.avi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Systems update for windows 10 fugggggggggggggggggggggg turns off the computer doesn't stop Tries 35 times
, no work
Windows 10 has now been Bricked my desktop
>be me
>now your life is fucking miserable
>ha retard you fucked up
>yfw
these are some of the best i've ever seen bravo
>>4232323
repeating digits
