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Anonymous
2015-12-29 05:15:28 Post No. 4035370
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Anonymous
2015-12-29 05:15:28
Post No. 4035370
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Even though I know that existence is meaningless, I can't help but feel like I wasted my life doing nothing, because I could never decide what to do, or put in much work towards pipe dreams that probably would never happen, and would feel not worth the effort even if they did. I feel like I lack any agency, I am passive, helpless, ineffectual. I don't feel at all depressed, and I'm 0% suicidal, but I don't want to do anything. I don't want to work, I don't want to compete for anything, I don't want to be good at anything, and even if I tried I would just end up daydreaming, masturbating or any other passive activity thats comfortable at the moment. There is no way out, I am stuck here in this brain and body, in this time period, on this planet. Somehow the atoms, molecules and cells that make up my body creates the illusion of consciousness and free will, which is what the internal observer considers "me," but beyond that, I have long since shed my ego. My identity is only my momentary self perception which is too ephemeral to elucidate. I can't believe that any opinions, feelings, likes or dislikes I have will stay the same very long, nor do I believe in anything strongly enough as to convince other people it is factual, or even that I do in fact believe it, and naturally my beliefs are always subject to change when evidence or emotion sways them from their temporary arrangement. I am God, but so are you, and everything else that ever exists, or never exists.
