Thread replies: 7
Thread images: 2
Ambiguous
Fly You Magnificent Friggin' Eagle! (A Tale of Un-American History) (PART ONE)
2015-11-27 21:57:09 Post No. 3949908
[Report]
Image search:
[Google]
Fly You Magnificent Friggin' Eagle! (A Tale of Un-American History) (PART ONE)
Ambiguous
2015-11-27 21:57:09
Post No. 3949908
[Report]
"Fly You Magnificent Friggin' Eagle! (A Tale of Un-American History)"
PART ONE: "Murica's First Blood"
Long ago, when people gave a nanogram of a fuck about freedom, lived George Washington. Besides being the inventor of peanut butter, he also mildly disliked the British. But as time went on, he looked past the British's faults and learnt the true meaning of friendship ...
Screw that noise! He declared war on those crumpet-eating bastards! Thus began the greatest war in all of American history, and one of the worst films of Mel Gibson's career.
According to the most trustworthy of sources, an obscure wikipedia article dealing with the Revolution that was written by my father's only brother's sibling's only son, the war began when Lexigram and Flight of the Concords were insulted by the older neighbor English kids from across the pond. The teasing went on for forty, endless, agonizing seconds until Lexi and Con got pissed off and spread a rumour that the guys-from-that-particularly-large-island-next-to-Ireland were batting for the same team. Wait ... I've just been told baseball didn't exist back then. They were rumoured to be shooting eachother's hoops. Wha- ... are you ... basketball didn't exist either?! Screw this ... everyone thought they were gay! Happy?
Therefore, since times were the most progressive they've ever been, the friends of Lexi and Con ganged up on the supposed arse-gobblers and brutally dismembered them with the ends of their muskets.
News spread quickly that a large group of english homosexuals were murdered. Like hearing about an act of terrorism in the Middle-East, hardly anyone bat an eye thinking that it was just some rowdy kids trying to find the meaning of life.
That is, until George Washington burst onto the scene and declared that he renamed the entire eastern part of North America "The United States of America."
(continued in the replies below ...)